


Fever Dreams

by sashocirrione



Category: Death Note
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amusement Parks, Anal Sex, Angst, Autism, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Sexual Situations, Bombs, Bondage, Butt Plugs, Claustrophobia, College, Coming Out, Con Artists, Cuddling and Snuggling, Cute, Dating, Deception, Delusions, Disturbing Themes, Dreams, Emotional Manipulation, Explicit Language, Explosions, Families of Choice, Fever, Fire, First Time, Fluff, Food Sex, Forbidden, Hand Job, Hopeful Ending, Hospital, Humiliation, Illnesses, Injury, Intercrural Sex, Internal Monologue, Intrigue, Jealousy, Journalism, Law Enforcement, Lies, Loss of Virginity, Love Triangle, M/M, Masturbation, Matchmaking, Medical, Mind Games, Minor Canonical Character(s), Misunderstanding, Oral Sex, POV Alternating, Paranoia, Past Relationship(s), Plotty, Public Display of Affection, Rape/Non-con References, Reconciliation Sex, Redemption, Regret, Reunions, Role Reversal, Second Chances, Secrets, Separations, Sex Toys, Sexual Harassment, Sexual Tension, Shower Sex, Sickfic, Slice of Life, Social Anxiety Disorder, Stalking, Subtext, Surgery, Suspense, Undercover, Unsafe Sex, Vandalism, Violence, Virginity, Voyeurism, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-12
Updated: 2010-12-31
Packaged: 2017-10-12 15:47:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 174,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/126514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sashocirrione/pseuds/sashocirrione
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When L goes into a complete panic about the idea he might die, it unleashes a chain of events for L including sex, illness and then memory loss. And then Kira is forced to come up with a non-lethal new scheme to neutralize L and save himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Title:** "Fever Dreams"

 **Author:** Sashocirrione

 **Spoilers:** MAJOR Spoilers for everything up to chapter 58 of the manga and episode 25 of the anime. Minor spoilers for one or two small facts from the second half of the series.

 **Warnings:** NO UNDERAGE READERS. Rated M for a reason. Swearing, sexual activities, foodplay, light bondage. Contains some discussion about rape but no actual rape (not implied rape, not offscreen rape, not any other kind of rape).

 **Summary:** When L goes into a complete panic about the idea he might die, it unleashes a chain of events for L including sex, illness and then memory loss. And then Kira is forced to come up with a non-lethal new scheme to neutralize L and save himself.

 **Pairings:** LightxL to start with, eventually transitions to both LxLight and LightxL, and also has a minor LxMatsuda, a very minor LightxMisa and a very minor Hideki_RyugaxMisa (the real Hideki Ryuga, not L)

 **Additional Notes:** This starts within the "rooftop rain scene" found in episode 25 of the anime (the one that is absent from the manga) and things diverge from there. All canon events previous to this have happened as normal.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Death Note, and I do not make any money from these writings.

* * *

 **CHAPTER 1**

L was standing on the roof, looking up into the rain, wondering what he was doing. The clouds were dark gray and low in the sky, it was cold, though not that cold for November, and the rain was about as heavy as rain ever gets. He was avoiding his death, of course. Testing the 13-day rule... it was the only way to make sense of this case. Yet, if there was any point to testing it, then Light was Kira, and Kira would never allow the test to go through. Kira would attack, and if L couldn't figure out that attack fast enough, he'd die.

If the rest of the team had been behind him, L would have had a chance. He could have tested the rule with Misa still under surveillance and Light safe on the other end of the chain. But, with Misa loose and unfettered, and she had seen L's face... L didn't know how that shinigami eye power worked, whether it had really turned off when Misa lost her memories, whether it was turned on now... but, his name might be known already or easily obtained. And then, there was that shinigami, who seemed suspiciously on Kira's side. If the shinigami really was working for Kira, there was probably no way to survive this.

Testing the 13-day rule... it was really a last-ditch desperate attempt, and L knew it. He would only survive if he were both lucky and smart. Intelligence alone wouldn't help him out of the situation. Thinking that way, he'd wandered out into the rain on a whim, wanting to look at the world, at the landscape of Tokyo spread out before him, to say goodbye to it. And then, he'd found himself staying, lingering, not wanting to let go of the world. The rain was cold, but the pounding of it felt good on his skin. It felt... like being alive. Somehow, it made his skin tingle a bit, and the feeling of his wet clothes clinging to him was also good... that heaviness, a bit of wet friction whenever he slightly shifted his position. It was all oddly comforting. Soon it would get dark, especially since it was November and with such heavy, thick clouds hanging low in the sky. L wondered if he had already seen the sun for the very last time.

Then there was a voice interrupting his thoughts. It was Light, standing at the rooftop entrance, completely dry, asking L what he was doing out there. That bastard had no right to be so dry and comfortable. L feigned not being able to hear until Light came out and stood next to him, repeating the question, "What are you doing out here by yourself?"

L had several urges right then. To start talking about some nonsense just for the pleasure of confusing Light, to start up accusations in hopes that Light would act completely out of character and just confess to being Kira, or to get in a really serious fight with him, not holding himself back this time, and then not stop until he'd managed to throw Light off the roof.

He didn't do any of those things. He just looked at Light, and Light looked back, still waiting for his answer. Finally, L said, "I am preparing to die."

L was at once shocked by his own answer. He'd never expected to be so honest. Everything with Light had always been lies, or if it had been the truth, there was some carefully calculated purpose behind it. He'd never just told the truth to Light for no reason at all, speaking to him like he was a normal person and not... Kira.

L felt a desperate, panicked urge rise up within him then, the urge to not go inside, his heart speeding up. This was it. All those other times he'd used himself as bait for Kira, he'd known he might die at any moment but then there would be proof and Watari would carry on to arrest Light. But those times he hadn't felt like this. Before, it had been not quite real, it had been scary but almost a game, and he had known he would be victorious even in death. But now, this time, it felt so extremely different.

There was a much greater chance of his death, almost a certainty, and no more safety net. If L died, Kira would win, and go on to kill thousands. L couldn't even tell the others "If I die soon, Light is Kira" because they had been hearing that for so long it was now meaningless. Besides, Light had been entirely cleared in their minds.

It was such a desperate feeling. L could feel his heart pounding in his ears. He felt ashamed he'd been so open about his feelings in front of Light. To actually admit he knew he was dying in front of his enemy, and then let Light see the fear. That wasn't supposed to happen. L wasn't supposed to let Kira see his feelings.

Light... Kira was still looking at him, looking in his eyes, searching his face. Kira's face showed hurt, and a bit of tenderness. It did not look like the face of a mass murderer. L would have gone inside to escape that face, except that the urge to not go inside was overwhelming. L had a feeling that if at that very moment someone had tried to grasp his arm and drag him from the spot, he would have fought like a madman, clawing and kicking every step of the way.

Then Light was advancing on him, closing the last few feet of distance between them. L wouldn't give up his spot. That spot he stood on, it was his life, all he had left of life. If Kira forced him off it, he would die. L's heart was beating so fast. He could feel the heartbeat in his chest, in his throat, deep within his ears. Light looked sad and a bit excited. Was Light sorry for the murder he was about to commit? Did it make Kira excited to see someone who was frightened and about to die?

Light was only a few inches away, but he was still going, closing the distance. L stood his ground. Then arms - Kira's arms - were wrapping around him. Light was so much warmer, he'd just come out into the rain and hadn't gotten chilled yet. The hug felt good, it felt human. L wasn't going to step back. He shivered slightly within Light's grasp. Then Light's mouth was pressed up to his ear, the breath feeling unnaturally hot, and Light said, "I don't want you to die, L."

He wasn't using the safe name of "Ryuzaki" anymore. Light had gone straight to "L" with no thought. The boundaries were lowering, the barriers breaking. Light was still holding him, pressing against him, and Light was the only warm thing in the cold world. L didn't usually touch people, but now, he needed to cling to something, to something that made him feel alive. Every breath was a countdown to the last one.

Then, L felt Light rubbing against him, rubbing his entire body up and down L's body. Was this what friends did? Was it friction to keep warm in the rain? Yes, if they rubbed like this, they could both stay out here longer. And, L was feeling so alive. Every part of him wanted to wake up, experience life fully. A certain part was already stirring actively, a hot tightness rising and swelling in his groin. But that was natural. Friction tended to have that result. Yes, Light had set himself off in the same way. L could see and feel the bulge in Light's trousers as Light continued to rub the full length of his body over L's body.

Light said, "But, L, I can't stop it. It's already happening."

Was that a reference to the rubbing motions, or a continuation of Light's previous statement about L's death? If it was about L's death, then it was a confession of being Kira, and it meant that either L's name had already been written down or that some plan to kill L had been set in motion so completely that Light could no longer pull the plug. The desperation rose even more inside L. His heart was beating much faster, his entire skin felt hypersensitive, and he clung fiercely to Light. If he let go... if he let go... he didn't know what would happen. He couldn't face it, not yet. His fingers dug into Light's back and knotted in the wet fabric of Light's shirt.

Then, Light was nuzzling L's neck, his breath hot, his lips soft and so very warm, his teeth nibbling gently, starting high on the neck, just under the ear and then descending gradually with little nips and bites to the hollow just above the collarbone. Yes, just there. L could feel the pulse pounding in his neck just under those teeth. He threw his head back and let Light bite and suckle as he pleased. Everything was so slick, the rain a beating pressure against L's skin and clothing.

The full-body rubbing continued, starting to create real friction heat along every body part that faced into Light. This... this was sexual, wasn't it? Friends didn't bite and suckle at the throat like this, did they? It felt so good, though, and L wasn't ready to let go, to face death alone, not just yet. It was pleasurable; it was something to hang on to. The body heat, the cold, the pounding rain, it was all starting to make L's skin prickle and shiver. And, still, his heart was beating so very fast, and he just wanted to feel, and not think, not think about the death that was awaiting him.

The rubbing was really starting to get to L. He could feel his member straining, hard, and Light was equally hard. With each long rubbing motion Light made against his body, those parts pushed over and against each other, two large bumps that crashed together and then had to navigate past each other, only to reverse direction and do it all over again.

Then he felt Light's hands going under his shirt, lifting the lower hem of the heavy wet fabric from his slick skin and slipping inside. One hand came behind to cradle L's back and the other traced circles on L's stomach, gradually moving upward. A kind of shivery tingle followed every movement of those fingers as they worked their lazy way up his stomach and then chest.

At last, the fingers kept circling one nipple, zeroing in on it so very slowly. L was panting now. He wanted those fingers to... yes, there they went. The fingers grasped the nipple tightly, kneading it and hardening it, the slick rain making it all so slippery. The smooth friction of it felt incredibly nice. Light was still nibbling L's neck, ever so gently, and pressing the other hand to the small of L's back underneath his shirt. Yes, this was certainly, certainly sexual. L found himself wondering when Light had developed this attraction, when Light had first thought of having a male partner.

Wait, no, why wonder about Light. The real question, L considered, was himself. Why was he submitting to sexual attention from another man? He'd never thought... _Oh my God!_ Light's hand had left his nipple and plunged completely inside the front of L's baggy jeans. L ground up into that hand instinctively, letting out a low whine. Everything was so slick from the rain inside there, and the sliding motion of Light's fingers made L's penis ache and throb with need.

The fingers were fondling in the wetness, rubbing and exploring everywhere with just the right amount of pressure and skill, grabbing and groping. Every touch was electric, and L pressed against the hand, grinding into it, wanting more. Then, the fingers enclosed him completely, taking a firm hold and stroking up and down. L realized then, he was getting a hand job, an actual hand job. This wasn't just play any more. He was really going to come in Light's hand. He shivered at the thought, leaning into the strokes.

He'd never... he'd never... let anyone do this before. It was so good. He couldn't tell Light to stop. He wanted more of those firm strokes, those enclosing fingers. Light's pumping was so relentless, and he hadn't stopped nibbling at L's neck either. The combination of sensations, the pounding rain, it was all so much. Then L felt Light's hand on his back pressing harder, and he realized Light was partly holding him up. L's knees were weakening, shaking, giving out. Light was lowering him to the ground now, to the tar-and-pebbles surface of the roof. The hand was still stroking, the fingers so warm, squeezing hard with a skilled, sure pressure. Then Light's other hand left L's back and began opening the front of L's jeans.

L looked down and watched. Light was incredibly soaked, his hair plastered to his head tightly, water dripping continuously from the ends of his hairs and even his eyelashes. He was such a pretty boy. Light's hands worked quickly, opening L's jeans and pulling them down, then pulling down the boxers too. For a moment, L ached for the missing hand. But the rain, it was pounding hard, directly on his exposed erection, relentlessly battering it down with soft wetness, stimulating it. Then Light's head was blocking the rain, and suddenly, he was kissing the tip of L's penis.

 _This isn't happening, this isn't happening... it progressed to oral so quickly?_

L felt the head of his penis being engulfed by something incredibly warm and wet, so sloppy and so completely enclosing. He closed his eyes, feeling acutely conscious of the pounding rain on his face as that mouth continued to draw him inside inch by inch, the tongue swirling on the sensitive underside. L gasped as his world narrowed down to nothing but an awareness of that warm friction and pressure, moving up and down, a constant dizzying motion.

L felt like there wasn't a person attached to that motion, there was just the intense bliss of the sensations, so wet and exactly right in every way, his excitement rising, rising within him. And then his climax hit him with breath-taking intensity, and he'd never felt a release as sweet as this one that he emptied into Light's hungry, waiting mouth, Light lapping at him constantly as the waves of pleasure moved through L, his hips rising, his thighs grasping Light's head as L rode out the spasms and finished, panting and dazed. He tried to think, but his thoughts weren't working.

He looked down to see Light gathering the white liquid from his mouth into his hand, and then Light reached down with that hand, where L couldn't see. L felt himself being penetrated by a slippery finger that moved back and forth, creating odd sensations that sometimes bordered on the uncomfortable, then a second and a third finger were added, rocking and stretching, scissoring within. L was surprised at how easy it was. Everything was well-lubricated and it didn't hurt at all.

During the process, he did not look at Light. He gazed up into the sky, directly into the rain. At this angle, seeing the rain straight on, it seemed to make odd patterns if he unfocused his eyes just a bit. He felt drawn into those patterns, almost dazed by them. In some corner of his mind, he realized that something weird was happening, something was wrong, he was getting confused. He felt very detached from the things occurring, he felt like he was present and yet not present at the same time.

In the next instant, he felt the fingers come out, and then something warmer than fingers, something larger, was being inserted in the same place. L continued to look at the patterns in the rain, the phantom patterns that only appeared when he unfocused his eyes in just the right way. Somehow, it seemed that he was spinning away into those rain-patterns. There was a dizzy, swaying motion inside his body, almost a floating feeling. Part of his mind thought that perhaps he had fallen off the edge of the roof and was falling, spinning through the heavy rain. An intense shivering fit came over him, and his entire body flushed with a burning heat so strong it was almost unbearable, like being inside an oven and desperately wanting to get out.

The heat slowly faded to a tolerable level, and then L's mind began to focus on the stretching, moving sensation within him. Light was thrusting fairly hard with a steady rhythm, seating himself deeply each time. L was confused. Wasn't this supposed to hurt? But, it was just smooth sliding within him, pressure and friction, rubbing him in just the right way. L felt very loose and open, unresisting, his body limp, completely willing to be Light's tool. He groaned in pleasure as he felt his cock inflating once more. L's penis was chafing, chafing against Light's belly, slick with rainwater. Very suddenly, a strong, tense feeling rose within him, and all at once he came. Light didn't stop the rhythm at all, but simply grunted and continued to nibble at L's ear.

In the afterglow, a quick flush moved through L, leaving him burning hot. His entire skin was shivering, but it felt like it was on fire, and every place Light touched, Light's skin felt burning hot as well. L could feel Light continuing to move within him as that feeling of sexual intensity built up again. For how long, L didn't know, it felt like it could have been a few moments or an eternity. Then, there was a sharp rise in the feeling and L climaxed again, this time taking Light with him, holding a shuddering, sobbing Light in his arms as both men twitched and moaned.

L clung to Light, both of them completely naked, though L couldn't remember when the clothing had been removed. The rain was getting a bit colder, but L felt fine, better than fine. His body had so much heat in it now, and Light also felt like he was made of molten heat. L wanted to press himself into that warmth forever.

L had completely lost track of time. It felt like there was something he was supposed to do. He glanced over at the door leading into the building. The rain was so blindingly thick he could barely see the video camera mounted above it. Was he supposed to go inside? No, no, it was too far away. He was much too weak to crawl such a long distance, and everything was already perfect in the spot where he was, deliciously warm, basking in pleasure. If he moved from this spot, he might die. L stared up into the rain again, trying to see those patterns until once again a spinning, drifting sensation overcame him. It seemed like he stayed that way for an eternity, vaguely aware of Light's intensely warm body pressed against his naked form.

Then Light was moving down L's body, taking L's penis into his mouth once again, and L shuddered at the feeling, his cock hardening once more as Light suckled at it, never letting up. L couldn't remember if he came or not, but after a time he was once again aware of Light penetrating him and thrusting inside him. Yes, there was certainly something wrong, but L didn't want to think about it. Soon the nagging thought went away and he was once more lost in a world of pleasure and friction, being stretched and filled, and the spinning, dizzy sensation.

L kept forgetting where he was, but then he would become aware of his location on the roof once more every time Light finished and withdrew himself, as L suddenly missed that feeling of being repeatedly impaled and tried to snuggle closer to Light. L could no longer remember how many times they'd been at it, but over time he did become dimly aware that they weren't having sex any more, they just clung to each other, rubbing against and climbing over each other, their sexual needs fully spent as the rain washed all traces of it away.

Now they were hugging for warmth and companionship, pressing their unnaturally hot bodies together to stave off the cold rain as it began to get dark. The door to the inside looked farther away than ever before, an unreachable, impossible distance, and it was getting harder to move. L began feeling and hearing a buzzing sensation inside his head. It was steadily drowning out what little thought that remained.

Then, after another of those intervals that felt truly timeless and eternal, L became dimly aware of figures standing over him, and then voices cut through the buzzing sound.

Aizawa said, "What the hell are they doing?"

Watari said, "We can clear that up later. We need to get them inside."

Then L could feel hands on him. He was being lifted up. He felt weak and brittle. They would break his bones if they weren't careful. Where were his clothes? All of them were long since flung away. L felt vaguely embarrassed but his mind wasn't putting one thought in front of another well enough to really comprehend much shame. There was something important L desperately wanted to remember. Yes, that was it. L fought hard to keep himself from being separated from Light. He said, "No, Light's a suspect again. I need the chain. Don't let him get away."

L was dimly aware of Watari's voice saying, "We can't let him get worked up like this. Let him have what he wants. Put them in the same bed and I'll get a doctor here."

L relaxed. Kira wasn't going to get away. L would watch him, make sure he didn't try anything. Multiple strong arms carried him and Kira into the building. He was so tired. He tried to stay awake, he pinched himself, but it felt like everything was slipping away. His eyes were betraying him, closing. At last, the annoying buzzing sound was fading as well. _Yes_ , he thought just before his consciousness faded, _I'm going to sleep_.

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

This story was largely inspired by a fan art picture by Horus Goddess called "Secret in the Rain", however it also incorporates plot bunnies that had been circulating in my head for a while.

I understand that a lot of readers don't want to be put through a relationship-focused fic that is long and has a lot of chapters only to get to a sad, angsty ending.

If you want to know what kind of ending I've got for this fic, whether it is happy or sad, read through this author's note, otherwise skip right to chapter 2 now.

I'm just putting this mention in here because I know what it's like to invest a lot of time and emotional energy in reading a long fanfic, only to get to a ending that, if I knew it would end that way from the beginning, I wouldn't have read it.

And, I also know that L and Light pairings tend to be overly angsty and often end sadly.

In case you're wondering, the remainder has a happy ending for both L and Light.

I think of L as a person who is out of touch with his own feelings and emotions, and that Light is the same way. Both of them are so immersed in their respective work that they have almost nothing left over for interpersonal relationships. Even if they were both strongly attracted to each other in a romantic/sexual way, it is entirely possible that neither would notice, or if they did notice that neither would act on it (especially since both of them are smart enough to realize what a bad idea a sexual relationship would probably be).

I think of Light as more impulsive and emotional than L (just think about the hissy fit Light had at home in his room after meeting L at the To-Oh University opening ceremonies) so that Light would be a bit more likely than L to start something.

I think L would be more likely to be completely set against the idea of starting something, unless he were certain he could have sex without any emotional bias and there were some specific advantage for the investigation that outweighed the disadvantages for the investigation.

If L did begin having sex with Light it would be likely to be so unplanned it is practically accidental, as it is here, and since L plans everything, that sex would need to be motivated by an emotional state that removes L from the portion of himself that is concerned with planning, such as going into an extreme panic because he thinks he's going to die.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

Light let the other investigators carry him and L to bed and put them in. Light was shivering yet burning, and L was also shockingly hot to the touch. L was drifting in and out of consciousness, and was too weak to even sit up on his own. Light could tell that L was almost completely incoherent, so he pretended to be just as bad and the investigators seemed to buy it. Light smirked inwardly to himself. Nobody except L could ever see through his acting. Aizawa, Mogi and Matsuda were toweling the two of them dry as they lay in bed, and then using hairdryers on their hair, and putting some underwear on them. Immediately after that, a doctor arrived.

The doctor quickly pronounced both of them to have "delirium" and L to have a "high-grade fever," while Light had an ordinary fever. The only things that could be done were to give them medicine and press cool cloths to the forehead to bring down the fever, plus keeping them under observation in case things got worse. L refused to swallow his medicine until it was mixed with an enormous quantity of sugar, and even then, he threw it up a few minutes later. He was ranting now about how he was sure Kira was planning to kill him, perhaps by using "the monster," and he kept trying to point out Rem to the doctor. Rem simply stood in the corner of the room, watching.

The doctor stayed by the bedside, and the investigators drifted in and out of the room periodically, seeing to various job duties and then checking in on L and Light. The entire time, Light thought furiously. He'd come to a decision a day ago, but he didn't know how, or if, he could pull it off. He was in too far, and it would be very complicated to extricate himself now. Light had decided that he didn't want to be Kira any more. But, how to do it, especially without dying, that was the question.

Before Misa and Rem had arrived and made things so complicated, Light could have quit the Kira plan at any time with no real consequences. All he needed to do was figure out some way of making sure Ryuk wouldn't kill him too far in advance of when his death was naturally scheduled to occur, and then destroy the death note. Without any evidence or memories, L would never be able to convict him. Back then, L didn't have enough evidence to even detain Light briefly. L might have kept investigating Light for a long time, and it would have been very frustrating, but L would have eventually been forced to give up.

But, at this point, Misa was fulfilling the role of Kira. She was in extreme danger of being caught the moment that suspicion turned toward her, and everything had been perfectly set up to make Rem worried about Misa and ready to kill in her defense. Light hadn't spared anything in his race to put pressure on Rem. He'd even made sure to have exactly the right sorts of conversations with the other investigators to make the situation painfully clear. Even someone with Rem's brainpower should know that it was a countdown until Misa was in danger from L once again. Rem could act at any moment. Light was running out of time for an alternative plan.

L had been the catalyst for Light's change of heart. Not because Light loved him, but because of the stage L represented. Sure, the sexual tension was there between them, and it had only built and built the entire time they'd known each other, but Light hadn't expected to act on it, and he hadn't thought L would respond enthusiastically either. No, the decision to try to find some way to stop being Kira had occurred a day before their sexual encounter, because of a train of thought Light had been having about L.

Killing L was a stage in Light's plan that he'd never reached before. Light had never killed someone he actually knew well. He'd only seen a couple of people die in front of him and he'd never killed someone close to him. The would-be rapist that was his second-ever kill was a guy he'd seen for the first time that night, and Raye Penber was someone he'd only met briefly twice, and Naomi Misora, whom he didn't even see die, was someone he'd had just one conversation with. It wasn't too difficult to kill people like that, even if they weren't criminals.

But, to move to a stage where Light would kill those he had spent a lot of time with, people he actually knew, that stage had a strong possibility of breaking Light's sanity in a way it had never been broken before. Light had finally admitted to himself that he was reluctant to do it. It would make him feel like a murderer, something he had never felt like before as he wrote down neat little rows of names on clean white paper.

That was why he had been trying to set up Rem to do it for him. Subconsciously, Light didn't want to kill L. Sure, it would be nice to get Rem out of the way so that she wouldn't be threatening to kill Light or obstructing his plans in the future, but the truth was that Light could easily control someone to get a photo of L, then get Misa to see his name, and then Light could write down a death for L according to some genius plan that would certainly keep anyone from ever suspecting Light.

If Rem killed L, it would be by a heart attack, and she might do it in a suspicious way. L's death was something important enough that Light should have been handling it personally, but instead he'd tried to push responsibility onto a flunky. But, Light had been in so much denial about his own actions that he hadn't realized why he'd set up Rem to kill L until recently, and then after that realization set in he had started thinking about what that reluctance meant.

At the start of the whole Kira plan, Light had felt his sanity crumbling within the first few days of using the death note. You couldn't kill so many people and remain sane. But, he had held it together better than almost anyone else could have done under the same circumstances. He strengthened his determination, hardened his willpower. He worked on himself until he was calm and serene about killing, until he could do it without even a twitch coming into his face. And, he was determined to hold himself to his ideals, to never slip into self-serving pettiness or killings that didn't really promote his utopia.

Light had studied historical events and people that related to his Kira plan. Those who used death to try to cleanse society of undesirables usually created a kind of hell on earth. Of course, most of those people were brutal dictators who targeted ethnic groups or peasants, not criminals.

Apart from the bloody reigns of such dictators, there were times and places in history where the death penalty was common, and these usually weren't nice societies either. A society that was exceptionally hard on criminals usually didn't reduce crime or make life pleasant. But, Light had realized that these societies had one thing in common. The extremely tough application of justice was a response to already-existing high crime, often in a chaotic environment such as America's Wild West or some nation where the landscape was dominated by warlords and famine. In other words, it was being applied inaccurately in an environment that was already brutal and corrupt, often with an equally corrupt justice system to go along with it.

Light was certain he could make Kira's reign different. In modern times, with the types of information flows available and the fairly well-functioning justice systems of most civilized countries, there was a unique opportunity for someone like Light, someone exceptionally smart and with the power to kill anonymously and independently of any political system, to almost completely eliminate premeditated major crimes from the world.

There would still be crimes of passion and crimes by those who thought, rightly or wrongly, that they'd never get caught, but the rest of the world's major crimes could almost entirely disappear. Light could create a world where the death penalty was so swift and certain that you'd have to be deluded to commit murder. He wouldn't be like the brutal dictators of history who were corrupted by the systems built around them, because he wouldn't be part of any system, he would act independently. Plus, Light was smarter than any of those people. He would never get corrupted the way they had, and turn from his ideals into self-serving murders.

But Light had realized, if he couldn't keep his ideals clean, if he started being corrupted, if he turned around some moral corner that led the wrong way, then it would be better to give up being Kira. No, Light wasn't giving up his Kira plan for the love of L. He was giving it up because it was killing him, poisoning him, trying to turn him into a tyrant who was only slightly better than a Stalin or a Hitler. Light could already see the process happening.

Although he'd been in denial at the time, it had begun as early as the Lind L. Tailor incident, when he'd lashed out from pride and arrogance, more interested in being the god of the new world than in protecting people from crime. And it was painfully obvious in the entire Higuchi plan, when Light had deliberately instructed Rem to place a death note into the hands of someone who would abuse that power for personal gain, since he needed L to catch the new Kira for his plan to work, and someone who only killed criminals would be almost uncatchable. All those innocent people Higuchi had killed in his rise to power, the blood of those murders was on Light's hands.

Light could already imagine that there was a good chance that if he killed L and continued with his Kira plan, he might have to put a death note into less-than-capable hands to deflect suspicion from himself. If suspicion ever fell on Light again, Misa would be useless since she had been a suspect along with Light. He'd have to choose a fanatical Kira supporter, someone who would never betray him and could kill over and over without breaking under the strain. But people that fanatical usually had serious mental problems and poor judgment.

More victims who didn't deserve to die would get killed. Light liked to bask in the glory of knowing the sheer number of followers he had as Kira, but many of those individual followers were so scary and stupid that Light didn't like them at all. Kira websites tended to be extremely violent and full of complete idiocy. In general, fanatical Kira followers simply did not seem like the sort of people who could bring about a peaceful utopia.

A day ago, Light had realized that killing L, even through Rem, represented that moral corner he must not turn around. The Kira plan had failed, and ultimately it would only bring him death and misery. Killing a person close to him would cause his remaining sanity to crumble away, leading to carelessness, bad judgment and Light turning into exactly the sort of person Kira ought to judge. It was through. It was over. It hurt horribly to think of what might have been, but now was the time to get out.

But getting out was the trouble. Light hadn't thought he would want out so late in the game, and he hadn't left himself any path back to safety. Even if he managed to get Misa to give up her death note right away and destroy all evidence in her possession, Rem still might panic and kill L. Especially if L tried something such as testing the 13-day rule. Light was almost completely certain L would try that before too long; he knew the way the detective's mind worked.

Light might be able to find a way to beg Rem to not kill L away from the cameras and the microphones, but there was no guarantee that she would listen, or see any reason to what Light was saying. There was also a possibility Rem might try some game of her own, such as trying to force Light to take the shinigami eye deal and kill off the investigators himself.

Light did briefly think about finding a way to secretly confess everything to L and throwing himself on his mercy. But Light simply knew L too well, and he couldn't imagine that working out. It wasn't like Light could just say, "Oh, L, now that we've had sex, I think you should know I'm Kira. I'm sure you'll just forgive me for killing thousands of people and you'll abandon the most important case of your career to follow wherever your penis leads you, even though you have every right to suspect that I might trick you and kill you."

No, L was too devoted to being L. Light knew L, L was much like himself about these things. Just as Light needed something much more than a sexual relationship in order to give up being Kira, L likewise needed something big in order to divert from his path as the world's greatest detective who was committed to justice over his personal life. Light had good enough reasons to stop being Kira: to preserve what was left of his sanity along with his life, and to avoid seeing his ideal dream forever soiled and degraded.

But L didn't have much reason to betray who he was and what he stood for as L. Giving up the entire Kira case in return for a kind-of friendship with much sexual tension and one night of passionate sex and the likelihood of more sex and a weak, unprovable promise Light wouldn't kill him... that just wasn't like L.

It was already too late for Light to really win. Even with the diversion created by Higuchi, too much of the evidence pointed at Light. Light thought that the best he could do would be to create some kind of permanent draw, but it would have to be one that deflected suspicion from Misa and satisfied Rem. That would be difficult, since most of the solid evidence, namely the physical evidence from the Kira videos, pointed directly at Misa. The 13-day rule would only clear Misa temporarily, since a living L would test it, probably soon. The only way to really clear Misa would be if it seemed that Kira had controlled her into sending those videos to Sakura TV.

But the investigators did not currently know any way that Kira could control people without causing their deaths in the process. By still being alive, Misa looked guilty. Light knew that, based on the video evidence alone, L could have had Interpol execute Misa at any time. L had only kept her alive because of a small doubt he had about whether she'd been manipulated or not and because he thought she might be the key to getting evidence on Light.

If Light was going to keep L alive, then he needed to find some way to make that video evidence meaningless. The problem was that the investigators now had too much information about Kira's power and how it worked. The plan had been to kill L very quickly after Higuchi's capture, leaving only unsuspicious investigation team members alive. Those remaining investigators would never do something like testing the death note.

Light tossed and turned in the bed, feeling a bit dizzy and woozy from his fever, L still continuing to rant like a maniac beside him. If only he could backtrack, go back to an earlier stage in the investigation. He had been arrogant, and he'd made the mistake of allowing the investigation to get too much information. If Light could just erase a bunch of the information the investigators already had, he could create a situation where Misa would look like a helpless victim. It would be more difficult to completely clear himself, since L had never found any other candidate for being the mastermind Kira, but he could at least create an unwinnable draw between L and himself. L would be forever suspicious, but he wouldn't be able to prove anything no matter what he did. In fact, in some ways it would be the best situation if L's suspicions of Light were kept as high as possible without actual proof, because that would mean Misa would be of less interest to him.

Light's breath suddenly caught in his throat and he sat straight up in bed.

 _Erase information from the investigation._

He had a plan, and it would probably work, because it was the last thing L would ever suspect. Best of all, it would make it look as if everyone in the investigation had been temporarily controlled by Kira, without killing them. This would really help divert suspicion from Misa because, if the investigators could be controlled without being Kira, then Misa could be controlled without being Kira. Best of all, it would get rid of the threat of the 13-day-rule test.

Light smirked to himself. It would also have the side-benefit of bringing him closer to L. He had to admit, there had been a mountain of sexual tension between them, and the sex they'd had... it had been unbelievably hot, better than he ever would have imagined. But he couldn't get closer to L with trust, not at this point. No, their relationship wasn't built on trust, it was built on suspicion. And, the best way to make that relationship closer would be to keep L's suspicions high, without ever confirming them with actual proof. As long as L was suspicious, he would do his best to keep Light where he could personally watch him all the time.

Light subtly slid one hand down beside the bed. Watari was probably watching the surveillance video right now, but he wouldn't expect Light to try anything with three other people in the room, and he'd have to pay very close attention to catch any part of what Light was planning to do.

Light looked directly at Rem, staring hard, catching her attention. Then, he crooked a finger in a "come here" motion, and then went under the covers, creating a little tent. In a few moments, Rem phased up from under the bed into the little "tent" Light had made. Light moved his head over and whispered directly in her ear, "Let's communicate like this. The microphones in the room can't pick up whispering this quiet, just like when I talk with Misa, and the blanket blocks the cameras from seeing that you're here with me. I have a plan, but I need your help."

Rem put her mouth directly to Light's ear, and whispered, "Light Yagami, I've already figured out your plan. You mean for me to kill myself. Why won't you use Misa's eyes and kill your obstacles yourself?"

"No," Light whispered, "I've got a better plan than that, and you'll live. What we need to do is to make every single investigator into a death note owner, one at a time, and then force them to give up ownership. According to the rules you explained to me, it will also destroy all knowledge they have about death notes and shinigami."

Rem whispered, "I fail to see how that will help. They restrained Misa before without having that knowledge, and they can always access their own data and surveillance videos to re-educate themselves about those topics."

"With my plan, I'll destroy everything that could let them figure out what they used to know. I'll be the decoy to save Misa. I'll create a mystery that L can't solve, but also can't leave alone. The entire Kira case is going to become an immense, meaningless distraction for him. Once I'm done, Misa will look innocent, but I'll look suspicious and L will keep watch over me forever, leaving Misa alone."

Rem whispered back, "So, you'll be separated from Misa? Won't this make her unhappy?"

"No," Light whispered, "I already make her unhappy. One-sided human relationships, where love is forced or faked, always do that. Misa will be happier and safer without me."

"Then, I will do as you instruct. What is your plan?"

Light smirked. He was finally going to outsmart L, and it was going to be so much fun. L would never see this one coming. L would never think that Kira wanted to actually increase suspicions. That was completely illogical. L would also never suspect Light was deliberately drawing suspicion to himself in order to protect Misa. That, also, was completely illogical unless you knew about Rem and Rem's threat. This was especially true since L knew that Light really didn't like Misa at all.

Then, Light began explaining the details of his plan to Rem.

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

Although I do think it is usually out of character for Light to be willing to give up the Kira plan, since most of the canon shows how single-minded his devotion to it is and how incredibly determined he is, I think it would be possible without being OOC if done just right.

Light is, at heart, a good person. The only problem with him is that when he has his Kira memories he is in a situation that really gives meaning to the saying "the road to hell is paved with good intentions" and his good intentions don't help him, especially since he's arrogant, prideful, and unwilling to see flaws in himself. These personality traits make it incredibly difficult for him to resist the lure of the death note.

Also, Light is not an empathic person. In canon, we never see him experiencing empathy about the victims of criminals, we just see him thinking about how rotten the world is, about how criminals are scum and about the perfection he will supposedly create. Because Light lacks empathy, he is able to pull off a lot of gutsy schemes, but he is also a poor judge for the human race in general, because a lack of empathy combined with pride means that there is no inner system of checks and balances to hold him back from cruel judgments.

I hope I made a believable change of heart for Light in this story, and not just another OOC attempt at showing a change-of-heart Light.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N (Author's Note):**

Well, this is my first multi-viewpoint chapter. I usually start a new chapter when I start a new viewpoint, but these scenes are so intimately connected that I felt uploading them as separate chapters would be wrong. I hope I did this well!

* * *

 **CHAPTER 3, PART 1**

Dr. Yamane shifted slightly in his chair and looked at the scene before him. He'd never had such an odd experience in his life. For months, he'd been on standby for a possible medical emergency, paid by an employer he knew nothing about. He had simply been told that he'd need to drop everything and go somewhere if the emergency happened. He was also told that he absolutely must not ask any questions during the emergency except ones relating to medical matters, and he should never tell anyone about what he saw.

In the meantime, he kept his usual employment and was paid a weekly amount that more than doubled his normal salary. Now, that emergency had happened, and he'd halfway expected to be treating gunshot wounds for the yakuza. The amount of secrecy and money involved had made him think his mysterious employer was probably involved with organized crime. Not that he could do anything about it. If it had been the yakuza, and he'd tried to refuse or ask questions, his entire family would have been in danger.

But, everything he'd been presented with tonight had been a surprise. First, there was the skyscraper with extremely high security, even though it seemed mostly empty and unused. Then, instead of being confronted with a true medical emergency, he'd merely been asked to treat two young men with fevers. Even though they'd both been delirious, even the highest fever wasn't too dangerous. Still, Dr. Yamane did worry for some time about the one who was hallucinating, the one who asked to be called Ryuzaki. Dr. Yamane checked his temperature more frequently, always relieved when it hadn't gone up. Ryuzaki was really convinced that Kira was trying to kill him.

But, Kira killed criminals, not ordinary citizens. Even though none of this looked like what Dr. Yamane expected from the yakuza, maybe he really was dealing with organized crime. Plus, there was the chain with a handcuff on each end that linked the two young men together. Could they be escaped convicts? No, this didn't look like anything the police normally used. Perhaps these two were prisoners of the yakuza in some way, though if that were true then it was a mystery why they didn't at least ask Dr. Yamane to help them escape.

The handful of other people who were present in the building came into the bedroom from time to time, and none of them looked at all like criminals, nor did there seem to be any animosity between them and the "prisoners." In fact, there seemed to be a kind of general deference toward Ryuzaki, as if he were the one normally in charge. Also, the other people were enormously unruffled by Ryuzaki's ranting, as if they were used to it, and they even acted like they took it seriously. One young man, called Matsuda, even sat by the bed for a time and explained to Ryuzaki that the monster, Rem, wasn't planning to kill him because it already would have happened if that were the case. In the end, Dr. Yamane had concluded that he was perhaps dealing with an eccentric, crazy millionaire who was kinky and did not want any normal doctors to see him chained to his boyfriend.

Ryuzaki was such a handful that Dr. Yamane did not pay as much attention to the other feverish young man, Light. He did note that Light seemed to settle down more after a time, and at one point while Ryuzaki was sleeping Light disappeared completely under the covers for several minutes. When he came out, he seemed confused and restless but much less delirious. Perhaps hiding from "the monster" under the covers had calmed him down.

Then, after a long wait when things were quieter than normal, Ryuzaki suddenly attacked him and had to be sedated. The syringe Dr. Yamane had prepared was somehow missing, but he was quickly able to prepare another. Right after, there was an incredibly loud, weird sound coming from under the covers, a fingernails-down-the-chalkboard sound like the tortured shriek of twisting, ripping metal. Light sat up straight in bed and let out a terrible, haunting scream. Dr Yamane was instantly at his side of the bed, taking his temperature, but it was fine. Then Light had asked to be allowed to go out of the room and walk around a bit. His fever was low enough that Dr. Yamane had no problem with it. He saw Light briefly again a short while later, as Light and his father talked, and Light's father gave him permission to go home. Well, whatever the clients wanted. Surely, if Light weren't supposed to leave even when he got better, Dr. Yamane would be told of it. But, then, it wasn't too long until all hell broke loose.

* * *

 **CHAPTER 3, PART 2**

Rem repeated once more in her mind the instructions that Light Yagami had given her, trying to keep all the details clear. She entered an equipment room that looked like an endless mess of shelves and electronic equipment and wires and little screens. She tapped into the video feed of the main investigation room, where the death note was sitting on a table. Only Aizawa was there. She waited until he went to the restroom, then flipped some switches, entered some commands into a computer, and then manually hooked up some of the wires in a different configuration.

Light had said Watari was the only one who watched video feeds at this time of night, and now that Rem had looped the feed according to Light's instructions, Watari would see the same few sweeps of the camera repeated over and over. It would seem the death note was still sitting on a table in an empty room. Rem had at least a few minutes before Watari might notice something wrong, maybe much longer if he wasn't currently watching surveillance video, or if he was focusing on Light and L in the bed.

When Aizawa returned to the investigation room, the death note was sitting on the floor, as if it had fallen off the table. Aizawa picked it up and was about to place it back when Rem suddenly swooped down to stand in front of him. With her wings spread wide, and using her most menacing voice, she said, "Give that back to me."

Startled, Aizawa held it out, and Rem took it. A blank expression immediately came into Aizawa's face. He paused and looked as if he were trying to remember something. He was looking right through Rem, completely blind to her. Then he shrugged and casually reached through Rem's body, picking up his coffee cup and taking a drink.

The next one was Watari. Because of his role as the main watcher of surveillance video, he had to be put out of commission as fast as possible. Now that Rem owned the death note again, it was invisible to all who couldn't see her and she could phase it through walls just like she could with her own body. She launched herself upwards, going to Watari's control room as fast as possible and dropping the death note directly on his lap. Now he was the owner. Watari looked up at Rem, startled. She said, "That is mine. Give it back to me."

Watari said, "I would like an explanation of how it came to be here. I was under the impression it was still downstairs."

Rem said, "If you don't return it to me, I'll kill you right now."

Watari became a bit pale, but he pulled a cellphone from his pocket and said, "I would like to discuss this with Ryuzaki first, if I may."

Rem whipped out her other death note and, holding it open in such a way that Watari could see her as she wrote, began writing his real name, slowly and deliberately. Three letters before she reached the end, Watari said, "Take it back now, and be done with it."

Rem took the death note from him, and Watari instantly got that same blind look Aizawa had gotten a minute earlier, gazing through her rather than at her. Rem quickly left, going back to the room with L and Light. It was easy to get into the doctor's bag and withdraw the hypodermic syringe full of fast-acting sedatives that he had prepared in case L's paranoia became dangerous. L went into a complete panic at seeing her so close, but he wasn't aware enough to realize she was getting into the doctor's bag. While the doctor was occupied at quieting L, Rem hid the syringe behind her body so L couldn't see she was carrying anything and exited the room.

Since the syringe was a physical thing, part of the human world, she had to actually use doors as she sought out Watari. There was a slight chance Watari might notice either the self-opening doors or the floating syringe on surveillance video, but he was probably watching the rooms and hallways that actually held people. The important thing was to knock out Watari so he would not see the remaining investigators making deals with an invisible presence, as the death note became briefly visible each time it became part of the human world and then returned to invisibility as ownership returned to Rem.

When Rem entered the control room, easing open the door so carefully that it made no sound, Watari had his back to her and he was using a cellphone, saying, "Yes, yes, it's a loop in the security video of the main investigation room. I can't break it from here, it's not digital, rather it's a physical reconnection. I'll have to go downstairs and see how things have been hooked up in the equipment room. Listen, you're not entirely making sense. I think your fever is affecting you too much. You should go back to sleep. I'll get Mogi to help."

At that moment, Rem snuck up behind Watari and plunged the needle into his arm. In only a couple of seconds, he was slumping, and she caught him, lowering him gently to the floor. After crushing his cellphone into little bits, she dragged his unconscious form out of the control room and down the hallway, and then locked him in a small conference room, one without any computers or other communication equipment. Rem destroyed all the cameras and bugs in that room. Then she sought out the others. Soichiro, Mogi and Matsuda were all easy. She had to wait for each one to be alone, which ended up meaning ambushing each one in the bathroom. As Light had said, they had no reason to think her threat to kill could be a bluff, and since shinigami were not obligated to explain about the ownership deal, the investigators had no idea she was actually planning on erasing parts of their memories.

Now, it was time for the riskiest part of the plan. Getting L to receive and then give up ownership. Rem lurked in the bedroom, now invisible to everyone except L, and waited for the right moment. The investigators were still checking in on L and Light at regular intervals, and the doctor was there too. Since L was delirious, it wouldn't be too risky if someone saw him talking to thin air, but the death note would become visible while it was possessed by a human, and Rem did not want anyone to remember seeing a notebook. Finally, there came a point when nobody was there except L and Light, when the doctor had excused himself to use the restroom. Light was asleep, so he wouldn't notice anything. Not that it would matter. Rem approached L and then dropped the death note directly into his hands.

* * *

 **CHAPTER 3, PART 3**

L's eyes were on that monster, Rem, as she approached. He could tell she was up to something, but there was nothing he could do. He shivered and pulled the covers up a bit further. He'd been burning hot just a minute ago, but now he was cold, and his entire head felt like it had been stuffed with cotton. His arms and legs were weak, and every time he moved them it seemed to take a great effort. Where was that doctor? Dr. Yamane should be protecting everyone from the shinigami. L had tried to tell him, over and over, but he just didn't seem to take the problem seriously. L started wondering about the doctor. Was he part of some plan too? Maybe he was conspiring with Rem and Kira to kill them all. He'd forced L to swallow stuff he said was medicine, but maybe it was really poison, or it was something meant to addle L's senses so he couldn't figure out who Kira was.

Yes, that was it. It made so much sense now that L started thinking this way. That was why Dr. Yamane ignored everything about the shinigami. On the roof, Light had hinted that some plan was already in motion. Dr. Yamane must be part of that plan, and that's why the doctor was deliberately pretending to know nothing about Rem. L reached around, feeling in the bed for his cellphone. Where had it gone? He had to call Watari, tell him that Dr. Yamane was poisoning him. Watari would fire him, bring in a different doctor, and get L's stomach pumped of all the poison. That was L's only chance to survive. He couldn't feel the cellphone anywhere. He flailed in a panic, his arms incredibly drained and weak. Each movement sent a spike of nausea through him. Then, suddenly, he was grasping something. He looked down to the thing in his hands, trying to comprehend. It was the death note!

L tried to think. How could this thing possibly be here? It was supposed to be in the main investigation room. Maybe he'd brought it up here himself for safekeeping? Maybe he didn't trust anybody else to watch over it? No, that didn't make sense. He couldn't remember doing anything like that. As L's mind foggily turned over various possibilities, he suddenly felt an incredible lethargy, an intense tiredness. Yes, he would go to sleep. But, there was something about Dr. Yamane, something important he desperately needed to remember.

While L pondered that, he became aware that Rem was speaking to him. Too many things were happening at once, it was hard to concentrate. Everything had such a surreal feeling. Yes, that was it! All this felt too unreal, it must be a nightmare. L reached with one hand, watching it move ever so slowly across in front of him and then pinch his arm. The sensation of the pinch sent tingles and shivers radiating from that spot throughout his body, but it only hurt just slightly.

Suddenly, L's body went from cold and shivering to burning hot. He pushed the covers down. They were suffocating him, killing him. Maybe that was Dr. Yamane's plan. He had been giving him some kind of medicine that would make him feel too cold, and then L would be forced to pull the covers up so high they cut off his breathing. L needed to find that cellphone and tell this to Watari. He began feeling around, and once more noticed the death note within his grasp. At that moment, he felt the shinigami's ice-cold hands on his face, turning his face toward her.

Rem said, "That is mine. Give it back to me."

L nodded. That made sense. He held out the notebook, saw the shinigami reaching out to receive it. In the next moment, he felt sleep trying to overtake him again. L fought it, trying to keep his eyes open. There was something very important about Dr. Yamane. He needed to warn Watari...

Just then, L saw the doctor himself entering the room again. He let out a scream and tried to leap from the bed, but he was so weak that he only managed to slide halfway out, ending with his head resting on the floor, his legs still in the bed. He felt the chain yank, and Light was pulled against him, shifting sleepily against his feet and calves. The movement against L's hypersensitive skin sent tingles through him, and then he was remembering the pleasure they'd shared on the roof, Light feeling him and sucking on him and then moving inside him as the rain pounded down all around, battering at them.

Then L felt hands on his face and body, and he leaned hungrily into them. The fingers were so cool and soothing against his fevered flesh. L reached out with his mouth to the nearest fingers, nipping at them, trying to draw them into his mouth and suck. The fingers evaded him, and he was being pushed back into the bed, being forcibly settled onto the pillow by those cool fingers and strong arms. L moaned and tried to rub against those touches. He looked to the face above him. Dr. Yamane!

L screamed again and began thrashing. He looked around the room, trying to see someone who would help, but there was nobody except Kira and this traitorous doctor who was trying to kill him.

L said, "Watari! Matsuda! Someone help me! This doctor is going to hold the pillow over my face and kill me!"

Now L began fighting in earnest. His limbs were weak and shaking, and his exertion was making the nausea rise again, but he knew this was his last chance. He would die unless he managed to subdue the doctor and get help. He held nothing back, viciously kicking, scratching and biting. But, the doctor was still prevailing. L sobbed in frustration and anger. Kira was awake and looking down on him too. The two of them would kill him together. L managed to squirm free of the doctor's grasp and get on top of Kira. Kira was wide-eyed and looked completely startled, unable to move. Yes, L would kill him, at least. L began laughing dementedly and winding the chain around Kira's neck. He would strangle him.

Then L felt a strong pinch in his butt and looked back, in time to see Dr. Yamane stepping back with a syringe in his hand. Suddenly, the cotton inside L's head was multiplying at an enormous rate, pushing everything out. L's thoughts were gone, his vision fading, and he felt himself slumping.

* * *

 **CHAPTER 3, PART 4**

Light had been woken from a sound sleep by a scream and a yank of the chain. He sat up and saw Dr. Yamane rushing to L's side of the bed, pulling him up from his position halfway on the floor and putting him back in. Had L fallen out of bed? Then Light's eyes widened in disbelief as he saw what L did next. It looked like L was trying to make out with Dr. Yamane. The doctor was trying to put L to bed, but L was clinging to the doctor's arms, moaning, trying to lick, and shifting his hips back and forth in a humping motion.

Then L screamed again, tried to fight the doctor, and began ranting about the doctor trying to kill him. In the next moment, L was suddenly straddling Light. Light looked up in shock. L laughed. It was a sick, crazy laugh, like the kind produced by a villain in a horror movie, and L's eyes were more dilated than ever, immense pools of blackness, glittering with a feverish insanity. L's pale skin was now bright red, red as a lobster. Light was only able to keep still because of Dr. Yamane signaling him to play dumb while approaching from behind with that needle. L started looping the chain around Light's neck, the links digging in painfully. Then the doctor finally inserted that needle and L fell into unconsciousness.

Light helped Dr. Yamane pick up L's limp form and arrange it on the other side of the bed. Light shivered. He was feeling better, but all that adrenaline had brought his wooziness back. It had been truly terrifying to see L like that. But, he was safe now. L wouldn't hurt him.

Just as Light thought everything was settled down and he could probably go back to sleep, there was suddenly a horrible metallic screech from under the covers. Before he could react to that, something else under the covers, on the other side, touched his leg and he was screaming, just like in the helicopter, as all those horrible memories twisted their way into his brain like malignant parasites, forcing him into a realization that he'd killed a few thousand people and was being hunted by law enforcement agencies around the world.

Dr. Yamane was at his side of the bed instantly, but Light knew now he had to avoid getting the same treatment that L had just got. Light needed to stay conscious, or he might get caught with the death note.

Light said, "I'm sorry about that scream, the noise just startled me."

Dr. Yamane said nothing. He simply raised an ear thermometer to Light's ear, taking a reading.

Light pulled out the length of chain from under the covers, showing where Rem had ripped it open. Light had one handcuff and the partial chain attached. Dr. Yamane looked astonished, but he still said nothing. L had probably paid him not to ask questions.

"I see," Light said, "the chain must have caught on something and broke. That's what caused the sound. How is my fever?"

Dr. Yamane said, "Your fever was never dangerous, and now it is quite mild."

Light said, "I feel much better, but it's stuffy in here. I'd like to get dressed and go downstairs for some air and a little walking."

Dr. Yamane hesitated for a moment, but then he nodded. Light smiled. It was almost too easy to fool and manipulate people other than L. Light pulled one of the blankets free, and draped it over himself as if modestly trying to hide his near-nudity, but what he was really hiding was the death note. Then he walked over to the wardrobe and got dressed, hiding the death note under his shirt and pushing the handcuff as far up his arm as he could, coiling the chain inside that sleeve, hidden from view.

Then, Light made his way downstairs, followed by Rem, who used that time to give him a summary of everything she'd done while he was without his memories. He found Aizawa and Mogi in the main investigation room, Aizawa on a computer. Light logged in as Soichiro. He would soon erase all the login information, but it was best to be sneaky. Light accessed the user data and saw Aizawa was the only other one on the computers at the moment. Light checked to see what Aizawa was working on. It was innocuous enough to leave it alone for now. Then, he hacked into every program that monitored the system for viruses, suspicious activities or data tampering and shut them all down.

Next, he started a massive erasure of everything except Aizawa's file, overwriting all the data with randomly generated gibberish so it could never be recovered. He even did this to the secret back-up data that L didn't think he knew about. Now, there was nothing in the computer system at all, except Aizawa's file, the operating system itself, and loads of gibberish. As long as Aizawa was able to work normally, it should be even harder to conclude that the massive computer shutdown precisely coincided with the time that Light Yagami had been on the computer. Everyone except L had spent some time logged in during the past few hours. Any of them, or none of them, may have been responsible.

As the last flourish, Light downloaded a particularly devastating virus and put it on the system, with a timer trigger. In slightly less than an hour, it would begin to erase everything again, including even Aizawa's current file. With luck, this would add to the confusion about just when the data erasure had occurred, and it would also erase the operating system as much as possible before absolutely everything ceased working and the virus itself couldn't even operate. This would help protect against the possibility of L having recorded something secretly by encoding it into the operating system itself. Although, even if L had done that, there might be nothing there about killer notebooks or shinigami, because L only learned that information a few days ago.

Then Light sought out his father, who turned out to be checking in with L at that moment. When Light walked into the room, Soichiro said, "There you are! Dr. Yamane said you were feeling better."

"Yes," Light said, "in fact, I was thinking of going home. Ryuzaki was going so crazy that the doctor had to sedate him, and I'd just feel more comfortable in my own bed."

"Of course," Soichiro said, "Ryuzaki did say you were cleared, until he started ranting like this. I don't think there's any reason for you to stay."

Soichiro looked puzzled for a moment, as if he were trying to remember why L had said Light was cleared, but he quickly shook off his puzzlement.

Soichiro continued, "I've still got a couple of hours of work, and then I'll join you. Should I call them and tell them to get ready for your homecoming?"

"No," Light said, "I'd rather surprise them."

With that, Light had further reduced the possibility that L would be able to tell he hadn't gone straight home. It was important to make L suspicious, but not to give him much to work with. There was a fine line between the right amount and too much.

Light went to the parking garage underneath the investigation building, took his father's car, and drove to a nearby shopping center that was bordered with high-rise apartment complexes on every side. Light expected that L might have a tracker on the car, so he could follow its movements. That would be just like him. Light went to a gift shop and quickly purchased two small gifts for his mother and sister. It was a very normal thing to do, just what would be expected after being entirely cut off from them for months.

Light went into the parking lot and instructed Rem to find an apartment complex that didn't have a doorman, and then to disable any camera that showed who went in and out. Rem was shortly back and let him into the building. Light picked a random floor, and then as he walked down it, he told Rem to check all the apartments until she found one that was both empty and had a computer. In just a few minutes, Rem had let him in such an apartment. Light momentarily smirked as he thought how easy it would be to be a thief, if you had a willing shinigami. Nobody expected doors to be opened from the inside.

Light hacked into NPA computers. As he thought, there was nothing on Kira or Higuchi's capture. L had certainly told the police to keep such things out of their computers. But Light knew a way around that. At the time of Higuchi's arrest, the police were not supposed to be helping to catch Kira. Every single officer who took part in that blockade disobeyed orders to do so. As such, they would have received reprimands at that time, reprimands that had probably been overturned by now since L and the task force were healing their relationship with the police. Light searched through the records and found 49 officers meeting that description. He now had their faces and names. He began printing them up.

Rem said, "Aren't you going to kill these men?"

Light said, "No, that would create too much suspicion. I know a few of these overheard Higuchi saying that he killed people by writing their names in a magic notebook. It's not critical to keep that kind of hearsay away from L, but it will help if we can force all of them into receiving and giving up ownership."

Rem said, "I'm not sure how far that will work."

Light said, "When I lost my memory, I didn't just forget about my own death note and Misa's death note and you and Ryuk. I also forgot all conversations I'd had with Misa concerning those matters."

Rem said, "What if they won't give up ownership? What if I get stuck with one of them? I'm not sure if I can kill that person to set myself free, because that would be killing someone as part of a plan to save Misa, and so it might kill me."

Light said, "With the story I'll give you to tell them, there's no way it won't work. This is a story you can't use on the investigators, but these cops won't know any better."

Then Light told Rem that if the simple "give it back or I'll kill you" didn't work, she should tell them they had passed a test of bravery, she'd selected them to be the next Kira, and that if they would slaughter all their loved ones and fifty additional innocent people, they would then have Kira's power. Nobody would take up that offer.

Light finished printing up work schedules for all the selected officers, along with maps showing their homes and where they worked. He put everything into a large folder and said, "When you've finished with that task, I want you to burn all the evidence. However, we first need to get Aiber and Wedy. I don't know where they are, but you can find anyone you've seen before by using viewing portal in the shinigami realm, so that shouldn't be a problem."

"Yes," Rem said, "that shouldn't take long."

Light said, "After you've erased the memories of those two, you need to return to headquarters and do what I told you to do with all the cameras in the rooms that are frequently used, and completely disable the sprinklers in the room with the lockers of physical evidence and start a fire there. After that, go to Misa's place and get her to give up ownership and tell you the place she's buried her death note, and have her destroy any scraps."

Rem said, "Why can't you do that in person? What if Misa doesn't believe you sent me?"

Light said, "She will believe I told you, because she is very eager to follow orders from me. Also, I can't go there in person because Misa will remember I visited, though not for what reason, and when she talks about it, it will draw suspicion to her as well as me."

Rem said, "I will do it that way."

Light said, "Then, do the ownership deal with those forty-nine officers, and come back to my home. If I'm still there, do the ownership deal with me again. That way, I'll appear more suspicious to L, since he's good at reading personalities, and I'll also have my memories in case he makes an unexpected move I need to counter."

Rem said, "I still don't see how this will work."

Light said, "The only thing that could go wrong is if someone won't give up ownership. Aiber is the biggest risk, since he may realize he's being conned, but I don't think he's willing to risk his life to retain ownership of a death note. Just like the others, he shouldn't have any hint you're going to erase his memories in the process. And, if one of the forty-nine officers retains ownership despite the fake high price you've put on it, then L and myself will investigate just like before, but this time you must watch constantly for bugs and hidden cameras and people following, and make the person aware of these, and threaten to turn them in unless they give up ownership. That way, it should be impossible for L to ever get his hands on a death note again."

Light paused. "But, I think almost anyone would piss themselves in fear and give up ownership immediately, and even if they get far enough to hear of the fake deal, that should put off even the most adamant Kira supporter. Plus, these are guys who risked getting fired to catch Kira. None of them will want to be Kira."

Light got up from the chair and stretched. He was still feeling flushed and a bit dizzy. That was good, because it would make his mother and sister fuss over him and want to keep him home, and that would give him a partial alibi. Not a good enough alibi for L, but enough of one to keep suspicion from getting too high. He didn't need all the investigators turning firmly against him.

But, it would be best to make things as certain as possible. He couldn't rely on the memory-damaged version of himself. That version might panic and return to headquarters too soon, losing any opportunity to regain ownership of the death note. Light got out his cellphone and called home, talking to a very excited mother and sister at once, telling them he was sorry he hadn't even phoned once in months but everything was okay now and he'd be home and he promised he'd stay the entire night. As Light got off the phone, he smirked. It was so odd to be playing mind games even with himself, manipulating his other self into a corner. Light knew he hated breaking his promises. He would stay home until Rem came with the death note or L came to arrest him.

Then Light said, "Rem, when you see Ryuk, make sure you tell him what I told you earlier so he'll let me live out my natural lifespan. If I died, especially of a heart attack, it may seem that Misa caused it. It would cause suspicion to fall on her."

Rem said, "Yes, I'm sure Ryuk will give in when I threaten to follow him around for years singing the same song over and over until the point when your life would have ended. Ryuk only needs to see you die. It doesn't matter when."

Light smiled. "It's fortunate that even though shinigami can't hurt each other, they can annoy."

Light carefully used a cloth to erase his fingerprints from the computer keyboard and from where he'd rested his hands on the desk. On his way out, he did the same with the apartment doorknob and with buttons on the elevator. Soon, he was home. He waited outside for a few moments while Rem went inside and checked, just in case L had installed hidden cameras or microphones in the house again. Unlikely, but you never could tell what L might try. Light had learned to anticipate the unexpected.

When Rem returned and gave the all-clear, Light told her to get to work as fast as possible and gave up ownership.

Light found himself walking up to his front door, gifts for his mother and sister in his hands. He had only just started to knock when the door opened and he was enveloped in two very enthusiastic hugs at once. They dragged him inside, sat him down on the couch, and wanted to know everything all at once. Light knew he couldn't tell them anything about the investigation, so he repeated the same cover story he'd used in his letter at the start of his confinement: that he'd moved in with Misa and he knew his dad would never approve so he hadn't left any contact information. Light now added the twist that he'd broken up with Misa and now thought his dad would forgive him, so he'd come home.

It was almost true. He had been thinking a lot about breaking up with Misa, especially since that... event... and he was sure he'd do it soon. It wasn't right to be two-timing her with L. Not that Light had done anything with Misa. He hadn't even given her any encouragement for months, but it seemed she just wouldn't let go. He'd have to actually come out and say he was done with her. He wouldn't tell her about L, of course. That simply wasn't any of her business.

His mother and sister soon noticed he was sick, and then they were practically spoon-feeding him soup and some herbal tea that was supposed to help. They were so excited to see him, their jabber almost never stopped. Especially Sayu, since she was quite a talker anyway. Light just nodded, and answered once in a while, and started wondering about a few things. Like, the chain that was still wrapped around his arm. He could feel it, and he remembered discussing its breaking with Dr. Yamane, but he didn't remember the actual breaking process. Perhaps L had decided to let him go but didn't remember where the keys were? It seemed to Light that he would have remembered something like that, but he had been pretty feverish. It must have slipped his mind.

After what seemed like quite a long time, Light was yawning, and then the yawns kept coming back, and his mother was helping him up the stairs and putting him in bed, giving a few clucks of disapproval when he said he was so tired he wanted to sleep in his clothes. Then he was asleep, having dreams that constantly switched back and forth between pleasant and extremely confusing, until finally one confusing dream suddenly went very weird and turned into a nightmare, and then a cold hand was shaking him awake. Light opened his eyes to see Rem standing above him and realized he'd gone to sleep as his innocent self and woken up as Kira. This was the first time he'd regained his memories without screaming, which was a good thing, since that would make it easier to sneak out.

Light locked the door to his room. It was unlikely they'd try to bother him now when it was so late, but it was best to be sure they didn't notice he was gone and ruin his partial alibi.

The, Light opened the door to his little balcony, walked out on it, looked around to be certain there was nobody within view, and said, "Now, you need to carry me. We'll go to where Misa's death note is buried."

Rem grabbed Light's arms and took off, quickly climbing so high that the darkness would make him invisible to anyone below. Soon, they arrived at a forested area and Light began to dig. It wasn't raining any more, but the ground was still soft. It was not long until he had it dug up. He placed it on a large rock and set it on fire.

Rem said, "You don't want two death notes, just in case?"

Light said, "Remember, for Misa's sake we need to keep death notes away from the investigators. I can't take the chance that Ryuk might give this to another person. Besides, I can't afford to have Ryuk attached to me while I'm in confinement. His apple addiction makes it too easy to catch me."

Then Light used the same box and plastic bag and reburied his remaining death note in a location just a few trees away.

Rem said, "If you do not touch it for long enough, you'll lose ownership."

Light said, "I've figured that into my plan. I think I won't need this ever again, but for now, since I have my memories, L will be able to tell I'm hiding things, and that's important. It won't prove anything, but it means that he'll definitely focus on me rather than Misa. Also, it is possible he may bring Misa in for questioning. Don't panic if he does that. Misa will be completely clean and innocent, and he won't be able to hold her long, especially since she's now become quite a celebrity."

When Light got home, he changed into pajamas and woke his mother up to clean his dirty clothes. He didn't need L taking them to forensics and analyzing the mud on them to find what location he'd been to. Besides, Light's mother seeing him yet again would be all the more evidence that he'd truly been home all night.

Light crawled into his bed and sighed, trying to think over everything he'd done, trying to see some flaw in it. All it would take was one little thing, one thing that would turn the suspicion too high. It was a very fine line. Light went back and forth over everything several times, but he couldn't discover any problems. Light then closed his eyes and went to sleep, secure in the knowledge that no shinigami would kill him, and L would want to keep an eye on him forever.

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

Well, the plot thickens! Next chapter in L's viewpoint again.

Thanks so much to my many reviewers. I've never gotten so many reviews on the first two chapters of a fic before. I was really pleased and happy!


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

The first time L became aware that things had seriously gone wrong, it was because Watari was shaking him awake and talking to him. L ignored Watari at first. The man was so annoying, couldn't he tell it was time to sleep? L kept drifting back to sleep, and he was cold again, so he clutched desperately at the blankets.

Then Watari pulled the blankets mostly off and L woke up for real. He reached, trying to grab, but Watari took firm hold of his shoulders and said, "Ryuzaki, I was attacked and locked in a room. Aizawa heard me pounding on the door and let me out, but the lock had been smashed so he had to unscrew the hinges. Many of our cameras stopped functioning, and the computer systems have been wiped, even the back-ups. There was also a fire in the evidence rooms. The sprinklers in there did not function and neither did the fire alarm. Everything was destroyed."

It was a lot of information to process all at once. L's head throbbed, and his paranoia was at a fever pitch. He had to do something. He tried to focus. All the shadows in the room seemed extremely sinister. His gaze flickered back and forth between the shadows, looking for an attacker.

L said, "Turn on all the lights in here."

They did, and then it was so bright it was almost painful. L glanced around the room, blinking, stunned. Aizawa, Soichiro and Watari were all standing there, looking expectant, and Dr. Yamane was sitting in a chair right by the side of the bed. L tried to remember what he had been doing earlier. He had been thinking about something very important. A shiver ran through his body, and he just wanted to lie down again.

L turned to look at Light. Nobody was there. He pulled on the chain and saw the break, the last link twisted and mangled. He held up the chain, letting it sway in front of his face, his eyes following the broken link back and forth. The rhythm pulled him in, made him feel giddy. He kept watching the movement, fascinated by the way that distorted, dull reflections of the room appeared in the shiny metal links and slid across their surfaces. Then Watari was shaking his shoulders again.

Watari said, "What should we do?"

L said, "Dr. Yamane and Light are both Kira. You need to arrest them at once. We need a bigger chain for Light. He can bite through this one."

Watari said, "You cleared Light several days ago, and the doctor was never a suspect. What reason do you have for suspecting them?"

L sighed and tried to lie down. The reasoning had been very clear in his mind earlier, but now he couldn't seem to dredge up any justification. It was all so complicated, and his head kept throbbing, and he was desperately cold.

Soichiro said, "I gave Light permission to go home. I've called several times. His mother keeps checking on him. He's safe in bed."

Watari said, "Send Mogi to watch the house from the outside, to make sure Light doesn't leave. Do not let Mogi approach him directly."

Then Watari pulled L into a sitting position and said, "Do you remember what happened on the roof? That was the first mystery, before these others."

L said, "Light said I was dying, he said..."

L concentrated, tried to remember. "... he said he couldn't stop... if I moved, I would die. I had to stay there..."

It was getting too hard to think. L was flushed, his head throbbing more fiercely the longer he sat upright. Everything was far too complicated. It could wait until morning. It had to.

L heard a note of anger in Watari's voice as Watari said, "Did Light rape you?"

"No," L mumbled sleepily, and tried to lie down, but Watari's hands wouldn't let him.

Watari said, "Dr. Yamane, I do not think Ryuzaki knows what he is talking about. Do you have a rape kit with you?"

The doctor said, "Yes. It is in my car downstairs."

Soichiro said, "My boy would never rape another man."

Watari was saying something in return, but L was drifting away too quickly, and he couldn't catch it. The next thing he knew, he was being shaken awake once again. He blinked and looked around. He was in a different room, on an examination table.

Watari said, "The doctor is performing an examination. He will need to touch your private areas. If you become scared or uncomfortable at any time, just say so."

L nodded, but the words wouldn't stay in his mind. He just needed to sleep. He turned his head to the side and closed his eyes. He was starting to feel that swaying motion inside, the one he'd felt on the roof with Light. A burning sensation started in the pit of his stomach and rapidly moved outward in all directions, making his entire body uncomfortably hot. L shifted in place. Then he felt something inside him, and he was caught up again in the memory of Light thrusting into him, moving in and out so deliciously as L stared up into the rain, spinning into those patterns.

L gripped the sides of the table and arched his back. He said, "Light! Ah, Light!"

He tried to move against the thing inside him, but hands grabbed his hips and pinned him down. He looked to one side and saw Soichiro, then to the other side and saw Matsuda. Where was Light? L looked down and saw Dr. Yamane. He screamed. Instantly, Watari was standing beside his head, saying, "It's okay, only a few more moments."

L calmed and nodded. Then the thing removed itself from inside him, and he was allowed to go back to sleep.

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

Sorry about the short chapter, but I decided to break things up like this in order to present a more obvious break between incoherent L and coherent L. Besides, chapter 3 was super-long, so having a short chapter 4 evens things out a bit.

Anyway, it looks like the investigation team is going to find out exactly what L and Light did on the roof, although they may very well think it was non-consensual until later. And, will Mogi cause any trouble at Light's house?

Thanks so much to all my reviewers. This fic has been getting a lot of attention. If you like ill-L sex, I've got some in another fic of mine, "Fifty Days".


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

L woke up slowly. The scene in front of him was swimming, slightly swaying. He recognized it as his bedroom at headquarters. He blinked, trying to pull himself together, and the scene settled down and became clearer.

His body felt odd and worn out. Everything was sore; everything hurt just slightly, a dull ache deep within each muscle. Part of him just wanted to go back to sleep, but then he remembered that almost everything imaginable had gone wrong the previous night, and multiple mysteries were waiting to be solved.

Gingerly, he tried to sit up. He felt shaky, but not too bad. His entire body was enormously too hot, but when he kicked off the blankets he immediately had an odd feeling of being both too hot and too cold at the same time, so he drew them back over himself. Someone had dressed him in his usual outfit. L never wore pajamas; he just wore his clothing to bed, though sometimes he removed his shirt.

L glanced around the room and saw the doctor asleep in a chair and the morning sun streaming in the windows. He had vague memories of that doctor. Most of the night was a jumbled mess.

But then, he remembered the sex. That was clear in his mind. It, or at least most of it, had happened before the point when his memory became a series of blurs and blanks. Inwardly, he wanted to kick himself. What had he been thinking, letting Light, the main Kira suspect, do that to him? It had been so raw and wild and unthinking, an act of pure instinct and lust. It didn't match L's internal picture of how he perceived himself, of how L should behave. They hadn't even used condoms!

Although, as L pondered, he realized that condoms were not an issue. L knew he'd been a virgin, and he knew Light was clean. L had already tested Light. L hadn't exactly expected Kira to have green blood or anything like that, but he hadn't wanted to miss any possible evidence, and it could be that Kira was some kind of genetic freak or medical marvel. Every medical test in existence had been done on Light Yagami within the first two weeks of his confinement and, among other things, they had learned he didn't have any sexually transmitted diseases. And, ever since then, Light had been under constant surveillance so he couldn't have picked up anything in the meantime. He hadn't even left the building after the handcuffs had been undone, until last night.

Well, the sex had been a bad idea, but it had already happened; it couldn't be undone, and there were much worse things that needed to be attended to. L checked a drawer next to his bed and found his cellphone.

He called Watari and said, "I need everyone except Light to attend a meeting in my room as soon as possible. Please prepare a suite of rooms for the doctor to stay in and do not let him leave. We need to discuss confidential topics away from him, but I'll need to interview him soon. Where is Light?"

Watari replied, "Light arrived about fifteen minutes ago. He is working with the others to try to recover any data. Are you okay? Do you remember what happened?"

L said, "I'm slightly ill but much better. We'll discuss everything in the meeting. Please put Light somewhere away from the computers, where he won't be able to leave the building or tamper with any evidence."

Watari said, "It will be done, Ryuzaki," and then the two of them took a couple minutes to discuss all the preparations that would need to be made for the meeting.

L put away his phone feeling utterly exhausted. He piled plenty of pillows behind him to prop his torso up into a half-sitting position. He still felt queasy and uncertain when sitting without support, but he did not feel like conducting a meeting while completely lying down. He glanced down at his body and noticed his skin was still fairly red. His natural tint was so pale that any flushing colored him quite dramatically.

Twenty minutes later, the doctor had been escorted away and all the task force members except Light were assembled expectantly at the foot of L's bed, whilst L had a laptop computer open next to him on the bed. The laptop showed live surveillance video of Light, who had been locked inside Misa's old suite of rooms. The audio link was one-way.

Before L could start talking, Light said, "Ryuzaki, I'm sure you're watching me right now. I will do whatever I need to in order to prove my innocence, so just tell me what to do. I wish I had some way of knowing what is going on at that secret meeting, but I understand your caution. Tell me when you're ready for my help again."

Light mostly looked at the camera during his little speech, but his eyes were too shifty. They flicked off to the side twice and looked directly at the wall. Light was up to something. What was his game? Light almost sounded as if he were trying to hint that he could hack in to the surveillance system, but that was impossible from Amane's suite, and L had also taken the precaution of unplugging all cameras that would otherwise be recording the meeting. There was no possible way for Light to eavesdrop.

Still, L felt nervous. It was just like the games Light used to play before the point when he seemed to lose his memories of being Kira. L had become quite accustomed to Light dropping hints about what he might do if he were Kira, maddening hints that held no useful information and didn't sound suspicious to anyone other than L.

Light had his memories; L was almost completely sure of it. If only Light didn't have the ability to erase his memories, L would simply lock him up and question him relentlessly until he confessed, using slight torture to turn up the pressure if necessary. But that tactic had turned out disastrously the first time and was no longer an option. Light had to be made to trip up in such a way that merely erasing his memories wouldn't get him out of it.

Then Watari cleared his throat and said, "Ryuzaki, are you sure you're fine? Last night your behavior was extremely erratic and the doctor says your fever has only improved marginally."

L replied, "My body is still impaired but my mind isn't. The first thing we need to do is establish a timeline of every event that happened yesterday and last night, no matter how insignificant."

Watari brought out a notepad and handed it to L. It already had the rough beginnings of a timeline, with plenty of space to write in additional events. L's eyes were caught by the entry at the top of the page.

L said, "Light did not rape me on the roof. I remember that much."

Watari said, "Last night, you claimed that Light said he couldn't stop and that you'd die if you tried to move away from him. Then Dr. Yamane performed an examination and found Light's semen inside you."

L sighed. He didn't want to deal with this, but he had to. It would make him look bad, but it was part of the investigation.

L said, "What happened was consensual. I have no idea why I consented, but I did. Light's exact words were 'I don't want you to die, L. But, L, I can't stop it. It's already happening.' This is entirely ambiguous. It sounds a bit like a confession of being Kira, but it could also be a claim of wanting to protect me from Kira. The two sentences were interrupted by making out, so the second one might have been about sexual topics rather than about me supposedly dying."

All the investigators at the foot of L's bed had shocked expressions on their faces, but Soichiro's was particularly bad. It was incredibly traumatized and angry at the same time.

Soichiro said, "Ryuzaki, what did you do to my boy?"

L said, "I didn't do anything. He was the one who did things, and for some reason, I didn't resist. Nothing like this has ever happened between us before."

But, L thought, that wasn't entirely true. There had been moments of... something. Long looks in the shower, accidental touching of hands leading to an awkwardness that was quickly ignored by both men, and times when they inadvertently snuggled into each other while asleep and woke up entangled, with hard-ons practically rubbing against each other. L had put those events out of his mind and hadn't really thought about them. He was obsessed with Light because Light was the main suspect in the biggest case of his career, not because of any other reason.

Watari said, "Ryuzaki is mildly autistic, and he's never shown romantic interest in another person before. I do not think he understands his own sexuality. If anyone was taken advantage of, it was him, not Light."

L said, "There is no need for either of you to be so protective. Light and myself are both adults, and I've been educated extensively on sexual topics. Neither one of us is an innocent. The real question is whether what happened had anything to do with Kira. There is no doubt that Kira attacked this place last night and, of the many unusual events that happened, the sex was the first one."

Matsuda turned red and stammered, "Kira can control people. Maybe he's going to make all of us have sex with each other."

"That is possible," L said, "but I do not see any point to it. If Kira has all our names and faces, why not just kill us cleanly? Or, at least, why not make us do something useful for Kira as our dying actions, such as shutting down the investigation? Besides, toying with people pointlessly in a sexual way hasn't been Kira's style before now."

Aizawa said, "It could be a new Kira, with a different pattern. Didn't we say that we thought the first two Kiras must be dead by now?"

L said, "Everyone except myself did conclude that. But I do not remember why. Do any of you remember why you came to that decision?"

The investigators looked back and forth at each other, thoughtful expressions on their faces, and at last all of them admitted they had no idea why.

Then L said, "Does anyone remember why Light was cleared a few days ago? I know there was a reason, and I didn't entirely agree with it, but I remember arguing with the rest of you about it."

Once again, after a short discussion, nobody had any idea why, though all of them were sure there had been a reason, one they could no longer remember.

Mogi said, "All of us have been controlled by Kira. Does that mean we'll die soon?"

L replied, "We should not jump to that conclusion. We need to gather more data and analyze it first."

Aizawa said, "That's right. At one time, L thought Light and Misa were controlled into acting as the first and second Kira, but they are still alive. If Kira is tampering with our memories and actions, then we will not necessarily die."

Matsuda said, "Does that mean all of us are the ones who attacked Watari and destroyed the cameras?"

Watari said, "The infrared sensors at every entrance and exit record some data on paper strips that were not destroyed. As far as they show, no intruders entered, and the only people who left were Light and Mogi."

L said, "There are plenty of experts who could circumvent that much security, especially when all the cameras in critical areas were malfunctioning. However, the strange events started before the cameras were taken out, although perhaps it didn't matter because nearly all our video footage was later destroyed."

Aizawa said, "Almost all?"

L replied, "Wedy still retains her own copies of all footage relating to Yotsuba. We will be watching that shortly."

Watari said, "Before I was attacked, I did notice a video loop in the main investigation room. If an intruder entered, they went there. Aizawa was the only one in the room at that time. Did you notice anything unusual, Aizawa?"

Aizawa put one hand to his chin. "Well, this almost seems too stupid to mention, but I had one of those weird moments where I forgot what I was doing for a second. My heart was beating like crazy and I felt scared, but I don't know why."

Matsuda's eyes became very wide. "That happened to me too, but I was in the bathroom at the time. I was going to wash my hands and then suddenly I was facing in the other direction, and I was just shaking. My palms were sweating and everything."

After more questioning, L determined that everyone remembered a similar moment, except that Watari and Mogi had experienced much less fear. In fact, Mogi's forgetful moment had been so mild that he wasn't sure if it even counted. L didn't remember any such moment for himself, but, then, he couldn't remember much of the night anyway, so it wasn't a surprise.

Next, they watched Wedy's Yotsuba footage, which included all the cameras she'd personally placed. Wedy hadn't been supposed to keep her own copies of the video, but she did. The recordings from the cameras Watari had placed had all been in headquarters, and they were destroyed. Wedy's footage included the meeting inside corporation headquarters, some other footage from the homes of the men who went to the meetings, and the chase footage from inside Higuchi's car. Everyone was astonished to see Higuchi talking to a hallucination or invisible presence named "Rem." Nobody remembered him doing so.

Then, there came Higuchi's discussion about "the deal" and L knew he didn't remember Higuchi talking about that deal, but he did remember warning the cops that Higuchi had the power to kill with just a face after Higuchi killed a cop just after making the deal. Higuchi reached into his bag and did something immediately before the cop died. Did that relate to how Higuchi killed? It was something you did with your fingers?

L desperately wanted to see the video footage of Higuchi looking for Matsuda's name in the file at the agency that employed Misa, but Watari had placed those cameras, so it had all been destroyed. It was certain Higuchi had attempted to kill Matsuda while in that building, because the moment Higuchi came back to his car he was relaxed, as if he didn't need to worry about Matsuda anymore, and then he was surprised when Matsuda didn't die. Higuchi had done whatever he did to kill while on camera, and it was gone.

Then, Higuchi's arrest came. The in-car cameras barely showed Higuchi stumbling outside and being roughly handcuffed as cops surrounded him, because they were angled to look inside the car, not outside it. But, the outside voices could be heard by the inside microphones. L focused hard. There was a hole in his memory just about here, he knew.

Suddenly, the video stopped playing. Watari approached to fix it, but then smoke was pouring from the machine. Mogi rushed to the wall and came back with a fire extinguisher, but when he tried to spray it wouldn't work. He dropped it and rushed for the hallway, while Watari tried to pry the machine open and remove the disk, even though flames were now coming out and L could smell a faint scent of charred flesh.

Just then, Aizawa returned from the bathroom with a cup of water and threw it on the machine. It didn't get rid of all the flames. Watari finally had to back off, and then Mogi returned with another fire extinguisher and tried to spray it. This one didn't work either.

L said, "Smother it with the blankets."

Soichiro and Matsuda grabbed the blankets off L's bed, wrapped them right around where the flames were emerging, and thumped at the fire through the blankets. At first, it seemed that the blankets might catch fire as well, but then, the smoke stopped and the flames did not reappear. Watari ended up having to take the machine entirely apart to remove the disk, and it was a completely melted lump.

L said, "Is that the only copy?"

Watari replied, "No. There is a back-up copy downstairs."

L groaned. "Wedy didn't make any more copies?"

"No. And you said we needed to see the video immediately so I only made one copy myself before bringing it upstairs."

L said, "Get that copy out of the building! It's going to be destroyed too!"

Everyone rushed downstairs, leaving L alone, and when they returned, they reported the last copy had also been burned up, and its destruction hadn't been caught on video because the cameras in that room had gone out.

L pressed his hand to his forehead when he heard the news. His head was starting to pound again, and he did not want to deal with so many things all at once, but it was also exciting, exhilarating. He was getting clues at a rapid rate after a long drought. He was on Kira's trail once again, doing what he loved best, being a detective. His eyes wandered over to the laptop, still displaying Light lounging around in Misa's old rooms. Light looked incredibly smug. Were things going just the way he wanted?

L said, "I need all remaining evidence to be moved to another location, except the new video that hasn't been erased because it started recording after the computer system wipe. I need to wait for a very secure place for the video, since if a Kira who can kill with a face alone ever accesses it, we will likely die. Everything else can be moved immediately. Watari will arrange a location. All the new physical evidence, including the malfunctioning cameras, the burned video disks and the broken chain that used to connect me to Light, needs to be moved to that new location and should undergo forensic tests there. Please be careful to not leave your fingerprints on the broken cameras when removing them from the walls. If people on the investigation team were controlled into destroying them, we need to know who destroyed which cameras."

Then L spent hours interviewing everyone about the events of the previous day and night, building up a highly detailed timeline and trying to make them describe every last little thing, no matter how trivial. He took photocopies of his notes at regular intervals in case they were about to mysteriously burst into fire, and he sent those physical copies over to the new location where physical evidence was being stored. L wanted to see if any mysterious acts of destruction would occur there as well.

L was particularly interested to hear Dr. Yamane's claim that he had been raving about a monster named "Rem" during his fever, and that the other investigators had talked to him about Rem as if they took the subject seriously, especially Matsuda, and yet not a single one of the investigators remembered anything about it. Higuchi had talked to Rem, and L had claimed to see the same creature lurking in a corner of the room.

Had the other investigators simply been humoring a delirious L? If so, why didn't any of them remember about it? The Higuchi video suggested that Kira's power had something to do with making deals with monsters. Could shinigami possibly be real? Maybe you could only see such things if you had Kira's power or if you weren't in your right mind. L considered the idea of taking drugs that would create a delirious state, and find out if he started seeing Rem again.

Both the first and second Kira had mentioned the idea that shinigami were somehow connected with their powers. The first, through coded messages written by criminals he'd killed, and the second, through a video sent to Sakura TV. All of that evidence still existed, because it was part of police files and/or it was publicly available, but L had forgotten about those mentions of shinigami. He'd remembered that Kira had made prisoners write things, but he hadn't remembered the message, "L, do you know, gods of death love apples." He surely would have noticed that. And, somehow, he'd forgotten about the second Kira's video mentioning, "show our shinigami to each other."

Those were pointless things to erase from his memory, particularly the video since it was widely available everywhere, including over the Internet. Was Kira trying to create a false trail? Trying to draw L's attention to things that were ultimately meaningless? That was Kira's style, to attempt to waste his time with taunting clues that contained no usable information. It made sense that Kira would try to enmesh L in useless speculations about magical creatures. If Kira had controlled and then killed Higuchi, as L suspected, then Kira could have made Higuchi talk to thin air as if he were conversing with a shinigami.

The Higuchi video had another highly disturbing element, other than the apparent existence of Rem. It was obvious Higuchi hadn't had the power to kill with just a face at the beginning of the chase, or he would have simply killed Matsuda without any trouble. Then, after making the deal, he'd apparently gained the power to kill with a face. Yet, even though he had already seen Matsuda's face, he tried to see it again after that. He went so far as to look for videos of Matsuda back at Yotsuba headquarters, and he was angry when he couldn't find it. If you had the power to kill with just a face, did you need to be looking at your victim at the actual moment you killed? Could that type of Kira not control the time of death?

There were many unknowns about "the deal" but it sounded very threatening regardless of how it operated. It seemed that any Kira who needed a name and a face could upgrade to merely needing a face at any time. If Light really were Kira, why hadn't he done that? For that matter, why had Higuchi waited until his life was in danger to do it? It only made sense if there was a horrible drawback to it. But, if that were the case, then it meant Light would make "the deal" if he were ever cornered badly, unless L made sure to create a situation where Light knew he couldn't get himself out of trouble by simply killing people.

Then, more information came in. The broken chain had a type of stress fracture that could only be caused by pulling, not cutting, and the required strength was far more than any human could manage. Some kind of machine was required, but there were no vice-marks, as would be expected. Besides, according to the doctor's testimony, the chain had broken in the bed while nobody was touching it. The destroyed cameras all had wires pulled out inside them, but their cases had not been unscrewed to access those wires. The paint across the screws had not been broken.

Mogi had checked police records of all the forensic tests he'd asked his friends to do for him, without them knowing it was for the Kira case. There were the tests all the investigators remembered, of the envelopes, video tapes and other materials sent into Sakura TV by the second Kira, but there had also been a recent test none of the investigators remembered. A miniscule fragment of paper with ink had been sent for testing, and the result had been that the ink didn't match anything known.

L pondered. It was extremely difficult to produce an ink that didn't match anything known. Even handmade inks had various proportions of previously known ink ingredients. The test result would most likely seem to be an error, but it was highly intriguing. Kira's power was also like nothing known. Was there a way Kira's power could be related to ink? The test had been ordered immediately after Higuchi's capture.

Unfortunately, no more tests could be done on the fragment of material, because it was a destructive test. It was a shame. L would really like to get his hands on that sample. But, it was also possible that this was a false trail. Kira would know L would want to latch onto a clue like that. Perhaps Kira had set it up somehow.

A further mystery concerned the tests involving criminals. Watari remembered starting to make arrangements to secure two prisoners who had been sentenced to death exactly thirteen days apart from each other. He didn't remember why, but some checking with his contacts confirmed that he had actually made such inquiries. Unfortunately, his contacts didn't know why either.

Everything about it was odd. Except for the thirteen-day requirement and using two criminals instead of just one, it was exactly the sort of thing L would try if he had a Kira in custody and wanted to test the killing power. However, Watari hadn't started making the arrangements until some time after Higuchi's death. They couldn't have been planning to test Higuchi's killing power. Also, if they had been planning to test Light or Misa, then why had those two been freed? They should have been brought into custody again if that were the case.

By evening, L's temperature had dropped some more, though the fever wasn't completely gone, Light had been locked in Misa's old suite all day and had acted in a way that was completely unsuspicious to everyone except for L, the physical evidence had all been moved to the new place, a condominium, without any incidents of destruction, and L had completed all the interviews, including in-person interviews with Aiber and Wedy and a phone interview with Mrs. Yagami.

He had a very detailed timeline plotted out and was buzzing with speculation and questions, infected with the thrill of the hunt. So many clues had been dumped in his lap all at once, but there were so few answers. L was familiar with this situation. It often happened on cases, and big breakthroughs frequently followed soon after. It was just a matter of time until he started figuring out what had really happened.

One thing was clear. Light had gotten away and remained completely unobserved for seven hours, except for Mogi watching the outside of his house for part of that time. The attack had begun before Light left, while Light was still safe in bed. Light hadn't really done anything noticeable. With all the things that had happened, it was impossible to link Light to any of it definitively, at least, not without more evidence. But it was incredibly suspicious; the idea that the first time Light escaped surveillance in months, Kira should attack. It was a clear indication that Light should not be left unwatched.

Light feared surveillance. If Light was Kira then he could kill while being watched, but it was difficult for him. If that wasn't true, then why had the FBI agents been killed? And why had Kira's pattern of killing changed during the five days that cameras were installed in Light's house? For the first time, incredibly minor criminals such as purse-snatchers had died of heart failure the moment the media announced them. Furthermore, being watched personally by L seemed to hamper Kira's activities much more than cameras alone. The moment L became too sick to pay attention to Light, Kira had acted. That fact must be significant.

Light was also hampered in another way by L. Until L got sick, Light hadn't left the investigation building at all, even though he'd been cleared to go home. That meant there was something L could do that might hurt Kira, and Light was determined to watch L in order to prevent it. L knew he must be very close to solving the case. Why else would Light want to hover nearby constantly, if not to know what L was doing?

So, if Light was around L all the time, he might be able to somehow thwart the investigation but, in the process of trying to stop L, he might also create some evidence that L could pounce on and use. So, in that sense, keeping Light within arm's reach was both a liability and an advantage. In another sense, keeping Light close by and under constant watch was a distinct advantage. Light wanted to watch L, but he feared being watched. Kira's power was difficult to operate while being watched. The more L thought about it, the more he became convinced that Light needed to be back on the end of that chain.

The other possibility was that Light was merely trying to trick L into that kind of action. Locking up Light had not been a very good strategy so far. If L couldn't get evidence, he'd just get further discredited and eventually forced to let Light go, as had happened twice already; first with letting him out of the cell, second with letting him off the chain. Perhaps the entire stay-close-to-me strategy was a trick on Light's part in order to grind the investigation to a halt and continue to cast doubt on L's theories.

But, the chances of it being entirely a trick were low. Kira feared surveillance and watched to watch L, those things were fairly clear. Even if discrediting L was part of the strategy, it was likely only a part.

L watched Light on the screen of his laptop. Yes, he needed to get himself chained to Light again, and Light would probably cooperate because he also wanted to watch L. However, it was best to try to convince the others, just in case Light balked now or decided to do so in the future. L decided to call another meeting.

Once everyone was assembled, the first thing L said was, "There is no doubt in my mind that the many strange events that recently happened are all connected, and that they are an attack by Kira."

Aizawa said, "If we've been found and controlled by Kira, then what use is it to continue the case? How can we make any progress? We can't make the right decisions if Kira keeps erasing specific things from our memories. We could be tricked into believing anything with that method. Maybe Kira's plan is to gain control of this investigation and force us to draw the wrong conclusions."

L said, "There must be a way to defeat Kira. He would not have destroyed evidence unless it could hurt him. And, there is a reason why all of us are still alive, even though we don't know that reason. I think we will continue to live, for now."

Watari said, "Do you have the same conclusion as this morning?"

L replied, "Yes. I'm almost completely certain that Light is the original Kira and that his power has returned to him along with his memories."

Soichiro said, "Ryuzaki, it doesn't make sense. Light was cleared before all this happened. If Light were Kira, why would he destroy evidence that cleared him? We let Light go because of evidence that we all know existed, but none of us can remember what it was."

"You do have a point," L agreed, "but nearly everything about this case has always been connected to Light in some way. When Light was imprisoned, the killings stopped for two weeks and then restarted in the new pattern we now recognize as belonging to Higuchi. Until Misa entered the picture, every clue we had pointed to Light alone. There were not enough clues for proof but too many to be easily accepted as a coincidence. Then, Light was the one who figured out that a Kira was at Yotsuba, and at the moment Higuchi died Light knew Higuchi's name and face and was one of the few people who knew Higuchi had just been arrested. Wouldn't it make sense for the first Kira to kill the third Kira to prevent him from talking? Then, on the same night that Light stopped being under surveillance for the first time in months, this building gets attacked by Kira. Additionally, not a single newly-announced criminal has died from heart failure since Light left this building last night. Doesn't it all seem quite suspicious?"

"Well," Matsuda said, "it could still be a set-up, right? All of us were manipulated. Besides, doesn't this at least prove Misa can't be the second Kira? I mean, if Misa might tell us something bad, wouldn't Kira kill her?"

L put a finger to his bottom lip. "It is a mystery why she is still alive. It always has been."

Aizawa said, "This entire case stinks. Very little of it makes any sense. I'll agree with you that Light hasn't been cleared of suspicion. But you can't keep him on the end of a chain forever just because you're unable to clear him. That's not how the law works."

"You are correct," L said, "which is why I need to close this case quickly. Let's ask Light what he thinks."

L pushed a button next to a microphone and said, "Light, I would like to chain you to myself, while we continue to work on the Kira case. It could be some time until we solve it. Is this acceptable?"

Light blinked up at the camera, with a look on his face as if he were pretending to decide.

 _How is it that nobody else ever notices how much acting Light does. Isn't it obvious?_

Then Light said, "Yes, Ryuzaki. I will do anything to prove my innocence, and I'm determined to see this case to the end. It is an honor to work with the greatest detective in the world. I'm sure there are many people out there who would be willing to endure far more than a chain in order to get a career opportunity like this."

L said, "If he's willing, then we don't even have to bother with legal concerns."

Soichiro's face flushed, and he said, "Are you sure you're not just trying to satisfy your sexual urges?"

With a completely unconcerned look on his face, L replied, "I will create a schedule of at least one investigator watching us in person at all times to make sure neither of us takes advantage of the other. This is a professional arrangement, purely for solving the case."

With that, the investigators reluctantly agreed, and within an hour, Light was handcuffed to L, using a thicker chain than before but exactly the same six-foot length, and the two of them were in bed. L was incredibly drained. He was better, but the remainder of his illness just didn't seem to want to go away. The exhaustion quickly overtook him, and he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

Even though L is severely in denial about it, he is strongly attracted to Light.

There will be a lemon in the next chapter.


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6**

L woke some time later to a weight pressed into his back and hot breath on his neck. It was Light, snuggled into him from behind, Light's arms clasping each other in front of L's stomach. L shifted sleepily. He was so exhausted! He hated being sick. His skin was still faintly burning, and when he swallowed, there was just a hint of soreness, but Light's warm weight snuggled against him was a comfort, even though Light was almost certainly Kira. Being held like this, it felt good. It felt very good. L let his muscles relax and was about to drift back to sleep when he heard Light's whisper in his ear.

"Matsuda's asleep in his chair, and I don't think anyone closely examines footage from this late at night unless they have reason to believe something happened. I think we're smart enough that I can suck you off under the covers without anyone ever knowing."

L felt a delicious shiver move through his body at the words. Oral sex would feel incredible. The sensation of Light's mouth... enclosing him, manipulating him... it was beyond good. Then L felt Light licking gently at his neck, soft little flicks of Light's warm, wet tongue. L wanted to moan, and he was breathing faster, and when Light reached between his legs and started to gently stroke his erection on the outside of the fabric, L spread his legs for better access without even thinking about it.

No! He couldn't let his body take over; he couldn't let his automatic responses make decisions for him. He wasn't sick enough or overwhelmed enough by a fear of his own death to make another thoughtless mistake about sex. If this was going to happen, there needed to be some reason behind it, not just mindless instinct.

L whispered, "Shhhh! Wait a moment."

Light's tongue withdrew from L's neck, and Light's hands rested in place just over L's erection. L tried to cast off his exhaustion and lust so he could simply consider the consequences. He knew what Light had said was only partly true. If they did start a sexual relationship, if they allowed it to be anything more than a one-night stand, they would get caught, probably soon. Cameras were everywhere and Watari did go through the night footage in detail, and he was quite smart. L would lose some additional respect from the investigation team if he let the sex continue. Although, not much. He'd lost the most respect with the initial discovery, and anything more that happened would only slightly decrease that respect.

The only other disadvantage L could think of was that having a sexual relationship with the main suspect might compromise his determination to gather evidence that implicated Light. He'd read about sex having that effect on people. But L had a very high opinion of his own mental power and emotional control. He could do this, he was sure, without compromising his ability to catch Kira. This was especially true since he knew his own life was on the line. Kira was out to kill L. If L hesitated or held back, he'd likely die. A few sexual experiences, no matter how pleasurable, were not worth dying for.

There were also some possible advantages. The sex on the roof had been the first of the many unusual events that all happened in a row and compromised the investigation. L couldn't shake the feeling that the sex was the pivotal event, that it had made the others happen. How? By making him too sick to watch Light vigilantly, or in some other way? L was desperate to understand what had happened. If the sexual encounter were somehow the most important of those events, then perhaps continuing to have sex with Light would be a way of investigating that first sexual event.

Also, it was entirely possible that Light was trying to gain an emotional edge, to corrupt the lead investigator. If so, that was good news. It meant Kira was vulnerable, Kira was afraid of what L might do. And it also meant that letting Kira think he'd won in the realm of sex could be useful.

L knew he could mitigate some of the loss of respect from the investigation team and also put Light off-guard by playing the part of the innocent, naive, mildly autistic man who didn't understand his own sexual feelings. He would pretend to fall victim to his own lust and to Light's advances, and he'd pretend he was unable to understand why he was doing so.

The sexual relationship could be another way of keeping Light on the end of that chain for as long as it took to solve the case. Light wanted to keep an eye on him, and L wanted to keep an eye on Light too. It had always been that way. Both of them maneuvering to be close, using that closeness to seek an advantage. The pretend friendship had worked that way, and so had being co-workers for the Kira investigation. Now, the sexual relationship could work like that as well.

L didn't have a legal right to keep Light as his prisoner, but if Light were willing, supposedly drawn in by the sex but actually using that as an excuse to keep a close watch on L and perhaps emotionally corrupt him, there was no reason Light couldn't stay. Plus, the sexual relationship would provide an excellent vantage point to evaluate Light's behavior, to better read those subtle signals that had always been L's best indicator for discovering new leads in the Kira case. When people were having sex, their barriers lowered and it was harder to hide things.

L looked at Matsuda's dark form, slumped to the side in a nearby chair. Yes, now would be the time to let Light try something. The least observant investigator was the one on duty, asleep, and Watari was most likely asleep too. If L were lucky, Watari might not notice when he fast-forwarded through the night footage. But, sooner or later they would get caught and then L would simply need to deal with the consequences.

L whispered, "Light, I think it's safe now. Let's do it."

Light kissed the back of L's neck, and pressed his own stomach and hard-on into L's back. Light's hands roamed slowly, gently down L's stomach and settled on the button and zipper at the front of the jeans L usually wore to bed. L held his breath as he felt those hands undoing his jeans, and then slowly, as to not show any suspicious movement under the covers, Light pulled them completely off. Then the hands came back and did the same to his underwear. L wriggled slightly in anticipation. He felt so naughty, naked from the waist down, and the idea of outsmarting others to do this was an additional turn-on.

Light whispered, "Lie on your back. I'm going under."

And then, in a very slow, very natural-looking movement, Light gradually slipped completely under the covers, then moved further down the bed. Situated just below L's feet, he blew on them with his hot breath and then began pushing L's legs apart so he could slither up between them.

As L opened his legs he had the slightest doubt. Had he talked himself into thinking this was a good idea when it was really a horrible mistake? His mind briefly flashed over every argument for and against he'd come up with, and he concluded that, no, it wasn't a mistake. It was the most logical course of action. The pleasure of sex was nothing more than a good side effect, not a motivating factor behind the decision itself.

Then he gasped, and couldn't think any more as Light's soft tongue began flicking out and massaging his inner thighs. L shivered. His skin was still burning just slightly from the remains of the fever, and it felt oversensitive. His legs were churning slightly under the covers just from this, but he tried to keep still, tried to make it look innocent for the cameras. L could feel Light's bare skin as Light squirmed between his legs; Light had a nude torso at the very least. Light must have shed his pajamas under the covers. Just then, Light's wet, warm mouth began slowly enveloping L's sensitive erection. L let out an involuntary little whine and stifled it immediately with a nervous glance at Matsuda.

It was hard to stay quiet and still, though, as Light's mouth went to work. L was trembling as his hard cock sank into that perfect place, exactly where it wanted to be, over and over, and he wanted to cry out. L's head was tossing, his back arching. Would Watari really fast-forward past this without noticing anything? L turned his head to the side and bit the pillow. He could no longer stifle his sounds, but at least now they were muffled grunts.

And, Light's mouth, it was just... everything about it was perfect, so very right, and L wanted more and more and more of it. Light's mouth was incredibly busy, always moving, sucking at him fiercely, sliding up and down with a hot, frantic urgency, a kind of desperation, of having no time. And, still, L's skin was slightly oversensitive, burning just a bit, and every touch, every bit of sliding friction, was magnified, almost too much to bear, and it made the experience so delicious.

And then the tension was growing much faster than before, like knots tightening within him, and L wanted to scream, but instead he just let a few gasps between his teeth into the pillow, arched his back, and came, pumping sweet release into Light's waiting mouth as all the tight knots slipped free at once. L lay there dazed, stunned, unable to think at all. And then he felt Light's semen-lubricated fingers probing at his entrance and he instinctively spread his legs.

As the first finger slipped inside, where everything was still tingling and sensitive from his recent orgasm, L realized that he liked being penetrated, he liked it very much. He would have never thought he was the type, but with one finger inside, all he could think about was two, and then three, and then... did they dare to do it? L glanced at Matsuda again and saw the same dark slumped form.

Watari would probably notice the oral sex; it had been too vigorous for it not to be obvious what was happening under the covers. As long as they were going to get caught, they may as well go all the way. L closed his eyes and concentrated on the sensation of fingers sliding in and out. It was incredibly wet. Light must have gathered all the semen from his mouth into his hand. L was caught up in remembering how it had felt on the roof, that hot, hard length shoving into him over and over. He could feel his insides opening and spreading, very loose and ready, as Light continued to work, curling his fingers upward to create little jolts of pleasure.

And then Light was crawling up L's body, naked skin sliding gently against naked skin, pushing up L's shirt so it gathered under his armpits. Light must have come to the same conclusion, that they were going to get caught and it was best to take as much pleasure as they could. When's Light's head popped up out of the blankets, his soft brown eyes burning with lust, L couldn't help but reach up with both hands, pulling Light into a kiss and tasting his own essence on those lips and that tongue. L drew back from the kiss and panted. He felt empty inside, he needed to be stretched and filled, to be penetrated deeply by something much larger than fingers.

L's bottom was tingling like crazy, and he lifted it up, searching for the tip of Light's erection. Light seemed to figure out the situation immediately, and then L felt that hard length prodding at him, and he wanted nothing more than for it to sink inside and fill him completely.

L said, "Do it. Stop teasing."

Then, L felt _it_ sliding into him, that firm length. He just wanted to open more and more to receive it. He was so wet inside. Light had prepared him well, making full use of semen as lubrication. Light slid in further and further, without resistance, and L trembled at the feeling. Then Light was moving out, slightly faster than his inward journey, and then in again, gradually building up speed with each thrust, getting into a steady pumping rhythm.

L wrapped his legs around Light's slender hips and found the perfect angle, the one that gave him a brief moment of exploding insanity and pleasure on every inward thrust. L was hard again now, his erection trapped between their two bellies, getting pressure and friction from each of Light's movements. It was incredibly sensitive and still wet from being sucked on. It felt so good to be impaled and have his erection constantly rubbed by Light's belly at the same time. It was better than he'd remembered it being from the roof, but his memory of that time was a little impaired. L looked into Light's face and could see the intensity there, the building pleasure, the sheer lust. Light's eyes were fixed on his own, his fine brown hair plastered to his forehead with a thin sheen of sweat.

 _Light's penis. Light's penis is inside me._

There was something so incredibly hot and dirty about the thought, so raw and wild and lustful, that L let out a little cry as he wriggled under Light, delightfully impaled, unable to stop himself. He'd forgotten to bite the pillow.

And then, in his peripheral vision, L saw Matsuda get up from the chair and in the next moment he heard the man let out a high-pitched girlish scream. L groaned. He didn't want this interruption. The sex was so good, and in another minute or so he'd come for sure.

But, Light didn't stop, he just kept thrusting hard and fast, speeding everything up, trying to finish. L felt himself swimming in a haze of lust, his pleasure building, even though he saw Matsuda's distraught face hovering over him, Matsuda's hands trying to come down to pluck Light away, but Matsuda had a look on his face like the two male bodies squirming beneath the covers were just too gross for him to touch, and his hands kept drawing back at the last moment.

L managed to mumble, "Don't... don't..."

Matsuda rushed away, and L calmed, feeling his pleasure building again as Light fucked him hard, pounding him into the mattress. L moaned. In the next moment he heard Matsuda's voice, shrill and alarmed, saying, "Light's raping him again! What do I do?"

L mumbled, "No," before the next surge of pleasure made him completely incoherent. He glanced over and saw Matsuda had a laptop open, Watari's symbol on the screen.

Watari's voice, both sleepy and angry, said, "Pull them apart! I'll be right there."

Then Matsuda was hovering above once again, looking more squeamish than ever. L really felt sorry for the guy, but his orgasm was almost on him, and he couldn't put together any words at all. Instead, as Matsuda rushed away again, L bore down on Light's hard cock with all his might and reached a hand between their stomachs to pump his own penis once... twice... and then he was suddenly coming with a force that took all the breath out of his body and made him see white behind his closed eyelids.

Just as L's senses began to return to him, he felt a sudden hot flood of liquid inside, and he grabbed Light in his arms hard as Light's thrusts faltered. In the next moment, he saw Matsuda above them again, holding a glass of water, and then the water was being dumped all over them, a cold, bitter shock.

L pulled the blankets closer around them, cradling Light's body tenderly, and panted, "Matsuda... that wasn't a rape. I'm fine."

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

Well, after a lot of chapters full of plot to get the situation under control lemons have now returned! Poor Matsuda.

Will the investigation team succeed in keeping L and Light from doing it?


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7**

When Matsuda heard L tell him it wasn't a rape, his face relaxed a little, but still looked extremely worried. L tried his best to ignore Matsuda, and instead clung to Light, covering up their near-nudity by pulling the blankets very closely around the huddled mass of their bodies. Light was still inside him, but no longer hard, and where their bellies were pressed together it was sticky.

L felt very languid and pleased. The soft weight of Light's body was comforting, relaxing, warm skin against skin. The side of Light's head was pressed against the side of his own head, Light's chin on his shoulder, Light's breath tickling the back of his neck. The wetness of the water that had been dumped on them made L shiver, made him want to snuggle even deeper into Light's warm grasp. L still felt slightly ill, and being wrapped in wet blankets wasn't a good situation for that.

He knew what was going to happen next, but he tried not to think about it, to simply exist in the moment, to feel Light's body gently breathing against his body. Still, L was already thinking about the next time. There would be a next time, he was sure of that. Light was obviously enthusiastic, and there was no way to keep two consenting adults away from each other for too long.

And, L reflected, he was turning into quite a sex maniac himself. Sex felt better than he had ever thought it would; it was like being introduced to sweet foods for the first time, there was an urge to overindulge and never look back. The weight of years of celibacy was pressing on him, driving him forward to explore this new realm of experience. In certain ways, L felt as if it were like any other field of knowledge he'd tried to master. Sex was something that had now sparked his curiosity, caught his attention, and things like that were subjects that L pursued quite vigorously, relentlessly, until he was sure he knew all he needed to know.

Then, L's moments of reflection were over as Watari rushed into the room, not squeamish at all, wasting no time in pulling the blankets away and prying the two men out of each other's arms. Light's pajama top hung on the chain between them.

L curled up and shivered, saying, "Watari, that wasn't necessary. Light didn't hurt me, and I consented."

Watari held up some pepper spray. He said, "We will talk about this in the morning. I will stay with you two the rest of the night, and if Light makes any moves, he'll get a face full of pepper spray."

L curled up further, pulling his shirt down as far as it would go, shivered, and said, "I'm cold."

Watari said, "Matsuda, I will take them to the shower. You should clean up their bed and put dry sheets and blankets on it."

Matsuda looked extremely disturbed and said, "I don't want to clean that up!"

Watari replied, "It's your fault that mess was created! Get to work."

Watari unlocked the handcuffs and L slipped out of his handcuff quickly. He was feeling sicker than he had all night, truly starting to shake from the cold. Still, he kept an eye on Light. Kira only did things when Light wasn't being properly watched. In a few moments, Watari was pulling off L's wet shirt and wrapping a warm, soft blanket around him, and then herding both young men toward the bathroom. L glanced behind once and saw Matsuda wearing rubber gloves, plucking reluctantly at the blankets.

Watari turned on the shower and carefully adjusted the temperature. While Watari's back was turned, L sank to the floor, still wrapped in his blanket, and rested his head against the wall. Having cold water dumped on him right after an adrenaline high had burned out his body's resources was making him feel really sick again. His skin had a slight burning sensation, he was trembling, and it felt so good just to slump nervelessly against the wall, wrapped in a soft blanket. He happened to catch Light's eye, and the two shared a knowing glance. L felt a silly smile trying to spread itself across his face. It was fun to be so naughty.

Then Watari said, "Ryuzaki, I know you don't want to let Light out of your sight, and I agree with your reasons, but there will not be anything happening in the shower, and the two of you should face in different directions."

L shed his blanket and weakly crawled to the double-wide shower he'd had built especially for the two of them. It was odd, thinking of how many times they'd showered here before, with nothing happening, and now they were lovers - yes, lovers - and nothing was going to happen again. It felt so unusual to think of having a lover, but that's what Light was, right? When you had sex with someone more than once, and planned to again, that person was your lover.

L knew it was strange and wrong for the world's greatest detective to take as a lover the prime suspect for being the greatest mass-murderer in history, someone who habitually killed a normal serial killer's allotment in just one day. It wasn't acceptable, even for someone like Watari who was familiar with L's unorthodox methods. L knew he'd face an onslaught of questions and accusations in the morning.

L placed himself in a corner, directly under a warm spray, crouching and leaning against the shower wall, not cleaning himself but merely enjoying the heat and the steam working its way into his muscles, gradually driving out the feeling of being sick. He tried to think. Now, more than ever, he needed to think to stay one step ahead of Kira. If L made one mistake, allowed himself to relax at the wrong moment, then this sexual relationship could be the means of his downfall instead of an improved way to keep Kira under close observation.

But, things had become very confusing lately. Kira was suddenly displaying powers he'd never displayed before. The attack on the headquarters was full of events unlike anything they'd seen before in the Kira case. Had Kira suddenly gained new powers, or had these powers been present but hidden all along? It was true that Kira liked to hide his abilities. At first, Kira had hidden the fact that he could control the time of death. Then, he'd hidden that he could control the actions before death. And, until they'd begun pursuing the Yotsuba Kira, they hadn't realized that Kira could kill with methods other than a heart attack. Little by little, Kira was revealed as having more powers than previously believed. How many more unexpected abilities did Kira have?

But, before the attack on headquarters, it all made much more sense. With each of those abilities, you could look back through criminal death reports and see examples of how Kira had been using them all along. In the time when it wasn't known that Kira killed with methods other than heart failure, there was an unnatural spike in criminal deaths from illness and accidents, but this happened only with minor criminals.

Kira was obviously trying to bring public opinion to his side by only overtly killing the worst criminals, while he secretly executed many minor criminals as well, but only those he judged as being especially harmful. If the public had known about all the criminal deaths, there wouldn't be so many Kira supporters. It was easy to cheer Kira for killing murderers and rapists, but when he killed blackmailers, smugglers or non-lethal robbers, it was more difficult.

And, as far as controlling criminal actions went, there were tests other than the ones that had been left as frustrating puzzles for L. In particular, there had been a large number of deaths of minor criminals in Light's local area from causes other than heart failure shortly before Raye Penber's death, and all these criminals had acted erratically before their deaths. They were obviously the secret tests, the ones L wasn't supposed to know about, for pulling off whatever trick had been done with Raye Penber. Since they were minor criminals, their actions wouldn't be noticed much except by local news, certainly not by L since they didn't die of heart failure, and since it all happened in Light's area, the results of his experiments would be in his local paper.

But, the new abilities that had been displayed with the attack on headquarters were different. There was no evidence that Kira had possessed those abilities all along. If Kira had been able to destroy evidence so completely whether he was in the building or not, and if he had been able to selectively erase things from the investigators' memories, then the entire Kira case should have shown different patterns much earlier. So, the logical conclusion was that these were new abilities, or possibly that the attack had been made by a new Kira with greater abilities, just as the second Kira had been more powerful than the first.

And then, there were the disturbing hints contained in the now-destroyed video from Higuchi's car, the hints that suggested Kira's power came from making deals with a supernatural creature - a shinigami - and that at least one upgrade to that power was possible - gaining the ability to kill with merely a face instead of requiring both a face and a name. Were other power upgrades possible? If they were, did that explain the attack that had happened at headquarters?

But there had to be serious drawbacks to these power upgrades, or else Higuchi, and other Kiras, would have obtained them quickly instead of waiting until late in the game. What kind of drawback was so serious that even someone with Higuchi's brainpower wouldn't take it until it was clear his life was in serious danger?

If Light had suddenly gained new powers, and had paid a terrible price to obtain them, then he was an extremely powerful and desperate enemy. The situation was quite dangerous and there might not be any way to gain ground against Light. L adjusted his position and looked up at Light, watching him vigorously wash every bit of his skin, covered with suds that were gradually flowing down his body and to the bottom of the shower, ultimately swirling around the drain.

Light was scrubbing himself as if he had something to prove, as if he wanted L to feel completely comfortable putting his tongue anywhere on Light's ultra-clean body. Images of sex, of skin and tongues and warm wet friction, were suddenly spilling into L's mind, but he forced them out and considered Light as merely a person, a suspect. Light was the best candidate they'd ever come up with for the original Kira. Too many clues pointed to Light for them to be easily brushed aside as coincidences.

Yet, it was also true there had never been anything conclusive on Light. It was different with the other two Kira suspects. With Higuchi, he had confessed to being Kira while on the date Misa had with him. The confession was on that recorded half of a conversation they all remembered hearing but that had been destroyed in the massive data deletion. And, Higuchi's desperate actions to try to kill Matsuda had pretty much proved he was Kira, even though they didn't know how Higuchi killed. So, the evidence in Higuchi's case was conclusive, or nearly so. Unless his actions had been controlled before his death to make it appear he was the third Kira, then he was the third Kira.

The evidence for Misa would be conclusive in any normal case, but the Kira case was far from normal. She had sent those videos into Sakura TV. Not only did lots of physical evidence tie her to them, but she'd also admitted to sending them in, though she'd claimed they were poltergeist hoax videos she'd made with a friend and had nothing to do with Kira. Strange, though, that only her friend's fingerprints had been on them, and not her own. Even so, it was enough evidence that if L had presented it to Interpol, he could have easily gotten her executed as the second Kira. He still could, if he wanted to.

But, the case for Misa being the second Kira was so obvious that L didn't want to believe it, or rather, he didn't want to believe that he'd truly uncovered the truth about Misa. Her bizarre claims, her sudden personality change, and the way she seemed completely oblivious to blurting out things that should be incredibly incriminating pieces of evidence, such as seeing Light for the first time in Aoyama, all added up to a considerable puzzle.

L didn't take the easy way out on cases. Whenever he encountered a puzzle, he kept investigating until he found a true answer. But, in Misa's case, further investigation didn't yield a single additional clue, except perhaps her suspicious ability to go directly to the Yotsuba Kira out of seven possible candidates and immediately get a confession. Why hadn't the first half of that conversation been recorded? Did it hold any clues?

So, the case for Misa being the second Kira was mostly conclusive, but it still held too many mysteries for L to be comfortable in handing her over to Interpol. She may have been controlled by the original Kira, or tricked in some way. Previous to Misa, it had seemed that Kira could only control the actions leading up to death. Otherwise, the case should have shown much different patterns.

Yet, if Kira could control people without later revealing they'd been controlled by the fact that they would die, there were countless schemes that could have been launched, that rightly should have been launched, especially if Kira were someone as smart as Light Yagami. But, no such patterns were evident. And, Misa hadn't died, which didn't make sense regardless of how you looked at it. Either Misa should have died because she'd been controlled, or she should have died because, as a rather stupid second Kira, she was a tremendous liability to the original Kira. A live Misa was simply nonsensical regardless of whether you considered her innocent or guilty.

But, there was a theory that explained some of the nonsense. L had come up with the theory that Kira's power passed from person to person, and when you lost the power, you also lost your memories of using the power. That theory would fit perfectly with the patterns of behavior he'd seen in both Light and Misa, and it would mean Light was the original Kira and Misa the second Kira. It also tied into something in one of the videos sent by the second Kira, mentioning "sharing the power" with those people found worthy of passing Kira's judgments on criminals.

The question, then, was whether the power, and the act of giving it up, was voluntary or not. L was pretty sure from examining the facts of the case that it had to be voluntary, but to confirm his own thoughts he'd had Light himself, in his innocent phase, deduce the same thing. Furthermore, Light had deduced not only that giving up the power had to be voluntary, but that, if he had been Kira, he would have arranged some way for the power to return to him after his name had been cleared. Light's deduction made L more sure that his own deduction was correct, and it also confirmed that Light strongly believed he wasn't Kira - or else he never would have made such a damning admission.

But now, it did seem as if Kira had controlled the entire investigation team. There were specific holes in everyone's memories, just as there had been with both Light and Misa. Did that mean everyone would die? No, L felt strongly that wasn't the case. If they had been slated to die, they would probably already be dead instead of continuing to work against Kira, or if they were left alive, they would be controlled into doing things that obviously benefited Kira.

Furthermore, even though everyone thought they'd been controlled, there wasn't any actual evidence that they had been. There was a very specific kind of memory loss, but nothing else. Nobody's fingerprints had been found on the destroyed cameras or in any of the other places they should be if investigation team members had carried out the attack on their own headquarters. So, either Kira had controlled someone with Wedy's level of skill to enter the building and carry out the attack, or Kira had somehow done it with his new supernatural powers. Which he could apparently operate inside the investigation building even when he was asleep in bed at home.

No, what had happened to the investigation team did not resemble what happened to Kira's controlled victims. It resembled what had happened to Light and Misa. Specific areas of memory loss, relating to how Kira's power worked. L was sure he had once known how Higuchi killed. The others were sure too. Yet, somehow, they didn't know that fact any longer. Suddenly, L's breathing sped up and he turned his face into the corner of the shower to hide the flash of insight showing on his expression.

Was it possible? Had Kira somehow forced each of them to receive Kira's power and then give it up? If it were true, it was a very simple and elegant solution to the puzzle. It fit so well that L almost didn't want to believe it. It could be another misleading clue left by Kira, a strategy of which Kira was very fond. Kira gaining a new power of selective memory erasing was also a viable answer, though it didn't explain - yet - why Kira chose to erase the specific things he had erased, some of which were pointless. Furthermore, why didn't Kira erase more than he had?

The idea of each investigator briefly having Kira's power would be very difficult to prove, even to L himself. The most obvious problem was how Light had managed to do it while ill in bed and still chained, rooms or even floors away from the investigators who were receiving and then giving up Kira's power. And, how had Light managed to get each one of them to give up that power? A strong threat would probably be required, but how had Light conveyed that threat? There were many difficulties with that theory.

So, now there were three theories about the attack on headquarters. The one most of the investigators had, which was probably not true, was that Kira had controlled them in a similar way to the victims he usually killed. The second theory was that Kira had gained a new power of selectively erasing portions of other people's memories, or that possibly a new Kira with this power had attacked headquarters. The third theory was that Kira had forced each of them to accept and then give up the power to kill with merely a face and a name.

In any of those cases, Kira probably had gained some new powers. The sudden fires that destroyed both copies of Wedy's video were proof of that. Could Kira view and hear things that were happening remotely from him? In that case, no meetings were truly secret, and it would be incredibly difficult to get any evidence on him. He would short-circuit any plan that was set in motion to catch him, without seeming to have anything to do with the things that had gone wrong. Sending him away was not an option for freeing the investigation from his influence, because he'd managed to create utter chaos at headquarters while he was unquestionably home.

L watched the suds spiraling around the drain and going down it. He was struck by a desire to push the suds into patterns, to stack puffs of suds on top of other puffs of suds, even though he knew it was illogical to want it; it simply wasn't possible. Suds on a shower floor weren't like pieces of candy or empty coffee-creamer cups, you couldn't force order on them. The blobs of suds were too amorphous and they would continue washing away despite how L might try to poke them into patterns. His object-stacking urge was all part of his need to understand and order everything, ranging from the insignificant to the truly monumental. L wanted to exist in a world of known facts and logical patterns. What if the Kira case was like those suds? Never solid, always swirling and retreating away? Impossible to put into any kind of order?

If he was going to catch Kira, if he was going to prove any of his theories, he'd need to find solid physical evidence or set a trap that even Light couldn't figure out, and he'd need to do it right under Light's nose, while Light was on the end of a chain and seemingly had the ability to look into other rooms and listen in on secret plans. It would be incredibly difficult. Who knew what new abilities Light had acquired, or how many more powers he might suddenly gain if he became desperate enough? Was it even possible to catch Kira under these circumstances?

Then L reminded himself he'd faced similar daunting challenges all along the course of chasing Kira. It had always been nearly impossible, and yet he'd made steady progress, accumulating more clues even if he couldn't prove much. No, the only course of action was to play dumb a little bit - not too much, or Light might see through the act - and continue pursuing as many leads as possible. Something would turn up, and Kira's reaction to that new evidence - probably to attempt to destroy it - would reveal more about the situation, or possibly create an opportunity to set a trap for Light. The evidence did exist, the proof was possible to obtain, or else Kira wouldn't have felt the need to make an attack on headquarters. Kira was scared, and that meant L might win.

L looked up at Light, considering him. Was he truly Kira? There was perhaps a five percent chance he wasn't. There was more fueling L's suspicion than just the solid evidence that pointed at Light. It was also L's profiling ability, his talent for reading people. Light fit the Kira profile perfectly, in everything from being a high school student when the Kira murders had started to his extremely high intelligence and his exact sense of justice. Light was proud and childish and obsessed with perfection, and he did not look kindly on criminals. He had no compassion for them. Light and Kira matched so perfectly that L's gut told him there had to be something there, especially with all the clues that pointed at Light.

Furthermore, L was able to read people's reactions with enormous accuracy. It had helped him on case after case, and he knew he had good reasons to believe in his ability. Except for the time when Light had seemingly been without his Kira memories, L had always detected a phony quality to Light, as if everything he did were a carefully designed act. And, during the time Light seemed to have his Kira memories, Light had reacted to everything just as Kira should, with a nervousness that only L could detect when Kira should be worried, and with a teasing, taunting behavior whenever Light could afford to do so without leaving any clues, just like the childish, maddening behavior of Kira.

If Light wasn't Kira, then he was connected to the original Kira somehow. L had rigorously investigated everyone associated with Light and hadn't come up with any likely candidates for Kira. So, either it was someone with such an obscure connection with Light that even L hadn't managed to dig it up yet, or Kira really was a hidden puppet-master working from far behind the scenes, using extremely elaborate ploys and using Light as a randomly-selected scapegoat. If Light's extreme personality change hadn't been due to Light erasing his own memory, then it was possible Light wasn't Kira. It was only a five percent chance, but it was possible. And, that innocent version of Light had been a nice person, someone L genuinely liked, someone he found pleasant, even exciting, to work with.

For a moment, as L gazed up at Light's nude form covered with suds and streams of warm water, he allowed himself to hope it wasn't so, that Light wasn't Kira and they'd catch the real original Kira and have some kind of future together. Then he squashed the hope, buried it deep inside. That kind of hope could kill him easily. It wasn't worth risking his life for a small hope like that. He had to remain utterly committed to digging up the complete truth about Light and Kira, not allowing his feelings to make him deviate from his purpose even a tiny amount. Kira's profile indicated someone who would kill even friends and family members without any hesitation. Light was not a safe person to put any hope in.

Watari said, "Ryuzaki, are you warm enough now? Do you need help cleaning yourself? I can bring in Matsuda for that."

Watari, as usual, had read his face perfectly, had seen when L was deep in thought and should not be disturbed, and had also seen the moment he'd come to the end of his train of thought.

L sighed and stood up, getting some soap from his side of the shower and beginning to scrub. That one theory was very intriguing - had each of them possessed Kira's power briefly? As L continued to scrub, and then exited the shower, dried himself and then went to bed with Light and the chain once more, he carefully turned over various plans in his mind for testing each of the three theories he currently had - especially the two he considered most likely. Light quickly went to sleep beside him with a serene expression on his face, as if he were completely unaware of all the plotting being done against him. And, Watari sat by the bed the rest of the night with a can of pepper spray ready. He didn't need it. Light didn't try anything at all.

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

Well, here in chapter 7 it looks as if L is beginning to put things together faster and better than Light anticipated. But, will L be able to come up with any workable plan to test his ideas?

Anyway, I know this chapter is mostly thinking, but that seems to be just the kind of fic it is - lots of thinking, some plot, and occasional lemons. Though, the lemons will be more often now that L has reconciled himself to the situation. I think believably writing lots of in-character thinking for both Light and L is one of the things that causes updates to be slow on this fic. It's really hard to think on the level of L and Light and try to make it interesting and like things they would really think.


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER 8**

The next morning, Light awoke to L's attempt to play footsie under the covers. L was tangling their toes together, and then rubbing one foot gradually up Light's calf in a seductive manner. Light cracked his eyelids open just slightly and glanced around the room. He saw Watari, sitting in a chair, still holding that pepper spray. What L was doing under the covers was being done quite skillfully, disguised to look like ordinary shifting around, and somehow, probably by design, so many wrinkles and lumps had accumulated in that area of the blankets that it was difficult to discern what might be happening under the covers.

L used one toe to draw tiny circles on the back of Light's knee. L had indeed succumbed to temptation, or else he was pretending to succumb. Light closed his eyes and allowed himself to enjoy it, subtly straightening his leg to give L easier access to the hollow behind his knee. But it wasn't enough, not even slightly. What they'd shared the previous night had only heightened Light's burning need. He wanted to slide over there, nibble on L's fingers, his chin, his neck, make him purr, then hold him down and fuck him.

But, there was pepper spray to keep everything reasonably respectable. Well, there would be more chances later on. L's sexual playfulness was proof of that. He'd given into sex on two occasions already, and if L had been against a third time he wouldn't be playing footsie, would he? L had probably convinced himself that continuing the sexual relationship had advantages for the investigation. Well, Light could play along with that. By the time L figured out there weren't any advantages in it, it would be an established habit and there wouldn't be any disadvantages either, so L would simply continue.

Then, L's feet carefully withdrew and L said, "Watari, I think Light's awake."

Light kept his eyes closed and tried to make his breathing soft and even, hoping to be tackled.

Watari said, "Ryuzaki, how are you feeling today?"

L said, "I am barely sick at all. I think I should return to a normal sleeping schedule this evening."

Watari replied, "I am not sure I agree with that. Last night you were shaking from just a glass of cold water being poured on you. A more complete recovery would be very beneficial."

"We will see. There is a lot of work to do on the case today."

In the next moment, Light felt the tackle he'd been hoping for as L tried to shake him awake by using his entire body.

Watari said, "Ryuzaki!"

Light pretended to wake up and then quickly untangled himself from L, taking care not to enjoy it too much, so Watari would stay on the other side of the room. L had a look on his face as if he had absolutely no understanding of what he'd done, no idea that there might be anything sexual about launching your body on top of someone you've previously had sex with.

L rolled out of bed and the two of them went through their morning routine with Watari following all the time, watching closely. It mostly consisted of Light doing things such as washing his face and dressing. L was already in his day clothes, and the only things he really did in the morning were to brush his teeth and run a comb through his hair a few times.

Then, L and Light, chained together, took the elevator down to the main investigation room that had all the big monitors, Watari following two paces behind all the way. Light was already chafing at Watari's presence. What an irritating old man! When he acted like a servant that was just great, but whenever he tried to make decisions for L he just got in the way. Well, there would be some way to shake off the guards later on and get some action. L would make sure of that. Light just hoped it would be within the day, not waiting until the next day or even longer.

Light did keep an eye on Rem. She followed them, an invisible ghost, covered in bones. She still looked nervous and worried, as if she expected the grand plan to fall apart at any moment and endanger Misa. Rem should be smart enough to understand Light's reassurance to her, that there was now absolutely no way for L to get enough evidence on Misa to prove she was the second Kira, but Rem was not terribly logical in the face of her greatest fear. She had a mother-bear protective instinct that might lead to a bad spontaneous decision at some point.

Light knew L was about to go on a major fact-gathering spree, probably involving questioning Misa and possibly restraining her or putting her under surveillance for as long as he was allowed to. It was the next logical move. And, no matter how much effort had been put into the current use-Light-as-a-decoy plan, Rem still might panic and try to kill L along with whoever else she might be able to kill before she expired. Rem was a liability that way. Light knew he couldn't trust her to keep her cool.

It was time to neutralize Rem, to use the next phase of his plan to make sure that Rem's panic could not ever ruin things. Probably today was the right day for that. And, the best thing was that this move would confound L enormously. It wouldn't make any sense at all to him, and it would defuse some of the suspicion that had perhaps been running a bit too high lately. It would defuse it in the other investigators, of course. L was a bit too suspicious and too used to Light's tricks to really lower his suspicion all that much. But, that was perfect. Keep L suspicious, and keep everyone else unsure, while drawing the heat away from Misa without being obvious about it.

As the elevator doors opened and Light followed L's slouched form into the room, the other investigators were already waiting. None of them looked pleased. Light actually stopped cold at his father's expression, an I-will-kill-you expression if he'd ever seen one, but was jerked forward a moment later by the chain becoming taut. L looked unconcerned, though he must be anticipating the meltdown that was about to occur.

L had no sooner hopped into his customary chair than Aizawa said, "This had better make some sense."

Matsuda replied, "I'm sorry! I tried to stay awake but the chair was too soft!"

Watari said, "Ryuzaki, we need to discuss what is happening between you and Light."

L swung his chair around to face the rest of the room, placed a long, spidery finger just below his lower lip, and said, "Of course."

Watari said, "Light is still the likeliest suspect for being the original Kira, correct?"

L said, "You are correct."

Watari said, "Ryuzaki, how likely do you think it is that Light is Kira?"

L opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Watari said, "Give me a real percentage, not your usual fake ones."

L said, "At least ninety percent. Probably ninety-five percent."

Aizawa said, "You would have sex with Kira!"

Soichiro said, "There is no evidence supporting the idea Light is Kira except the Raye Penber incident, which is old and inconclusive evidence. All of us were controlled in the recent attack. You can't blame it on Light."

L said, "Kira uses decoys such as Higuchi. Your son is either a victim or a perpetrator."

Matsuda brushed some sweat from his forehead and said, "But if Kira can control anyone, how will we ever solve this case? Each person we find will be a decoy. Ryuzaki, I'm scared. Every time I do something, I wonder if Kira is making me do it."

L looked at Light and said, "There is no reason to believe that any of us were controlled. Our fingerprints were not found on the damaged cameras or anywhere else they should be if we had caused that destruction. The only thing we know for sure is that we all had specific things deleted from our memories."

Aizawa said, "It isn't time to change the subject yet. This is not an investigation; this is a joke, a circus. The lead detective should not be having sex with the main suspect and using his help on the case. If things don't improve, I'm leaving."

L said, "Aizawa, tell me, is Light Kira?"

"I don't know what to think any more. Cameras pulled apart from the inside? Fires that start for no reason? And, very precise deletions from everyone's memories? Maybe Kira is some supernatural being instead of a human with special powers."

L said, "If Light is Kira, do you think you're safer staying where you can watch him, or quitting the investigation? I won't oppose your decision either way."

Aizawa shot an angry glare in Light's direction and said, "I think... I'd be more nervous if I didn't know what was going on here. But, I could join with Ide and a few others and conduct an independent investigation. If the investigation here has been compromised, maybe it's a gigantic trap and anyone who stays will be caught in it. I do not like your methods, Ryuzaki. Your actions have always been unprofessional, and this is the worst of it. If there is any chance Light is Kira, you're risking all our lives by having sex with him."

Watari cleared his throat and said, "Ryuzaki, I know you've said it wasn't rape both times, but it is well-known that male rape victims often lie about the experience. I've looked over the video of the incident. Last night, the only words the microphones picked up from you were 'don't' twice and 'no' once, with no verbal indications of consent."

L said, "Watari, you know I don't need to be told about the psychology of crimes. I'm well aware that male rape victims are often in denial. This wasn't a rape, it was just a bad idea."

Watari said, "If Light is controlling you with threats, he could be making you say that. I know that not all rapes are a result of being overwhelmed with physical force. Especially if Light is Kira, there are any number of threats he could be using to make you cooperative and then to lie about the experience afterwards."

L said, "I think I've proven to everyone here that I'm willing to die to solve this case. There is no threat that could be used to rape me, especially since my death would cast an enormous amount of suspicion on Light. If the threat were something worse than death, I'd commit suicide first rather than let it be carried out."

Matsuda said, "Yes, that's true, Ryuzaki always has been ready to die," and there were general mumbles of agreement from around the room.

Aizawa said, "Then, if it isn't rape, what the hell is happening?"

L said, "I don't know why it has happened twice. It is like an accident."

Light said, "I can show you what happens," and strode a few steps forward, then leaned down to the level of L's chair and wrapped his arms around L.

L let out a contented rumble, almost a purr, and snuggled into Light's embrace. It was so easy and natural that Light couldn't tell if it was an act on L's part or not. L closed his eyes as Light nibbled and kissed gently along his neck.

Light stopped the kissing and said, "See? He likes it. I'm not doing anything wrong."

Aizawa said, "Ryuzaki, if you're not a naive idiot, then you're being controlled."

Mogi said, "If the head of the investigation is being controlled, then all of us should quit."

L said, "I'm sure everyone remembers the 'rules for killing' Wedy found in the shredder after one of the Yotsuba group meetings. I memorized those rules. One of them was that you can't control actions to be taken toward a specific person. If you try by using both their names, both people will simply die of heart failure and the actions will become void. If you try to get around that restriction by using a nickname or job title or anything like that, the actions will become void and the one specified by name will die of a heart attack, while nothing happens to the other person. So, unless those rules are lies perpetrated by Higuchi, then it is impossible to use Kira's power to control me into having sex with Light. The only way the sex could be due to Kira's control is if I were forced to be open to anyone's sexual advances."

Matsuda looked sad and said, "But, if that's it, we'll all die, right?"

L said, "I do not think I was controlled because of the 'rules for killing' and for some other reasons. As I said before, I do not believe it fits Kira's profile to control me in a sexual way. Also, if we are all controlled as Kira's usual victims are, then we should be doing something obviously useful for Kira. And, if not, then we should be dead already to prevent us from making unfavorable moves against Kira."

Watari said, "Ryuzaki, you always believe in testing your theories. A theory may sound good but fall apart when tested. There is a way to test this."

Light's mind had already leaped ahead to the obvious conclusion, and, a moment later, he saw the looks of revulsion as everyone else realized what Watari was talking about.

Watari said, "I will not do this because of the professional relationship I have with Ryuzaki."

Matsuda said, "Someone other than Light has to try to have sex with him, to see if he'll let just anyone do it?"

Matsuda, Aizawa, Soichiro and Mogi were all glancing at each other, shifting their gazes around from one to another, trying to see who would volunteer.

Soichiro stammered, "I... I... need to know about Light. I'll try it."

Light turned away. He did not ever want to see his dad kissing L. Ugh! The mental picture was already bad enough when it was merely imaginary.

Matsuda said, "Wait, Chief. You have a wife. I'll do it. I need to be more useful anyway."

L said, "This is simple. The answer is no. I will not be doing anything sexual with Matsuda."

Watari said, "Light doesn't ask you, he starts things physically. Kiss Matsuda a little and see if you find yourself accidentally going further."

Matsuda giggled nervously and said, "We'll be able to stop before it goes very far, right?"

Watari replied, "Of course. There is no need to actually have sex with him. But, if he doesn't resist, be sure you go far enough that we have our proof."

Matsuda had a look on his face as if he was about to throw up, and he approached L cautiously. Matsuda stopped and said, "I can't do this with me standing and him in a wheeled chair. Let's go over to one of the couches."

L hopped up from his chair and headed for the area under the stairs where there were two small couches arranged on either side of a coffee table. He settled down on one couch, and Light sat on another couch, directly opposite from L and facing him. Already, even before Matsuda sat down next to L, Light had a kind of burning rage in his stomach.

Matsuda! Light's father was a pretty bad idea, but either Aizawa or Mogi would have been a far better idea than Matsuda. He was young and reasonably cute. Light could imagine him and L together. Light crossed his arms and glared at L, but L merely seemed indifferent. L wasn't even looking in Matsuda's direction. Good! That's the way it should be!

Matsuda made no move toward L, but shifted in his seat uncomfortably, then said, "Oh, I know!" and got out a little spray bottle of breath freshener and sprayed far more of it into his mouth than you're ever supposed to. Then Matsuda eyed L again, a stricken look on his face. He waited, then took a deep breath and slowly leaned over to L, putting his arms around the man awkwardly and hugging him. L endured it, still looking away from Matsuda.

Then Matsuda put his hands on either side of L's face, turning it towards him for a kiss. L's eyes briefly flicked toward Light, and Light thought he saw some smug amusement in them. That bastard was trying to see if he was provoking any jealousy! Well, let him see it. It didn't matter. Light glared even harder, imagining he was burning a hole through Matsuda with his gaze.

Just then, the buzzer for the door sounded and the largest monitor switched to a view of the side entrance, showing Misa standing there expectantly.

Matsuda let go of L's face and sat up straight with an expression on his face as if he'd been caught doing something wrong.

L calmly said, "Mogi, go to the lobby and use the intercom there to speak with Misa. Do not let her in. If she is willing to wait, she may stay where she is. Otherwise, tell her to come back this afternoon. Do not tell her anything about Light or the investigation."

Mogi exited the room, and L turned back to Matsuda, saying, "Let's get this over with."

Light studied L's face carefully as the two drew close for a kiss. Did he detect a hint of curiosity there? Had L ever kissed anyone other than himself? Was L wondering what kisses with people other than Light were like? Light wanted to think there was nothing there at all, but this was L. He liked to experiment and gather information. If Light had indeed been his only experience, then when he found himself required to make out with another man, would he try to learn something from it? That would be just like L.

Matsuda, slowly brought his head in and his lips made contact with L's lips mechanically, as if Matsuda were resting them against a table, simply placed there and unmoving. L began kissing back a little, and then Matsuda pushed L's legs down and slowly laid him down on the couch, awkwardly climbing on top of him, jabbing L with his knees a couple of times and saying, "Sorry! Small couch."

Matsuda shifted around until their faces were lined up again, and then kissed L once more. This time he was a little vigorous with the kissing, and his face was red. It was hard for Light to see from his angle, but it looked as if Matsuda's eyes were crossed too. Then Matsuda ran his hands stiffly down L's torso several times. Light saw L's eyes look over at him again, holding a bit of pleasure and amusement in their depths, and he had to resist the urge to go over there and strangle L. Light uncrossed his legs and then crossed them again in the other direction.

Then Matsuda lifted up his body and, kneeling between L's spread legs, ran a hand down L's torso toward his crotch. Just before it got there, L pulled his whole body backward, gripped the side and back of the couch hard, and used the leverage to kick Matsuda in the side. Matsuda jumped up, swearing and holding his injury.

L said, "I do not want to do that."

Matsuda barely got his breath back and panted, "Ugh! Be careful! I think you broke some ribs!"

L said, "I've had enough training that I'm sure I didn't. If you had any broken ribs, you'd be in considerably more pain. You have a bruise that should be barely painful in a day or so."

Aizawa said, "Well, that settles it, right? Ryuzaki isn't being controlled. So, he should be able to stop something that's this detrimental to the investigation."

L said, "I'm not the one who starts anything. If you want this to stop, you need to convince Light to stop it."

Watari said, "This will not become an argument about who started it. It doesn't matter who started it if both of you finish it."

Light said, "We're not children that you can scold about this. We're adults, and if he likes it and never tells me no, then it's going to continue."

Aizawa said, "You're damaging the morale of this investigation team. It's too upsetting to have the lead suspect and the head investigator in bed with each other. If Light is Kira, it's an incredible danger you're taking with other people's lives. People will quit, or will be discouraged and do their jobs badly."

L said, "If Light is proven to be Kira, he will be handed over to Interpol to face his punishment. I will not prevent that just because of some sex. Also, I will pursue every lead, and I will make sure that is evident to everyone here. I will not hold back when trying to determine if Light is Kira. My methods of investigation will be openly shown to everyone, and Watari in particular will notice and inform the entire task force if I hold back on something that could implicate Light as Kira. Even if I had some secret desire to hold back, it would not happen. Watari will make sure of it."

L turned to face Light and said, "Light, I'd like to hear your thoughts on the case."

"Don't you think I did it?"

"Regardless of whether you are Kira or not, your deductive abilities have proven quite useful."

This was nothing other than a trap, but, unknown to L, it was a good opportunity to impress some things on Rem and at last put her in a position where she wouldn't act rashly, where she would be neutralized so that any stupid panics would have no result.

Light looked at Rem and said, "Well, first of all, anything I say will probably be interpreted as an attempt to steer the investigation in a particular direction that would be beneficial for myself. So, if it is highly logical and agrees with what Ryuzaki already thinks is true, it will strengthen his own conviction that he's right, but if it is less logical or opposes what Ryuzaki thinks, he will pick apart my ideas for possible motives or attempts to hide something."

L calmly said, "You are correct. But, continue."

It was best not to suggest specific ideas. They'd be seen immediately as false leads anyway unless they could be tested as true, and L had an uncanny ability to tease the truth out of any information Light gave him, even the wrong information.

Light said, "This entire case is immensely confusing. I thought we were starting to understand it when we were closing in on Higuchi, but I can honestly say I don't understand it any more."

Light turned to look at L, knowing that only he would detect the acting, the lie in Light's voice.

Light said, "I know L has a theory of memory loss. All of us have experienced it. The difference is that L thinks I was once Kira and then forgot it. I know that some of my actions have been erratic, but I do not think I am now or ever was Kira. I was under a lot of pressure. Most Japanese students with grades anywhere near the grades I get are at a high risk for suicide, and they aren't accused of being Kira."

Light looked to his father's face briefly, and saw the hope and the sympathy reflected there. Well, having his father on the investigation team was useful, but it wasn't essential to winning.

Light said, "The only things I know for sure are that, if Ryuzaki died, myself and probably Misa would be extremely strongly suspected of having Kira's power, and that if I died, Misa would become the main suspect for being Kira."

Rem said, "Light, what are you doing?"

Light said, "I'm only telling the truth, what everybody already knows. This is true, right, Ryuzaki?"

"It is. However, I would like to hear your own thoughts, not your conclusions about the thoughts the rest of us are having."

Light said, "Well, it is obvious with the attack on headquarters that Kira is displaying abilities we didn't know about previously."

"That's right," Matsuda said, "this means Light can't be Kira, or he would have used those powers before to mess up the investigation."

L said, "From what we all saw in the now-destroyed video Wedy had of Higuchi's car, it seems it is possible for someone with Kira's ability to gain additional power, such as killing with only a face."

Light said, "Ryuzaki, you've already concluded that, if I am Kira, I developed a bunch of new abilities and I'm somehow responsible for the attack on headquarters even though I wasn't even here during the worst of it."

L said, "You are correct."

Soichiro said, "Every time it seems that Light can't be Kira, you hypothesize that Kira has new powers that explain everything. That isn't a very scientific way to do an investigation."

L said, "If Kira did not develop new powers, then why did we see new things? And, if some hypothetical Kira can develop new powers, there is no reason to suppose that if Light is Kira, he cannot."

Aizawa said, "It could be a completely new Kira. Last time we saw a new power, you said it was a second Kira instead of the first one becoming more powerful, and you were right. This could be a fourth Kira rather than one of the first two."

L said, "Light, what do you think about the Kira killings stopping with Higuchi's death and resuming six days later, only to stop again after the attack on headquarters, with not a single additional death since then?"

Light said, "The current Kira must have some plan that requires such a pattern. Either that, or the current Kira is panicking and acting in odd ways for no particular reason, or maybe the current Kira always had these patterns of killing but we never noticed until Higuchi's killings were gone. Whatever it is, it should become more clear with time."

L said, "Light, what do you think about the killings resuming immediately after Misa was released?"

"It was two days later, not immediately! And, even if Misa did have that power, she wouldn't be stupid enough to kill criminals within days of being released. That's like deliberately trying to get caught."

L said, "Then, what part do you think you play in the current Kira's plans? The chain connecting our handcuffs was broken by a force that is difficult to explain. Why did Kira want you to leave headquarters?"

"I have no idea. If me buying a couple gifts, driving home, talking to my mother and sister and then sleeping can somehow help Kira, then this case really makes no sense."

"We've obtained surveillance videos from all the stores in that area, with time stamps on the videos. You bought gifts for your mother and sister, then spent an abnormally long time driving home from there."

"So? I'm a careful driver, and it was late at night while I was sick. It wasn't that long."

Light smirked inwardly. Good. So they hadn't had a GPS tracker on his father's car. Otherwise, L would have noticed that the car sat in the parking lot all that extra time. That made things simpler, though it still didn't matter either way.

L said, "What other thoughts do you have? I don't like to keep asking like this about specific things. I know you're intelligent enough that you've developed some ideas about this case. Don't be shy, Light."

Light said, "You've been neglectful in one area. I would like the whole investigation team to be safe and to feel safe. I am aware that most of the people here are once again suspecting me of being Kira. If that were true, or not, in any case Kira knows this location and has attacked this building and has therefore infiltrated this investigation to some extent. Does everyone agree with me?"

L said, "That is completely evident."

This was it. Time to back Rem into a corner so she'd never panic and renege on the deal. It had to be made fully clear that Rem should never kill L or Light, or she'd be dooming Misa.

Light said, "So, that means nobody in this investigation is safe. For an unknown Kira, there is not much we can do other than being extremely careful. But, if I were Kira, or if Misa were the second Kira, there is only one way to protect the lives of the investigation team. L should tell Interpol that Misa and I are both suspects. That way, if the entire investigation team died, and if myself or Misa or both of us were indeed Kira, it would go badly for us. This would mean everyone here would know their safety was guaranteed and secure."

Light saw Rem immediately winging to stand over him, blocking his view. He wanted to hiss in irritation. If he couldn't see the others, they'd notice his blank stare, or at least L would, and he couldn't afford to be looking around invisible barriers, especially not after Higuchi was caught talking to an invisible presence.

Rem said, "Light Yagami, are you deliberately endangering Misa again?"

At the same time, L said, "I cannot do that. Back when I had narrowed down the list to a hundred and forty-one NPA officers and their families, I uncovered some talk in the CIA of simply murdering all those people, but the idea was discarded because of the sheer number of people involved and the chances of creating an international incident and because, if Kira were not among those suspects, it might destroy vital evidence that could otherwise be used to find Kira. Since then, I have not let out a single hint of who my suspects might be. When dealing with a problem like Kira, the people in charge don't care about one hundred percent accuracy. They just want the problem to go away. Handing over my deductions to the authorities would be a death sentence for Light and Misa."

L paused, then looked at Light and said, "Light is extremely lucky I was put in charge of this investigation and allowed to operate it as I please. Otherwise, he would already be dead."

Light tried to keep the emotion off his face, but inwardly he was stunned. It made sense. He should have suspected something like this, but he hadn't thought that far ahead. So, ever since he became the main suspect, the only thing keeping him alive had been L's strong commitment to justice? L, who had been the enemy all along, had also been his shield, his protector?

Light said, "Well, then you need to tell someone with an identity hidden from us that myself and Misa are to be investigated as Kira suspects if the entire task force dies. There must be someone you can trust to not immediately put us on an assassination list."

Light could almost see the spirals of logic chasing each other to exhaustion in L's brain. It didn't make sense for Kira to request something like this, something that would essentially make Kira helpless even if the entire investigation team died. L must know that.

L said, "Of course, I've already set something like that up. But I will not go into the details for obvious reasons. I have planned this for a long time. Be assured that I can't stop that scheme even if Kira controls me."

Light allowed his gaze to linger on Rem's face momentarily. She looked worried as well, and was retreating, getting out of Light's way. It was good that she did not have a look of betrayal on her face any more. This latest move had essentially neutralized her, put her in a position where she should see that deviating from the plan, such as by panicking and killing L, would never help Misa. But it had also shown what a dangerous enemy L really was. He had the power to kill at any time.

Light said, "Well, then, we're all safe from each other here. That's good. It should make it easier to get the job done and catch Kira."

In a slightly skeptical tone, L said, "Right."

Light wondered if L's secret back-up plan was a bluff or really existed. Either way, the only important thing was for Rem to believe in it.

Aizawa said, "It still doesn't resolve the problem of Ryuzaki sleeping with a suspect. If he's not that enthusiastic about it, there ought to be a way to stop Light from seducing him, and it takes a lot of manpower for us to watch them in shifts twenty-four hours a day."

Watari said, "I have already started plans for a new bedroom for them. A construction crew will be arriving within a few hours. Ryuzaki will be able to watch Light but they shouldn't be able to do anything. Then we will only need to watch them during the day."

Light perked up. This sounded promising. Whatever Watari had planned, surely L could circumvent it, and not being watched by live people made things much easier.

Soichiro said, "Well, doesn't this prove Light can't be Kira? Kira would never ask to have a trap set to catch him in case all of us died."

L said, "If Light is Kira, then he's in the habit of making illogical moves just to prove to us that he couldn't be Kira."

Soichiro said, "But..."

L interrupted, "It is time to get to work. We need to expand the scope of our interviews. We need to arrange interviews for all the officers who were at the scene of Higuchi's death, also for the surviving Yotsuba group members. We can't let them know our location, so we need to prepare a remote place, and I'll question them using my electronic voice modulator. Also, Light, I want you to go out and talk to Misa. Don't give her the slightest hint that anything is wrong or that the two of you are suspects again, and do not whisper in her ear. I'll have you bugged before you go out there. Soon, today if possible, we will place Misa under surveillance again, but secretly. Overt surveillance did nothing for us before. Let her think she is unwatched."

Soichiro said, "After what has been happening, it is cruel to make Misa think she has a relationship with Light. He should break up with her."

Rem said, "Light, I agree. You will not draw out Misa's pain for your own purposes."

L said, "Light, what we have is nothing. It's not a relationship, it's a mistake. It's an accident that has happened twice. You will not derail this investigation just for this. You need to pretend to like Misa until we've investigated her thoroughly, or she might become suspicious or too uncooperative."

"No," Light said, "after what has happened, it is unfair to Misa. It would make her unhappy to carry on a pretend relationship any longer than needed. You can have one questioning session before I break up with her, and that's it. I've already told my mother and sister I've broken up with her. I don't want Misa to hear it from them first."

Soichiro said, "Light, to explain why you didn't come back home and you cut off all contact again, I told them you got back together with Misa."

L said, "Light, the Kira case is more important than one girl's feelings. If you try to break up with her before I agree, I can easily treat it as an attempt to sabotage the investigation."

Light said, "Fine. But if you try to be too cruel, everyone here will turn against you. Do as much as you can with Misa while you still have time."

Then Watari left and returned with many bugs to put all over Light's clothing, even using tweezers and some special glue to hide some tiny ones just barely inside each ear canal. L wasn't taking any chances on more whispered conversations. After the procedure had been completed, Watari unlocked the handcuffs, and Light found himself walking out to meet Misa on the steps of the side entrance. The last time he'd done so, he'd been committed to his Kira plan. Now, so much was changed.

Rem drifted just behind him on her bony white wings. She said, "This had better go well for Misa. If anything you do results in her being unhappy for a long time, I will find a way to make you regret it."

Misa smiled as she saw him coming toward her, and Light plastered a fake smile on his face for her in return.

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

The shredded 'rules of killing' paper Wedy retrieved appears in the manga but not the anime. Obviously, it was destroyed along with the other pre-attack physical evidence, but it would be just like L to memorize it. Since it doesn't say anything directly about notebooks or shinigami, it wouldn't have been erased from his memory.


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER 9**

Misa launched herself at Light with as much enthusiasm as always. He had to step back from the impact. For a girl who weighed next to nothing, she sure could produce a lot of force. Already, her head was snuggling into his chest and each of her arms hooked into his.

Misa said, "Liiiiight! Light!"

Just then, a shape winged into view from around the corner of the building. Ryuk. Why was he still following Misa? She didn't have ownership.

Ryuk said, "Hey, Light! I've been so bored without you! I've had to amuse myself messing with Misa's stuff every time she turns around. Today, I kept putting her food in the middle of the table and she was really thinking she was going crazy, and yesterday I put her shampoo into the conditioner bottles and her conditioner into the shampoo bottles."

Rem said, "Ryuk, you can play tricks on someone who isn't important to me instead of Misa. L will probably install cameras in Misa's apartment soon, and if your actions result in her getting in trouble, I will torment you forever."

Good! Rem needed to keep Ryuk under control. She was the only one who could, now. Still, Light wanted to grit his teeth at the thought of all the things that could go wrong, but he kept a serene look on his face for the cameras and for Misa's sake.

Ryuk said, "Hey, Light, I'm talking to you! Why can't you whisper like before?"

Rem said, "Light is covered in hidden microphones. There won't be any whispering now."

Misa finally drew back from her epic snuggle-hug and looked Light in the face, smiling sweetly. She said, "Light, I've missed you so much! Kira stopped the deaths, it's all over the news, so why don't you rest from the investigation and come on a date with me?"

Light said, "I'm sorry Misa, but the investigation is short on personnel and I think we're very close to catching Kira. Every minute of work I can do is highly valuable, and I need closure with catching Kira so I can feel like I've paid him back for everything he did to both of us and my father."

In a doubtful voice, Misa said, "Okay."

Light held Misa and smiled down at her. God, she was short! This was one of the reasons he hated her. Simply looking her in the face put a strain in his neck. Everything about her was difficult, painful, boring or annoying. Soon, it would be time to dump her and that would be great, but, until then, it had to be a nice little relationship.

No, there was no reason to start dropping hints that she should see other men or that it wasn't working out. That would just make her upset for a longer time period and then Rem would be pissed. The best way to deal with this would be to keep her happy for the time being and then dump her very suddenly as soon as L gave permission. Sometimes, pain was unavoidable and Misa and Rem would just have to deal with it.

Maybe, though, it would be a good idea to try to get L to force Misa to see a therapist after the relationship officially ended. She certainly needed one, and keeping her as happy and well-balanced as possible was a good idea. Besides, just about anyone who was dumped could use some emotional help, and Misa's friends, mostly models from the same company, were all vapid airheads who didn't really help Misa at all in any way. They certainly weren't good influences.

Misa was snuggling into Light again, and she pulled down his body so she could whisper in his ear. She said, "There's always a reason why we can't have sex. You won't keep me waiting too long, will you? I thought we were going to celebrate the capture of Higuchi, and we can't do that on these steps."

Light tried to think of what to do, what to say. While he didn't have his memories, he had always ignored her as much as he could, only refraining from dumping Misa at L's insistence that doing so would be harmful to the investigation because Misa might become uncooperative and also leak secrets that would ultimately put everyone's lives in danger. And, when Light did have his memories, the only thing they ever talked about was Kira. Now, having his memories and no desire or ability to discuss Kira-related topics, while being put in a position where he couldn't just ignore her, it felt like there was nothing to do or say. Without the Kira mission, nothing held them together.

Still, Misa didn't seem to need their relationship to really be based on anything. She had endured months of Light barely paying attention to her and, now, she seemed content to merely be held on the steps outside the investigation center, snuggling annoyingly into Light's chest. Light tried to figure out how much longer he should stay like this to satisfy Misa, Rem and L. It was so stupid that L wanted him to keep doing this, to keep up the pretense. L was watching and listening to everything. Was he thrilled at Misa's admission that the two of them had never had sex?

Still, if L wasn't completely cold-hearted, there must be some jealousy stirring in him from seeing this. Light once more envisioned L's little display with Matsuda, L's dark, curious eyes flicking over to see if Light looked jealous. Well, L probably deserved a little of that in return. No, he deserved more that a little. He'd been kissing Matsuda and making out with him. L needed to see exactly the same thing in return. He needed to know what it felt like. That would make it even, and maybe it would make the sex a bit hotter next time, with both of them having an equal amount of jealousy in their hearts.

Light said, "Misa, let's sit on the steps together. Do you want to kiss me?"

Misa squealed, and then sat down on the stone steps, eagerly patting a place right beside her. Light smirked and settled in. Misa immediately wrapped herself around him, sliding into his lap. Light closed his eyes, that was the best way for this whole experience not to be too horrible, and imagined L as he kissed Misa. That pale skin, the delicate features, the way his eyes, eyelashes and hair were all so dark, a matching set. The way he became so pliant and incoherent during sex.

Light's mouth moved across Misa's eagerly, and she gave a little feminine moan of approval. Light tried to block it out and thought of his sounds, of L's sounds. Most of his noises weren't too loud, but they were definitely masculine, breathy and husky and low, urgent with desire. Light's hands snaked around Misa's hips, clutching them. Yes, L was much taller, but his hips were this narrow and slender. Light could almost, almost, imagine he was grasping L, kissing L. Misa's skin was just as soft as L's skin, and her slight weight moving back and forth in Light's lap was giving him an erection.

L had better deliver; he had better have something arranged for tonight, or maybe even a little quickie in a bathroom or a closet during the day. It was so hard to wait, to endure it. And, this was more than L had done with Matsuda, but L deserved it. After all, he was the one who had said, "Light, what we have is nothing. It's not a relationship, it's a mistake."

Now, after this, L would feel more possessive. He had to. Maybe he didn't understand anything about relationships and social processes, or he thought such things didn't apply to him, but he wasn't a robot. L was subject to every instinct and emotion that humans had. Light had already proven that. L would find himself feeling jealousy, feeling a desire to stake a claim. And that was exactly what he needed to feel.

Light shifted Misa's form around in his lap, being sure the cameras would be able to detect his erection, and concentrated his full attention on eating her face while imagining L, his slender arms, his warm skin... oh God, when he'd been feverish, it had been like an oven inside him, so tight and absolutely perfect, and the way he responded enthusiastically, the way he didn't seem to understand what he was feeling but plunged into it without any hesitation...

Finally, Misa drew back with a completely stunned look on her face, a fiery blush across both cheeks and her eyes glassy. She was certainly happy.

As Light helped her to her feet she looked a bit drunk, and she absently murmured, as if talking to nobody in particular, "Oh, Light!"

Then, she was going on her way, walking down to the taxi that would return her to her apartment or to whatever modeling photo shoot she might be on today.

When Light was once more inside headquarters, he saw with satisfaction that L was giving him a smoldering look of anger and lust all mixed together. His dad was also giving him a look; it was like the I-will-kill-you look of earlier, but intensified.

Watari approached with the handcuffs once more, but Soichiro said, "Ryuzaki, can I speak to my son alone now?"

L said, "It won't truly be alone since I will review the video footage later, but if it gives you comfort I can let you talk in a room by yourselves."

Watari said, "Ryuzaki, I would like to speak with you as well."

L said, "That is fine."

Light flashed Rem a meaningful look that he hoped she would take to mean she needed to eavesdrop on the conversation and report its contents later. He was satisfied to see her following L and Watari as they left the room. Light's gaze returned to his father. This was going to be explosive, he could just tell it.

Light said, "Dad, why don't we talk here? Everyone else will view the video too, I'm sure, not just Ryuzaki."

Aizawa said, "I don't do that sort of thing, and neither does Mogi. Not unless it's truly related to the investigation."

Matsuda said, "Hey! I know what you guys are implying. I'm not that interested in gossip!"

With little pauses between each word, as if he were trying to keep control, Soichiro said, "We - will - go - to - a - room - and - talk."

With that said, Soichiro spun on his heel and began stomping off. Light followed him up the stairs, down a hallway, and into a small conference room with a large table at one side and a row of wheeled, upholstered chairs at the other. Soichiro motioned impatiently toward the chairs and Light sat down.

Soichiro said nothing, but his hands were fists and he paced the full length of the room several times, never looking at Light.

Finally, he spun around to glare directly at Light at shouted, "What were you thinking!"

"Dad-"

"No, don't try to smooth this over. Tell me, really, what were you thinking? What could have gotten into you to make you act this way?"

"Dad, I love him, and he must feel the same way about me or he wouldn't let me do those things."

Soichiro breathed in and out several times, his hands clenching and unclenching. Then he said, "You are taking advantage of a man who doesn't know a thing about his own body, a man who's never had a friend or a romantic relationship in his life. He's almost a child."

"I'm younger than he is."

"Do you know how old he is?"

"No. But L's history suggests he has to be at least five years older than me."

Soichiro said, "It doesn't matter. What you are doing is wrong. It's wrong for him, it's wrong for you, and it harms the morale of this investigation. Every single man on this team has risked his life to pursue Kira, and when you do this, it... it makes it seem like you're Kira and you're trying... trying to corrupt L. It makes them afraid for their lives. With all the things that have happened, with all the confusion about everything, this is too much to bear, to add this outrageous behavior to it all."

Light crossed his arms, put a stubborn look on his face and said, "But I love him. I really do."

Soichiro snorted. "Don't claim love, don't talk to me about love. If you really loved him, you wouldn't try to ruin his reputation, and you wouldn't be so happy to kiss Misa."

"Hey! He told me to keep up a pretense of a relationship, to keep Misa from being suspicious. I was trying hard because I'd been told it was for the sake of the investigation. Isn't that what you want, Dad?"

Soichiro looked confused. This was good; it was a break that could be exploited.

Light said, "I'm trying my best, I'm trying to help this investigation. If you'd felt things like this for Mom at a time when it would cause trouble for others, would you be able to hold back? And, I tried to keep it discreet. If there weren't cameras everywhere, nobody would know about this and then it wouldn't bother them. I'm being held to standards that other guys my age don't have to meet."

Soichiro was faltering, Light could see it. He was still angry as hell, but he was running out of things to say. Words always failed him. He was a man of emotions and action, and he couldn't win this kind of fight.

Light said, "I wish it wasn't like this, but I don't have much time to pursue him. We'll probably catch Kira soon. Then, when the case ends, L will disappear again, and if he isn't attached to me by that point I'll have no way to be with him or even contact him. If I don't try now, I'll lose him forever. If L was a normal person I could wait until I'm cleared to pursue him, but I can't."

Soichiro said, "But... it isn't right... you can't do this..."

Soichiro was turning quite red. Light could almost believe that steam would start coming out his ears at any moment. The pressure of being so angry, and not able to argue properly, was about to make the man explode.

Light said, "This conversation is over," and left the room, hearing Soichiro sputter angrily behind him.

When Light reached the main room where the other investigators were, he was sure they must have been watching despite Aizawa's words. They all had that kind of look on their faces, and their motions were too busy, too focused on the tasks they were performing.

A little while later, Watari, L and Rem returned together, and Rem gave Light a summary on what had been discussed as Watari attached the handcuffs again and locked them. It had been a rather explosive argument at first, with the main point being Watari's insistence that L was too inexperienced in sexual matters, and that if he had needs of that sort, he should hire a prostitute to satisfy those needs rather than use a person who was the prime suspect for committing the most murders in all of history.

Then their conversation had become rather odd, dwelling on subjects such as the weather, descriptions of things they'd eaten in the past and other inane topics. Light was sure that had to be a code between them, some secret way of exchanging information. L must suspect Light had the power of overhearing what was being said in other rooms even when all the cameras and microphones were disconnected, and he'd been telling Watari secrets.

When the handcuffs were secure, Watari said, "I've arranged for the interviews. The first session can begin in half an hour."

Light asked, "Who are we interviewing today?"

L said, "I will interview, you will merely observe. I'm going to interview every surviving member of the Yotsuba meetings along with every NPA officer who was present at Higuchi's arrest, and a few other people."

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

Well, Soichiro is angry at Light for having sex with L, but Light is just too masterful at winning arguments and using logic. L and Light are still manipulating each other, L is scheming secretly with Watari, and Light is going to have to work harder than he thought to keep the investigation stalled and save everyone's lives.


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER 10**

The first set of interviews were with the Yotsuba group. Light knew these weren't the critical ones. The later interviews with the cops who'd been at Higuchi's arrest, those were the ones to worry about, but even if L got some relevant information from them, it shouldn't do him any good. Probably. Hopefully.

The interview site was a suite in a fancy hotel, and multiple views from different cameras were displayed on the big screens as the six surviving members of the Kira meetings entered. There were some attempts among them at questions and small talk, but Namikawa shushed them, saying, "We need to wait for L."

The men all looked nervous. L watched them, probably trying to read cues in their behavior as he forced them to wait. Takahashi looked the least nervous. The brash, crude blonde probably wasn't smart enough to be properly frightened. Ooi stood off to the side with his arms crossed, looking grumpy rather than worried. The other four men hesitantly took their seats, some of them unable to stay in their initial seats and switching around.

Finally, Namikawa cleared his throat and said, "L, I'm sure you've set up cameras and microphones. Why don't we start this meeting?"

L pushed a button and said, "Watari, you may enter now."

The screens showed Watari entering the suite, holding a laptop computer. He was in his disguise of a long trench coat with a high collar turned up to hide almost the entire bottom half of his face, and a brimmed hat hid most of the top half, with the part in between concealed in shadow.

Light knew that Watari was wearing some kind of fake face that completely covered up his wrinkles and his mustache, but it had been done well, and looked like a real face. The small dim part of his face that could be seen looked like a man in his thirties or forties, smooth and featureless. Watari kept his head slightly bowed so that his hat brim maximized the shadow on his face. His body seemed a different shape as well, as if he were wearing stuffing under his clothing. Nobody who had seen the real Watari should associate that person with this guy.

Watari placed the laptop on a small table and opened it, showing L's usual "L" logo.

L pressed a button in front of a microphone and said, "I hope we will get along. I will answer some of your questions, and you will answer some of mine."

Namikawa said, "L, you promised that none of us would be prosecuted for Higuchi's crimes on the premise that he forced us to participate in those meetings with death threats. This was proven by Hatori's death. None of us wanted to be in that situation."

L replied, "That promise was made for any of you who aren't Kira. There may be a second Kira among you."

There were starts and exclamations all around the room, from everyone except Ooi. Kida was so surprised he nearly fell from his chair.

L continued, "Furthermore, if there is an additional Kira among you, I have saved the lives of the remaining five by my action today. It would be a suicidal move for such a Kira to kill any of the rest of you now."

Shimura nervously glanced around and said, "But, we were sure, especially near the end when we had gathered more clues, that only Higuchi could be Kira. What are you basing this on?"

L said, "I cannot tell you everything I know about the situation, because it would compromise other parts of my investigation. However, it is virtually certain that a different Kira killed Higuchi shortly after his arrest, and a limited number of people knew about his arrest. You six are among that number."

There were uneasy, hostile stares between all the Yotsuba members.

L continued, "However, depending on the status of that hypothetical Kira, there could be a reduced punishment or none at all for that Kira. I believe those with Kira's power do not need to kill, and that it is possible the first kill or two happens by accident, before the person understands how to use their power."

Ooi said, "The second Kira killed plenty of people on television, purposely. I don't see how you can think that was accidental."

L said, "I am not talking about the second Kira. There have probably been at least three Kiras including Higuchi. I have reason to believe that anyone with Kira's power can share it with others. Any of you could have become a Kira, perhaps quite recently. It is also possible there is a time delay, of perhaps up to two weeks, before the new power becomes active, and the Kira among you might not exist yet."

What was L thinking of? Ah, yes, the two-week gap of no deaths before the beginning of Higuchi's kills. Perhaps L thought that whatever mysterious process moved the power to a new user took time to mature. He wouldn't know that was merely the length of time it had taken Rem to find a new Kira that fit Light's requirements.

In a panicked voice, Kida said, "So, any of us could suddenly start accidentally killing people until the power gets under control?"

Takahashi looked mildly pleased, as if he hoped that would happen to him. Everyone else looked terribly upset.

Shimura said, "But... that means one of us could accidentally kill the others, right?"

L said, "No. I believe there must be a clear wish to kill, not merely a dislike. If you all resolve not to wish each other dead, it should be impossible for any of you to kill each other by accident. I will investigate any death among you as if it is not an accident."

Mido said, "Why would Higuchi give his power to any of us? It would make him vulnerable. He needed a hidden identity for his own safety, and it would be best if none of the people he abused had the power to kill him. Even Higuchi wasn't that stupid."

L said, "Higuchi may have passed on his power only in his final moments, and he may have passed it on as a kind of curse upon someone he dislikes or for any obscure reason of the sort that occurs to a man who knows his life is over."

Namikawa said, "In that case, Higuchi could have passed on his power to anyone he knew, not just us, correct? And, how could one of us have killed Higuchi if he hadn't passed his power on yet?"

L said, "There are some reasons I have yet to work out, and some reasons I know but will not tell you. Be assured that there is indeed a possibility that there is or will be a Kira among you, and that it is best to cooperate so that all of you who are innocent have the greatest chance of surviving. I intend to protect you from Kira, but I can do that better with more information."

Namikawa said, "L, are you a different L than the one I spoke to before? You don't seem the same."

L hesitated, and then said, "Yes. As law enforcement agencies have suspected for a long time, L is a group of people."

Namikawa said, "Will all the L's keep the promises of one?"

"Yes, it has to work that way. I am already keeping the promises of the one you spoke to earlier. You can see I am not having any of you arrested even though I technically could, based on the video footage I have of your meetings."

Light smirked. Of course, none of those men knew that L was bluffing. The original footage of those meetings and Wedy's back-up footage had all been destroyed by Rem.

Namikawa crossed his legs and said, "That is good. We will give you our complete confidence and tell you everything we know."

L left his microphone off for the moment and turned to look at Light, saying, "If any of them die just as they're about to say something, I'll assume it was you."

L pressed the button for the microphone and said, "It is best to tell me every detail today, even things you do not consider important. If you fail to mention something that is actually a key clue to catching Kira, no matter how insignificant it seems, then if Kira is frightened enough to risk killing you despite the consequences, he'll kill you before you can have a second interview with me."

Several of the men started talking at once, but L said, "We will do this in an orderly way. There will be individual interviews shortly, but for now I need to examine some key issues while all of you are present. First, I have reason to suspect that Kira has more than just the power to kill and control. Kira can likely start fires with his mind, observe events in rooms where he is not personally present, and destroy machines from the inside without touching them, including ripping through metal that is too tough for human strength to affect, and possibly other strange abilities as well."

Light could see the sweat beginning to stand out on most of the men's foreheads, and Kida was suddenly gripping the arms of his chair so tightly his entire hands were turning white. All of them looked worried to a greater or lesser degree, and were eyeing each other suspiciously. Namikawa did the best job of hiding those reactions, but Light could tell that even he had become distraught at hearing just how powerful a Kira might be and that any of them might already have those powers or acquire them in the near future.

L continued, "If any of you notice abilities of this sort in yourselves, please contact Watari at the phone number I gave you. Also, I want all of you to think and see if you can remember any evidence of abilities like this in Higuchi."

Takahashi blurted out, "Do you really think Higuchi would show us anything like that?"

Shimura quietly said, "There was one time when Higuchi was the last to arrive at the secret meeting, and before he arrived all of us had been talking about how incompetently he ran the Division of Technology Development. He almost immediately started talking about his accomplishments and defending himself even though he couldn't have heard what we'd said."

Rem said, "Higuchi always had me fly ahead to see what the others were saying, so he could figure out if they were catching onto him or not."

L said, "Is there anything else like this? Any small detail?"

Takahashi said, "The shredder didn't always work well. It kept getting jammed."

The rest of the men thought for a while, concern and worry evident on all their faces. L had pulled a good trick. They were afraid to overlook anything or to hold back in the slightest. Anything they did remember, they would tell L, out of fear for their lives, and yet L hadn't threatened them in the slightest.

The men thought hard, spent their time mulling things over, engaged in little discussions about insignificant details, and then, one by one, they admitted that there was nothing else that seemed like it could be due to a special ability like the ones L had mentioned.

Then L asked, "Did Higuchi have any odd mannerisms, such as talking to himself? Even if you only saw it once and you weren't sure if he was really talking to himself or not, please relate the incident in detail."

This time two of the men, Namikawa and Shimura, admitted to witnessing such incidents, one in a bathroom and another while rounding a nearly-deserted hallway late at night and suddenly running into Higuchi. Each time, Higuchi shut up almost instantly and basically nothing had been heard. L questioned them about the word "Rem" but nothing like that had been mentioned.

After they had finished describing those incidents, L said, "I would like to know if there is any knowledge that seems to be missing from all of you, anything that you all knew at one point and have now forgotten. I am not talking about normal memory lapses but about some fact you were sure you knew and no longer know. Especially if you knew it before the night of November fifth."

Namikawa said, "Does Kira have the ability to erase memories?"

L said, "There have been several attacks of that kind. The details are classified."

Ooi said, "But, if we've been controlled, we'll die."

L said, "No, I believe those who have experienced an attack on their memories will live. Have there been any incidents of that sort?"

L's question provoked a very long discussion. The men were obviously afraid to leave anything out, in case Kira killed them in order to destroy that information before a second interview session could be done. L's trick was almost working too well, as the men went into extremely tedious detail. Still, L drank it all in eagerly, his eyes fixed on the screens, afraid to miss any clue of word or behavior.

L was being very thorough, but that was a sign of his desperation, of his knowledge that he needed to find something, and these men who had been the closest to knowing about Higuchi's power, they were some of the few who might have clues. Light made certain to let L see his subtle smirk, the kind of facial expression that was so insignificant only L could discern it. It really was fun to mess with L when L was nearly helpless.

The conversation wound down to a clear conclusion that there either wasn't any memory loss or, if there had been, it was some detail so subtle that nobody realized they didn't know it any more. Well, L was probing the wrong people. None of these guys had ever received ownership.

Then Shimura suddenly asked an explosive question.

"Misa Amane, could she be the second Kira? She was accused of it by you, wasn't she? And she idolizes Kira and was dating Higuchi. It all fits."

Light tried to keep his face completely expressionless as he glanced over at Rem to see how she was taking this. Rem's single visible eye went wide and started glowing a bit. As far as L's investigation went, no information these guys had on Misa could possibly harm her. But, if one of these guys leaked word of Misa being L's suspect, and if that information got to the wrong people and was seen as anything other than a rumor, Misa could get assassinated.

Light stopped L's hand as he was about to press the button on the microphone and said, "If you say she was a suspect, and if any of them panic and try to involve Interpol, it could lead to her being assassinated."

L pushed Light's hand away, moved his own hand to the microphone button and said, "Misa Amane was never a Kira suspect. She was working as my spy. However, do not hold any information back. It is entirely possible that Kira is trying to infiltrate my investigation, and even someone as unlikely as Misa could be a Kira or a tool of some Kira. If you know something, tell me."

Shimura said, "But, does Misa truly idolize Kira? If so, don't you think it is too dangerous to use her for your investigation?"

Namikawa said, "If that is true, L, then your investigation tactics make me uncomfortable. Even if Coil is your man, as I suspect, and even if his information about Misa was entirely made up, it is an unquestionable fact that the criminal who murdered her parents was killed by Kira. Even if Misa Amane claims to you that she does not support Kira, she has every reason to. It does not seem professional to hire someone who is likely to admire Kira."

Light could see everyone in the room giving L looks, as if they wanted to voice similar concerns about him having sex with his main suspect.

L said, "Misa Amane is no longer working for me. That was a one-time event based on her acting ability and a unique opportunity that presented itself, where it seemed better to use her than anyone else."

Namikawa said, "You're talking about her manager getting caught? Or, was that all planned as well?"

L said, "There were a number of plans. I will not say which events I was specifically behind, as some of them are still playing out. Please do tell me everything you know about Misa."

The men began discussing all they knew. In a few minutes, they had told everything, and there wasn't any new information except that Higuchi had been boasting that he was going to marry Misa. Good. Nothing to upset Rem or to sound like anything better than a weird rumor even if one of these men did panic and go to the authorities. There were so many weirdos and loonies constantly trying to contact all law enforcement agencies with tips about Kira that vague assertions of a pop star being the second Kira shouldn't stand out at all. Hopefully, Rem could see that.

Light looked back at her again, disguising his movement this time as stretching in his chair. It wouldn't do to have L see him glance at empty space too often. Yes, Rem did look calmer, but she hadn't completely calmed down. She probably wouldn't do that until it was clear the case had stalled for months. For these early days of the new plan, she was pretty much bound to be on edge, a trigger waiting for the wrong impulse. If only she could be more rational. Of course, if Rem were rational, she probably wouldn't be so attached to Misa, an annoying girl who obviously didn't have any love in return for Rem.

Then L announced he was done with the group interview, and he interviewed each individual alone in considerable detail, especially concentrating on events from the night of the fifth of November, no matter how insignificant. In the middle of those interviews, Ryuk drifted through a wall into the room.

Rem immediately turned to him and said, "If you cause trouble here-"

Ryuk interrupted, "When have I ever caused trouble? I'm just an observer here. Wedy started installing surveillance cameras in Misa's apartment, so I cleared out of there like you wanted."

Light kept his face neutral and refused to look at Ryuk, but he could tell that L had noticed something. Well, let him notice. It didn't prove anything. It hadn't proven anything over many meetings with L while being followed by Ryuk. Light had the habit, he knew he could avoid looking at Ryuk or Rem in L's presence, and even if he did, it was still perfectly fine.

When the Yotsuba interviews ended, the interviews of the 49 police officers who had been present at Higuchi's arrest began. This time, there was no group interview, instead each of the officers were interviewed individually. L quickly discovered that each and every one of them had a memory hole exactly at the moment of Higuchi's arrest. They remembered Higuchi saying something between the time he'd exited his car and the time he'd died, but they couldn't remember what. When prompted, most of them also remembered a moment on the fifth of November when they'd forgotten what they had been doing, many of them finding themselves inexplicably terrified at the same time. L looked as if he were putting things together in his mind, but he also looked as if he were enormously frustrated.

Then, when L got to the end of those interviews, he started interviewing the family members and friends of those 49 officers, especially concentrating on events of the critical night. Before L was even halfway through those interviews, he'd already found three people who had heard the memory-impaired officers talking to someone out of sight and when investigating had found nobody. Rem had been sloppy! But, she hadn't had much time. The only understandable words had been phrases that the witnesses thought had been things such as "Take it away!" and "I don't want it!"

L glanced over at Light and whispered, "Get rid of it. My foolish pride, I just want to get rid of it."

Ryuk chuckled and said, "I think L's putting it together pretty fast. Are you sure he isn't going to catch you?"

Rem said, "What?"

Ryuk said, "To 'get rid of it' is the phrase Light used to give up his memories the first time. He fooled L into thinking he was talking about his pride."

This was bad! Rem was looking quite worried.

Light said, "Ryuzaki, I think the biggest problem with catching Kira is finding solid evidence, don't you agree? Without that, with only speculations, you can't get anywhere."

L probed his bottom lip with a thumb and said, "Yes, you are correct. But I know the evidence is out there, or Kira would not have been so afraid as to attack us. If we are harmless and ineffectual, Kira would simply leave us alone, since attacking us can only draw our attention."

Then, nearly at the end of the interviews, L found the worst thing he could get from these guys. It wasn't too bad, since L couldn't be sure of it and he couldn't possibly do anything with it, right? Besides, Light had been half-expecting it all along. But it was still unsettling to see its effect on Rem. She needed to calm down.

A wife of one of the officers said that he'd sworn her to secrecy and had told her the entire story of Higuchi's arrest, and that officer had been close enough to hear Higuchi's words. The officer himself no longer remembered, but she remembered the story he'd told her.

When the wife calmly started telling her story, Rem panicked enough that she actually took out her death note and Light had to shoot her a glare to subdue her, a glare that was unfortunately noticed by L, but there was no helping it. What was Rem thinking? Dying here and leaving a death note behind was the height of idiocy, she shouldn't have considered it for even a second. This kind of rumor was harmful but ultimately useless to L. Suspecting wasn't the same as knowing, and without access to a death note L couldn't do a thing.

When the woman had finished telling her story, L pressed the microphone button and said, "So, you are absolutely sure your husband said that Kira claimed he killed by writing names in a magic notebook?"

The woman said, "Yes. And, a notebook was brought out from Higuchi's car by one officer who had a screaming fit, and then taken by another who screamed also, and then taken into the helicopter and there was a third scream from there."

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

Well, the shit has hit the fan.


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER 11**

L watched Light and Misa on the monitors. Yes, Light was exiting the side entrance and Misa was running to greet him. Did they have some kind of arrangement, signals that were exchanged when they met? If so, it couldn't be too complex because Misa was not good at memorizing and they probably hadn't spent enough time alone together to work out anything complex. It probably was just whispering in each other's ears, as they'd been doing at the side entrance ever since Misa had been released.

Well, this time, unless Light was able to signal her that there was danger, she might whisper compromising facts in his ears, and it would be recorded. It might even be incriminating enough to actually prove that both of them had Kira's power. Misa had been the second Kira, right? There had always been more solid evidence in her case than in Light's case. Yet, with everything that had happened, things had become very confused and muddled. It was more difficult to be sure of what was happening. L had many theories that sounded good, but he knew testing them was another matter. Some theories simply couldn't be tested right now, not unless an opportunity presented itself.

But then, L saw that either Light had indeed successfully signaled Misa to be quiet, or she had changed her behavior for some unknown reason, because the two of them were just hugging and barely talking at all. Their habit of vigorous whispered conversation was not being repeated this time. What had Light done or said to tip Misa off? Had he truly done anything at all? His behavior was so unsuspicious.

Perhaps Misa had the ability to see inside rooms where she wasn't personally present and could see the entire task force watching and listening in this room. But, if she could do that and could also kill with only a face, then everyone should already be dead. As with so many things about this case, the reasoning just went in circles.

Then, their hugging stopped briefly, and Misa complained about not ever having sex and asked Light to go on a date with her. Light refused but then suggested a make-out session right there on the steps. And, Light was enthusiastic, suspiciously so. L knew Light did not like Misa. Light's kisses were hard and sloppy, his hands sliding along Misa's hips suggestively, he was even moving her around in his lap, in essence getting a lap dance, and his erection was unmistakable. With the way he angled his body to show the cameras exactly what he was doing, he was doubtless trying to make it apparent. It was quite obvious it was a show, a display, a deliberate attempt to provoke jealousy.

L shifted his feet uncomfortably, using one to scratch the other. Light was petty and proud, but was that really the only intention here? It could be part of the signaling process. Perhaps Light was using this uncharacteristic enthusiasm as a way of telling Misa not to discuss Kira-related topics. It couldn't be a coincidence that both of them were breaking the pattern of their earlier meetings, could it?

L stirred restlessly some more. Did this really need to go on so long? He had a feeling... he really wanted to kill Light. And when Light at last unlatched his mouth from Misa's mouth, L's feeling didn't go away. He still wanted to kill Light, and he couldn't take his eyes off him, switching the screen from one camera to another to follow Light's progress all the way back in, and then, once Light was there in person, L had to resist an urge to go up to him and slap him. Instead, he simply watched as Watari approached with the handcuffs. But then, Soichiro asked to speak with his son alone, and Watari took that opportunity to ask for a private conversation with L.

L quietly followed Watari up to Watari's control room, a place where every door and elevator in the building could be remotely locked or unlocked, and dozens of monitors showed various video feeds from cameras located all over the building. L quickly sorted through the cameras until he found Light and his father arguing in a conference room. Watari turned off the sound of that video feed and said, "You can watch that later."

L hopped into a chair and pulled his knees to his chest, looking at the floor. He knew where this was going. Watari rarely became angry, but when he did it was most often a quiet anger like this, a kind of boiling just below the surface.

Watari flipped some switches, cutting out power to the cameras and the microphones that were recording what was happening in this room.

Watari said, "We are in total privacy now, no matter how good at hacking Light is. Ryuzaki, I know you think of yourself as one of the smartest people in the world, but nobody can be an expert at everything. You have only a theoretical understanding of sexual topics, especially of the emotions that can be triggered by sexual relationships. What you are doing is very dangerous."

"I agree that it is dangerous. Light is most likely Kira. Having sex with him could compromise the investigation."

Watari said, "Then, why do you do so? You can tell he is playing games with you, can't you? What he did with Misa just now provoked more emotion from you than I've seen in a long time. He is already getting to you and manipulating you."

L sighed. He had to say something to satisfy Watari, but, could Light hear this through his new powers? This conversation needed to satisfy Light as well, to lead his thoughts in the right direction, to make him feel as if he were winning over a vulnerable, confused L. Getting Light off-guard was perhaps the only way to put him in a situation where he could be trapped.

L said, "I don't know what is happening."

"This isn't like you."

Watari was looking at his face, thinking hard.

Then Watari said, "You need to see a prostitute. You know that we can find one who is entirely clean and we can arrange it so nobody else knows about the visit. A person's first sexual relationship always feels more special than it actually is. I think what you have with Light is mostly physical. If you realized how easy it is for a stranger to make you feel almost the same way, then you would be able to let go of this mistake and conduct the investigation the way it should be."

L looked Watari hard in the eyes and said, "No."

Watari said, "If you won't, then can you promise this relationship with Light will end?"

"I am not sure if I can stop."

"Then, you are out of control and you need to admit that you must do something drastic. You should see a prostitute. It is for your own good and to save your life and my life and probably many other lives as well."

L turned his chair so his back was facing Watari, put some true anger in his voice, and said, "No. I will not follow your suggestion."

In a low, angry voice, Watari said, "I will leave if you continue to make such poor decisions."

"You would leave me all alone with someone both of us think is Kira, just because I won't sleep with a prostitute?"

"L, you know that isn't what I mean. I am trying to save you."

"I can solve this case no matter who I am sleeping with. I will save your life and my own."

"I will leave because it is the only way you will see reason."

"Don't!"

Watari shouted, "Then choose! Become celibate again, or have sex with someone other than Light."

"No!"

They were both slightly panting now, neither of them used to arguing. Since the last serious argument, it had been what, two years? And then it had been about diet and health issues, not something this big.

Watari said, "I see. You're trying to use your body as an additional tool to solve this case. Do you think Light will simply confess to you if you have sex enough times?"

"No. That would not fit Light's profile."

"Then, are you trying to manipulate him to gain some other advantage? It is a very dangerous game. Spies and agents who use sexual tactics are the ones who are most likely to defect to the other side. There are emotional consequences you aren't prepared for, no matter how much you think you are. If you had already successfully pulled off this sort of thing in the past with other cases, I might not oppose you this time, but this is your very first try, and you're gambling with your life, my life and other lives. If Light is Kira, he's the most dangerous criminal the world has ever known."

"I already know all those things."

Watari said, "Your decision is final, then? You will continue to have supposedly accidental encounters with Light, either because you are stubborn and truly can't control yourself, or because you think you can use sex to manipulate him better than he can use it to manipulate you?"

L said nothing, but spun his chair back to face Watari and gave him a defiant look.

Watari said, "Don't think my threat was a bluff. I will leave if things don't become more reassuring soon. If your most loyal helper leaves, the other task force members will too, if they haven't left even earlier than I do. You would be completely alone with him, defenseless."

"Watari, you would not truly do that. I think you will stay. Now, I think we should discuss the menu for the upcoming week."

That was their signal to start talking in code. The first letter of every third word would spell out their messages. Light would probably catch on to what was actually being said if he heard enough of it, so L resolved to keep the conversation as short as possible, limiting it to the most relevant information.

L began by telling Watari that he strongly suspected Light had the ability to eavesdrop through supernatural means, and that their conversation so far had been carefully crafted to give an impression of a confused and less-than-capable L who was indeed mistaken about his ability to deal with a sexual relationship.

Watari scolded L once more, stating that the plan was still too dangerous and not likely to yield results, and that L was probably fooling himself about his own feelings at least slightly.

L ignored the coded scolding and switched to the topic of the new deductions he'd come up with about Light and the case, particularly the idea that all of them had somehow been forced to accept Kira's power and had then given up that power, either through threats or trickery, but in any case probably through something that caused fear, so threats seemed more likely.

That it had happened while L was confused and feverish was significant, because L was sure that he wouldn't have yielded to threats if he'd been in his usual mental state. Watari was impressed with the deductions, which L used as a point in his favor, to argue that he was just as committed to pursuing Kira as ever.

L concluded the conversation by saying, in code, "I have always been willing to die to solve this case. Handing over a sexual partner to justice is nothing compared to that. I will continue to find ways to secretly tell you my deductions and plans, and that way you will know I haven't stopped trying to figure out if Light is Kira."

Shortly after the talk with Watari concluded, it was time to start the interviews, a grueling all-day process. The Yotsuba members were first. L was curious about whether Higuchi had displayed any abilities like the ones Light seemed to have recently acquired. Of course, it wouldn't be obvious to the others, since Higuchi wasn't that much of an idiot, but there could be some hints.

And, indeed, there was one incident that suggested Higuchi could hear what was being said in the meeting before he arrived. Nothing conclusive. There were also a couple of incidents of Higuchi being caught talking either to himself or to that invisible presence. Since the word "Rem" wasn't overheard, it was unclear if these incidents were like the one in Higuchi's car. L had expected that these men might have had the selective memory wipe performed on them as well, but there didn't seem to be any hint of that. Interesting.

Once Shimura mentioned Misa as a possibility for the second Kira, Light reacted. He warned L to be careful to not let these men know anything that might get Misa assassinated if they panicked and went to Interpol. That made sense, and L complied. Not that he thought there was much chance of a story like that being taken seriously unless someone actually in the Kira investigation said so. But it was best to be careful. L carefully worded his statements to leave the possibility open, and probed for any additional information on Misa, but found nothing.

However, Light was certainly restless now. Light looked more than once at a blank spot on the wall, trying to disguise it as shifting around in his chair and stretching. Was Light restless simply because Misa's guilt or lack of guilt was linked with his own, and if Misa were found to be the second Kira the trail of clues might lead back to him? That had to be it. Still, it was unusual for Light to be this visibly nervous, even though he was hiding it well enough that probably none of the other task force members had noticed. Was it an act, an attempt to drop false clues subtle enough that only L would notice?

L then let the Yotsuba men go and interviewed the 49 police officers that had been present at Higuchi's arrest. Something had happened between the time Higuchi exited his car and the time he died. L wasn't surprised to find that portion of the incident wiped from the officers he was interviewing. After all, if they had remembered, then it would have been pointless to erase the same thing from the memories of the task force. But, how had Kira accessed all these men? From a distance, no less? It should be difficult to even discover whom they were in the first place, but how had the memory wipe been done?

Had it even been Light? Maybe Light wasn't Kira. In order for Light to be Kira, so many strange powers needed to be assigned to him that it began to boggle the mind. Maybe this was breaking the bounds of logic, trying to imagine Light as a more and more powerful Kira in order to make him responsible for everything that had happened. But, if not him, who? There had never been any other suspect for the original Kira who was even slightly plausible. Was this the work of a fourth Kira now, one with freakish new powers?

There should be a way to test it, to see if Light had any abilities like that. The problem was that Light expected to be tested. Light wouldn't use his abilities unless absolutely forced to, and if a false emergency were created, he'd see through it. Light couldn't be tricked in any normal way; he wasn't susceptible to the sort of scheme that had snared Higuchi. No, the only option was to keep digging for clues and hope something turned up that was threatening enough Light would be forced to use his abilities to suppress it. L watched carefully. Perhaps the ideal evidence would be if one of these officers started to say something and suddenly dropped dead. If that happened, it would almost prove Light was Kira.

But then the officers were done with no more incidents, and it was time to interview those who were closest to them, their friends and family, especially about events on the night of November fifth. Fairly soon, L found several witnesses with similar stories, of hearing their loved one speaking as if with someone else, but when approached, nobody was there and the officer had no memory of the event. Several of the witnesses had heard phrases very similar to what Light had uttered right when he'd had his first personality change, a week into his confinement.

L whispered, "Get rid of it. My foolish pride, I just want to get rid of it."

Yes, Light reacted. It was one of those slight things, a fleeting facial expression, a barely-there tightening of the corners of the eyes, the nostrils flaring just a millimeter or so. It was one of those things that the others always seemed incapable of reading from Light, a clue of the type only L could pick up. Light knew something about this.

Was it a real clue, or a fake one he'd planted to confuse his trail? Was Light trying to create the idea that many people had received Kira's power and then lost it, and that the power was involuntary? If he could lead the investigation to that conclusion, without seeming to lead it there, it might save him from execution even if he were Kira. But that wasn't like Kira's profile, or Light's either. Kira should want to see his mission to the end, not try to escape on a technicality.

Next came the story that provoked an unmistakable reaction from Light. This time, even the other task force members seemed to notice Light's reaction. A wife of one of the officers said he'd told her the whole story of Higuchi's arrest. She mentioned a magic notebook, and three screams, apparently one for each person who had touched it. And, that story caused Light to suddenly turn his head to the side and glare at empty space as if he wanted to kill somebody.

This reaction was so strong that it was suspicious. Light had more control than this, didn't he? Light had been far easier to throw off-balance than L had expected. Was Light really that worried? No, no, Light had the ability to be very calm and collected. He'd already weathered very alarming situations with only the slightest signs of upset, which he always got under control quickly. Was it an act, then? Was Light pretending to be worried about certain things in order to lead the investigation in a false direction? Had Light planted clues to confuse things?

Someone with Kira's power would have the ability to plant clues and mess up the investigation. L had counted on that fact when he'd first invited Light to be part of the Kira investigation. L knew Light would try to steer the investigation in particular ways, which would reveal clues to his true intentions. It had worked, partially. Before Light became a part of the investigation, the picture had been very clear. Nearly all clues pointed at Light Yagami, with only a couple of indications that he might not be Kira.

After Light joined the investigation, the case became more muddled, just as L had expected. Someone with Kira's power could easily create false clues or divert suspicion. Kira was trying to create confusion, cover up his trail. Unfortunately, L hadn't been able to catch Light doing it. And then, after the capture of Higuchi, when Light apparently gained new powers, even more confusion had entered the investigation. It was like the earlier problems multiplied by ten. The only advantage was that this time it was completely clear that someone had done something; it didn't look like it could possibly be coincidence as it had before.

Three screams, and everyone who had been seen touching the notebook screamed. Yet, only one scream came from inside the helicopter. Who had screamed? Himself? Light? Watari? And, if only one person inside the helicopter had screamed, did that mean nobody else had handled the notebook that apparently made everyone scream?

So, there were now two competing theories about how Kira got his power. There was the shinigami theory, the idea that someone with Kira's power used a supernatural being to kill, and there was the idea that Kira killed by writing names in a magic notebook. Either theory, or both, could have been planted by Kira, if Higuchi had been controlled before his death or perhaps in other ways. Both theories were absurd. L didn't want to think of things like shinigami really existing, and the magic notebook idea sounded just plain silly.

If Light had been writing names in a magic notebook to kill criminals, that should have been apparent in the surveillance video. So, logically speaking, it couldn't have been him. Unless he used some trick, such as convincing someone else to write for him while he was being watched. And then, in the case of the second Kira, the magic notebook idea seemed to be an even worse fit to the evidence. How do you kill with merely a face if you need to write the name? Do you draw the face instead? And, Higuchi had upgraded from needing a face and a name to merely needing a face. But, when Higuchi killed that cop, he had reached into his bag. It was possible; he could have been writing or drawing. But, Higuchi had received some kind of supernatural power when he'd made "the deal"... perhaps the power of knowing a name by seeing a face?

No matter how silly these clues seemed, they needed to be pursued. Even if they were fake, Light's behavior while they were being pursued might inadvertently reveal something. If Kira used some kind of invisible creature to kill, that would be very difficult to test. How does one look for an invisible creature? But, if it were a magic notebook, then Kira had merely stashed it somewhere. Someone as intelligent as Light would have put the notebook in a place that would be very difficult to find. A monumental search would be required. But, if Kira's power came from a notebook, there had to be at least two of the things.

Though... considering some of Light's weird eye movements, looking at empty space. Could it be a shinigami? There was a way to test that. It wouldn't prove there was a shinigami there, but if the results turned out a certain way, it would be highly suspicious. Specially calibrated cameras could be installed to track all of Light's eye movements and precisely pinpoint exactly which spaces he was focusing on, creating a 3-D map of where Light looked all day, every day.

With enough of that data, it could amount to proof that Light tended to watch something where there was nothing. If there were proof that Light's eyes sometimes followed something that wasn't there, Light would need to do a lot of explaining to get out of it. L slid a hand into his pocket and without removing his cellphone sent a coded text message to Watari, explaining the test and his deductions and what items he would need.

After that, L carefully watched Light for any reaction and said, "Chief Yagami, we need to look for this murdering notebook. If Light is Kira, then the most obvious place to start is your house, but if it is hidden there it won't be concealed in any normal way. I would like to buy your house and everything in it, so the walls, ceiling, floors and all items can be taken completely apart to search for the notebook. Personal items that are not destroyed by this process and that can be put back together will be returned to you, and I can rebuild your house and pay for a place for your family to stay in the meantime."

Light showed no reaction to this. Did that mean the hypothetical notebook couldn't possibly be there, or was Light merely hiding his emotional reaction and developing a counter-plan? Soichiro certainly looked stunned, though.

After a few moments of silence, Soichiro said, "How will I explain this sudden move to my family, and what will I say about why we can't take our things?"

L said, "I will have the authorities fake a hazardous materials leak that requires the area immediately around your house to be evacuated. As for the personal items that survive, we will say that because of your high position in the NPA, you were able to use a favor and send some workers in protective suits to remove personal items from your home and send them to a cleaning facility. To explain why your house is shredded to pieces, I'm afraid we'll need to set off a small explosion when we are done searching, and we'll explain it as gas that was accidentally left on during the evacuation."

Soichiro nodded, a grim look on his face. Disrupting a family's home like this, it wasn't good, but what other choice was there? There were only so many places you could hide a thing the size of a notebook and be assured that others wouldn't accidentally find it. Other than an insanely difficult hiding place within Light's own home, there weren't that many other places that were serious possibilities.

Light probably couldn't have hidden it at college or at a friend's place with a complete assurance it wouldn't be found. Especially not if the notebook made you scream when you touched it. There was a possibility Light could have rented a storage locker somewhere in the city under a false name, but that also seemed unlikely. You couldn't pay too far in advance, and if the payments faltered, the owner would open the locker and either sell or throw away the contents.

No, the best hiding place, the most likely place, in tune with Light's level of intelligence, would be buried somewhere completely random. Light would have traveled somewhere far from home and buried the notebook in a place only he knew, a place secluded, where nobody would see him burying it or digging it up. It couldn't be in someone's yard or on his college's campus, it had to be quite private, where nobody would notice recently-dug ground and investigate. A park or forest or empty lot or abandoned building. But, to dig up every area like that in all of Tokyo, well, it would take forever and be extremely unsightly and the authorities probably wouldn't let even L do something like that.

By the time the arrangements with Soichiro had been finished, it was late in the day and Light desperately needed a meal, so L went along with Light to the kitchen, bringing a laptop with him to continue working while Light sat at the table and ate. Aizawa followed. He was the babysitter for now, to make sure nothing happened. L could tell, though, Light was thinking something, planning something. And, in the middle of the meal, it happened. Aizawa had turned his back and Light quickly scooted his chair over directly against L's chair. In almost the same motion, Light had wrapped his arms around L. L felt Light's hot breath in his ear, and he shivered, leaning into the hug.

Aizawa turned and said, "Stop that!"

L felt Light whispering in his ear, "I want to fuck you."

And then, in the next moment, as an angry Aizawa advanced on them, Light quickly let go and moved his chair over.

Aizawa said, "You two will stop that, and I'm telling Watari!"

L said, "I didn't do anything. Light started it."

Still, as Aizawa turned the full force of his anger on Light and had a short argument with him, L could feel a tingling where Light had briefly touched him. It would be difficult to wait until this evening. But, if Light was also having a hard time waiting, then perhaps something could be accomplished. A trick could be pulled on Light. L used the time until then reviewing video footage of the interviews, of the new cameras just installed in Misa's apartment, and of the "private" argument Light had had with his father. During that argument, Light certainly claimed love quite a bit. Light knew this footage would be watched later. It was probably a manipulative tactic rather than his true feelings.

But, lust, that was another matter. Twice more, Light managed to ambush him with a hug before they were separated. Once it was so quick that Aizawa didn't even notice it, but Light still managed to whisper something dirty than sent tingles straight to L's groin. The second time, it was while they were being watched by Mogi, and Light didn't make any attempt to hide it. Instead, he suddenly pinned L against the wall and started running his hands down L's sides, licking and biting along the edge of L's chin.

L simply allowed himself to be pinned and whimpered slightly, feeling limp and nerveless under Light's touches. Light was so hungry, eager and insistent, his mouth and hands hot and demanding. Every place Light touched, L wanted more and more. There was too much clothing in the way; he needed to feel Light's skin. Then Light's thigh was forcing its way between his two thighs, rubbing deliciously against his crotch, a nice back-and-forth motion, and then, in the next instant, Light had been pulled away.

Mogi didn't say anything, and Light didn't say anything. The two of them just looked at each other blankly, Mogi's hands still gripping Light's shoulders. L simply ignored the scene and casually walked down the hallway, feeling from the sudden slack in the chain that Light had decided to follow. When they got back to the main investigation room, Mogi pulled Watari aside and reported the incident in a voice that was lowered, but still, everyone could hear what was being said.

And then, around midnight when it was time for Light to go to sleep, Watari led them to their new bedroom. L knew what to expect. He had already been watching the new set-up via the surveillance cameras, but seeing it in person was a bit different. Watari unlocked the handcuffs and opened the door, revealing a bedroom that had been neatly split in two by closely-spaced iron bars going down the center. Neither side of the room looked like a jail cell, but that's what it basically was.

L went in his side, and Watari pushed Light into the other side. L immediately went to the bars and ran his fingers along them, pushing and probing. Even his slender fingers could only go through the spaces between the bars up to the second knuckle. A hand job through the bars wouldn't work. A soft penis could probably be forced through the narrow space, but as soon as it began to harden it would be quite painful.

L said, "This is not very good. It partially blocks my view of Light."

Watari replied, "That is why Light has so many cameras on his side, with the video displayed on those monitors on your side. You could hide yourself from him if you wanted, but he cannot hide from you."

L went to one of the computers and checked all the camera angles. Watari was correct. Light couldn't hide on his side of the room despite all the furniture. The best he could do would be to hide under blankets, but he'd always been able to do that. If he could work on Kira-related schemes by hiding under blankets, then there was really nothing that could be done to stop it.

L said, "And, you've got microphones everywhere?"

"Yes," Watari said, "Light should not be able to say anything, no matter how quiet, without being heard and recorded."

L said, "Good," and allowed Watari to close the door, locking both of them in.

Light pushed his bed over to the bars and said, "I think this will be more comfortable for both of us. Why don't you push your bed over too? Then we'll be sleeping close to each other."

L said nothing, but pushed his bed up to the bars alongside Light's bed. Then he settled into a crouch on his bed, turned the screen of his laptop computer so that Light couldn't possibly see it, and tried to decide what would provoke a reaction in Light. If Light could see what was happening elsewhere, there should be ways to prove that.

L put on headphones for the sound so Light wouldn't hear, and played live video from Misa's apartment in one window, and opened another window to re-examine the most critical parts of the interviews, the ones that had made Light react. He replayed them from several different angles, searching yet again for any clue of behavior or tone of voice.

There was no reaction from Light.

Then, L opened a file that had many of his previous deductions listed. These were all ones that Light already knew about. It was time to add to the list, now, when Light couldn't possibly be snooping in a normal way such as by hacking. If Light reacted now, it should almost prove he had a supernatural method of seeing things.

At the end of the list, L typed, "Light erases memories of how his power works by tricking people into accepting his power and then giving it up. Light kills as Kira by writing in a magic notebook."

A few seconds later, Light had an extremely panicked reaction, the worst L had seen yet. Light's face went very wrong for just a moment and then Light was pressing himself up against the bars and franticly talking. But what he said was not what L was expecting.

Light said, "You know it would be useless for me to kill you even if I were Kira, because your trap would catch me as soon as you died. And, you set it up so that there's no way I can possibly deactivate your trap, right?"

L said, "You are correct."

In a slightly calmer voice, Light said, "I just want you to feel safe around me. I know I'm not Kira, but I don't want to see you worried. And, I want you to know that I hate Misa. My relationship with her is only because of your orders. The only reason I would ever do anything nice for Misa is if someone were making me do it. You wanted me to make my love for her believable."

L could only stare. This was certainly unexpected. Not only had Light had a much more dramatic and emotional reaction than L would ever predict, Light was also going on about their relationship. It wasn't like Light to react this strongly. Did that mean it was another false clue, something L was meant to pursue that would end up being a waste of time? Or, was Light having these sorts of reactions for the first time ever because he was very close to being caught, and then was trying to cover it up with worried babble about their relationship?

Still, the timing was so close, it was difficult to believe it had been a coincidence. Typing up new deductions caused Light to have an outburst. It was now almost certain that Light did have the power of seeing things he shouldn't be able to see. If Light did have a special power, then it was extremely unlikely that it was just a random power with no connection to Kira. It had to be part of the Kira case.

If Light's power to see around corners and into other rooms could be proven, then the only remaining important question would be whether Light was Kira himself or a pawn of Kira, and, if Light were a pawn, exactly how he'd been manipulated into the role, willing or unwilling. In the beginning, Light had never acted like a pawn, but, lately, he was acting almost as if he were following someone else's plan or was afraid of someone who was blackmailing him. Was the second Kira threatening the first? No, that wasn't like Misa. Had someone else discovered proof of Light's identity as Kira and was forcing him into some plan or arrangement?

Light lay down on his bed, pressing up against the bars, and said, "Come here, L. Come here and kiss me."

L closed his laptop and placed it on a nightstand, then crawled across the bed and pressed his face as close as it could get to Light's face, the bars preventing the kiss from being completed normally.

L inhaled Light's scent, looked deep into his eyes, and then snaked his tongue between the bars and licked Light's lips.

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

Well, as you can see, the next lemon is almost here, though there are bars in the way.

Next chapter from Light's viewpoint!


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER 12**

Light didn't know what to expect when Watari brought them to their new bedroom, Rem drifting silently behind. L stood outside the door patiently, letting Watari unlock the handcuffs. This was it. It looked like an ordinary door. What would be inside? Watari had said it would now be impossible for them to have sex, without the need for task force members to watch the two of them around the clock in shifts. Would that mean sleeping in restraints of some kind?

But, when Watari unlocked the door, it was actually quite simple. A bedroom had been divided down the center by iron bars. From the very center of the doorway to the back wall, there was a line of jail-cell bars. L calmly walked into his side as Light remained standing outside, blinking. Each side had a bed, a toilet, a sink, two desks, some shelves and several chairs. But L's side had a computer sitting on each desk and a number of monitor screens mounted up on the walls.

Light felt Watari's hands on his shoulders, pushing him into his half of the room. L was looking at the bars, trying to slip his fingers through and only getting halfway, thwarted by the second knuckle. Even his slender hands couldn't give a hand job through these obstructions. Bars spaced that closely, they were certainly meant to prevent sex.

L complained, "This is not very good. It partially blocks my view of Light."

Then, L and Watari had a little discussion about the numerous cameras and microphones on Light's side that made up for the bars partially blocking the view. L could see whatever he wanted on the monitors on his side of the room.

Rem said, "Light, they are all getting very suspicious. With the interviews that happened today, don't we need to do something? Are you sure everything L discovered will truly amount to nothing without physical evidence? If Misa gets caught, I will kill you."

Light ignored her, not even looking in her direction as he examined his furniture. What a stupid and impatient shinigami! Everything would be going much better except for Rem's tendency to panic. As long as L couldn't get physical evidence or some other kind of real proof, nothing would happen. Rem should understand that by now.

Light was startled out of his thoughts by the sound of the door shutting and then a decisive click of them being locked in, each on their own side. L didn't even look up, but continued adjusting the monitors on his side to display every possible view of Light's side. Light looked to L's monitors and then to his own walls. Within a minute he had picked out every single camera. Some were overt and obvious, simply attached to the wall like any normal surveillance camera, but some were cleverly placed on furniture.

A few quick calculations later, Light was sure there was no way to do anything unobserved no matter how he might rearrange the furniture, except for hiding under the blankets to do something. But, hiding under the blankets couldn't be risked for whispering to Rem. Extra microphones had been placed everywhere in this room. It was probably possible to find a spot far enough from any microphone that quiet enough whispering would not be understandable, but it should only be risked in the most dire of situations. Any communications to Rem would need to be disguised as communications to L that had double meanings, one for L and one for Rem.

The highest priority for the moment was to seduce L again. That should be easier to do if they could each lie next to each other. Light pushed his bed up against the bars and said, "I think this will be more comfortable for both of us. Why don't you push your bed over too? Then we'll be sleeping close to each other."

L simply pushed his own bed over without any comment or protest, so the two beds were as close as they could be, on opposite sides of the bars. Was L really this cooperative? No, L was being too compliant. Light knew the detective had more willpower than he'd displayed. It could only mean L sensed a scheme and had decided to play along. That was fine with Light. L wouldn't make any progress on the case by playing along, because he'd never guess what the scheme was: protecting Misa and drawing L's suspicion without letting him have any real proof, while keeping everyone else's suspicion from getting too high.

After L moved his bed into place, he crouched on his bed and started working on his laptop, angling the screen away so Light couldn't see and even using headphones so Light couldn't hear. He had to be watching and listening to video. Rem must have gotten the same idea, because she went over there and stood behind L, looking worried. She really needed to calm down. Things were not going as badly as she thought, though they could go badly if Rem made an unwise move. But, it was still good to have an invisible spy to keep watch over L, even if L was beginning to suspect it.

Rem said, "L is watching Misa in her apartment. I think that video is live. He's also re-watching the interviews from today."

Light sat on his bed. He didn't feel like changing into his pajamas just yet. There had to be a way to seduce L despite the bars. Nobody should be watching video of this room at this time of night, except perhaps Watari, but the old man was probably getting some sleep, secure in the knowledge that both of them were locked in where they couldn't do anything. If Watari wasn't asleep yet, he probably would be soon.

L had built this building and still had access to the computers. In theory, L should be able to unlock the door so one of them could go into the other one's side of the room, no matter what Watari had done. Right? And, if that had somehow been made impossible, L could probably pull off some other scheme, such as picking the lock or perhaps deliberately spilling food on himself and needing a shower and then trying something while out of the room. Unless L did something unusual with the surveillance video, there would be consequences to pay, of getting caught in the morning and being talked to, but the more times L succumbed to sexual temptation, the less resistance there should be from the rest of the task force. If it became clear that it was going to continue happening regardless of the precautions...

Rem said, "L has a file open, it looks like his thoughts on the case, everything he's deduced."

There was a pause and then, as L continued to type nonchalantly, Rem's single visible eye went wide in shock and she said, "He's written 'Light erases memories of how his power works by tricking people into accepting his power and then giving it up. Light kills as Kira by writing in a magic notebook.'"

This wasn't good! Light had been expecting the notebook thing, but L shouldn't have guessed so quickly how his memories had been erased. How the hell did he figure it out so fast? Still, it was just a guess, not evidence, not unless Rem did something stupid to confirm it. But, here she came. Rem quickly walked right through the bars and onto Light's side.

Rem said, "Your plan isn't working. It's time for a new plan, mine. I will kill L and Watari now, before L has a chance to tell everything to the others. I'll die here, and you'll have my death note. Then, use it to kill all the other investigators."

 _Shit! Rem is out of control! I need to talk her out of this!_

Light flung himself against the bars and hurriedly said, "You know it would be useless for me to kill you even if I were Kira, because your trap would catch me as soon as you died. And, you set it up so that there's no way I can possibly deactivate your trap, right?"

L replied, "You are correct."

Rem had her death note out, but she was waiting, seeing what would happen. Her face was conflicted. Good. She needed to see that nothing worthwhile for Misa could come from her plan. There was a way to convince Rem, and to cover up the suspiciously-timed outburst at once, while seeming to talk to L rather than Rem.

Light said, "I just want you to feel safe around me. I know I'm not Kira, but I don't want to see you worried. And, I want you to know that I hate Misa. My relationship with her is only because of your orders. The only reason I would ever do anything nice for Misa is if someone were making me do it. You wanted me to make my love for her believable."

There. Rem should now understand that L's trap was a serious matter and that there would be absolutely no motivation to help Misa after Rem's death, if Rem chose to kill herself. L looked odd, very thoughtful, his eyes like dark fathomless pools. He probably didn't know quite what to think either. That was as it should be. Still, L needed more convincing, and so did Rem, and if Rem saw L get away from his laptop she'd probably calm down and become a bit rational.

Light lay down on his side on his bed, pressed up right against the bars, and said, "Come here, L. Come here and kiss me."

L didn't object to being called "L" instead of "Ryuzaki" but just calmly put away his laptop and approached, laying down on his own side of the bars on his bed, matching Light's position like a mirror image. He was so close but almost untouchable. Light could feel L's body heat and his warm breath, could look directly into L's eyes. His fingers itched to grasp L, to run along his torso, to fling him down and mount him...

L's tongue snaked between two of the bars and licked Light's lips, his dark, inscrutable eyes staring through another space between the bars. Light couldn't tell what L was thinking, but he did look lustful. For the outburst to be convincing as something that was not caused by L's typed deductions, it needed to continue.

As L's tongue stroked Light's lips, straining through the bars, Light said, "I'm upset that you said our relationship is nothing. We've known each other for more than half a year, and in the months we spent chained together we've probably spent more time directly in each other's presence than couples who have been together for two or three years."

L's tongue never stopped its movements as Light talked, his lips fluttering against L's tongue.

Light said, "The only reason I didn't break up with Misa after she was arrested was because you told me not to. You said she might have information about the second Kira, and if I broke up with her she might be too angry to tell me. Then, when she risked her life to catch Higuchi, my heart was touched and I thought maybe it could work, and I owed her a chance. That's why I met with her at the entrance of this building to talk periodically. But there is nothing between us now, and there never was much. What happened earlier today with Misa probably went too far, but it will keep her satisfied that I like her. And, I was upset about you kissing Matsuda. Of course things got a little out of hand."

L just kept licking busily as he squirmed up against the bars.

Light said, "Are you even listening to me?"

"You talk quite a lot. Why don't we do something?"

Then, Light felt L's fingers jammed against his crotch, barely able to wriggle. Light started grinding into the touch, trying to ignore Rem's presence. L couldn't get his fingers completely through the bars and there wasn't much friction to be had. It was like the worst hand job ever.

Still, L seemed to be getting quite into it, moaning softly and pressing his body frantically against the bars, panting and grinding and going a bit crazy as the minutes passed. Light watched, weirdly fascinated. Could L really get much pleasure this way? Still, it did feel good, and Light was yearning for more of that touch, licking back at L's tongue, wishing he could go right through the bars and grab L, to hold him down and fuck him slowly, relentlessly.

Then L's eyes went very wide and he said, "Bend the bars. Then we can have sex through the space you'll make."

"What?"

"Light, it's useless for you to hide that you have special powers. Just now, you clearly observed what I typed even though you shouldn't have been able to. You broke the chain a few days ago, so these bars should be nothing for you to bend."

Rem said, "I will not bend the bars for you."

 _So, that's what this is about. Trying to prove the existence of special powers, which is the next best thing to actually proving I'm Kira._

Light said, "I told you before, I don't know how the chain broke. And just because I got worried about our relationship and tried to talk to you while you were using your laptop, it doesn't mean that I was reacting to whatever was on your laptop. I waited a reasonable amount of time for Watari to leave and hopefully go to bed, so we could have a semi-private talk about our relationship."

L drew back slightly from the bars and pulled his fingers out of the gap, then pressed one finger against his lower lip. "Is that how you explain it? Then I would like to hear more about your deductions on the case."

 _Well, first it is time to neutralize Rem._

Light said, "I know you've told others about whatever deductions you've made, or, if you claim you haven't told others, then it is because you are using yourself as bait, hoping I'm Kira and I'll kill you to prevent you from telling your new deductions to others. Then your trap would catch me. That's the plan."

Rem was putting away her death note. Good. Now it was time to confuse the matter.

Light continued, "And, I keep thinking about Higuchi. He was too easy to catch and died as soon as he'd been caught. Have you seriously considered the possibility that Higuchi was controlled and then killed by Kira? In that case, everything Higuchi said and did while under our observation was a show put on by Kira to give us the wrong ideas. It seems that Kira likes to use decoys to waste your time and divert your attention. If we assume that much, then Higuchi was a decoy, and I am as well. That's the only explanation that makes sense to me. There used to be evidence that cleared my name and Misa's name even though Kira erased it from everyone's memories. Obviously, Kira isn't done using the two of us to confuse you. I guess we were too convenient to throw away since you've been suspicious of us for so long."

L said, "I do remember arguing with the others about whether that evidence was sufficient to clear your name, even though I don't remember what the evidence was."

"There is more," Light said, "if Kira lost interest in the decoy, perhaps the decoy would die. I would rather not die. But, until we get a better idea of who Kira really is, watching the decoy is the only way to get clues about Kira. Why do you think I'm so willing to let you chain me and observe me? As long as your attention is on me, I'll probably live, and it's also the only way to get closer to solving the Kira case. Kira might think that as long as the decoy holds your attention, he's safe, but together we can outsmart Kira. I'm sure of it."

L said, "Yes, that makes sense."

He didn't look convinced, but Rem did. And that was what mattered the most anyway. Rem needed to think that L wasn't much of a threat, that he could be pushed around by words and schemes. As long as Rem didn't misbehave, everything would go smoothly. Neutralizing Rem was imperative, but it was also important to keep suspicion at the right level, not too high and not too low.

Light said, "You see, I think Kira doesn't want a decoy to actually get convicted as Kira. That would be pointless. The deaths would start up again at some point after the decoy was jailed or executed, and then it would be clear you'd caught someone who wasn't really Kira. Then you'd be looking for the real Kira again. The longer a decoy keeps your attention, the better it is for Kira."

L said, "Do you have any thoughts on why the criminal killings stopped with Higuchi's death, restarted briefly, and then stopped again?"

"Other than pure chance or some plan we can only guess at, there are only two possibilities. One is if Kira is deliberately trying to create an erratic pattern in order to waste our time, when in fact the pattern has no meaning. The other is if Kira has now decided to lie low for a while, perhaps in order to track down the investigation and kill us, perhaps to just avoid leaving clues until some later time when there is less attention focused on Kira."

Light allowed the slightest smirk onto his lips, an expression he knew L would catch but nobody else would be able to discern, even with the cameras. Then Light said, "To guess why the killings didn't simply stop with Higuchi's death, I'd say Kira is taunting you. Kira is clearly showing that he's still alive and is not Higuchi, but refuses to give you much to work with other than the knowledge he is still out there, uncaptured. It is as if Kira is poking you just to see how you'll react. Then, how do we catch Kira? I've been thinking about it."

L's eyes were intense. He had his own slight smirk, a sign of the joy of the chase, of gathering clues. Well, L thought he was making progress but he'd never confirm his guesses and everything would go exactly as planned. From now on, Rem should settle down and after that there was really only one way for things to go. Even if L made an unexpected, dramatic move he'd get no results.

L said, "Light, how do we catch Kira? What are your thoughts?"

"I am thinking that there are only two ways to catch Kira. Kira must be caught in the act of trying to kill, or we must find physical evidence that is strong enough to be proof. Everything else is circumstantial evidence or guesswork. If we allowed circumstantial evidence and guesswork to substitute for proof, we could probably build a case for even someone as ridiculous as Matsuda being Kira. If Matsuda was Kira, he had all the information he'd need to make it look as if it were really me."

 _Yes, Rem. L can't actually do anything. You must realize that by now. I've made my points quite clear._

L said, "You are correct."

Light said, "To get the solid proof we need, the first step is to get a suspect. Then we should set a trap similar to the one we used for Higuchi, but tailored to that specific suspect, creating a situation where Kira would be forced to act. But, in order to be sure we aren't dealing with another decoy, we should watch the suspect a long time and delay the test, no matter what my father says about arresting the suspect immediately to save lives. Then the suspect will be less likely to be controlled by Kira in order to force us to come to certain conclusions. We were rushed and sloppy with Higuchi, and as a result we didn't learn much and we have no idea if what we did learn is genuine information or just lies fed to us by Kira."

L was looking slightly confused. It must be that he wanted to confirm his guesses, but he had to admit to himself that they were tentative until proven and that there were many other ways to interpret the Kira case. All these points should prove to be thorny issues for him, leading the investigation further astray.

L said, "How are we going to find any new suspects while the deaths are stopped?"

"Well," Light said, "we can do the same thing that led us to the Yotsuba deaths, but using old data. Just keep sorting through it to look for patterns and then see where those lead us. Or we can try some kind of trick or stunt to draw Kira into the open. Something like the Lind L. Tailor broadcast but different enough that Kira shouldn't see it as a trick, such as perhaps slowly leaking information about an L who is actually false but seems to be real, and seeing if Kira picks up the trail."

Then L said, "You shouldn't be shy about your deductions, Light. You should have brought up these points earlier, in front of all the investigators."

Light said, "I like to think things over fully. I'm still not sure I have very clear ideas about this. Everything is hopelessly muddled."

"We should talk with everyone later about your ideas. They really are brilliant deductions."

Then L was slipping his fingers as far as they could get through the bars and pushing his face and the entire length of his body against the bars. Light did not move into the friction this time, but simply watched L, allowing L to get more and more worked up by himself, seeing him pressing against the bars and licking and panting.

L flexed his almost-stuck fingers and said, "Light, let me touch you."

Light said, "You designed this building. You have computers on your side. You can unlock that door so one of us can go to the other side."

L said, "Watari designed this room to keep us separated. Do you think he'd let it be possible for me to unlock the door with my computer? We are trapped here until morning."

L looked intense and he licked between the bars again, thrusting his tongue as far as it would go. Then he withdrew it and said, "We could perform oral sex on each other."

"Barely."

L said, "Let's try."

Light reversed position, so he was lying with his head just at L's crotch. He experimentally thrust his tongue between the bars, tasting the iron as his tongue slid through. It was a tight fit, but it would be possible to lick the tip of a penis.

Light said, "You are being stubborn."

Light used his eyes to motion to Rem, hoping she'd stand where he couldn't see her and could be easily ignored.

Rem said, "I do not trust him enough to leave him unwatched yet," but she seemed to get the message and went into a corner, out of Light's view.

Light said, "Are you sure Watari isn't watching now?"

In a quiet, low voice, urgent with desire, L said, "He needs his sleep, and he trusts the design of this room to stop us."

Light pulled down his trousers and pressed his erection against a space between the bars. Immediately, he felt L's tongue, warm and wet, busily licking at the tip. L was good, very good. Light held his shaft and stroked it as L licked. Then he saw L unbuttoning his own jeans, imitating Light's actions.

It was nice, so nice, to see L touching himself, and Light immediately pressed his mouth up to the bars and licked between them, restricted by the small space but still managing to give short, wet flicks to the head of L's penis. At that contact, L's own motions became a bit erratic, less coordinated, but he was still incredibly wonderful with his tongue, whether it was precise or sloppy.

Something about doing it between the bars, when the bars had been set so closely together to prevent sex, was very hot and dirty, and Light couldn't stop thinking about L's mouth as he stroked himself. L's tongue moved back and forth over the sensitive head of Light's erection faster than Light would have thought possible, a series of soft, hungry licks, a constant flicker of movement, barely restrained by the bars.

In comparison, Light felt his own tongue actions were clumsy. Oh, God! The thought of what L could do with that mouth once he no longer had restrictions, of letting him perform real oral sex, of watching him learn how to do it, the mere thought was hardening Light even more. The need to touch L, to truly grab him and press into him, was almost unbearable.

Light drew back slightly and panted, "L, unlock the door."

L paused in his actions, and in a voice choked with lust said, "Bend the bars, Light. I know you can do it. It's pointless to hide your special abilities when I already know about them."

Light groaned in frustration as he felt L's flicking strokes resume. If L was back to trying this trick again, then he was desperate. He didn't have any better tests that could be performed, so he was trying whatever was currently possible.

Light said, "L, please," and then resumed his licks.

Judging by the way L stroked his own penis, in a jerky, uncoordinated rhythm, he was getting close, and Light could feel an answering surge of excitement in himself. Those stupid bars! Light mashed against them in desperation, moaning slightly and wriggling. He was going to come. He could feel it building within him, a surging pleasure. But he wanted to really touch L, to be held in those arms.

Just then, L rolled away from the bars, panted for a few moments and said, "Light, this is too frustrating. I need you to bend the bars. Stop being stubborn about a battle you've already lost."

There was mischief dancing in L's eyes. Light wanted to kill him.

Light said, "You're thinking that if I'm Kira I have special powers, and that my outburst earlier proved I could see your computer screen. Well, nothing you have right now is anything more than a coincidence, and even if I were Kira, do you think I can't wait through one night?"

Light pressed up against the bars and said, "I'm telling the truth. I can't bend these bars. Now, what are you going to do?"

L was just out of reach, and the metal was cold. Light glared at him.

L said, "You do have supernatural abilities, but that by itself wouldn't prove you are Kira, it would just make it extremely likely that you had something to do with the attack on headquarters. You may as well bend the bars. If you resist now, I'll just prove it later."

"How?"

"I could put you in a situation where you'd need to break a chain of that same strength and thickness as the one you did before in order to survive. Then you'd be forced to use your power to save your life."

"No, you wouldn't do that, because then no matter what is the truth or what happened, you would not get any clues."

"Explain."

With a glance at Rem to make sure she was listening, Light said, "First, I know you, and you'd never actually do that. If you were willing to kill me on the chance that you might get the proof you needed, you would have done it already. You are too concerned with justice to let an innocent die for one of your tests. I would automatically assume it was a fake test, and that I would get out of it alive regardless."

L said, "Kira is getting very close, after the attack. What if I am getting desperate enough to try a test that could kill you? Also, I know you have those abilities, Light, so I know you would save yourself."

Light said, "Even if I thought that you'd perform a true lethal test, I'd still die, whether I am Kira or not. If I do have special powers, and if the entire investigation team obtained proof of it, they would be almost completely certain that I was behind the attack on headquarters. Then, they would all think I had to be Kira. If I couldn't be convicted, if no more evidence than that could ever be found, then probably Aizawa or Mogi would eventually get frustrated at the lack of progress on the case and leak my name to Interpol, and then I'd be assassinated."

L said, "I don't think anyone on the team would leak your name. And, even if they did, I think Interpol would do nothing unless the deaths restarted."

Light laughed, to show Rem how unconcerned he was, and said, "Nice try. I know that either you won't do the test at all, or it will only seem as if it could be lethal. You're not a killer. That just isn't the way you are."

L stared back, his eyes unreadable.

Light said, "L, don't try to kill me. Just don't. It's pointless and immoral. Now, stop being stubborn and unlock that door."

L paused a few more moments, watching, and then said, "Very well. But be prepared to run for it."

Light said, "What?"

L ignored him and got out his laptop while pulling his jeans back up and fastening them. Light did likewise with his own clothing. Run for it? That meant, another room?

Then, there was a click from the door and L rushed to it, saying, "Let's go. You must stay in my sight at all times. We need to hurry. Watari is almost here."

Light went to the door and waited while L turned the doorknob, which was on his half. As the two slipped out into the hallway, Light said, "So, Watari was watching and listening?"

"Yes," L said, in a completely unconcerned tone as he grabbed Light's hand and pulled him along, running down the hallway, "Watari has already blanked out my face on the video and sent a copy to the other headquarters."

Rem took that information with a look of grim resignation and said, "Light Yagami, they have backed us into a corner. Do not make me regret sparing their lives."

L pulled Light into a stairwell and they ran up several floors, coming out onto another hallway Light didn't recognize. Halfway down that, there was a huge set of double-doors made of metal. L flipped open a keypad and typed in a code, then put his palm on a hand-scanner while leaning down to peer in a retina scanner.

Light was panting, his heart beating wildly, looking around for Watari. Just as Watari came in a door at the opposite end of the hallway, the metal doors opened. Light ran in and heard L say, "Watari, this isn't an emergency. We'll be out in the morning."

Then they were both inside, and the thick metal doors were closing. Light watched the space between those doors with a sick fascination, wondering if Watari's form would appear there at the last moment and force them open again. L stood beside him, apparently watching with the same intent. The doors closed without any event. Even Rem had fallen behind. Light hoped he wouldn't see her again until the morning and turned to look at the place they'd entered. It was a small lobby-like area with several doors branching off in the back.

L answered Light's unvoiced questions by saying, "This is an emergency panic room. The walls are as thick as a bank vault and it would take even those with specialized equipment some time to break through. There is a pantry with enough food for weeks, two bathrooms and twenty beds. Once an authorized person has locked themselves in, it can't be opened from the outside, only the inside. Watari will leave us alone."

"Is..." Light said, "is he still watching?"

As L turned and walked back toward one of the doors, he said, "Everything that happens in here is recorded, but that video can only be accessed from inside here. Otherwise, if outsiders could view it, it could be a way for Kira to kill whoever is trapped in here. Watari will probably review that video tomorrow to make sure it doesn't contain important clues or examples of you hurting me."

Light hung back a bit. L was always so nonchalant about things like this. What was it? He didn't have a proper sense of privacy, or of shame? But, it wasn't too hard to use your mind to shut out things, to try to forget in the moment of passion about any consequences. Besides, Watari would surely fast-forward through the dirty parts. At least Rem wasn't here any more, and at least there was no longer a guard to worry about. Even Matsuda, asleep, had turned out to be quite a bit of trouble and embarrassment.

Light followed L into a room that was nothing more than a long row of beds. Thankfully, they were all nice and big enough for two people. L slid into one bed and lay back halfway propped up on his elbows and giving Light a weird stare. He was obviously trying his best to look sultry, and the effect was so amateur that instead of looking ridiculous as it should, it looked incredibly hot.

L really was unaware of what he was doing, completely inexperienced. He was already in too deep and he didn't even know it, he thought he was always in control. He probably didn't think there was any chance he was deluding himself about sex, about his reasons for doing it and his body's reactions. Well, by the time he realized his error, it would be pointless for him to change his habits.

Light walked over to the bed and crawled into it, his fingers itching to touch L, to grasp him and run lightly all over his skin. The bars, the bars were gone, and there was nothing in the way, nobody to stop them. Light pulled off his shirt and then got into L's lap, putting a knee on either side of L's hips and then leaning down, pushing L flat onto his back and nipping along his jaw line. L leaned his head backward, displaying his neck, and Light slid his face down, nuzzling and biting softly at the Adam's apple.

Between nips Light said, "I want... to show you... how to do it... without bars."

L gave a lustful groan in response. L's body was almost completely limp and unresisting, but the slight motions Light was making rubbed their crotches together, and Light could feel the hard bulges they each had. He slid his arms behind L's back, hugging him, cradling him gently, rubbing his bare chest against L's white shirt. L was so pale; his shirt was only a few shades whiter than he was. Light wanted to see that expanse of smooth, milky, pale skin, and so he reached down and grabbed the lower hem of L's shirt, pulling it up and over L's head, peeling it off L's unresisting body.

Something about L just then reminded Light of a kitten. He was just so small and cute and harmless, yet there was something about him that was animalistic and feral. Light used a knee to force L's legs apart and then lay between them, sliding down to lick at one of L's nipples. It was a delicate, pale pink and it hardened almost instantly. L was panting and he let out little moans at the stimulation. Light rocked his hips back and forth slightly as he licked, feeling L's clothed erection jutting at his stomach. There were still entirely too many clothes involved in the situation.

Light kissed his way in a trail down L's chest and stomach, then stopped at his crotch and placed his mouth directly against the bulge, lightly mouthing L's penis through the cloth with his teeth and then breathing out a long, hot breath, making L shiver and whine. Light drew back with a smirk and quickly removed the last of his own clothing, then attacked L's jeans, stripping him completely in just a few moments, noting with satisfaction that L's toes were curling and uncurling in anticipation.

Light climbed on top again, pressing his lips to L's lips, sliding his hands behind L's head and tangling his fingers in that silky-smooth black hair, tugging gently and looking into L's dark eyes, seeing pure emotion and need there. L was human now, he was caught in a chain of instinct and reaction that he couldn't comprehend properly, that he couldn't manipulate and analyze and perfectly control and put into little categories.

L didn't know what he was doing and that was intoxicating. To put something over on L, it was everything Light had wanted since he'd first seen the Lind L. Tailor broadcast. He worked his lips against L's more hesitant, gentle lips and rubbed their naked erections together in a circular grinding motion. L was already sticky, leaking pre-cum all over their stomachs.

It wasn't enough; it wasn't even close to enough. Light wanted to feel more and more of L's skin even though they were both naked, and it shouldn't really be possible to do it. But, wherever skin touched skin, it felt so warm and nice and perfect and sparked a need for more, more, more. Light wanted to sink into that skin, to completely enclose himself in L. And now, L was kissing back more strongly, gaining confidence, starting to use his tongue, that marvelously skilled tongue.

The moment L's tongue slipped inside, Light thought he was losing his mind. That tongue was skilled and sly and very quick, just like L himself, and it was all Light could do just to keep up with it, his mouth frantic and hot, his face twisting to keep L's nose from mashing into his own. Once again, the thought of getting into that mouth, of having L perform oral, was almost completely overwhelming. Light resolved that it would happen tonight. L had gotten enough blowjobs, it was time for him to start giving as well.

Light broke the kiss reluctantly, causing L to make a little involuntary sound of disapproval, and then Light rotated his body to match their mouths with each other's groins.

Light used his elbows and knees to hold himself just clear of L's body and said, "Can you-"

But he was stopped by the feeling of L's hands and then his mouth. Obviously he could. That tongue. It was the same feeling from between the bars, an almost-too-fast-to-believe warm wet flickering on just the sensitive head, as L's hands roamed up and down the shaft, hesitantly at first but then building up a rhythm. Light leaned down and began to take in L's erection, just the tip at first, then sliding slowly down the shaft, all the way to the base. L couldn't do this, not yet. But he would learn.

L was trying to arch upwards, but Light grabbed his hips, those slender, wonderful hips, and pinned L's pelvis securely as he continued to lick and suck all up and down L's shaft. L was making little mousy sounds of approval, and then Light felt it. L was trying to take in more. His lips were tight and his tongue kept up its delicious rhythm of quick sliding movements as the tip of Light's penis and then a bit more slipped into L's mouth. L's hands were still there around the base of the shaft, gripping just right, and then one hand moved lower and cupped Light's balls, massaging them.

Light moaned around the shaft filling up his mouth, and he could feel L's muscles tensing, so he did it again and then L was making some mumbling sounds, adding vibration to his tongue movements and his lips, and suddenly Light wanted so badly to feel L completely, to be enclosed on every side, so he started pushing his pelvis down even though he knew it was too soon, and L was taking it at first, and it felt so good, so perfectly right.

And then L made a little choking sound and the feeling of that gagging movement and sound sent shocks, delicious little thrills, through Light's body and he just kept sliding in further, slow but refusing to pull out. A moment later, he felt the pain of L's teeth digging in, and it was sharp, too hard, a serious bite. Light pulled back at both ends at once, releasing L's penis and withdrawing his own. He could hear L panting.

L said, "I don't think you should be on top."

Then L was grabbing Light's torso, flipping Light and pinning him down using his elbows, L's hands curling around Light's privates. Before Light could say anything, L's busy mouth was going to work again from his new on-top position, and Light just wanted it to continue, wanted more of it, and he took the erection that was bobbing in front of his face and began slurping on it, putting his hands on L's hips to keep him from thrusting down too fast or at the wrong moment, gradually letting L build up speed with the downward thrusts.

L still could only fit about half in, but he was so good with the tongue movements that Light couldn't help but cry out a little, even though his own mouth was mostly filled with the shaft that he let plunge so far back into his throat over and over. L's mouth was wet and sloppy and yet his movements were anything but sloppy, so fast and busy, with lips and tongue working together, his hands taking care of everything that wouldn't fit in his mouth, and L's thrusts were more forceful now, and then Light could feel it, could feel what was happening to L.

L's excitement was building faster than the tense hot pressure in Light's own groin. L was going to come first. Light could feel it in L's faltering movements at both ends, so Light focused hard to give extra attention to L's cock. Light was sucking harder and moving his tongue more, and L shivered in response and became even more erratic in his own work, and the thought of making L so undone, of unraveling the part of him that could think and plan and accomplish, it was such a sweet thought, so pleasurable.

L was barely moving at all now, but Light did the work for him, holding his hips up and mouth-fucking him furiously, making him tremble and making him let out a series of quiet little uncontrolled sounds, and then suddenly L let out a loud moan and pressed his forehead to the mattress as Light felt L's cock become incredibly tense and then begin to release in warm thick spurts.

At that, Light only increased the tempo of his movements, taking L's entire length in repeatedly and swallowing around the sensitive head. L's hips were twitching, his weight helplessly slumping, but Light held him up and continued to mouth him vigorously, draining every last bit of semen from him, only stopping and pushing L onto his side once he was sure the orgasmic aftershocks were done.

Light desperately wanted to see L's face, so he rotated around so their heads were matched up once more. L was limp and exhausted and almost glowing with satisfaction, one spindly finger pressed to his lower lip as he gazed at Light with an expression that seemed, perhaps, to contain love, just a bit of love. L was falling; he didn't mean to and he probably didn't have any clue it was happening, but he was experiencing more than just lust. This was like the fake friendship that had developed into something real, and L was still in denial about that as well.

Light snuggled into L's arms, pressing his neglected erection against L's thigh, and then L was suddenly aggressive once more, pushing Light onto his back and giving him the most vigorous kiss yet, incredibly hungry and needy, and Light responded back enthusiastically with a rhythm of tongue and lips, though it seemed he just couldn't keep pace with L, and then L broke the kiss and roughly pulled Light's body into a new position. L arranged Light sitting on the very edge of the bed, and knelt between his spread legs, at once going to work on Light's erection, and Light needed it so badly, it had been so long a wait and everything had built up tremendously inside.

"You perverted tease," Light mumbled as he ran his hands over L's head and through his fluffy hair, remembering everything L had subjected him to through the bars for the sake of his stupid little test.

And L's tongue was wrapping around, and his lips enclosing tightly, and his tongue, his busy tongue, never stopped its flicking movements, strong yet gentle, maddening and satisfying all at once. God! L couldn't deep-throat yet, it was his first time giving oral, and yet he was so good already even though he could only fit the top half into his mouth.

Light was drawn in by L's eyes, the sight of L gazing up directly into his face as L worked, the eyes partly hidden by the messy hair. L's slender pale body, kneeling, his eyes looking upward so intensely, it was the perfect sight, spread out there before Light, and Light found himself mumbling "L" over and over as that feeling built within him and his hands curled on L's shoulders, kneading reflexively in the smooth naked skin.

Then the pleasure was climbing, intensifying, building to a hot, trembling peak where all the tension suddenly let go, and Light was coming, with a wild cry, coming into L's mouth, that wonderfully warm, wet mouth. L was startled by the first spurt and moved backwards, releasing Light's cock. The next spurt hit L in the face, leaving a wide white splatter on his cheek. L seemed to catch on then, and he took the top half of Light's erection back into his mouth, where it was perfect and felt oh so very good, and Light threaded his fingers through L's shaggy black hair and continued to release inside that mouth as L's tongue swept over him, creating little mid-orgasm jolts, and the white liquid dribbled out of the corner of L's mouth like drool, running down to his chin.

L rubbed absently at it with the back of his hand, which didn't remove much but only smeared it around more. Light kept his fingers in L's hair, keeping him in place until the climax was done, and then Light pulled him into the bed and pulled the blankets up around them, kissing L gently all over his face and neck, using his tongue to clean away his own cum from L.

L endured it all without resistance, mumbling sleepily and then allowing Light to form their tangled bodies and the blankets into a warm nest of naked arms and legs, skin against skin, softly breathing chests bumping against each other each time they inhaled. L's eyes looked dreamy and strange, and at last he closed them, and Light loved the sight of the incredibly dark lashes splayed against the white skin so much that he kissed the eyelids, one at a time.

After long minutes of Light holding a lazy, languid L, L opened his eyes, stretched and said, "You will not leave this bedroom at any time without bringing me with you. Just because you're off the chain for tonight, it doesn't mean you can go to the bathroom by yourself."

"Don't worry," Light said with a soft kiss to L's cheek, "I'm staying with you."


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER 13**

At 5 AM the next morning, L woke up. He blinked a bit in the darkness, staring at the glowing numbers on the clock. Yes, the illness must be entirely gone for normal sleeping habits to be re-asserting themselves. He glanced at Light, seeing him completely limp and oblivious, a few drops of drool caught in the corner of his mouth. His breathing was peaceful and altogether he looked like a little angel, not like Kira.

There was something about Light, something very calm. Either he really wasn't Kira, or his killings didn't have the same mental side effects that they would in most people. Light was either innocent, or a truly cold-hearted killer. Though, not seeing the deaths would allow for a certain emotional distance that would protect the psyche. If Light were ever put in a situation where he would need to kill with his own hands, he might falter.

L slid out of bed carefully, trying to make sure the blankets wouldn't slide over Light's sleeping form and awaken him. L quickly tapped into the internal surveillance system for the "panic room," or rather series of rooms, and fast-forwarded through the night footage, making sure Light didn't do anything suspicious. No, he stayed in bed. He looked exhausted.

Well, Light surely wasn't ready to wake up yet, but he'd have to. L bounded back into bed roughly, bouncing and then pulling the blankets off Light in a single sweeping motion. Light made an annoyed mumble and curled up into a protective ball. Then his eyes cracked open and he made an annoyed sigh.

"Ryuzaki, it's five in the morning. Go back to sleep."

"No, it's time to wake up."

Light grabbed the blankets and wrapped them around himself hard with several rolls, tucking the ends under his body entirely, out of reach, and then with one last angry glare his eyes slid shut and his head slumped. L launched himself on top of Light's form and began forcibly unpeeling the blanket. Light flailed his arms around, trying to snatch the blankets back, but L was quickly pulling them out of reach entirely and flung them to the floor. Light sat up, frowning. Then he jumped to the next bed and dived under the blankets.

L followed and said, "Light, I'll just pull you back out."

"Let me sleep. There are twenty beds. I'll just keep going to the next one."

L straddled Light's body and began another tugging war with the new blankets. This time Light had an iron grip.

L said, "You're already waking up. The longer you struggle, the more difficult it will be to sleep again. I'm winning."

Light made another disgusted grumbling sound, and then said, "Will I at least get laid for this?"

"Maybe."

Light sighed. "Now?"

"No. It takes a long time to get out of here. We need to start."

"What?"

L simply grabbed Light's wrist and dragged him along to the front entrance. There he flipped open a protected keypad and entered a code, and then held his eye up to a scanner and placed his palm against another scanner.

L explained, "Now the doors will open in three hours. It is like this so that if one of the persons in the panic room is controlled by Kira, the others will have time to override the code."

"We won't get out of here until eight o'clock?"

"Yes."

Light said, "Now can I go back to sleep?"

"No, because I need to stay with you, and I'm hungry and I need a shower."

Light put his hand to his forehead, but L grabbed his hand and pulled him along to the kitchen. L began going through the cupboards. This was all emergency food, so it was mostly canned, and there were entirely too many vegetables. L stacked some cans of fruit along the edge of the counter as he searched. At last, L found several tins of digestives in the back of one cupboard, and along with a can of pineapple and a can of cherries, took these to settle down at the table to eat. Light was already sitting there, resting his head on the table. L took out the chocolate digestives first, and began making little sandwiches by placing cherries or pineapple chunks between two of the flat, round biscuits. It wasn't really sweet enough, but it was okay for emergency food.

After finishing breakfast, L shook Light awake again and pulled him to the men's bathroom. It was a large room with one end being a gigantic shower area, with many showerheads lined along two walls and a central drain in the middle. L quickly located some soap and shampoo in a cupboard, and pulled Light along by the hand to just under a shower and started it.

Light yelped and jumped back from the spray. L kept an eye on him but continued to wash. Light shook himself a few times, as if trying to get the sleepiness out, and then approached. Something about his body language was different. He took the soapy washcloth from L's hand and said, "Could I do that?"

After a pause, L said, "Yes."

L closed his eyes as Light washed him with long, vigorous, rubbing strokes. It felt good, but this wasn't like Light. It was... too humble to wash someone else. Light was trying to do something. Was he only attempting to seduce, or was there something else he wanted? Establishing a connection with a lover, it was more than sex. There was a closeness and intimacy that came from physical touching, a closeness that could give Kira the edge he needed to confuse or destroy.

Light was desperate, was that it? He wanted to push his advantages, force a flaw in the investigation. He was hoping for a detective who would make mistakes, perhaps from distraction and denial, perhaps even on purpose. But Kira killed those who got in the way. Seduction could only be an illusion. True seduction was death, unless by some strange coincidence Light turned out to not be Kira after all.

But, it felt good. The warm, soapy cloth sliding over wet skin, and then when Light finished with that task L suddenly felt fingers in his hair, and bowed his head so Light could get to every part of his scalp, shampooing all traces of dirt away. L wanted to tell Light that his hair cleaned easily, it didn't need to be washed for so long, but instead he closed his eyes and enjoyed the process. Then Light finished and held L's head directly under the spray, shielding L's eyes with his own hand so the shampoo would rinse clean painlessly.

L waited once he realized the last of the suds had rinsed out and the water was now running clear. Light was going to do something, that much seemed certain. Sure enough, Light pushed him up against the wall of the shower and began kissing him vigorously everywhere on the face and neck except the mouth. L leaned back against the wall, letting Light do as he pleased, feeling their erections hardening between their stomachs. He was struck at once with memories of that first time, on the roof, in the pounding rain. The spray of the water was similar, but now it was warm, and steam was rising everywhere throughout the room, the mirrors fogged up.

Light's mouth was hungry and insistent, and L's legs were weakening and he was sliding down the wall. Light tried to hold him up, but he kept sliding, and at last L was sitting on the floor, with his back to the wall and Light practically in his lap, and Light drew back just slightly, thrusting his penis alongside L's own penis, rubbing the sides together.

L let out a little cry, and then he felt Light guiding his hands down and molding them into a position, and Light's hands were dripping with shampoo once again, and their four hands clasping together were making a tunnel that both of them could thrust into, Light from his end, L from his. Inside, in that close, tight place between so many fingers and palms, their erections slid against each other, in and out, always moving in opposite directions.

L began to falter as his pleasure rose, but Light kept their fingers laced together, kept up the movements, steady and hard, squeezing constantly. L started whimpering when the slick, slippery tightness became too much, then closed his eyes, threw his head back and came. He immediately felt one of Light's hands in his hair, Light's fingers tugging painfully. He moaned and continued releasing his cum into that tunnel of laced-together hands and sudsy shampoo, right alongside Light's still-hard penis.

L panted, opened his eyes and said, "You pulled my hair."

Light said, "I caught your head before you would have smashed it into the wall. I had no choice but to grab your hair. Besides, you're one to talk. You bit my dick pretty hard last night."

"You were choking me."

At once, Light was on top of him, taking control of the situation, pushing him onto his back on the floor. Light was kissing hard and prodding his erection into L's thigh.

Light paused, hovering just above L's face, studying him, his hands gently splayed along each side, cradling L's chin and jaw line. Light's brown eyes were intense, his expression serious. He was up to something.

L said, "Are you going to enter me? We don't have proper lubrication. You let it wash away."

"Your semen was mixed with shampoo anyway, and shampoo burns if you put it inside."

Light was still looking intently. The moment stretched out. It felt as if something terribly significant were going to happen.

Suddenly, Light said, "At eight o'clock, when those doors open, they might separate us. None of them like this to be happening."

"That is true."

Light's fingers were soft and delicate, stroking the side of L's chin. The weight of Light's body pressing down was warm and comfortable on L's chest, stomach and thighs.

Light said, "I hope we have a lot more time together, but I don't know what will happen. I know this is too soon to say this, and you'll never believe I'm sincere, but it doesn't matter because you'll never believe it even if I waited to say it for months, or years. You're too suspicious and you wouldn't believe it in any case but I want to say it anyway. I might not get another chance."

 _What is this? Light is up to something._

Light took a deep breath and said, "I love you, L. I really do love you. I love you."

Light wasn't hiding his face. His eyes looked sincere. Even if it were true, though, Kira wouldn't give up being Kira for love. That would not fit Kira's profile. Kira was a dedicated fanatic, a delusional individual who saw himself as being on a god-like mission to fix all the evils of the world by force and terror. People who committed many murders for a cause tended to never abandon that cause, because doing so would require the painful admission that they'd killed for immoral reasons. Someone with Light's pride should be even less likely to abandon a cause after killing so many times in support of it.

Light placed his lips next to L's ear and whispered, "Even if I were Kira, I wouldn't kill you. I would never kill you. If you die, I want you to know that it wasn't me. I love you and I'm not going to kill you."

L said nothing, but he closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Light, holding him close. Light's words were like poisoned honey. They had to be. "I love you," must be a lie, especially when combined with "I would never kill you," but there was a desire to believe what Light had said. To hope that Light perhaps wasn't a seriously deluded mass-murderer, and that he might actually be sincere. His eyes had looked sincere, but Light had enough acting ability that it was difficult to ever be sure.

It was a dangerous feeling, the desire to believe Light. There was more than lust here. There was a connection, a deep connection that had preceded the sex by months. It wasn't love, but it had elements of respect in it, and of working very well together, and of having everything match so seamlessly, of always thinking the same things and understanding each other in ways that nobody else did. If not for the unavoidable issue of Kira, it would be one of those perfect matches that were always being talked about by dating services and astrologers and silly people who believed in soul mates, the kind of match that almost nobody could actually find in real life.

Watari was right. This was a problem. There would be consequences. Sleeping with the enemy was an advanced technique, a move that only experienced professionals should make, and it had serious drawbacks. In all likelihood, this wouldn't end pleasantly. The only possible happy ending would be if Light wasn't Kira, and that was extremely unlikely. There was a virtual certainty that Light was involved in the Kira killings somehow, and there was more than a ninety percent chance that Light was, in fact, the original Kira.

If Light wasn't Kira, then he was an accomplice, or a pawn, or he'd had a number of very unlikely coincidences happen to him. But, Light didn't seem innocent or like a victim manipulated by Kira. He acted like Kira, he was smart enough to be Kira, and he fit the personality profile perfectly. Furthermore, he taunted and baited, and he seemed to be displaying a fake personality whenever Kira-related topics came up and he had to say something about them. Light acted as if he were playing a role, and he wasn't afraid of suspicion as long as it didn't become too high or turn into actual proof. In fact, it often felt as if Light were deliberately stirring up moderate amounts of suspicion and then secretly laughing at everyone in the investigation.

But, justice was more important than personal feelings, and staying alive was far more important than a love struck whim. Kira's profile, developed even before finding Light, indicated that Kira was a megalomaniac who would kill even loved ones if they stood in the way of his goals. Soon, probably, the proof would surface that Light really was Kira. After Light was proven to be Kira, there would be perhaps a few years of emotional pain, and then things would be fine again.

There was no reason to act like those deluded girls Light was always using, especially since it could only lead to death. Sex felt good, and having Light nearby felt good, but those feelings weren't enough to die for. Light was a liar and a manipulator. He would take any advantage as far as he could, use people and then throw them away. A single moment of hesitation could spell disaster for everyone. Many lives were hanging in the balance.

 _Still, I hope when I catch Light, I will catch him in the act of trying to kill all of us. Then it will feel more like protecting everyone from a dangerous enemy, and less like sending a friend to be executed._

But Watari was wrong about the solution to the problem. There wasn't any way that sleeping with someone else would fix what had already happened, and abstinence wouldn't help either. The connection was more that merely physical, and no prostitute who simply gave out orgasms would be able to replace Light. It was difficult to even imagine having sex with someone other than Light.

Breaking off sexual contact with Light wouldn't stop what was already happening either. The emotional connection would still be there, and the memory of being lovers, and the task force wouldn't ever lose their distrust merely because the sex stopped. Abstinence would just be frustrating and with it a great advantage would be lost, an advantage that might put Light off-guard at a crucial moment.

But, forced abstinence might occur anyway. Light was correct about that. The task force was losing morale and rebelling against the idea of the lead investigator and the prime suspect being sexually involved. This small amount of time until the lock opened the doors to the panic room might be the last time they'd truly be together before an enforced separation.

L pulled Light from the shower and almost ran with him to the nearest bed, tugging Light along by the hand, not even bothering to dry, leaving a trail of water drips all the way there. And then they were tangled together on a bed, a flurry of wet, naked limbs and kissing, nibbling mouths. L pressed his skin as hard as he could against every part of Light he could reach, and all the while their erections prodded into each other's bellies. There was an almost unbearable intensity about it now, of needing to get as much of this experience as possible before it could be taken away.

L gasped, "Suck me!"

It came out like an order, and L felt a sense of mastery as he watched Light lower his mouth to obey, with only a momentary flash of defiance in his eyes.

And then L closed his eyes as he felt Light's warm lips enclosing the sensitive head of his erection, and L was deliciously sliding in further, feeling at last the contours of Light's throat. In a few moments L was crying out with little mewling noises, and Light was holding down L's hips hard enough to bruise while deep-throating him relentlessly. There was something right about the feeling of Light's mouth, as if this was exactly what was supposed to happen. L didn't hold himself back in the slightest, but kept trying to buck up into that mouth. And then he was climaxing, a sweet release into Light's mouth, pleasurable spasms, and now he could throw his head back recklessly because there was only a soft mattress there, not a hard wall.

L opened his eyes to see Light gathering the semen from his mouth into his hand.

When Light had finished the transfer, he smirked, an almost evil smile, and said, "You always come so quickly. And, look how much of this you make!"

L didn't feel coherent yet, so he didn't say anything.

Well, virgins came quickly, that was what all the books said. What would it be like to last as long as Light did? Did sex not feel as good? Was sex not as overwhelming? That didn't sound like a fun process to go through. Light obviously hadn't been a virgin. He lasted longer and he knew too much about what he was doing to have learned it by reading or self-experimentation. He'd been with a male before. Who? Light only dated girls.

And then, L felt a slippery finger slide inside and begin to circle slowly, stretching, and then the first was followed by a second and a third, plunging in and out, getting wetter and wetter. Light must be pushing in more and more of the makeshift lubrication. He had some kind of routine worked out. It worked beautifully. L felt himself quickly stretching and opening inside, ready to accept something larger.

Just as Light withdrew his hand and got ready to insert his penis, L said, "Wait."

L panted a few times and got his thoughts in order, then said, "I want you to wait until I'm hard again."

Light said, "You're insatiable. I haven't had one orgasm this morning, and you're already planning for a third time."

"Mmmmmm, yes. That's what I want."

Light looked pleased with himself, almost smug. He must think he was getting exactly what he wanted, a sex-addled detective who wouldn't be able to convict him.

Then Light leaned down and began softly licking L's penis as his fingers continued to work in the slickness inside. L's cock was still soft and sensitive, but he could endure the gentle licking, and soon, it started feeling really good.

L gasped, "Light! Light!"

Light took that as a signal to take the entire thing into his mouth, sucking vigorously and even tugging with his teeth. As soon as it started to grow and harden, Light let go and his face was suddenly hovering above L, his arms on either side of L's torso. Light closed his eyes and then L felt Light's penis sinking into him. L pressed up against it, feeling it spread him and stretch him deliciously.

As Light went all the way in, up to the hilt, and then pulled back and thrust in again, L began wriggling, trying for the right angle. Light's kisses were hot and needy and all over his face, Light's arms grasping his sides, Light's stomach grinding against his erection. Everything was a swirl of motion and heat and electricity, and then L felt that little explosion inside of prostate stimulation as he wrapped his legs around Light and pulled up against him.

L moaned, and Light seemed to get the message, helping to steady L's body and shoving in hard at the same angle.

L gasped, "Ah! Ah! Light!"

Light's lips were everywhere along his chin and then Light was licking L's lips, the tip of his tongue slipping just slightly inside.

L parted his lips with a gurgling moan and Light's tongue pressed inside forcefully, one of Light's hands tangling in L's hair, pulling his head closer for more intensity. Light turned his head to the side and plunged his tongue deeply inside. L tried to cry out, but it was just a garbled mumble, he didn't even know what he was trying to say. The steadily driving force of Light's penis was pushing him further and further into a kind of insanity, a mindless need that consumed the part of his brain that was capable of forming words.

There was something so right about it all. This was everything L needed, the only place he should ever be, the only thing he should ever do. Time had stopped and narrowed down to nothing more than the delicious impalement and the steady chafing as his stiff penis was trapped between Light's slick belly and his own, and there was Light's mouth and his roaming hands and every bit of overheated skin they pressed together and the mumbled nonsense that sometimes spilled from L's mouth between invasions by Light's tongue.

The timelessness of the moment was briefly invaded by a sudden tenseness in Light's muscles, and the thought that Light was ready to come pushed L over the edge. L squeezed his internal muscles hard and clung to Light fiercely as the sweetest orgasm overtook him, causing him to spurt into the tight space between their stomachs. As L moaned Light pulled him up, wrapping his arms tightly behind L's back, and pounded into him more fiercely than ever. L was still releasing and the hard fucking felt unbelievably good, driving the pleasure of his climax even higher.

Just as L started to descend from his high, Light let out an undignified shout and then L felt Light's warm release flowing into him. L bore down on the hot, twitching length, trying to give Light as much pleasure as possible, and was rewarded with a gasp and a shudder and Light's arms tightening even more.

A few moments later, Light collapsed on top of L, his entire form going limp. L held him, only now noticing that Light's hair was still dripping from the shower.

In the next moment, Light was licking his ear and then planting tender kisses all along his jaw in a line. L threw back his head, exposing his neck, and the gentle kisses continued there, interspersed with a few delicate flicks of the tongue. L let out a contented mumbling sigh.

In an exhausted voice, Light said, "I can't believe it, you're so hot."

"I'm not good looking."

"You're interesting. I like to fuck you."

The fucking part was true. L could feel it in the way Light grasped tightly, possessively. The loving part... perhaps, perhaps. Could Kira truly love? But love wouldn't save any one of Kira's victims, even if it weren't a lie. Delusional madmen were not safe at all, not to their friends, enemies or lovers, and especially not to all three combined in one person.

Light said, "We're filthy again. Look at all you've sweated! We should shower."

L mumbled, "Again? Most of that is from not drying off the first time."

"There's nothing else for us to do until the doors open. Our stomachs are very sticky."

Light leaned close and hotly whispered in L's ear, "And, I want to get my dick so clean you'll have no hesitation to suck it. I can soap it up and scrub it for as long as you want me to."

L flopped onto his side and curled up, drawing his knees to his chest. "You're just hoping to get more sex. I'm done."

Light said, "No, no more sex for this morning. But, tonight I'll teach you to really suck my cock."

"I don't think I'm very good at it. Last time you choked me so badly I had to bite you. Besides, it's much more fun to get you to do it to me. Isn't that how it's supposed to be in Japan?"

"What?"

L continued, "There's the cultural stereotype of the uke, who receives blow jobs from the seme, which is seen as a privilege for the uke. In return, the seme gets to enter the uke, which is a privilege for the seme. However, it's considered degrading and low-status to be entered by another man, so supposedly nobody wants to be the uke and the blow jobs are seen as a way to compensate the uke for that humiliation and entice him into his role. I think you view yourself as the seme and me as the uke."

Light said, "But those are just stereotypes. No relationship is really that simple unless there's at least one idiot involved."

"So," L said, "you'll teach me both? How to give you blow jobs and how to enter you?"

Light hesitated, and then said, "Yes, of course. If the task force doesn't separate us, we should do both tonight. I'll show you what do to."

"Okay," L said, "let's go shower again."

This time, Light soaped up his groin area and rinsed it off in several cycles over the course of twenty minutes, putting on an obvious display, rubbing everywhere until it was a bright pinkish red and looked almost polished.

There was just enough time after that to get dressed, and then there was a short wait in front of the metal doors as the numbers counted down to zero. When the doors slid open, Watari was standing there by himself. He didn't look angry, just resigned and sort of tired. He had the handcuffs and L dutifully held up his wrist to be chained, as did Light.

Watari said, "Please follow me."

Only a short distance along the route, it was clear that they were heading back to their original bedroom, the first place that L had ever slept in the same bed with Light. And, for months, it had been chaste there. Now, it would be a den of sexual adventures every night unless something drastic was done to prevent it. Was Watari giving up?

When they reached the room, there were many cardboard boxes stacked along one wall, and books piled on one desk. Watari immediately brought two open boxes to the bed and put them down. One was almost completely full of condoms, and the other had many different kinds of lubricant in it.

L gave a flickering glance back at Light, noting with satisfaction that he was slightly flustered, a blush barely tinting his cheeks.

Watari said, "I was not sure what to get, so I ordered nearly everything from several adult store catalogs. These two boxes should be the most useful. I don't want you hurting yourself, Ryuzaki."

L said, "Excellent work, Watari."

Light just stood there, looking as if he wanted to be somewhere else. L ignored the box of condoms. Those wouldn't be needed. He rummaged through the lubricants. Some strawberry flavored lubricant caught his eye and he squirted some on a finger and licked it. Not too bad, kind of like a blandish tasting jam.

Watari cleared his throat, motioned to the desk that had books stacked on it, and said, "I am going to insist that each of you read one book before going downstairs or working on the case."

Light walked over to the books and said, "These are for teenagers!"

Watari said, "You are a teenager, and Ryuzaki's sexual education is more suited to crime scenes than practical application."

Was Watari encouraging this? No, this wasn't approval. It was an acknowledgement of defeat, a recognition that Watari couldn't do anything about the situation. He couldn't change it, so he was improving it slightly.

L looked at Watari, reading his body language. He was upset, but not truly scared. No, he'd known the risks in taking the Kira case from the beginning. Watari wasn't the type to be frightened, but he could disapprove, usually in a cold, polite way, as he'd done with the incident that had resulted in Aizawa leaving the team for a few months. Would Watari leave, would he truly leave? That had to be a bluff.

 _If Watari left, everyone else would too, and then the only other person still with me would be Light. If Light were Kira, he would not need my name if nobody else were around to stop him. He could physically overpower me and win. Watari would not do that to me._

L shuffled through the pile of books and picked out one. This would be ten minutes worth of reading, at most, and it would reassure Watari. And, it might hold some new information. Sometimes advanced reading materials left out things that were covered in basic, simplistic books.

L crouched in a chair, speed-reading. It was true, he knew most of it already, and many of the little details made him think of specific cases and crime scenes from his past. Serial killers were an L specialty, and far too many of them had something sexual in their method of operation. Understanding exactly what could happen during sex and what sexual motivations could enter into a case was imperative knowledge for a detective.

L glanced at Light, and he was pretty sure Light was skimming, pretending to read more than actually reading. Well, both of them already knew the most important things about sex. If diseases weren't an issue, then between two men, the biggest risk was getting too rough or not using lubricant correctly and damaging sensitive internal tissues.

L quickly got to the end of his book, only having added a couple of minor details to his knowledge. Still, even that much was impressive for one book. The true areas of lack were not knowledge, but experience. Some things were like riding a bike. You couldn't read instructions about how to ride a bike and then immediately do it correctly. There was also the matter of personal taste, of discovering just what worked between two specific people, and what wouldn't.

A few moments later, Light put down his book too.

Watari said, "Everyone is waiting for the two of you. You will need to explain yourselves."

L nodded, and followed Watari, Light lagging behind on the end of the chain. They rode the elevator down together and stepped out into the main investigation room to a mass of upset faces. Even Wedy and Aiber were present. The only one who didn't look angry was Matsuda, but he certainly looked worried.

Mogi and Aizawa were on ladders, installing the extra cameras. A whole panel of very precisely calibrated little cameras would go on each wall in all the rooms that were actually used, which wasn't that many. Each panel recorded the crucial data about where Light's gaze was focusing, and sent it into a dedicated tiny computer system set into its back. It would be best not to have that part of the set-up accessible from the usual computer system, or Light would probably hack into it and notice what it was for. But there was a cover-up reason for the cameras, and that reason was useful in itself, not just as a cover story.

Light was looking at the work suspiciously. He said, "Why so many new cameras? There aren't any blind spots in the building."

L said, "These cameras work with facial recognition software. The program will recognize and then erase all faces except yours from the videos, and then it will be safe to store copies both here and at the other headquarters, without worrying about the second Kira stealing it and killing us. We will modify all our video footage in this way."

Light said, "You know, Kira could kill me too. I'd like to be safe."

L said, "If you're not Kira, then Kira most likely framed you and so already knows your face and name. If you are Kira, we might need your face to remain on the video so it can be used as proof in your trial."

Matsuda said, "But, then aren't our pictures in the computer system?"

L said, "No. To recognize each of us, it measures facial distances on dozens of different points, such as how far our eyes are spaced and so on. These formulae are in the computer, not actual photos of our faces. That should be useless to the second Kira or any other Kira with that power."

Soichiro said, "Thank you, Ryuzaki. It is a relief not to worry about that any more."

Aizawa paused in his work and said, "Ryuzaki, Watari has already shown us the footage from last night, and-"

Matsuda interrupted, "But, after what Light said, he can't possibly be Kira, right?"

Aizawa said, "Light could be Kira. He certainly acted as if he saw what Ryuzaki was typing. Either something really weird happened, or he did actually see it."

Soichiro said, "But, Light said the decoys-"

Aizawa said, "I don't want to stay here waiting for another attack, probably from Light, while Ryuzaki spends all his time getting screwed and running off to use our emergency shelter as a love nest. Maybe the situation has become too confusing to accuse anyone of being Kira, but that relationship just turns the whole investigation into a joke anyway. If Ryuzaki doesn't have any willpower about how he behaves around suspects, I don't see why he should be in charge. Mogi agrees. If things don't clear up in a hurry, we'll both quit. And, I want a good severance package when I go. I've just about ruined my marriage over this case, and my kids are going to stop recognizing me pretty soon. Everyone else is thinking about quitting too."

Matsuda nervously said, "Well, I'm not thinking about it very much, but I'm not sure what I'd do here if the others go."

Aiber and Wedy weren't contributing to the conversation, but they both had skeptical looks on their faces.

L turned to face everyone in the room and said, "I understand. When there was a disagreement about how to catch the Yotsuba Kira, we decided I'd be given one month to do it my way. If Light is Kira, I think I can catch him that quickly. Will you allow me to keep my reasoning secret until then and do things my own way?"

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

The last chapter was very plot-y, and this one is more lemon-y. L and Light still have a lot of things to work through in their relationship, and their sex is a bit of a struggle, though I've avoided outright fight-sex in preference for other forms of struggling, and I also wanted to largely avoid the traditional L and Light struggle about who gets to be seme.

Well, L is aware that he's falling for Light at least a bit, and he's trying to deal with it by thinking himself out of the situation. Still, L has no reserve about indulging himself in sex while it is still possible. I imagine L discovering sex would be like L discovering candy. L likes to indulge himself in pleasures, though L is trying to convince himself that pretending to be a sex maniac is for the purpose of putting Light more off-guard.

Digestives are a very popular kind of British semi-sweet biscuit, in a round flat shape like cookies. If cookies and biscuits had offspring, those offspring would be digestives.


	14. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER 14**

Waking up with L usually wasn't a big deal. L was generally willing to wait and be quiet until it was time for normal people to get up. Even working on his laptop, L could be surprisingly still and silent. But this morning, in the series of rooms that formed some kind of emergency bunker deep within the Kira task force investigation headquarters, L was determined and aggressive about the idea of both of them being up at five in the morning. Freaking five in the morning!

Today, L was a blanket-snatcher and a bed bouncer and didn't hesitate to lean entirely too close with his stinky morning breath. Ugh! L wasn't going to get any kisses until he brushed his teeth. Fleeing to other beds didn't help, and finally Light listened and heard about the time-lock mechanism and how L needed to do all these things with Light by his side, because he couldn't just watch the other rooms on the security cameras, no, that would be too sensical for L.

Still, L did kind of have a point. Kira was afraid to do much when watched directly. That trick with the potato chip bag would have never worked if L had been in the same room instead of watching it all remotely. So, Light let L drag him along, actually going to sleep at the kitchen table before being dragged off for the morning routine in the bathroom. When L stepped into the shower, or rather showers, considering how many of them there were all lined up together, Light was finally starting to wake up a bit, and the water woke him up the rest of the way.

Well, L needed to pay for what he'd done; he needed to create enough pleasure to offset the misery. Light quickly convinced L to let him wash his body, and things went from there in the expected direction. L was easy to seduce. It made it less of a challenge, but it was also very gratifying that L didn't resist or deny it, that he could be convinced without going through a lot of trouble. Very quickly, they were involved in a double hand job, and L came right away, like usual.

Light responded by pushing him down to the floor and getting on top of him, unsure whether he wanted to continue things here or in bed or perhaps against the wall or maybe on a table - did the emergency supplies stashed here include actual lube? That would make things easier. But regardless of where or how things happened, there was a desire to not stop touching L just yet, and the showers were so warm. The spray felt wonderful, and having L underneath, unresisting, it wasn't something to walk away from soon, especially with no Rem voyeur at the moment.

Was Rem calmed down by now? She had seemed to be, and she'd been rather thoroughly backed into a corner. Even if things went badly, Rem shouldn't kill anyone, since she couldn't gain anything for Misa that way. Rem knew it would be a disaster; she'd had the logic of the situation pounded into her head rather forcefully.

The only way things could go wrong now, was if they went so wrong that it was obvious there was no chance of saving Misa. And in that case, Rem would be helpless to act as long as Misa was alive, but Rem would then take her revenge after the fact. Everyone involved would die. It would be a massacre. But, no, that wouldn't happen. The plan was airtight. The entire case would stall soon, and it would stay stalled. There wouldn't be any more revelations of new information, so it had to stall.

But still, and maybe it was the sleep deprivation or some other kind of insanity, Light found himself telling L that he loved him. It was a stupid thing to say, and it wouldn't change anything, but then it never would be the right time, would it? L was just going to file it away as another ploy or a cause for suspicion. Light had a flare of hope that maybe, if L did die, it would give L a bit of comfort in his last moments, but then Light had to chide himself internally for even thinking that much.

No, it wouldn't comfort L; it would just make him more confused. L didn't want confusion, he wanted clarity, a clarity that would always be denied to him. But, still, Light couldn't help cradling L tenderly in his arms and telling him he'd never kill him, no, not even if he were Kira.

But perhaps that statement was just a kind of emotional security, so that if the unthinkable happened, it would be possible to walk away afterwards not feeling like a murderer, knowing for sure that it had been an accident and nothing else. But no, if things did go wrong, and they wouldn't, but if they did, it was just about certain they would both die. Another path was being traveled on now, and once again there was no way back. The plan would work, or death would result, probably for absolutely everyone.

L responded to these declarations of love and non-violence with arms wrapping tightly around Light's back, but L snuggled silently, with closed eyes, and he felt distant, remote. He'd been affected, but probably not in a good way.

Light felt terrible. He'd gone too far, and it had just messed things up, hadn't it? There had been quite a lot of fun, and mutual release of sexual tension, and now it was going to get weird because of some words that hadn't been thought out carefully. Or maybe it wouldn't get weird because L had been expecting something like this all along, and he'd never take it the least bit seriously.

But then, L's body language became decisively different, and, heedless of their wet bodies, he grabbed Light's hand and dragged him out of the bathroom and into bed. All at once, it was aggressive and intense. L was needy and demanding, and he even got quite uppity. Light let him. After all, it was sex they both wanted, so it wasn't losing in any way that counted, especially when L was begging to be penetrated and responding to everything with such enthusiasm. No, it was much better to have a partner like this who wanted to be on the bottom than to have arguments about it every single time and sometimes be forced to go without because no agreement could be reached.

After sex, Light tried to convince L that he needed to learn how to perform oral sex properly. Deep-throating was the only thing L lacked. Everything else about L giving oral sex was simply mind-blowing, and it was unthinkable to not teach him how to do the rest. It would only get better. It just took practice and a few small pointers.

But L was still being uppity, complaining about choking the previous time and trying to use the stereotype of the uke and the seme to argue that since he was the recipient for anal sex, he shouldn't have to give oral sex. That simply wasn't acceptable.

And then, when pressed on that point, L gave in immediately but made switching roles at least once part of the deal; he wanted to be the one to penetrate, L wanted to be the seme next time.

 _Well done, L, but you haven't really tricked me. This was going to happen sooner or later._

Still, it was worrying to think about what could happen. What if L decided he liked it much better that way and sex from then on turned into a true struggle? That wouldn't be fun.

But, what truly wasn't fun was what happened after the time-lock opened the doors. Watari had apparently given up on trying to stop the sex, but then he had to go and act like an over concerned parent with a child who was going through puberty. Or, rather, like an even weirder and more intrusive version of that.

Watari had ordered who knows what from adult store catalogs. Most of it was still sealed up in the plain cardboard boxes it had come shipped in, and Light was afraid of even looking. Watari made sure to draw attention to two open boxes, one full of condoms and the other full of lube.

Well, the lubricants would be useful at least, but all this was way too embarrassing. Kissing L in public and knowing that at least one person would skim through the sex videos and having Rem occasionally watch some of it was bad enough without some old geezer dishing out sex ed and probably moving the entire inventory of an adult store into their bedroom. There probably wasn't even room in the dressers and closets for the contents of those boxes.

L, that bastard, was completely unfazed by it all. He was actually reading the book for young teenagers that he'd picked up from the pile, instead of pretending to read. Light paged through his book in a huff, placing his gaze on the page but not really absorbing anything.

Then, in the middle of that, Rem drifted through the wall.

She said, "The surveillance of Misa has caught something. I don't think it matters, but it worries me. She is being followed."

 _Well, Rem, what do you expect me to do about it? It's probably those Yotsuba guys getting paranoid and hiring a private detective, and it won't come to anything in the end_.

When they both finished their books and went downstairs, there were a whole bunch of new cameras being installed. L had an explanation for them that sounded good, but there was something amiss about the situation...

No, this was just another case of L overdoing things to a ridiculous degree. Such as installing sixty-four cameras in just one bedroom or building a skyscraper as an investigation headquarters when you had just six investigators. L thought that if you put enough effort and gadgets into a problem, it would somehow become solved. It was perhaps his biggest flaw.

Then there was a short argument where everyone was discussing the topic of whether Light had really showed evidence of being able to see around corners or not, and it sounded as if things had been suitably muddled by all the points he'd brought up the previous night.

 _I wonder if they stopped watching and just listened to the audio once sexual things began to happen... no, it is better if I don't think about those things at all..._

Then, Aizawa and Mogi threatened to quit over the compromising sexual relationship between a suspect and the lead detective.

L responded by saying, "I understand. When there was a disagreement about how to catch the Yotsuba Kira, we decided I'd be given one month to do it my way. If Light is Kira, I think I can catch him that quickly. Will you allow me to keep my reasoning secret until then and do things my own way?"

That had to be a bluff. Light allowed himself a brief glance at Rem and saw that she was looking worried, but not as much as the previous times when she'd gotten so jumpy at new information coming out. Good. She was beginning to accept the situation and settle into her proper role. The more false alarms that happened without actually changing the status quo, the more she would come to see that the plan was flawless and would work out just as planned, unless a shinigami did something incredibly stupid to mess it up.

Matsuda said, "Ryuzaki, you still think Light could be Kira?"

Before L could answer, Aizawa said, "Matsuda! After everything we've seen, you should know it is possible. Light might be Kira."

Aiber said, "Light has the traits of a top-notch con man. If he's lying to us, it wouldn't be easy to detect it."

Soichiro said, "Ryuzaki, if a month goes by without more evidence against my son, will he be cleared?"

L looked almost sad as he said, "No. A lack of proof for one theory doesn't mean the opposing theory must be true. But if Light is Kira and I cannot prove it within that time period, it is likely we'll all be dead. Kira is nervous about the possibility of us catching him, or there would not have been an attack on headquarters. I do not think Kira can afford to play a waiting game with us, waiting for suspicion to die out over time."

 _Is that what you really think, L? You think I can't wait you out? Or is this a trick of some kind? Well, I'll do nothing, and you'll slowly lose, day by day, until I've completely defeated you. It doesn't matter what scheme you try, you'll still lose._

Aizawa said, "One month, huh?"

"Yes," L said, "I believe that is all the time I require. I would like all of you to stay and help. If you quit the investigation and go home, it will not make you any safer if Light is Kira. He would still want to kill you for what you already know. And, if Light isn't Kira, then what I am doing with him is a private issue with no effect on the investigation."

Aizawa looked at Mogi.

Mogi said, "Yes, I'll stay that long."

All around the room, there were general mumbles of agreement. Even Wedy removed her cigarette from her mouth long enough to mumble a quick, "I'll give you that much of a chance."

With nervous glances from side to side, Matsuda said, "But, but, even if Light were Kira, how could we investigate? I mean, if he can supposedly hear and see everything we do, no matter where we go, then we can't make any progress, right? So, wouldn't it be pointless?"

L said, "I am investigating him in some ways that I'm keeping secret from everyone. Also, if we find critical evidence against Light, then he would be forced to act whether he wanted to or not, and that action would prove his identity as Kira."

L was looking quite smug. Light wanted to smash that look right off his face, but that wouldn't accomplish anything. No, it was important to be charming, not violent. Suspicion had gotten a little too high lately. Docility, along with the passing of more time, would dull that suspicion. It was all Rem's fault for going into a sudden panic about the deductions L typed on his computer screen, but it could be fixed. Nobody could resist the trademark Light Yagami charm for too long. In the end, everyone gave in. Even L wasn't immune, though he was the hardest one to fool about anything.

Watari said, "Since everyone is staying for now, why don't we get to work? Ryuzaki, the cameras outside Misa's apartment and at her workplace have revealed two men following her. They were behind her when she went out of camera range in the street outside her apartment, and they were still behind her when she arrived at work, though they did not try to enter her modeling studio. They are staking out her workplace in an unmarked van and probably intend to follow her home."

Matsuda said, "Maybe we can follow them back to the second Kira, the one who tricked Misa-Misa into sending those videos!"

L said, "It is more likely that the Yotsuba group became overly frightened and decided to hire a private detective to investigate Misa on their own."

Watari said, "Ryuzaki, I could compare those men's faces to every known employee of private detectives in Japan, and I can also trace all the Yotsuba money to the recipients."

L said, "I'll probably have you do that in a few moments. There is a faster way to resolve the situation. I'll call Namikawa and ask."

Light said, "These are the guys who once talked about finding L's location and dropping a missile on it. We need to protect Misa."

L gave him a strange look.

Light said, "Hey, just because I don't like Misa, that doesn't mean I want anything bad to happen to her. What if the Yotsuba guys decided to have her killed on the slight chance she might be the second Kira? You need to make it clear that they'll be arrested if anything like that happens to Misa."

Matsuda said, "Poor Misa-Misa! She's been through so much!"

L dryly said, "Don't worry, I'm sure they won't do anything to her. The only issue is that we need to keep them from interfering with our own investigation."

In the next few moments, L had pulled out his cellphone and was talking to Namikawa. From L's side of the conversation, it was clear that Namikawa had confirmed that there had been a secret meeting in a new location and that the six Yotsuba survivors had voted to have Misa investigated.

As soon as Namikawa had finished explaining all the details, L said, "Please do not have private meetings about these issues. If there is a Kira among you who wishes to manipulate you for his own purposes, meetings I don't know about could be an opportunity. You could end up as slaves of Kira again. Also, in regards to Misa Amane, I did not wish to tell you this before, but now I have no choice. She once had contact with the second Kira, and she has been under almost constant surveillance since that time in hopes that the second Kira will try to contact her again. Putting her with Higuchi was part of a plan to flush out the second Kira. It is extremely unlikely that Misa Amane is the second Kira, but if you continue to investigate her, it will interfere with what I am doing and it could lead to the second Kira getting away. Also, since I am aware of your actions, if any members of your group panic and try to do something illegal to Misa, such as hiring a hit man, you will be caught immediately and fully prosecuted."

Rem looked pleased to hear L's cover story, and L seemed to be satisfied by whatever Namikawa was saying to him in return. When L slipped his cellphone back into his pocket, he said, "This won't be a problem any more. Watari, will you follow up on this and if Misa's followers are not removed within a few hours, make sure nothing else is going on with the situation? I believe Namikawa has no motive to lie, but we need to be sure."

Watari said, "Of course, Ryuzaki. I will trace all their recent phone calls and exchanges of money as well."

L said, "Thank you, Watari."

Then he turned to Aizawa and Mogi, who by now had scaled the opposing wall with their ladders and were installing another panel of mini-cameras.

L said, "When you two are done with the cameras, I would like both of you to accompany Chief Yagami to his house and oversee the dismantling of the structure and the moving of all those possessions. Everyone will need to be in biohazard suits to fit with the hoax we're using. Wedy, I have a small warehouse reserved for storing and documenting everything, and for taking apart each object and item of furniture to search inside it. I would like you to be the one to perform those searches."

Matsuda said, "What can I do to help?"

L replied, "As soon as the new cameras and software are working to edit all our videos, I would like you and Aiber to perform extensive spot-checking on the edited versions, searching for any face that hasn't been erased. There are so many cameras that it would be impossible to check every moment of all of the video, but I think you can manage checking the footage at intervals of five minutes. If you find any intact faces other than Light's face, notify me immediately so we can examine the problem and adjust the software."

Then L walked, tugging Light along on the end of the chain, and settled into his computer chair. With a few keystrokes, he had video playing on the large monitors of Misa's modeling studio, showing multiple views of her posing while the photographer took her picture. As the hours passed, everyone headed off to their assigned tasks and L continued to watch Misa change into and out of various outfits, until finally she was done for the day and headed home. Her followers were gone by then.

L continued to watch Misa at her apartment as she fixed a small meal, and then ate, relaxed and watched some television. An hour and a half after Misa got home, it happened. Misa picked up her phone and called Nobuko Sato. L was immediately at attention.

Nobuko was the girl Misa had tricked into helping her make "occult videos" to send to Sakura TV, the former friend she hadn't had any contact with for months. Nobuko Sato's fingerprints were all over the Kira videos, but none of Misa's fingerprints were. L had long ago thoroughly investigated Nobuko with no results, considering her to be nothing other than Misa's pawn. All the physical evidence on the Kira tapes and envelopes apart from Nobuko's fingerprints had been linked decisively to Misa's room, not to Nobuko.

Misa exchanged greetings with a surprised Nobuko and then, once the pleasantries were done, Misa said, "Nobuko, I wanted to ask you about poltergeists."

The audio of Nobuko from the bugged phone came over the speakers loud and clear, the tone incredulous, "Poltergeists? I thought you didn't believe in that stuff."

 _Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! This is about Ryuk's stupid pranks, isn't it?_

Well, Ryuk had promised not to do it any more, and he'd cleared out of Misa's place as soon as he'd seen Wedy arrive and start installing hidden cameras, so there wasn't any evidence it had actually happened, and from Ryuk's description, Misa hadn't actually seen anything directly, so it shouldn't mean anything. It would be just another pointless distraction to occupy L, and maybe Rem would get slightly worked up, but then she'd settle down soon enough. Maybe, if things went very well, it would actually throw some suspicion on Nobuko again and waste even more of L's time and energy.

Misa said, "This is going to sound crazy, but I think I'm cursed. Ever since I sent those prank videos in, really awful things have happened to me, just ridiculous kinds of bad luck, like some vengeful spirit is out to get me, and lately, I think objects have been moving around my apartment by themselves."

Nobuko said, "Really? That's so cool, that's classic poltergeist behavior. Are you sure you're not joking? Will you say it's a joke and then laugh at me?"

"No," Misa said, "it's really serious. For a while, I kept turning around and finding things in the middle of the kitchen table when I knew I had just put them away in the cupboard, and it was happening like dozens of times a day. I was really scared."

"Was happening?"

"Yeah, it hasn't happened for about, I don't know, a day and a half maybe. But before that it was happening constantly for a few days. And the bad luck has been with me for six months, ever since I sent in those videos."

L placed one spindly finger to his lower lip and said, "It hasn't happened since Wedy installed the cameras. How convenient."

Light risked a very small glance at Rem, nothing more than a flicker of his eyes. Good. She wasn't looking particularly worried, just her normal level of worry. Nothing would happen.

Nobuko said, "Everyone has bad luck, Misa."

Misa almost shouted into the phone, "Not like this! It was really creepy."

She paused and grabbed a tissue to dab at her makeup, which had begun to run from the corners of her eyes.

Misa continued, "You can't tell this to anyone, because I'm supposed to keep it a secret, but when I disappeared for almost two months, it was because I got arrested. It was completely ridiculous charges, too, and they wouldn't believe me no matter how much I told them the truth. They finally let me go when they realized how stupid it was, but the police still kept harassing me for a long time afterwards, for no reason at all. And then, I also got the most wonderful boyfriend imaginable right after I sent in the videos-"

Nobuko interrupted, "Well, that sounds good."

Misa said, "It should be, but really ridiculous horrible things kept happening to him too, one thing after another, and then I keep throwing myself at him, over and over, but the only thing he wants to do is kiss. It's been half a year! And he hardly ever dates me, and when he does he has to drag along one of his stupid friends and he barely even talks to me. I think the poltergeists must have gotten mad at me for making the hoax videos and mailing them to Sakura TV, so now I'm cursed and my apartment is haunted."

There was a silence over the phone line, and then Nobuko said, "But you haven't actually seen anything? Like objects floating in the air or stacking themselves up?"

"No, no, it's like the poltergeist doesn't want me to see it. Well, maybe I was going crazy and just imagining I was putting things away in the cupboard, but the bad luck is real. There were so many bad events it can't all be a coincidence, and it started right after I sent in the videos."

 _Where is Ryuk? He hasn't been here for a while, and it was great not having him hang around for the sex, but what is he doing since he can't bother Misa and he isn't here? There was a rule Ryuk mentioned once about shinigami not spending too much time in the human world unless their death note was owned by a human. Still, periodic short visits to the shinigami realm should fulfill that requirement, and Ryuk is one for bending or breaking rules anyway. In theory, he shouldn't even have two death notes, he should have given the extra one to the shinigami king, but he didn't care about that rule._

Nobuko said, "You got your new boyfriend at the same time the bad luck started?"

"Yes."

"Did he have anything to do with you getting arrested or the other bad things?"

Misa's answer was a slow, hesitant, "Yes."

"Well, you shouldn't jump to conclusions about the supernatural if you haven't seen anything that looks supernatural. Perhaps you've just got a boyfriend who is involved in awful things. Maybe his family is part of the Yakuza or something like that."

In an angry tone, Misa said, "No, no, Light is good and perfect. Don't you dare say anything bad about him! And his dad is a cop, so there couldn't be anything with organized crime. Everything should be wonderful with us, but the bad luck keeps getting in the way. Don't you know anything that can help?"

"If you're got a poltergeist in your apartment, you could move out or get an exorcism. Use a Buddhist exorcist; the Shinto ones aren't as good. And, you can always fill up your apartment with good luck charms. Though I've known plenty of people who've done that without having anything better than average luck afterwards."

There was an awkward silence over the phone line, and then Nobuko said, "Are you sure you don't have a boyfriend who is trouble? That would probably explain everything more easily."

Misa let out a choked sound, and then suddenly hung up. She gripped the phone tightly, her knuckles white, and then got the tissues to dab at her eyes again.

To no one in particular, she whispered, "Light, you do love me, don't you?"

Misa stared at the floor for a little while, then shook off her foul mood and skipped off to the bathroom to spend a long time re-applying her makeup.

L was thinking, Light could tell. L's dark eyes had that inscrutable look in them, he hunched into himself more than usual, and he consumed a constant supply of sweets, really gulping them down in great quantities, not wasting so much time playing with them as he usually did. His brain had to be buzzing. L had that contemplative look the entire rest of the day.

L must have noticed the similarities between what Misa had described and Rem's attack on headquarters. He must be trying to decide whether Misa was another victim, or if the entire incident was a false clue meant to confuse the trail, or if Misa actually was the second Kira. It shouldn't ever become possible for him to test any of his ideas, so they would remain just that, ideas and nothing more.

Still, there was something frightening about L. He just grabbed onto things and kept going, pushing his advantage wherever he could, making unexpected moves. He'd made more progress than he should have. It was easy to imagine that perhaps...

No, no, it couldn't be that way. L would lose for sure. It was the only possible outcome.

Yet, it was unsettling to note that L didn't look as confused as he once had. Was he serious about not only being able to obtain proof, but to do it within a month? No, that had to be a bluff. L didn't really have anything, so he was pretending he had something. L was a liar, and this was an old, worn-out classic L tactic, to pretend things in an attempt to scare.

And then, at the end of the day L wanted to go to bed early. Light had a feeling he knew what it was about, and he followed along on the end of the chain with a mixture of excitement and trepidation. L was already getting very uppity. Would this change things? And, it was going to hurt to be on the bottom, and then there were all those devices, those unknown sex toys, in the sealed boxes. Would L want to use any of those, and how adventurous would he get? L had no idea what he was doing, so anything could happen. It could be painful, or embarrassing.

Sure enough, as soon as they entered their bedroom, L went directly over to the boxes and started ripping them open and emptying them on the floor. How many things did he think they needed? It wasn't going to be an orgy.

Rem was still following along, so Light gave her a quick glare and she acknowledged it by sliding through a wall.

Then Light approached closely, the chain pooling on the floor between them, and said, "What are you looking for?"

L was in his eighth box already, and he didn't seem interested in any of the objects he'd extracted.

L said, "Since Watari ordered nearly everything from several adult store catalogs, there should be padded restraints in here somewhere. Of course I have things like chains and handcuffs and rope in the equipment lockers downstairs, but I was hoping to restrain you with something more comfortable."

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

Well, in this chapter we got to see Light's view of some of the events from the previous chapter. And, he did have a bit of an emotional outburst. I think canon Light is much more prone to them than canon L.

Nobody from the task force has quit yet, but L is essentially working under an ultimatum now.

And, the former friend that Misa tricked into unwittingly helping her make the Kira videos was unnamed in both the manga and the anime, so I made up the name Nobuko Sato for her. Misa offered to kill her, but Light never said to, so I assume she was still alive later in the story. Also, I assume that she must have been investigated without any results by L at some point and that part of the investigation was just left out of the canon story since it led nowhere. A detective as thorough as L would have looked into all of Misa's friends and acquaintances in considerable detail, even the former ones.

Also, after Misa lost her memories she told L about making the "occult videos" as a prank and sending them to Sakura TV, so even if L for some reason hadn't investigated that former friend before that point, he probably would have done so once Misa told him every part of the event that she remembered. The unnamed character that I named Nobuko Sato must have been one of many unproductive leads that were largely left out of the canon storyline (though the manga showed glimpses of a few of these that were left out of the anime, such as total crackpots calling the Kira hotline with nonsense).

Well, the story had been mostly at a stalemate for a while. Even though L has been steadily figuring out more things and gathering clues he hasn't had a chance to truly test any of his theories, and except for Rem's jumpiness, things have been settling down, and even Rem herself seems to be settling down now. Well, very soon there will be an actual emergency. Where will it come from? Yotsuba? The Nobuko Sato lead? Or somewhere else altogether? Well, you'll have to wait for the next chapter to see.


	15. Chapter 15

**CHAPTER 15**

"Restraints?," Light said, "Don't you think that's going too far?"

 _No, no, no. It isn't supposed to be happening like this. He wants to tie me up and have his way with me?_

L didn't even turn around, but simply ripped open another box and said, "You can't be trusted. Last time you received oral sex from me, you tried to choke me and I was forced to bite. This will protect both of us."

The sheer number of extremely embarrassing objects accumulating on the floor was worrying. Not only was all this kinkiness being filmed from about ten different angles, it was also apparent that there were going to be far too many items to hide them all away once they'd been removed from the boxes. Would these things just sit on the floor, out in the open, until more dressers could be brought into the room so everything could be put away in drawers? And then, everyone would see them in the meantime if they ever peeked at the surveillance video?

L was beginning to find what he wanted and was placing those things into a little pile. There were coils of soft rope in vibrant colors, a number of sets of padded cuffs, some leather, some fuzzy with some kind of fake fur, and various things with straps and buckles and snaps. Some looked so complex that it was difficult to figure out what they were for.

As Light sensed L was reaching completion in his pile of bondage gear, he said, "Fine, but you have to let me loose if I tell you, and pretty soon you need to arrange things so that all this can be put away in cabinets or something and not sit around on the floor for everyone to see. My father would die if he looked at the security footage while we're not in the room and happened to see this."

"I'll get Watari to attend to it."

L sounded completely unconcerned, and simply fished his cellphone out of a pocket and had a short conversation with Watari about having extra cabinets and dressers brought in and everything put away, and emphasizing that Soichiro should be warned against looking at security footage of even the empty room until that had been accomplished.

During that conversation, Ryuk phased through a wall into the room.

He said, "Light, Rem said you didn't want to be bothered, so I just had to see what secret plan you're working on here."

Light angled his head away from L and gave Ryuk a glare.

L finished talking to Watari, put his cellphone away, and said, "Light, why don't you take off all your clothing now? I don't want to bother Watari about the key, so we can just rip our shirts or let them hang on the chain. If you rip your shirt, I'll buy you an identical new one."

Ryuk ignored the glare and drifted over to the chaos of unopened boxes, opened boxes, sex toys and packing material that was all at one end of the room.

Ryuk looked for a few moments and started laughing.

L had gathered the restraints he'd chosen in a little pile next to a chair that looked a bit old-fashioned and had four legs instead of the central pillar and wheels that most of the chairs had. L pulled lightly on the chain and said, "Light, don't tell me you're shy now?"

Light said, "No, I'm just a little surprised that you think it will take that much to tie me down."

Ryuk said, "L is going to tie you up? I've got to see this."

Light turned his back on L and began unbuttoning his shirt, giving Ryuk another glare. What did that monster think he was doing? He'd never been interested in this stuff before. As far as human sexuality was concerned, Ryuk had either been indifferent or repulsed most of the time, though he'd occasionally been curious and asked the kind of completely oblivious questions that kids tended to ask, such as why people would be so interested in such ugly-looking body parts.

Light finished getting his shirt off, except that now it was dangling on the chain. Leave it there, or would it be too annoying? Light hardened his resolve, held the fabric firmly in two hands, and then ripped it down the sleeve, completely freeing it. L would buy an identical one; he wouldn't be allowed to forget. This was a nice shirt.

Light quickly shed his shoes, socks, pants and underwear, giving a few more angry glances at Ryuk during the process. Then he settled into the chair. It had a nice padded seat and back, but the rest was bare, hard wood. L began using some cuffs to connect Light's ankles to the chair legs. It tickled.

Light said, "Not the fuzzy ones. It tickles too much."

L said "Very well," and switched to padded leather cuffs instead.

As L continued to fasten on bindings, Ryuk said, "You're really letting him do this?"

Ryuk was grinning like crazy.

 _Stupid monster! Just go away. Well, maybe I won't be able to get hard and then he'll never tie me up again._

Light closed his eyes, shutting out the complete turn-off of Ryuk standing around watching the proceedings. Ryuk was even worse than Rem. Rem usually went away, or at least she had the tact to stand out of sight and not make any comments. Light's ankles and wrists were quickly firmly bound to the chair he was sitting in, and then he could feel lengths of silky smooth rope being wound around and around him. It felt like a cocoon. Light tried to shift in place and found almost no give in his position. A slight panic welled up in his chest and he began to breathe faster.

 _No! I won't show any weakness in front of L. I agreed to this. I have to see it through._

Then, with one last knot, L said, "I'm done. How should we proceed?"

Light felt hands on his thighs and opened his eyes to see a fully-clothed L kneeling on the floor between his spread legs and Ryuk standing just behind L. Light quickly closed his eyes again and shivered uncomfortably.

Emphasizing his words, Light said, "Well, we don't want to get in trouble."

Ryuk said, "Hey, Rem didn't tell me not to do this. And, I still can't believe you let him tie you to a chair naked. It's hilarious."

Light continued, "So, we need to think carefully about what we're doing, and about what will happen next."

 _There. Ryuk should know that bothering me could end up bothering Rem._

L said, "Light, I'm afraid your instructions don't sound like instructions at all. Surely you can come up with something better."

Light kept his eyes squeezed shut and said, "That's because you can't really do anything fancy until I'm... hard. Just suck."

 _Go away, Ryuk. Go away._

Light felt hot breath on his penis, and then moist lips, and in the next moment heard a disgusted noise from Ryuk.

Light opened his eyes in time to see Ryuk retreating through a wall.

Before Ryuk's head disappeared, he stopped momentarily and said, "Humans are weird. Why is that even considered fun? Tying you up is a funny joke, but that mouth thing just looks horrible."

Light closed his eyes again, relief flooding through him, and placed his full attention on the wonderful mouth that had managed to suck his entire still-soft penis inside it and the tongue that roamed around, massaging his entire length in a complex dance. Without the distracting presence of Ryuk, it was an incredible sensation. L's mouth was very busy and vigorous. It never stopped moving and was always trying slightly different things.

Light felt a heat building just there as he gradually began to harden, L's mouth sucking up that heat, drawing it to the surface, causing it to expand and increase, and L was using his teeth now, soft little tugs that were sharp and gentle at the same time, and the penis was getting too big to keep entirely within his mouth, but L continued attacking the top half of it with a warm wet onslaught of sliding lips and flickering tongue and pressure and sensation.

L's hands skillfully wrapped around the bottom half, enfolding the shaft in sliding, dizzying short strokes. Through it all, the tickling sensation of L's light, feathery hair against the bits of bare skin that poked out between the ropes heightened the sensations, making the wet friction and the suction feel more intense, stronger.

L kept looking up, an intent expression in his dark eyes, calculating, curious, searching. It was just like when he was going over data on the computer, trying to find a trend.

 _He's studying my face. Seeing what provokes a reaction._

Was this good or bad? Somehow, it felt powerful, like having mastery over L. It fed into the beautiful rising tension, the sharp throbbing need that every dragging stroke of L's tongue was bringing closer and closer to completion. It was exciting to see L searching for cues and trying to please. But it was also a bit worrying. L's scrutiny was never entirely comfortable. There was no knowing what he was really up to.

Light said, "Try to get it all in. Slowly. Relax your throat muscles and get used to it."

L did it, a gradually enclosing wetness that started with a kiss at the tip, sucking it in with little nibbling motions, and then sliding slowly down the shaft, L's face looking uncomfortable after the halfway mark but continuing on with a maddening slowness, but, oh, it was so good in there, so perfectly right.

Light could feel L's throat, the back of it, and it was a tight enclosing wetness that invited him in, shockingly warm. Light strained against the ropes, wanting to thrust deeply and choke L, to feel him cough and to feel the delicious tension of his clenching throat muscles enclosing everything, clamping down.

But Light couldn't move, not at all.

It was awful to be tied down, to not be trusted, even though it was kind of justified. Light's every instinct urged him to fuck L's mouth with no mercy or gentleness. If that movement were possible, L would choke and then he would bite. The bastard wouldn't forgive, wouldn't let anything go. It always had to be one for one.

L's mouth slowly did a few more strokes almost all the way down to the base. He choked a few times but quickly retreated and corrected himself each time. It was a tease, a maddening tease that provoked the growing tension and rising sparks in Light's groin without offering much chance of release. It was only adding more fuel to the fire, and so much want, building and building, the need for more, the desperate desire to be well and truly fucked by the depths of that mouth and throat.

Between pants, Light stammered, "It's... too much. You... can practice on a banana later. Just make me come."

It felt a bit like begging, a little humiliating, but it didn't matter. The need was overwhelming.

L unlatched his mouth, provoking an acute sensation of loss, and said, "Very well."

There was mischief shining in L's eyes as he went back to the more comfortable position of using his hands on the bottom half of Light's shaft and his mouth on the top half, speeding up the motions, and then speeding up again, bringing that throbbing need so close, so close to completion. L was more playful now in his motions but the speed he performed them with was furious and unrelenting. Light couldn't help but respond to it, the aching between his legs rising to a clear and definite peak.

And then, just as that moment was about to arrive, L stopped everything, looked up, and said, "Are you Kira?"

 _So, this is the game._

"No," Light said, but there was a ring of false conviction in his voice.

L looked unconvinced.

"Say you're not Kira," L said, between long, sensual licks from base to straining tip, "say it now."

"I'm not Kira," Light said, putting as much effort as he could into sounding like an outraged innocent who'd gotten tired and jaded by the repeated accusations.

This was pointless, anyway. Completely pointless. Nobody could be convicted according to their tone of voice when answering questions.

Light said, "Is this your plan? To tie me up and sexually torture me, never letting me come?"

"No, I will," L said, in a very decisive-sounding voice, "I'll make you come."

And then that team of mouth and hands and tongue were working again, as intense as ever, as if they'd never stopped, and Light's pleasure was rising uncontrollably. He could feel drops of sweat rolling down his neck, and his body shivering under the onslaught of sensations. He threw back his head and tried a futile thrust as his bliss overwhelmed him, originating between his legs as a white-hot explosion and then rippling through his entire body in a series of expanding and contracting waves.

L received it all into his mouth, not swallowing but simply retaining it, and then spit it out into a tissue with an expression of distaste.

Light panted a few times, feeling exposed and helpless and giddy, and then said, "I bet you'd do this five times a day if it tasted like frosting."

L gave him a strange look and said, "There's fructose in semen, but not enough. There are easier ways to clean it than by using my throat."

 _I won't, I won't ask him to untie me. L can't make me ask for something like that, as if he had power over me. He doesn't. I did this of my own free will, to help both of us, so that he won't bite again._

Light said, "If you don't mind getting it on your face, I can lick it off. I like that."

 _Well, I like licking it off, but I really like seeing it on his face. Hopefully he doesn't realize that's supposed to be humiliating._

L didn't reply but merely started undoing the bindings, a process that took a couple of minutes. Light rubbed each arm and leg as it was freed, noticing the pink marks of compressed flesh that had been made despite the softness of the restraints. He rubbed more determinedly at those places and saw the marks beginning to go back to normal. Before he knew it, L's eager, now-naked body was tackling him from behind, steering him to the bed, a toothpaste-sized tube of lubricant dangling in L's usual finger-and-thumb grip.

Light allowed himself to be guided to the bed and said, "There's no need to tie me up for this part."

L said nothing, but he didn't have restraints with him. Good. Light's heart was beating fast. This was it, a point of no return. After L felt how immensely wonderful it was to penetrate someone else, he'd want more of it, and it hurt to be on the bottom. It felt good, but it hurt too. Then there would probably be constant annoying arguments about it.

Light arranged himself in the middle of the bed and let L climb on top. L was in a cuddling mood, soft and gentle, nipping with the tiniest little bites on the shoulders and neck and the earlobes while the rest of him squirmed and tried to fit perfectly into Light's contours. Light sighed and let himself fall into the pleasure of skin against skin, burying his fingers in L's hair, so soft and flyaway, and then, as L descended to lick a nipple, pressing his face among the messy black strands and inhaling the clean scent of hair.

Something about L was always so delicate and fragile, his limbs incredibly spindly, every part of him slender and elegant. Light traced circles around a sharp hipbone, sharp enough that it looked as if it would break if you pressed on it just right. L almost purred in response, a low needy wordless sound of pleasure, and L began pressing his erection against Light's leg in a series of hard, short thrusts.

Light said, "Just get on with it. You need to prepare me with fingers first. Stretch the inside until it's wide enough."

L descended with a series of kisses down Light's chest and stomach, and then crouched between Light's spread legs, his hands out of sight. Light could hear the tub of lubricant being opened with a distinct pop.

A moment later, Light felt something very hard pressing at his entrance and then just slightly inside. A fingernail?

There was an unbearable rush of coldness within. Light yelled and L just looked at him quizzically. It felt incredibly wet and sloppy.

Light said, "You... you put the tip of the tube inside me and squeezed a bunch of lubricant in, didn't you?"

L dangled the tube in a two-fingered grip. It had been partly flattened and it looked about half empty.

L said, "It seems like an efficient way to do it."

Light said, "Lube is cold, and we don't need that much anyway. You're supposed to put lube into your hands and let your body heat warm it up before you apply it to sensitive areas. You can rub your hands with lube to warm it, or put it on any object and rub the object."

"I don't see why it's so cold. It's room temperature, the same as everything else."

"Room temperature is a lot colder than body temperature, and things feel colder inside."

L crouched down with his hands out of sight again. L was slow, hesitant. He plucked delicately at Light's ball-sack, pulling it out of the way to look underneath, pushing it around from one side to the other.

L said, "I don't want to put my fingers in there."

Light replied, "Fingers are required first. You are _not_ taking me without preparation."

L jumped up lightly, making a cat-like leap from the bed, and went out of sight behind the bed, pulling the chain taut. Light let his arm be pulled in that direction and didn't bother to turn around.

He almost thought L had panicked and abandoned him, but after a few moments L was back with a huge amount of candy canes in his mouth and then was crouching again between Light's legs, looking eager and delighted. He must have gotten them from the stand beside the bed. There was always plenty of candy in the bedroom.

Light watched as L pulled one candy cane from his mouth, holding it by the curved end, and coated the other end with lube. Then it descended out of sight and Light felt it sliding into him. It really was just the right size to not be even slightly uncomfortable, narrower than a finger. And the curved end left outside should make it safe, so it shouldn't disappear inside and prove impossible to fish out.

L thrust it a number of times at different angles, watching Light's face with that same expression of intently studying he'd used during oral sex. Then that first candy cane was joined by another, and then another, with more thrusts each time, L questing and experimenting. He looked rather smug. It felt good, but not great. L hadn't found the prostate yet. Light closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensations, trying to open up inside. When it got up to six Light felt an uncomfortable pinch. It wasn't like being stretched too much, it was different...

Suddenly Light knew what it was. "Take them all out!"

As L pulled the bunch out, Light said, "It's like sucking on a candy cane. It develops a sharp point over time."

L held up the candy canes, displaying their ends where the red striping had dissolved away and the white material underneath was beginning to develop dull points.

L said, "I'm sorry. I should have remembered that. Are you hurt? Do you need a medical examination?"

"No, it feels fine now. You were gentle, and they didn't get sharp enough to damage anything."

Light waved his arm in the direction of the sex toys. "We've got all those... things, and you decided to use candy canes instead?"

"I was being efficient. We can easily throw away candy canes, but anything else we use we'll need to clean afterward. It saves time."

Light groaned, and took L on a short trip to the other side of the room. He picked through the toys, finding a number of slender anal probes.

Light said, "If you won't use your fingers, use these. Start with the smallest ones and then go to bigger sizes as I stretch."

Quickly, they were back on the bed in the same position as before, and this time L was much improved. He went from one probe to another, gradually increasing the diameter, and with the help of curved probes and a little prompting, he even managed to find the prostate and hit it most of the time. When L had reached a size that produced a kind of painful stretch and used that object for awhile, he suddenly got a look on his face like a cat that has grabbed something it wants.

L pulled out the probe, tossing it aside with the others, and then began spreading lubricant on his own penis.

Light closed his eyes and gritted his teeth, waiting for the pain.

He waited, and waited, and there was nothing at all. He opened his eyes to see L in the same position as before, looking indecisive.

Light said, "What are you waiting for? Get it over with."

"You look frightened. You don't want to do this? Should I prepare you more?"

"It's just that it will hurt. Go ahead. I'm braced for it."

"It shouldn't hurt. I did everything right."

"It... always hurts. That's just what it's like. Don't worry about it. It feels good at the same time."

L placed his hands on either side of Light's hips and leaned forward. "Who was it?"

"Yamamoto. It ended more than a year ago."

Light couldn't meet L's eyes any more. He looked away, staring at the wall as he continued.

"He broke up with me because he said he was only attracted to girls. Even though it had been going on for months. He wouldn't even give me a New Year's card last year."

 _And then there was also a two-week rebound relationship with another guy shortly after the break-up, but L doesn't need to know about that. Nobody knows, and it will stay that way._

L gently said, "Yamamoto was doing it wrong. If it hurts, you're supposed to stop. If your first time is painful, you'll develop a reflex of not relaxing enough, and then it will be painful other times."

"You think you know so much because you read a book about it this morning? It hurts for whoever is being penetrated, it just does."

L said, "It doesn't hurt me. It doesn't hurt anyone when it's done right. I have a plan."

L certainly looked as if he were planning something. His eyes had that maddening, completely unreadable stare again, and the corner of his mouth, where he was pressing a long, spindly finger, was slightly upturned in what looked like mild amusement.

L climbed up Light's body and pressed the tube of lubricant into Light's hand, saying, "Do it to me, then."

 _He's giving up? Just like that? Well, there's no reason to question good fortune._

Light was rock-hard and throbbing as he reached back with lube-slickened fingers and began probing L's puckered hole. As soon as the first finger slipped inside, L gripped Light's shoulders tightly and began rocking gently back and forth, helping the thrusting motions of the finger and whimpering in pleasure.

Suddenly, L's mouth was descending in a sloppy kiss, and Light gave himself completely to the sensations of wrestling tongues and lips, eating out L's mouth while continuing to work away behind with busy fingers. L let out little gasps and moans, most of them muffled into Light's mouth.

Just as Light felt L open enough to be ready for penetration, L made that decision himself and began moving downward over the head of Light's cock. Light gasped at the sensation of slowly sinking into that incredible heat. It was utterly perfect, delicious and intense, and L's face hovering above his own was so cute, looking extremely surprised and pleased at once.

Light mumbled, "Gravity creates more pressure."

L barely got out an affirmative-sounding grunt in reply. L was already losing himself in the experience, his breaths all turning into pants, his eyes glazed over with that thoughtless, needy, hungry look, his hair messier than Light would have believed possible if he hadn't seen it himself, black clumps of it sticking out in every direction and the front portion falling into L's eyes worse than ever.

L let out a soft moan and closed his barely-visible eyes. His sheer neediness, the way he helplessly gave in to his desires, was incredibly sexy. Light loved making L unable to speak, unable to think, just a raw, mindless body craving his penis, his lips, his hands.

Light kissed L's chin and then sucked on his lower lip, running his hands along L's torso, thrusting upward into him gently as L thrust down again and again, their warm breaths in each other's faces.

It was so freaking good to have L on top, impaling himself with slow downward strokes produced by rocking his entire body forward and back, L's face showing expressions of lust and intense pleasure, along with a kind of curious questing as he adjusted his angle, seeking, experimenting, each motion sending a surge of bliss into his face.

Light reached between their bodies and grabbed for L's erect member, ready to pump it.

L stopped in place, panting, eyes closed, looking as if he was trying to gain verbal coherency, and then said, "Wait. I want to feel you inside me."

 _He really likes being penetrated that much?_

The thought of how very much L craved this, along with L's renewed, more forceful thrusts, brought on a helpless, rising sharp surge of pleasure. Before Light could stop it, or make any motions to reach for L's penis to at least attempt to make L come at the same time, Light was lost in a sweet release.

Light arched his back and poured himself into L in a series of warm, heavy spurts, unable to think any more, simply caught in the pulses of pleasure, acutely, almost painfully aware of each place where L's skin touched his own. There was a purity about it, a sense of being separate from the world and the normal flow of events. It was simply two bodies merged, moving together, fulfilling the most basic of desires, a chain of cause and effect, feelings producing feelings and then building on themselves to that inevitable peak.

As the tingling aftershocks of his orgasm faded, Light opened his eyes to see L glaring down at him.

 _Well, he should have let me touch his penis earlier. This is his own fault._

Light pulled out and pushed L backwards. L was surprised and wriggling like crazy, letting out what was almost a squeaking sound as Light forced him down, pinned his hips and took in his entire length in one slurping gulp. Light kept his eyes on that beautiful face, the head thrown back, the lips parted and panting, as L let out soft noises each time his penis entered fully into Light's throat. Almost as soon as the oral started, L's legs were trembling, and his face was a mishmash of wild, raw emotions, animalistic and crazed with lust.

Light's hand found one of the larger anal probes, just slightly less than dick-sized, and he slipped it inside L as his mouth and throat continued to plunge up and down on L's engorged cock. Light pushed a button on the base of the probe and it was suddenly vibrating. He twisted it around, and L let out a soft breathy cry and was suddenly climaxing, looking completely helpless and utterly sexy, waves of bliss moving through his face as his thighs lifted and clamped hard and his back curved into a delicate arch.

Light didn't let up what he was doing in the slightest, earning several "Nnngggguuhhh" sounds from a spent and shaking L until at last L regained some composure and gasped, "Stop."

Light stopped and enjoyed the sight of L splayed out, so limp and relaxed, his spindly limbs looking nerveless, as if he wasn't capable of getting up, and that emotion almost like love glittering once more in the depths of his deep, dark eyes. If it wasn't love, it was rapture, and it was surely growing closer to actually being love over time.

Light crawled up L's body and curled into L's embrace, feeling those slender, wiry arms wrap around him and pull him close, breathing in the earthy, almost sweat-free natural scent of L's body, absorbing L's soft, languid warmth. After resting in a close embrace with his chin on L's shoulder for some time, Light drew back, needing to look L directly in the face, and saw those mostly-inscrutable eyes studying him, a finger resting absently at the corner of L's lips.

Those eyes were not as hard to read as usual, they looked curious, unafraid, displaying a raw openness that L almost never had. Light could tell he was being examined like an object of mystery. And Light thought he saw just a chance in the black depths of those eyes, a chance that L might consider the idea of Kira not being the same as Light.

Light stayed there, drowsy and warm, tangling his limbs with L, enjoying that expression on his face, occasionally nibbling in a line along his jaw or kissing him, until L started to look businesslike again and then pulled Light out of bed and back to the stack of boxes, to start pulling apart more of them and sorting through their contents.

As soon as Light was sure L wasn't simply preparing to put all of the items away, he said, "L, what are you doing?"

"Preparing you. I have a plan."

"What? No, I'm going to go to sleep."

In a soft, even voice, L said, "This will take some time, so we need to start as soon as possible. It is time to stretch you and train you out of your bad reflexes."

L was beginning to line up butt plugs of various sizes and shapes along the floor. Light saw that they were being assembled from smallest to largest and had an idea of the plan even as L continued with, "It is simple. You will wear a butt plug for two or three hours every day. We'll increase the sizes as fast as we can. You'll get used to it."

Light wasn't sure if he was angry, or humiliated, or hopeful. Walking around with one of those things, would it be awkward? What if it fell out? And, it would somehow feel like being owned by L, wearing a mark of L's power. But, if it truly did work and it got rid of the pain... well, L obviously hadn't given up on being the seme. It was going to happen, and maybe, this way, things wouldn't ever hurt.

Light gritted his teeth and said, "Okay, but we're not starting tonight, and nobody ever hears about this. Ever! And you're not allowed to use the vibrating ones. And, all this stuff needs to be neatly put away soon."

L paused briefly in what he was doing and said, "Of course."

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

I had intended to get to the upcoming emergency in this chapter, but the lemons ended up being so long and complex that I realized I was going to end up with one of those nine thousand word chapters if I included everything in this chapter that I had originally intended, so I made a chapter break here.

Well, this is the first time in this fic that I've made L and Light have sex that wasn't mind-blowingly awesome, instead choosing to include various kinds of awkwardness and some dissatisfaction. Some of this is because this time the sex scene is being told from Light's perspective, and Light isn't completely overwhelmed by sex the way L is, and part of it is because L was in charge of things this time, and he doesn't know what he's doing.

L had several kinds of fail at trying to be the seme for the first time, but I tried to make sure they were all inexperienced-caused types of fail. I would imagine that L would have read a lot about sex, for two reasons. One, because he often pursues serial killers (and many serial killers rape as well, so sexual knowledge would be required for crime scene interpretation) and two, because he tries to gather lots of different kinds of knowledge in general.

So I think L would possess a lot of intellectual knowledge about sex, both about the mechanics and the behavioral/emotional aspects, but no matter how much you know, if you haven't done something, there will be things that your intellectual knowledge doesn't prepare you for.

I think Light would be a bit in the opposite direction. In this fic he has some experience, and I imagine that in such a situation, with his pride and his tendency to think of himself as already perfect, he would think he already knew what he needed to know and wouldn't try to educate himself more. Plus, Light is kind of impractical, while L is more oriented to practicalities and he also tends to overdo the planning and preparation stages of things.

Yamamoto is an extremely minor canon character who is Light's friend. You can see them discussing the New Year's card on page 7 of chapter 16 of the manga. I've occasionally read fan essays containing speculations that Yamamoto was at one point Light's lover, and there is a doujinshi (a fan comic) called "Chart of a Boy 17" where Yamamoto is Light's lover, and where Light uses him to make L jealous (and it also contains an extremely weird LxSoichiro moment).


	16. Chapter 16

**CHAPTER 16**

It was difficult, getting used to wearing one of those things internally for a few hours each day. It felt kind of good, a filling, stretching sensation, but there was something terribly disgraceful about it, even though it was hidden under layers of clothing and nobody should know.

Well, Watari probably knew; he knew everything. It was likely that everyone else had entirely stopped watching the L and Light private porn show, but Watari was obviously concerned and he wanted to know that L wasn't being hurt or tricked or letting some crucial clue slip past. Well, at least Watari had given up on stopping the sex. That was really his only redeeming feature. Light hoped that Watari fast-forwarded through that stuff as quickly as possible.

L was getting quite excited about the entire process of stretching with butt plugs. It was almost disturbing; the kind of sexual monster L was turning into, even though he hadn't really done anything yet. L was still the uke every time, and enjoying it just as much as ever, but he was more forceful, sometimes almost predatory, and Light could swear he saw L's perverted imagined plans lurking in the depths of those eyes, plans that were just waiting until L's experiment was complete.

When Light was wearing a butt plug, L made sure to take frequent trips to the bathroom just to inspect it and decide whether it needed more lubricant or if it was time yet to remove it for the rest of the day. Each new day when the time came to insert a new butt plug, L went about the procedure with one of those enigmatic half-smiles that were the closest things to real smiles that Light ever saw on L. L always tried to use a larger size than the day before. It often didn't work, but he tried.

L was intense about the process, constantly questing. He reminded Light of a stereotypical mad scientist from a movie, always checking on his experiment with a kind of creepy glee. Still, Light reminded himself that L was doing this for a good reason. It was supposed to make it painless when L finally was allowed to be on top. L didn't have to wait. He'd been offered the seme role without such preparation, and he'd turned it down. It really was a kind of favor, no matter how embarrassing it felt.

Even so, when various task force members glanced at Light while he was wearing one of those things, no matter how innocuous their expressions, Light couldn't shake the feeling that they somehow knew, and that they were secretly laughing at him.

Light made sure to take out his frustration on L. This was best done by making L spend a lot of time practicing deep-throating on chocolate-covered frozen bananas, but only when they were in their room. There was no way L should ever do something like that in front of the others - it would just add to the embarrassment from the terribly public nature of everything that had gone on so far. Enough was enough. But watching L choke over and over again on those frozen bananas made it easier to wear the butt plugs. Yes, L was getting some payback. He wasn't the only one to suffer from a rigorous course of sexual training.

The sex itself had settled into a schedule most of the time. In the mornings, unless L tried to get up and go to work too early, Light would pounce him at some point, usually during their shower or immediately after, and give him oral sex. L never resisted, not once. It was easy to seduce him, to make him moan and tremble, and to make his legs give out if he were standing at the time. It made Light feel powerful to see L being such a helpless slave to his own instincts, but it also had a purpose in the plan.

L was an obvious sex addict. He'd discovered a new pleasure and was falling for it hard, and for the time being all the obstructions from others had disappeared. Light knew he needed to use this window of opportunity to make sure that L's instincts and desires overwhelmed his logic as much as possible. The bond needed to be strengthened and every advantage had to be pounced on, before the month ran out and others tried to break up the relationship again. The best bait to use on L was plenty of orgasms.

Light didn't always satisfy himself during those morning sessions. Sex happened nearly every evening anyway, and Light just didn't have the same drive that L did, to go at it twice a day every day. When he did let L return the favor in the morning, it was usually oral, to help L further practice his techniques. L was learning, but not as fast as Light hoped. L had a very talented mouth, but an unskilled throat. Well, battling physical reflexes required a different set of skills than intelligence alone, so it made sense that L wouldn't just pick up the technique immediately. L was getting there, slowly, but he was obviously frustrated by his inability to simply figure it out and be done with it.

In any case, blowjobs by L were still sinfully delightful. The things L could do to the part of Light's penis that could fit in his mouth were unbelievably good. Light often had to spend extra time afterwards primping in front of a mirror in order to try to get the afterglow of sexual excitement off his face, or at least make it less obvious. There was no need for things to become even more public than they already were. Though, someday one part of this whole ordeal would be worthwhile: having all those videos for rewatching purposes. Every encounter except the very first had been preserved on video.

The evenings were when Light got what he liked best, pinning down a squirming, gasping L and penetrating him over and over until neither of them could take it any more. Judging from L's reactions, he liked it very much too, perhaps even better than oral. L really was a strange person.

More often than not, Light was able to use the promise of sex to manipulate L into going to bed earlier than normal. And, if it didn't seem to be working on a particular night, Light would tease L mercilessly with little "accidental" touching incidents and keep intensifying things until L got too worked up and gave in. These included everything from minor incidents of brushing his hand against L's up to major incidents of simply pulling L into closets for some serious making out, and then breaking it off as soon as L got really hot and bothered. Whenever things went that far, it made L decide quite fast that work was done for the day.

Just as predicted, the entire task force became involved in a fruitless mini-investigation of Nobuko Sato. Nothing new came up, though Matsuda became more convinced day by day that Nobuko had to be the real second Kira. Meanwhile, Light watched through various video feeds as his house was dismantled over the course of two days by an army of workers in biohazard suits. Every possession and each chunk of the house's structure was all being transported to a special warehouse where it was tagged, entered into the records and then meticulously pulled apart by Wedy. It took her a week and a half to get through everything that had been delivered to her.

Light didn't even have a moment of worry. He knew he was too well-organized and had far too good a memory to have left some forgotten scrap of death note paper behind. He felt a bit mournful about the loss of the house, but it hadn't been his home for more than half a year now, and it would be rebuilt, an exact copy to stand in the same place.

The surveillance on Misa revealed absolutely nothing further that sparked L's interest, just exceedingly boring phone conversations between Misa and other models, plus Misa's little routines around the apartment of watching television, reading, taking care of hygiene and food issues, and playing with her collection of creepy gothic dolls. Misa came to visit the front entrance of headquarters every other day or so, and each time Light was let off the chain and loaded with hidden microphones to meet her.

She was disappointed that he hardly ever kissed her. Her expectations had been raised too much after that one extreme make-out session to pay back L for kissing Matsuda. But, Misa never gave up, despite the lack of evidence. She was clearly obsessed and wanted to believe, and it was surprisingly easy to keep putting her off, soothing her with delaying tactics and little lies.

About everything other than sex, L had become more distant; his emotions surprisingly unreadable even by L's standards. Perhaps the only thing Light thought he could detect was a kind of stoic calm tinged with sadness. But L had to be feeling more than that. L had been given an ultimatum and he wasn't making a bit of progress. No new clues were coming from Yotsuba, Misa, the Nobuko Sato lead or the dismantling of Light's house, and the old clues were useless.

L ought to be worried. But, L did not seem concerned about the passing of time, even though half of his month was quickly gone, wasted on useless leads and searches. The only remotely interesting thing that happened was seeing Misa hire a Buddhist exorcist for her apartment. It was surprisingly expensive, and Light thought the ceremony was hilarious. Especially since the creature Misa was trying to exorcise was standing right behind Light and laughing the entire time.

Ryuk wasn't attached to a human any more, so shinigami rules kept him from staying in the human world for a long time at a single stretch. But there was no rule against frequent visits, and he made sure to be around whenever it seemed something interesting was coming up.

As Ryuk had said one time, "Light, I may as well squeeze as much entertainment out of you as I can. At least L hasn't given up on catching you."

No, L hadn't given up, but sometimes it almost seemed as if he had. L wasn't trying as much as he could, or if he was, he was hiding it somehow. It almost reminded Light of L's depression immediately after moving into the investigation building, when he was beginning to suspect that Kira couldn't be caught at all.

Rem became calmer the entire time. She was seeing the case truly stall, a trend that would only continue, so of course she calmed. Light thought he even saw a bit of appreciation and respect on her face as she watched his plan continue to unfold, exactly as he'd told her it would. The main thing that still bothered Rem was Misa's romantic future. She had taken to blathering on about it, how Misa needed to be dumped in a way that would cause her the least amount of pain and trouble, and that things shouldn't be drawn out too much.

Soichiro also put pressure on L to give permission for Light to officially end the relationship with Misa, and his arguments only became more insistent with time.

Just one week before the ultimatum would run out, Soichiro came up behind L, spun his chair around to look him in the face, and said, "Ryuzaki, you've made that poor girl suffer long enough. If you don't let Light break up with her soon, I'll tell her you're having a relationship with him."

Matsuda said, "Yeah, poor Misa-Misa! She still thinks Light is going to marry her."

L said, "I was expecting this. Yes, Light should break up with Misa today or tomorrow, but only if we can film the entire event. If Misa is the second Kira, she might let something slip in those circumstances, or even decide to turn against Light."

Matsuda said, "Turn against... you mean, kill? Light could die?"

Aizawa replied, "Idiot! If Misa is the second Kira, then Light is almost certainly the first Kira. If that happened, it would solve the case to have the Kiras attack each other and it wouldn't be a bad thing."

L was watching very closely. Light could almost feel the weight of that unreadable stare.

L said, "It would be a bad thing. If that happened, everyone here that Misa knows the name of could die immediately."

L took a sip of coffee and then said, "Please organize some police officers to help us, but not those who helped with Higuchi's blockade, since their memories were affected and Kira might be able to control them. If Light or anyone else starts dying, we need people who won't be affected to rush in and restrain Light and Misa. I think that those with Kira's power probably cannot kill when they are restrained."

"Yes," Aizawa said, "I can work with Ide again to recruit some men who weren't on the team to arrest Higuchi. It'll probably take a day or two."

"Good," L said, and then turned his chair to face Wedy.

"Wedy, I do not want the NPA to know that Misa and Light are suspects unless we have no choice. The original leak, before Light ever became a suspect, was from the NPA. If Light is not Kira, then Kira has a connection with the NPA and could decide to frame Light or Misa if it were ever realized they are suspects. So, if the officers Aizawa and Mogi assemble are waiting outside Misa's apartment, they might realize Misa is a suspect even if they never go inside. We can't have Misa and Light break up in Misa's apartment. It needs to be a place with a similar sense of privacy, probably a hotel suite, and there should be hidden cameras and microphones everywhere."

Light said, "Ryuzaki, if I invite Misa to a hotel, she'll think we're going to have sex. You should rent a cafe or something and fill it with fake customers."

L said, "It can't be helped. If Misa believes she's in a private place, she might act differently. We have only one chance to get the sort of clues she might leak in this situation."

L paused and pressed a finger to his bottom lip. "It might be a good idea to attempt to make Misa as angry as possible."

Light said, "Ryuzaki, I'm not going to do that. It's cruel."

"Are you afraid Misa might be the second Kira and will kill you for leaving her? She is extremely obsessed. I am not sure if she would accept your decision to dump her."

 _L knew this was coming. Dad's intentions have been obvious for at least a week. L should have had the arrangements ready before now. He purposely made sure I'd have a day or two to contemplate killing Misa._

"You'll see," Light said, "Misa might get angry or refuse to believe I'm truly leaving her, but nothing will happen. But you already know that. If I were Kira, Misa would have been dead a long time ago. You yourself have said that Misa still being alive is one part of your case against me that doesn't make any sense."

"That is true."

"And, all of her pain is your fault."

L looked surprised. "My fault?"

Light crossed his arms, took a deep breath and said, "I would have dumped her months ago, when we were first chained together, if you hadn't ordered me not to, so that she wouldn't leak investigation secrets. I haven't been leading her on and giving her false hope. You have. She was just a stalker who got out of hand until you became involved in it."

"I suppose you're right."

"So," Light said, "that means it's your responsibility to help her."

"What?"

"You need to help her find a new boyfriend. Also, if she's in too much pain after I leave her, you need to get her into counseling or something."

L had one of those almost-smiles tug at the corners of his lips. "Light, this isn't a dating service, it's an investigation."

"Ryuzaki, I'm not asking you to use the investigation's resources for this. I'm asking you to use your own resources. It would be simple for you to hire the very best professional matchmakers, psychiatrists, or whatever else you need to make Misa happy. And I know you've noticed the way she reacts to the real Hideki Ryuga on her movie set. If I didn't exist, she'd probably be chasing him. You could create some scheme so that they spent more time together."

Light took a chance and glanced at Rem briefly. She looked as if she approved. Matsuda did as well, but the rest of the investigators just looked bewildered or exasperated.

L said, "It isn't like you to be so concerned about Misa."

"I feel sorry for her. I don't like her, but I don't hate her either and she's been through a lot. Her parents died in front of her and she's been falsely accused of being a mass-murderer all this time. Misa doesn't deserve the bad things that have happened to her. Both of us owe her some help."

L said, "I will see about some arrangements, but the Kira investigation comes first."

The rest of the day, L had a look as if he were planning something. Well, he always had that look to some extent, but this was more pronounced, and Light was sure it had nothing to do with planning to fix Misa's life and make her happy. That sort of planning wouldn't make L look as if he were anticipating something. It wouldn't make L look so hungry.

When L wanted to go to bed much earlier than usual, Light was pretty sure he knew what it was about, and he was right. No sooner had they entered their bedroom than L got a few things from the newly-installed cabinets and dressers, and then literally pulled Light into bed using the chain.

L was impatient, needy, excited. He didn't bother with trying to send for Watari to unlock the handcuffs, but ripped both his own shirt and Light's shirt, destroying them to keep them from dangling on the chain. Then L was kneeling down and pushing Light onto his back, and Light was at once being overwhelmed, almost attacked, with sloppy kisses interspersed with aggressive little bites along his neck, and L's thin hands alternately sliding along the edges of his torso and pressing him down into the bed, pinning him.

Every movement felt charged, laden with heat and desire, a little battle that Light was letting L win. L pressed a knee between Light's legs and began grinding hard, not the least bit gentle, and something about the way he did it was arousing and frightening all at once. This was a wild, untamed version of L, and Light had the feeling that there was anger bubbling somewhere beneath L's outward emotions.

Light reached upward and started undoing the front of L's jeans. Light could already feel the hard lump there, and he stroked it through the fabric a few times before finally releasing it from the confines of cloth into his hands, feeling the intense warmth of it and the way a shiver ran through L at the first touch.

Between pants, L said, "I'm going to penetrate you tonight."

Light whispered, "I know."

L's aggression continued throughout the undressing process. When he got Light's shoes off, he flung them away so hard they made loud thumps as they hit the wall. And then, once both of them were nude, L went to work, meticulous as ever, using the sex toys he'd brought to work inside Light and open him up. L had figured out where the prostate was and hit it nearly every time, causing surges of warmth and tension to move through Light's pelvis, as Light's erection became almost embarrassingly stiff and aching.

It was difficult to relax and trust L. Some part of Light was certain L would do something that would cross a boundary. Would insatiable, perverted L be too surprising and dominating in the seme role? If so, it wouldn't be fun at all, just something to get through and endure until the roles were switched again. But, even though L kept replacing the sex toys with wider ones until he'd inserted a probe nearly as wide as a penis, Light never felt that painful stretch he expected, that almost tearing feeling he'd had to get used to before.

Then, L was spreading lubrication on himself, crouching between Light's spread legs. L placed his hands on either side of Light's shoulders and then, hovering above, he started to move forward slowly. Light felt the tip penetrating him; it was hard and wet and he wanted to instinctively pull back, but he breathed slowly and deliberately, reminding himself that it didn't hurt at all.

No, in fact he felt a gentle spreading sensation within as L continued to slowly, ever so slowly, slide inside, gasping and trembling above him, his stare intense, his teeth biting and worrying at his own lip. L looked so... surprised. Light wasn't sure if L liked it or not.

L stopped halfway in, burying his face in the nook between Light's head and shoulder, breathing heavily, still trembling just slightly. L had to be coaxed into pushing in the rest of the way, and then once he was completely inside, he had to be coaxed into thrusting.

It didn't hurt, not even slightly, instead it was a wonderfully filling sensation, and L was so cautious Light felt silly for worrying. L's thrusts were slow and erratic, and his trembling became almost imperceptible, but it never really went away for more than a few moments. L didn't seem to know where to place his hands. At last he settled for tightly gripping the points of Light's shoulders.

Light squirmed underneath L, wrapping his legs around those slender, sharp hips to pull himself up into the thrusts at just the right angle. He wanted L inside him, deep within that slippery sensitive place, and he squeezed L a little with his internal muscles and then smiled at the way the trembling, which had almost gone away, returned strongly. L did penetrate further at this angle, a hard slippery length that was so very warm and rubbed in exactly the right places.

But L didn't have a proper sense of pace or speed. It was too slow. Light remembered how badly it used to hurt with Yamamoto and he couldn't find the courage to ask L to speed up. Yes, it was probably better to gently ease into things. The absence of pain was delicious, and it felt like a minor miracle to experience the good sensations without anything awful to spoil them.

Light needed to see that face, so he pulled L away from his shoulder, kissing and licking L's pale chin and working toward the mouth. L looked so shocked, almost dazed or maybe even upset. With his face, it was always hard to be sure exactly what he was feeling. Light kissed and kissed, nibbling gently at L's surprisingly delicate lips, teasing out a few moans and shudders as L gradually moved from an erratic rhythm to a steady one. L was driving in deeply now, penetrating far with each excruciatingly slow thrust, and Light felt empty every time L withdrew. He wanted L to be buried in him, to merge their flesh completely.

L's hands were clenching tightly on his shoulders, L's eyes closed as he allowed Light to lick and bite everywhere around his mouth and to slide that tongue within, L's skin so pale it almost seemed luminescent, his eyelashes and hair stark black in a delicious contrast. L's nipples were hard, rubbing constantly along Light's chest in a back-and-forth rhythm with the thrusts, and L's stomach was warm and just slightly slick with sweat, pressing down on Light's erection in the trapped space between their bodies.

It was difficult to get used to being on the bottom again, but it didn't hurt, and everything felt good, and L wasn't at all frightening. L was a trembling, moaning wreck, easy to control and manipulate. L's pace was creating a powerful, slowly building arousal. Light wanted more and more, straining to press their bodies together, running his hands along L's back and making him shiver, whispering encouragement to him, squeezing him with the internal muscles to feel more of that delicious pressure and to see him jerk unsteadily and his eyes fly open in shock. L was helpless, truly helpless. He was on top but not in control.

The leisurely fucking was creating a tremendous tension that needed to be released; it was electric and hard and wet and almost unbearable. Each of L's slow thrusts pushed Light higher into a state of sheer need and want, a kind of mindless, instinctual desperation. It felt as if his penis was too hard and it would burst, as if his mind was unraveling just slightly at the edges. His orgasm was so close, a heavy, intense building and gathering sensation, his balls drawn up incredibly tight, a feeling like all the blood in his body was rushing toward his groin, leaving it engorged and so very ready, and yet L kept him in that state, nearly there but with no release. Each thrust brought him more of that exquisite hot tightness, that need to explode.

When Light couldn't stand it any more he slipped a hand between their bodies, buried his tongue in L's mouth, and gave himself some hard, quick strokes. The pressure of the fast jerks and the enclosing presence of his fingers were just right to tip the balance. As L gave out a muffled moan, everything that had built up so unbearably in Light suddenly came unraveled at once, concentrating to a point of white-hot pleasure centered in his penis and then moving outward in the sweetest waves of bliss. Light clutched L hard, seeing white behind his closed eyelids and somehow feeling that white in his entire body at once, the senses of sight and touch briefly merged.

L made a sound halfway between a grunt and a purr, thrust a few more times and then buried his face against the side of Light's neck and released what felt like an immense quantity of shockingly warm liquid. It was hot and sticky and it seemed somehow very right to have it in there, as if now they had fully consummated their relationship by doing it both ways. L's penis was twitching, and he let out a low, drawn-out breathy moan before going very still.

Light pushed him onto his side and held him close. L was warm and soft and clung to Light like a monkey. He was losing his erection but refused to withdraw, staying inside.

 _What was that about? I could swear he was angry, and then he goes from being aggressive to being helpless._

Light brought his face close to L's, almost nose to nose, and gently brushed the hair away from his eyes, searching them for any clue to L's mood. L had that completely unreadable stare again, the one that seemed to be his most frequent expression.

Light said, "Did you like it?"

L muttered, "The entire time I thought I was going to come. I had to fight it. I'm not good at this, am I?"

"It was nice."

Light felt as if he should say more.

Light said, "Uh, thank you for making sure you didn't hurt me. You waited and worked hard for this, even though I didn't ask you to."

L said nothing, but his face looked even more blank and neutral than before. Light held him and softly pet him, but it didn't seem to make a difference in L's mood.

L was like that for the next day and a half, right up to the break-up with Misa. He was neutral, unreadable and emotionally retreating much of the time, though sometimes Light thought he could sense a subtle anger hidden just beneath the surface. At times, he even had the feeling that L might be about to say something insulting to him, but L never did.

During sex, L was passionate and clearly interested, yet his reactions were more confused and muddled than before, a morass of conflicting urges, and the only thing L would ever say about it was that he was afraid of coming too soon whenever he was on top. But there was more. There had to be more. Light could almost imagine L tearing open at the seams beneath the surface. Something about his equilibrium, his hidden depths, was disturbed.

Was it that L now realized he was in a relationship, and he didn't know how to deal with it? Light hoped things would improve once Misa was completely out of the picture. Or maybe L just needed time to settle down and accept his fate. That was probably it. This was a guy who supposedly hadn't had a friend in his life before. Of course he didn't know what to do with a lover. It probably bewildered the hell out of him.

Breaking up with Misa did happen in a hotel room, despite Light's protests that it would make Misa entirely too hopeful that something else was about to happen. The place was even more ridiculously overloaded with hidden cameras and microphones than Light had ever seen before. Even the hallways, bathrooms and public areas throughout the entire hotel had been bugged and filled with hidden cameras, Light supposed in case one of them decided to run.

L was either getting paranoid again, or he was just overdoing everything worse than ever because there was nothing else he could do. L was trapped. He'd already been outsmarted, and Light couldn't help but secretly gloat about it.

When Light entered the hotel room, his clothes loaded with even more microphones than usual, Misa was sitting on the bed, wearing skimpier clothing than he'd ever seen her in before. She looked so hopeful that he wanted nothing other than to smash her in the face.

 _She's a mass murderer who killed innocent policemen, not for a justifiable reason such as to create a utopia, but merely to meet someone she idolized. Misa has always been trouble and she doesn't deserve to be loved by anyone, or to have a god of death on her side. How can she do so much wrong and still get off the hook so easily?_

Before Light could take two steps into the room, Misa was spouting some stupid lovesick babble and had run to him and hooked her arm into his. He gently tried to pry her off, then roughly shook free of her when that didn't work.

Ryuk laughed and said, "I really wish you weren't getting rid of her, Light. Sometimes Misa causes you more problems than L does."

Light said, "Misa, this is serious. Sit down. We need to talk."

"But, Light, isn't this time for us now?"

Misa's hand went to the zipper on the side of her skirt, but Light gently swatted it away.

 _Best to get this over with quickly, so I can leave. With Misa, there's no such thing as letting her down easy. Even Rem should understand that._

"Misa, we need to break up."

Her lower lip trembled, and her eyes went wide.

In a voice choked with disbelief, she said, "What?"

Rem turned away with an uncomfortable look on her face, but stayed in the room.

Ryuk said, "I wonder if she'll decide you can't possibly be telling the truth and start stalking you to win you back."

Light said, "Misa, I told you I would try to be your boyfriend, but that was more than six months ago. At first I was being polite because your feelings were obviously strong. Then, I felt sorry for you because of the false accusations. I experienced the same thing, and I know how horrible it was, and I didn't want to leave you alone. But, I have given our relationship plenty of time and my feelings are not developing. I can't force my emotions. We shouldn't stay together any longer."

Misa slumped to the floor, on her knees, looking down and breathing heavily. Her blonde hair fell in front of her face, obscuring it.

She said, "I risked my life for you, to catch Higuchi so you wouldn't die. I'm still ready to die for you, to do anything you want. I don't care if you have to pretend to like me. Use me however you want, for anything you want. I'll risk my life again. I'll do kinky things. Just tell me what you want. You'll never find another woman like me. Don't send me away."

"Misa, I can't use a woman that way. It isn't right to continue our relationship if I don't have feelings for you. Please understand. It would make me happy to see you dating someone else."

Misa was still looking down at the floor, and her hands clenched into fists in her lap.

In a very quiet voice, she said, "It's because I didn't do everything you asked, isn't it? I can fix that. I'll be completely obedient from now on."

"No, Misa. I'm leaving because of my own feelings, not because of anything you did or didn't do. We would have never worked out. I don't care how obedient you are. I want a woman I can feel real emotion for. I don't hate you, Misa, but I don't want to spend time with you. There isn't any spark between us. I need to look for a woman I can really love."

"It is because I didn't obey. Don't you remember? Just after they released me, you said you would love me forever if I went to a certain place and dug something up. You gave me the directions, but I never dug anything up, and now you don't love me."

Light's heart skipped a beat as Ryuk launched into a laughing fit behind him.

Light tried to keep his face completely neutral and thought desperately of what to do. The death note had been moved, but only a short distance. He hadn't had time that rainy night to pick a completely new hiding place when there were so many errands. L would not hesitate to dig up every bit of soil for a large distance around.

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

Well, the emergency finally happened! For those of you who've been waiting a long time for this, thanks for sticking with it. I know all my chapter updates have slowed down over the past couple of months, but I'm really trying to get the updates out as fast as I can.

I'm basing this plot twist on the fact that, in canon, memory-less Misa remembered absolutely everything except for things relating very directly to death notes, shinigami, or shinigami eyes. For example, she remembered seeing Light for the first time and somehow knowing his name without talking to him, she just didn't remember how she knew his name.


	17. Chapter 17

**CHAPTER 17**

Once the decision had been agreed on to let Light dump Misa, L thought it was time to take the next step. There was no reason to wait any longer. The experiment should have made everything ready. L couldn't stop his wild imaginings, the sheer anticipation of what he was about to do for the first time. For a male, penetrating someone else was supposed to be the best kind of pleasure. What would it be like? Would it feel like being inside Light's mouth? Or would it be better? Unlike oral sex, this could be done face-to-face, clasped in each other's arms. That alone should make it feel more like making love, more than the simple stimulation of oral sex.

Light was distracting, even when he was just sitting in a chair, tapping away at his computer keys and not looking in L's direction. L could barely wait until the earliest reasonable time to declare the workday over and go to bed. He watched the clock until that moment arrived, and then immediately took Light upstairs.

 _The sex can't last much longer. The others will demand that I step down as lead investigator in just one week unless I can prove Light is Kira. And, enough data has now accumulated that it is clear Light has a hallucination. His eyes certainly focus on someone or something that isn't there. With this piece of evidence, there is almost no chance that Light isn't Kira. I should enjoy the physical pleasure while I can._

L wasted no time in getting things started once they reached the bedroom, assembling everything they needed into the bed. As L pushed Light down, he noted that Light seemed almost frightened.

 _Is this an act? What are you playing at, Kira? Did you plan to make me like this, needing you? If I fail, will you laugh in my face as I die, as the others die around me?_

It was horrible, to need sex like this, to need _Light_ like this. But it was undeniable. Every touch of their skin as the clothes were torn away, the looks Light got on his face, the way their bodies responded instinctively to each other on a primal level, it was all too much and L didn't want it to stop. He just wanted to immerse himself fully in the experience, to forget that the probability of Light being Kira was now at least ninety-nine percent. It was awful to need something that was wrong and sick and that wouldn't last regardless. It was just an illusion, a game, and soon it would be forcibly taken away. Either by the fact of Light getting caught, or by death, or by being forced to leave the investigation.

 _I used to want him to be Kira. Now, I don't want him to be Kira. I've been corrupted, but I will catch him anyway. Kira cannot win, or too many people will die, myself included. Once Light is gone, it will be only a few years of pain, and then I'll be back to normal._

When it was time for insertion, L's mind finally stopped chattering on about those other things. There was only Light's smooth, slender body beneath him, and the anticipation, overwhelming all other thoughts, and the cool feeling of the lubrication he'd just spread on his penis. L positioned himself carefully and began pressing inside.

At once, it was an agony of pleasure, sweet and almost completely out of control, requiring enormous inner strength to keep from having an orgasm. It was exactly like everything that was wrong with their relationship, something that was too good and too horrible at the same time. L had to stop halfway in and concentrate on not losing it. It was simply too much. Sex this way would only last a matter of seconds unless more control was established.

It felt like being trapped. L closed his eyes and breathed carefully, waiting as the surging strength of his almost-orgasm subsided to a barely tolerable level.

Light said, "You don't have to wait. I'm ready."

L was able to move again at that prompting, just barely holding control over his body as he slid inside, and then when he'd entered completely it was suddenly so overwhelming that he had to stop once again. The pressure on every side of his penis was wonderful, too wonderful. How could this not hurt Light? It felt as if there wasn't any space inside there. L trembled in place, feeling unbelievably aroused, a throbbing, needy ache that was almost out of control. He wanted to pin Light down and fuck him hard, but that would only last for a thrust or two, and that wasn't acceptable. An experience like this couldn't be allowed to end so quickly.

After a short wait, it was Light's words that once again prompted L into action. L started thrusting, a little at a time. It was simply heavenly and he could barely deal with it, the closeness, the tight squeezing friction, Light's kisses and the wanton way Light was wriggling underneath and wrapping his legs around L's hips.

And Light was whispering constantly, some of it dirty talk, some of it directions for what to do. L kept stopping in order to short-circuit his building orgasm before it could ruin everything, but Light didn't mention the terrible rhythm. L expected to be scolded for not doing it right, but Light's words were gentle and encouraging.

L tried hard, he put all his concentration into it, and at last he was able to continue moving steadily without stopping. It was still slow, but any faster and he'd lose it for sure. The feeling was just as intense, but L was getting used to it, the exquisite sliding pressure enclosing his penis completely, Light wriggling and mumbling underneath him and doing things that made it harder to keep any control at all. Light kept adjusting the angle by pulling with his legs, and he kept intensifying the contact of skin and lips and tongues.

It was all mixed together somehow, sensations blending, their bodies joined into one rhythmic mass of pleasure, L lost in a haze of lust and pleasure, so that when he heard moaning he often wasn't sure whether he'd produced the sound or Light had. And it was building toward something. There was a kind of sharp danger lurking beneath the surface, a few little nagging thoughts about lack of control that were almost submerged, but not completely. A feeling of the inevitable was rising inside, and L felt as if a lot was being held back, a tremendous load of semen ready to explode at any instant.

Light must be feeling it too. Light's movements were getting more frantic, and then L felt Light reaching between their bodies, touching himself and whimpering so beautifully into L's mouth as he connected in a kiss, his tongue slipping inside and cutting off the sound. Light closed his eyes, threw back his head and let out a soft little noise that turned into a drawn-out gasp as his cum suddenly flooded the space between their bellies. It was so warm, warmer than L expected, and at the same time Light's internal muscles were squeezing in a rhythm.

To his own surprise, L was able to keep moving a little while longer before his own orgasm hit him. It was a tremendous release, and L didn't care at all, for once, whether Light was Kira or not, he only wanted to keep his length buried in Light as it continued and continued to pour out all the pent-up tension. L pressed hard against Light, his lips on the side of Light's neck, his arms clinging tightly. Even after he finished, some instinct wouldn't let him let go. Light pushed him onto his side and still he clung hard, needing to feel the steady thumping of Light's heartbeat, the rise and fall of Light's ribs with each breath.

Then Light was pulling L's face into position, for a kiss? No, Light was hovering just barely out of kissing range. He stroked L's face with his hands and looked L directly in the eyes. That stare felt uncomfortable. It was too close, too intimate, a reminder of just how wrong it was to enjoy Light this way, to feel comfort in his arms.

 _Remember, this is the man who is almost certainly Kira. Light has likely killed thousands of people. Using and then killing a lover would mean nothing to him._

Light said, "Did you like it?"

 _There's no reason to withhold the truth._

L said, "The entire time I thought I was going to come. I had to fight it. I'm not good at this, am I?"

Light said, "It was nice."

After a pause, Light added, "Uh, thank you for making sure you didn't hurt me. You waited and worked hard for this, even though I didn't ask you to."

 _Kira, don't act as if you care for me. My emotions won't be manipulated that way._

L thought briefly about trying to stop the cuddling, to instead ignore Light and hope the sickening attachment would weaken without as much cuddling to strengthen it. But then he realized it wouldn't matter. It was already so strong that nothing would reduce the upcoming pain, except for the passing of enough time after Light was taken away.

Besides, Light needed to be thrown off-balance by letting him think he was gaining an advantage. L allowed his body to conform to all of Light's curves, clinging tightly, continuing the lazy cuddling until Light fell asleep in his arms. L stared at that sleeping face for a long time before he drifted off to sleep himself, wondering all the time how it was that Kira always looked so innocent and untroubled as he slept.

The next day and a half until the break-up between Misa and Light were difficult times. The preparations for the event were easy enough. L went over all possible scenarios in his mind over and over, and made sure he had a plan for each and every one of them. It was being with Light that was harder than before. L wanted Light more than ever. He threw himself into the new role of being on top with a passion, trying to discover how to fully enjoy the pleasure.

But, though he knew his physical techniques were improving, he felt a little more lost each time he touched Light. L could feel that a small part of him wanted to save Kira, no matter how dangerous it was. And he hated himself, utterly despised himself, for thinking like that in the slightest, about a serial killer, of all people. Kira wasn't like Aiber and Wedy, who had only caused monetary damages. No, Kira was part of a category of criminals who should never be offered redemption. He'd simply killed far too many people, including law enforcement officials.

When the time came for the project to dump Misa, everything was perfectly in place. The NPA officers newly recruited by Ide, Aizawa and Mogi were waiting in an inconspicuous unmarked van near the hotel and Light was off the chain and in a limousine being driven by Watari, ready to be delivered to the hotel as soon as L gave the signal. Everyone else was in the main investigation room, even Aiber and Wedy, waiting and watching the multiple monitors. The monitors were now showing two views of Light inside the limo and several views of the inside of the chosen hotel, along with a view of Misa in her apartment, lying on her bed paging through a magazine.

The anticipation and worry in the investigation room were palpable. Even Matsuda looked a bit apprehensive. If things went wrong, if Misa really was the second Kira, then almost anything could happen. The Kiras could attack each other, or they could try to run while killing off the investigation team. Misa had never seen Watari's face or Wedy's face. They could be the only survivors.

Was Misa the second Kira? Light's guilt or innocence was linked to hers. If one was guilty, there was a very strong probability that both of them were. However, Misa might not be the second Kira at the moment, the power and the knowledge of it might still be gone. She certainly acted as if she didn't have any memories of having that power. But Misa was an actress. It was impossible to be sure if she'd really forgotten. What mechanism caused the regaining of suppressed Kira memories? Whatever it was, Light should know it.

If Misa actually accepted that the relationship was over, she'd have no reason to protect Light. She'd even have a strong motivation to kill him with her power. People as obsessed as Misa tended to have all their love turn to hate if they were rejected. And, if Light thought she might regain her memories at some future time, he'd certainly want to kill her before that happened. If Light was Kira, and if he didn't kill her in the near future, then it would have to mean that Light was sure Misa would never regain her memories. This incident should reveal at least that much information, even if it was useless otherwise.

L pressed a button on a microphone and said, "Watari, tell Light to make the call."

Light's clothing was bugged, the limo was bugged, and the cellphone he was using was bugged. Vast amounts of audio recordings were being made.

Everyone watched tensely as Light called Misa, Misa answered, and Light told her to go to a certain hotel, book a room, and wait for him. Light kept the call short and to the point, following the script, just as L had previously instructed him. If the two of them did have a way of secretly signaling each other, a phone call like this should minimize that chance.

The investigation room broke out into nervous chatter during the time it took Misa to get ready and arrive at the hotel. Everyone was seriously unsure if Light was Kira or not, and they couldn't stop their speculations. Even Matsuda and Soichiro had begun to suspect Light a little. It made for a gloomy mood.

When Misa reached the hotel, everything went perfectly. The employees behind the desk had been replaced by L's agents, new ones hired just for this job, so Misa had never before seen them and shouldn't be suspicious. The room they "randomly" assigned to her was the one already packed with surveillance by Wedy. Misa should have no reason to assume the hotel room wasn't private. Even if Misa had somehow realized that her apartment was covered with hidden bugs and cameras, she should think she was now safe.

Misa made the call to Light, to tell him the room number, and once again Light stuck to the script and ended the call quickly.

Watari delivered Light to the hotel. At no time did Light ever pass out of sight of the cameras. Every bit of his journey was recorded, from cameras that had been placed outside along his route from the limo to the hotel, to those that had been placed in the hotel lobby and hallways.

Then Light was entering the room. Misa ran to meet him, but Light pushed her away and quickly got down to business. It was obvious that he intended to dump her as fast as possible and then leave.

 _Does he think this way there won't be much chance for clues to slip out?_

Then, there was a sudden breakthrough. A clear clue, far clearer than L had expected to get from this operation.

Misa said, "It is because I didn't obey. Don't you remember? Just after they released me, you said you would love me forever if I went to a certain place and dug something up. You gave me the directions, but I never dug anything up, and now you don't love me."

There was a momentary, subtle flicker of panic on Light's face, before it became completely blank.

L said, "Wherever that location is, there might be physical evidence. Chief Yagami, contact Deputy-Director Kitamura and ask him to have a police force prepared to completely surround and blockade an area."

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

I realize this chapter is short, especially compared to the large chapters I've been producing lately, but I like to start a new chapter for each switch in point of view, and there were a couple of things that had already happened that needed to be shown from L's point of view.

Now that both L and Light's POVs have caught up to the cliffhanger, the good news is that the next chapter must move past the cliffhanger into completely new territory.


	18. Chapter 18

**CHAPTER 18**

Light thought fast. The solution was simple; it just needed time to work, which meant using delaying tactics while manipulating Misa to keep her from blurting out the directions too soon.

 _Rem would move my death note, but she is tethered to my location unless I give up ownership, and I don't want to be helpless without my memories. I can get her to make Ryuk do it._

Ryuk was laughing and Rem was going into a verbal panic, flinging constant questions at Light as if she thought he could actually answer.

 _Rem will calm when she sees me taking this well. This isn't a bad setback. I've gotten out of worse situations before. I can handle this, and everything will go exactly as planned._

Light snuck a hand into his pocket to switch off his cellphone and took a deep breath. Then he placed his hands on Misa's shoulders and put an irresistible expression on his face as he gazed directly into her eyes.

Light said, "Misa, I think this must be something to do with the investigation. We need to discuss the future of our relationship in more detail, to be certain we've both agreed on what to do and so we know we're satisfied with the other person's reasoning. But the Kira investigation comes first. I'm going into the bathroom for some privacy so I can talk with my father. Don't listen at the door. When I come out, we need to have a long talk about our relationship."

 _Misa will certainly listen at the door._

Misa looked stunned but hopeful. That was good; that would make her especially easy to manipulate. She didn't want the relationship to be over. Light turned his back on her and went into the bathroom. Rem and Ryuk followed.

Light closed the door and then said, "Ryuzaki, I'm sure you can hear me from the cameras and microphones, so I'm just going to explain my deductions quickly and then I'll go back out to Misa. I think your idea to get information from her by using this trick is working. I think Kira could have left physical evidence at whatever place Misa will indicate."

Rem said, "Light, what are you doing?"

Without pausing, Light continued, "But, I doubt this is a useful clue. Kira has means of spying on us and of manipulating things from a distance. If there ever was physical evidence at that location, I'm sure Kira has already moved it."

Light's eyes flickered in a meaningful glance to Ryuk.

Rem said, "Ryuk, go move the death note to a completely new hiding place, far away from the old one, or I will find a way to torment you in revenge. It is near where Misa's death note was buried before, but instead of being close to that big tree it is right next to that huge boulder. On the north side, I believe."

Ryuk said, "Okay, okay, but you're really stretching your favors, Rem. You're lucky this is so entertaining, or I might just let L catch him."

As Ryuk disappeared through the wall, Light continued, "Ryuzaki, since you haven't called my cellphone with a different plan, then I'll follow mine. I'll go back to the room and I'll be nice to Misa. When I've convinced her of my good intentions, I'll ask her where that location is. I'm sure she'll tell me honestly, and then I'll dump her just as you asked and never have anything to do with her again. But, if she doesn't tell me, I'll have to keep up a pretense of a relationship until I can get that information out of her."

 _There. Misa should have heard that, and I already know she will do anything to keep a relationship with me, even a fake relationship. Even if she does tell, it should take so long that Ryuk would have moved my death note to a new place, so L will get nothing._

Light composed himself, preening in front of the bathroom mirror a bit as if getting ready to impress Misa, and then he turned and walked to the bathroom door slowly, with deliberately placed steps that should be audible to any eavesdropper. He slowly opened the door, not finding Misa crouched there. Instead, she was sitting on the bed, looking sad and hopeful and worked up.

Light smiled, exuding comforting, pleased body language as he approached Misa, then sat down next to her and said, "Misa, I received permission from the rest of the investigators to tell you the truth. Ryuzaki staged this break-up. It was all a trick to see if you're the second Kira, or if you knew anything. Ryuzaki suspected you were withholding information because you wanted to protect me, and that you would let out that information if you believed that I no longer cared about you."

"Oh, Light, I knew you wouldn't leave me. I knew it!"

At once, Misa's arms were clamped around his chest, restricting his breathing.

 _Now, I just have to keep delaying. I think Ryuk can fly fast enough that it should take him twenty minutes or less to reach the right place. Unfortunately, my death note is part of the human world because I still own it, so it won't be invisible as Ryuk carries it and people might notice it flying as Ryuk transports it away. I wish I could have warned him against that._

Misa's fingers began wandering downward, slowly at first, and then she made a quick grab for the button to unfasten Light's trousers.

Light jumped out of reach, but not in time. The front of his trousers was already hanging open. The sneaky bitch had managed not just to unbutton, but also to unzip, almost instantly. Her face looked positively predatory in a chilling way.

Light said, "Misa, we shouldn't do anything until we've talked out all our issues."

"But, this was just a trick Ryuzaki was playing. We can be together now. There is nothing to keep us apart any more, Light."

 _Before, when she was living in the investigation headquarters, she wanted to have sex but only if we could hide under a futon to block the cameras. Misa wants me but she shouldn't be quite this bold in front of the cameras. Did she not listen at the door to the bathroom?_

Light quickly fastened up his pants and said, "Misa, if our relationship is ever to go anywhere, you need to let me talk out our issues. Now, can you be quiet and listen?"

"Yes!"

 _L will quickly realize I'm delaying, but I have no choice. Will he send anyone in to stop me, or will he hold back, reasoning that I'll get the truth out of Misa eventually and that sending in people to arrest us might make Misa decide to never reveal the information?_

Angling his body so that the digital clock on the wall would remain within view, Light looked deeply into Misa's eyes, trying to project an air of sincerity and concern, and launched into a very complicated, detailed discussion of all the "issues" in their relationship. He carefully worded everything to provoke as little upset as possible, and skirted all the real problems - how annoying Misa was, her clinginess, her bland personality, and the way she swung wildly between the two extremes of intelligence and stupidity.

Eleven minutes into the speech, Misa's cellphone rang, and before Light could grab it, she had it against her ear, saying, "Oh, hello Ryuzaki. Okay, I'll tell him."

She held out the phone to Light. "It's for you!"

Light gingerly took the phone, and as soon as he'd pressed it to his own ear, L said, "I thought you might want a warning. Get to the point immediately. You have one minute."

"I'm getting to it. There's a right way and a wrong way to do this. It's better with gentleness, not force."

"Your minute is already running out. You won't like what I have planned if you don't cooperate."

The connection went dead.

 _What the hell? Is he threatening to torture us? He can't scare me into speeding things up, and no matter how suspicious this situation makes L, I can always convince the others that I thought I was doing the right thing._

Light gave the cellphone back to Misa and picked up the speech exactly where he'd left off.

He'd barely gotten out a few sentences when the television suddenly turned on by itself, showing a video of Light naked, tied to a chair, while L gave him a blowjob. Because of the camera angle, no part of L's face was visible, but it was unmistakably him, with his distinctive shaggy black hair and the weird posture of his slender body. To make things worse, the Light on screen was giving verbal directions to L.

Misa's eyes were incredibly round, her mouth slack and hanging open. Not the slightest sound emitted from her, not even breathing. Light ran to the television and turned it off. When that didn't work, he unplugged it, but it just kept playing the video.

 _Obviously, it was rigged with an internal battery and the buttons were disconnected._

Misa let out a high-pitched shriek, and her arms flailed wildly in the air. Light wanted to laugh at her.

When Misa got her breath back she said, "No... no... Ryuzaki raped my Light. Is that it? Or, it's video editing, special effects. Ryuzaki isn't really there, it's just one of his tricks."

The video suddenly switched to a scene of L on the bottom, with Light above, thrusting into L and talking dirty. L's face should have been visible from this camera angle, but it was edited out. It was still clear it was him. L ejaculated, and then there was a close-up of Light licking the semen from L's belly and talking about how much he liked it between licks.

Then it was suddenly a shower scene, the camera zoomed in to show almost nothing except Light's face endlessly mouthing L's erection, water streaming down over everything. It was very detailed and graphic and was not at all the sort of thing that could be produced by video editing, involving too much close interaction of touching objects.

Misa's face was beginning the transition from shocked to insanely furious.

 _L had said that one possible trick would be to make Misa as angry as possible. Well, I can play along with this to delay talking about the information L wants, and pretend I'm doing it in order to go along with his plan. Rem will just have to endure this for Misa's sake._

Light said, "Misa, I admit I've been having sex with Ryuzaki, but it's only because he's so much better looking than you."

"What!"

"Well, to begin with you're too skinny. You should put on some weight. Also, you shouldn't dye your hair. And I hate the gothic lolita style. You should wear regular clothing, like Ryuzaki does. There's nothing wrong with a t-shirt and jeans."

Misa sputtered incoherently, clenching her fists and unable to get out a single word. Then she said, "But he's a guy! That's disgusting. And he looks horrible. I don't think he even brushes his hair."

Misa moved to turn her back to the still-playing video, but she stopped the movement halfway, as if sickly fascinated and unable to tear her eyes away from the screen.

In a mumbling, quiet voice, Misa said, "It can't be. Why would you do this? Light, how do I stop you from seeing him? Is he blackmailing you?"

Light allowed his gaze to flicker to the clock.

 _It is getting to the point where Ryuk might be safe even if L mobilizes forces immediately. Just a few more minutes. This will turn Misa against me, but it's also very distracting, and every extra moment is precious._

Light said, "Misa, I'm not breaking up with you. I can't resist Ryuzaki because I have very exact sexual requirements that he meets, but there is no need for us to stop dating because of this."

"You'll leave him?"

Tears were starting to overflow from Misa's eyes and run down her face.

Light said, "No, Misa. I told you I can't resist him. The real reason I couldn't leave headquarters is because he always wants to have sex and I give in every time. We're almost constantly doing it. It started before I ever met you. We had sex while we were going to college together. That first night I met you, when you came to my home, and I kissed you, I was thinking about fucking him while we kissed."

"Light! Light!"

"But we don't need to break up, Misa. Let me talk to him. We've had threesomes before, so maybe he'd be willing to let you join in, if I phrased it just right. However, you definitely have to gain some weight first. You don't turn me on at all the way you are now."

"Threesomes! Threesomes!"

Misa's voice was abnormally high-pitched and starting to crack. Even more tears were running down her face.

Rem suddenly loomed close and said, "Light, you're tormenting her!"

Light turned his back on Rem and said, "Yes, Misa. Matsuda has joined us quite a number of times, and a few other people as well on rare occasions. In fact, I think this would work best if you seduced Matsuda, and then I introduced the idea to Ryuzaki. Yes, why don't you gain a little weight, and seduce Matsuda, and then after that I'm sure Ryuzaki won't object to you joining us. We'll all become a nice stable foursome. You want me to be happy, don't you, Misa? This will make me very happy, and you'll be able to have sex with me that way."

Misa let out a despairing little wail and threw herself onto the bed on her stomach, burying her face in the pillows and letting out deep, wracking sobs.

Rem said, "Light Yagami, you're giving Ryuk more time, aren't you? This is... necessary."

 _About time you figured that out, Rem. You're so slow sometimes. Yes, with Misa like this, it'll certainly cause a delay. She's in shock._

Light sat down on the bed next to Misa and stroked her hair from the back.

He said, "Misa, don't worry. Soon everything will be good. Just seduce Matsuda for me, okay? And, one more thing I just thought of. I've never been in anything bigger than a foursome. I'd really like it if you could seduce one of the girls from your modeling agency and bring her along too. Any of them would work. They're all more attractive than you are."

Misa let out a scream stifled into the pillows.

After a few more sobs, Misa suddenly sat straight up, twisted around and began hitting Light. Her mascara was running down her face along with her tears and was smeared everywhere. Her fists were weak and ineffective, drumming against his shoulders. There was no strength in them, and she was gasping as if she'd run a long distance, huge shuddering breaths.

She stopped hitting, looking down, her head drooping, and shoulders shaking.

She shook her head several times, then looked Light straight in the eye and screamed, "You're lying! You're lying! This is all a trick."

She rolled her eyes and an insane giggling began coming out of her mouth in little spurts, as if she couldn't control it. She wrapped her arms around herself tightly and rocked gently until the laughter died down.

Then, in a surprisingly calm voice, Misa said, "This is a trick. Ryuzaki is making you say strange things to upset me, to see what I'll do."

 _I pushed her too far. She realized I was lying._

Misa continued, "You still love me, Light, you do, and I'll make you realize it. I won't give up. I'll do everything you need me to do. We'll go together, and dig. Maybe you'll remember telling me about it then, and why it was important."

Light stood up and held out his hand, "Do you want to go right now? But first you should fix your make-up. It looks horrible."

Misa self-consciously traced her fingers along one cheek, then looked at the blackish smears on them and ran to the bathroom. Her steps were lighter, practically skipping.

 _I need to keep her off the subject, talking about other things._

Light called out, "Make sure you fix it completely. You're going to have to work to keep me interested. Having an attractive appearance is part of that work."

Misa called out, "But you were just lying when you said I needed to gain weight, right? I'd get fat!"

"You're far from fat, Misa. You're a twig. I don't like it."

Then Misa suddenly blurted out, "I remember exactly what you said then, even though you don't. You said to hike along the Umeboshi Trail until I come to the place-"

"Are you sure I said something like that?"

"Yes, Light. You gave very clear instructions. You said once I came to the place-"

"But, if I did tell you this, then why didn't you do it?"

There was a pause, and then Misa said, "Well, I think I went partway there, because I remember getting ready and starting down the trail, but I think I just must have given up or something. I went back home and never dug anywhere."

 _I'm sure L has already given orders to send people to that park. Will it be the task force, or the police? Probably the police, because L still thinks Misa could kill the task force, and also because it would be just like L to cut off the entire park from every side in order to question everyone who tries to leave. Only the police have enough numbers for that. Is Ryuk already clear of the perimeter?_

Misa said, "Anyway, you said to stop hiking right where there's this really large stump that is completely hollow and has only a single branch on it. Then I should face the east, and in that direction I'd see a really large tree, the closest tree that was large, and I should dig at the base of it."

Just then, the door to the hotel room burst open, and numerous officers in helmets with low, darkened visors completely covering their faces crowded inside. At the same instant the door opened, the television turned off, finally no longer playing the L and Light porn show.

Misa stuck her head out the door of the bathroom and said, "Hey, Light, what's going on?"

Light raised his hands in the air and said, "Misa, don't resist them. I think they're here to arrest us, but we didn't do anything wrong, so there won't be any harm. We'll both be fine, and they'll release us again as soon as they realize they don't have any meaningful evidence."

 _Hopefully, Rem will realize I'm actually talking to her._

One of the officers said, "Is that Misa Amane? And the chief's son?"

Another officer said, "Quiet. We have to keep everything confidential."

Light said, "I have no objections, and I'll cooperate fully. So will Misa."

Misa held out her wrists to be handcuffed, her face looking cheerful and innocent, a mask of perfection just like she used in her movie acting.

An officer said, "We're only here for the girl. You can stay, Light."

Light remained where he was until the officers had left, and then he made his way out of the hotel entirely, aiming for where Watari should supposedly be to pick him up. Rem was full of nervous chatter, but Light ignored her. L had bugged everything, so there was no chance to talk sense into Rem. She'd already been through one crisis after another without killing, and she was learning, she was being trained to trust. Light Yagami's plans did not fall apart and fail, ever. Soon Rem would be completely sure of that, and her confidence would only grow with time.

Just as expected, Watari was still waiting in the same place. Light got into the back of the limousine, and then pulled his cellphone out of his pocket as he settled in and Watari drove away, pretending to be surprised that it was switched off. It wouldn't fool L, but it might fool all the others. The key to beating L was isolation. No matter how suspicious L was, he was still helpless if everyone else could be fooled.

Watari did not go directly back to headquarters, but drove around aimlessly for more than an hour. Light caught on right away, but said nothing about it.

 _So, L is playing the time-wasting game too, thinking he can get some advantage that way. Ryuk was given enough of a head start that he almost certainly escaped undetected. Even if the flying notebook was seen and chased, I'm still confident Ryuk could get away, and that he'd try hard until he'd completely lost any pursuit. He doesn't want Rem to torment him, or for his entertainment to end so easily as L getting a hold of the death note now._

When Watari finally did arrive at headquarters, only L was there, sitting in front of a computer in the main investigation room, working diligently at carving a slice of pumpkin pie into many little pieces and then distributing them onto a plate in neat little rows. His eyes were large and intense, and he seemed not to notice that anyone had arrived.

As Light approached and Watari got out the chain, Light said, "Where is Dad, and the others?"

L said, "Everyone else is at the secondary headquarters, investigating the new lead. Misa has been very useful. Of course I can't discuss any of it with you, Light, since you're still a suspect."

"I understand. Someday, you'll see that I'm innocent, and then we'll solve many cases together, won't we?"

The handcuffs clicked into place, each side being locked by Watari. The weight of the chain felt comfortable as it hung between them, oddly reassuring.

After a pause to push food around on his plate, L said, "I'm finding the secondary headquarters very interesting. Even though Kira can seemingly observe and influence events at a distance, and some evidence of the kind Kira might want to destroy has arrived there, Kira has done nothing. I am beginning to think that Kira does not have a way of observing the secondary headquarters. I wonder why not?"

Rem said, "Could he mean the death note? What else could it be?"

 _Rem, if the death note had been found, Ryuk would have already returned and told us, to see the drama unfold. Because Ryuk isn't here yet, it means he must be searching out a distant hiding place. You should be able to figure that out on your own._

Light said, "Ryuzaki, if there was any physical evidence at that location Misa mentioned, Kira has already moved it. I'm sure if Kira hadn't moved it, we would have seen some indication of it by now. Kira would have attacked us to try to get the evidence back and also to erase it from our memories."

L began typing at the keyboard in front of him, and in moments had brought up a map of Tokyo.

L said, "I wonder if Kira has not attacked the secondary headquarters because you do not know where it is, Light. I could show you right now. It would be an interesting experiment."

Light leaned close. "Go ahead, Ryuzaki, show me. It won't matter. You'll see."

L said "Here," and hovered the mouse pointer over a particular area, zooming in several times until Light could see the exact building, and a little text box showing the address popped up.

Rem leaned close and read the address out loud. Her incorporeal face overlapped with L's face, and the visual effect was incredibly creepy, like half of L's face had turned monstrous.

Light averted his eyes and said, "There. I know now, and nothing will happen as a result of it."

L made a noncommittal noise and continued to play with his food. For the rest of the day, L did almost nothing, spending an extraordinary amount of time simply crouched in his chair, staring off into space. He occasionally had short, cryptic phone calls with other investigation team members, mostly Aizawa, but even when Rem leaned right next to the earpiece and repeated the other side of the conversation word for word, Light couldn't make much of it. It had to be some kind of code, or else meaningless things meant to look like code and waste his time and energy. He did try to crack whatever it was, but no solution came to him.

Ryuk eventually arrived and told his story to Rem and Light. Some bystanders had noticed the flying notebook, or rather the flying box, since the death note had been placed inside a plastic bag and then a box and Ryuk had wisely dug up and taken away the entire thing. However, there hadn't been any pursuit and he left each and every bystander who seemed to notice it far behind.

He'd left Tokyo altogether and flown as far as Osaka. There, Ryuk snuck into a construction site, burying the box with the notebook deeply in the soil under a place where they were pouring a concrete floor for a new building, and then he'd watched them pour concrete over it.

Ryuk had a good chuckle at that point in the story, and then had said, "If you want to use your death note again, Light, you'll need a jackhammer or a backhoe. And, you know what the best part is?"

Light stayed silent.

Ryuk said, "Oh, yeah, I keep forgetting you can't answer me. Well, the best part is the irony. The place I picked to bury it is the new Yotsuba sub-headquarters they're building in Osaka. When it's finished perhaps Higuchi's buddies will be walking above it every day, completely unaware of what's beneath them."

 _Well, this means nothing. L will never find my death note now, and I'll never touch it again, so it doesn't matter where it is. L shouldn't ever have a reason to go dig up all Yotsuba property, and that building is probably very expensive, so it would be difficult to get permission to break up the foundation. It also removes the temptation to ever use it again, since I'd have to go to a great deal of trouble to dig it up._

That night, L was a playful and aggressive sexual partner. He used soft little bites and tickling to distract, and he was constantly squirming out of Light's grasp or flipping him over. L obviously wanted to be on top, and he resisted nearly everything Light did. He wouldn't undress fast enough, he wouldn't spread his legs, and every time Light climbed on top, L would use a combination of strength and his flexible slenderness to make a few quick moves to suddenly pin Light beneath him.

L had been on top so frequently since his first time that Light was getting tired of it. He wanted to be inside L, in that warm enclosing space, and he refused to back down. It was time to top again.

Light wrestled with L for the tube of lubricant, and they each tried to elbow the other out of the way, vying to prepare the other for penetration without allowing themselves to be prepared. What had started out as aggressive foreplay turned into their first true fight for sexual dominance, not anything painful, but a lot of pushing and wriggling and holding each other down. It was frustrating but strangely exciting all at once.

When Light finally managed to pin a nude L long enough to suck in the full length of his penis, L stopped resisting and became helpless and needy, thrusting up into Light's mouth and letting Light prepare him for penetration without any more struggles. Light then entered L and fucked him long and hard, slamming him into the mattress again and again. Light didn't let up until L had made all those wonderful noises L tended to make during sex and had come twice, triggering Light's own orgasm with the second time.

From the smug, satisfied look on L's face as he lay there practically glowing, Light guessed that L didn't really care that much about who topped. He just enjoyed the struggle for dominance. Well, it was another way to win against L. The relationship with L had always been about competition, and it was nice to think about that part of things not stopping as the Kira case faded away and Kira's very last kill, on November 5th, retreated further and further into the past. L seemed as if he'd always be a challenge on some level, no matter how much things changed.

The remainder of the week until the ultimatum for L would kick in was odd, in several different ways. The other investigators rarely came to the main headquarters at all any more; they were supposedly too busy at the secondary headquarters. Usually it was just Matsuda, and he did things that were pointless, that Watari was capable of doing, such as making coffee. Light was almost completely certain that L had arranged the few visits that did happen as cover-ups, to throw off suspicion, or perhaps to be obvious as cover-ups and therefore create suspicion and an urge to act. Was the secondary headquarters now a trap, baited and ready for a Kira attack?

Soichiro only arrived once during that time span, and he seemed more reserved than ever, worn-out, uncertain, and very old. When Matsuda arrived he was always too talkative, almost like a high school girl, prattling on about every subject except the investigation. Aizawa visited twice, and he was gruff and impatient each time, clearly anxious to leave. Mogi never came, and neither did Aiber or Wedy.

L was stranger than usual, even by L standards. He was idle far too much of the time, especially considering the approaching deadline. Staring off into space became a regular occurrence, the thing Light could count on finding L doing nearly every time Light glanced L's way. And, L was moody during sex, constantly switching back and forth between aggressive and hesitant, while the rest of the time his emotions were more unreadable than ever, his face incredibly blank. When food was in front of him, he became highly focused on playing with it, endlessly arranging and re-arranging it before finally, almost reluctantly, consuming it. Light thought he had probably never seen L eat so little.

Rem told Ryuk the address L had given for the secondary headquarters, and tried to convince Ryuk to go there and spy for her, but Ryuk insisted that he'd been threatened into doing enough errands and was done for a while. Ryuk frequently became bored stiff and left headquarters, probably scouting around for unattended apples and taking his obligatory trips to the shinigami realm, so that he'd never overstay the three-day limit for a shinigami who wasn't attached to a human through a death note.

And then, the very last day arrived, the end of the month-long span that L had been given to prove his deductions, or to step down as head of the investigation since his habit of having sex with the prime suspect was too unprofessional. Light wondered whether the others would feel sorry for L and extend the deadline, or if L would pull some trick to be allowed a new deadline, or if L would technically step down but continue to lead secretly by manipulating things from behind the scenes.

It wasn't like L to simply give up. This was the most important case of L's career, and it had consumed far more of his time than any other case of L that was known to law enforcement officials. Perhaps there was some secret case that had consumed more time, but none of L's known cases had remained unsolved for so long.

Light almost expected the entire procedure to be skipped, but instead the task force had assembled by ten in the morning, all looking morose and nervous except Aiber. The con man probably had too much control to look upset. Almost none of them were talking except Matsuda, and with him it was a meaningless jabber interspersed with high-pitched giggles and requests for more coffee. Wedy was smoking constantly, stubbing out her cigarettes before she was done with them and lighting new ones.

Light stood, waiting for L to finish on the computer and spin his chair around to face the others. Finally, Soichiro cleared his throat loudly and said, "Ryuzaki, I think it is time."

"Yes, of course," L said, and turned his chair, not bothering to stand up.

L continued, "It is possible that we will all die today, but in that case others will carry on our purpose. We are here to deliberately provoke Kira, by giving him information we've been withholding from him before now. We have considerably more evidence on both our suspects than ever before. It is not a complete proof, but at the very least it is enough to justify keeping both Misa Amane and Light Yagami under close observation for the rest of their lives. However, I suspect the facts disclosed today will trigger some sort of action that will yield additional clues. Kira will have no choice but to strike back once we've shown him how close we are to catching him."

Light felt the hair on the back of his neck prickling.

 _Calm down, it's most likely a bluff. Even if it isn't a bluff, nothing L has found can force me to act. And I can probably keep him from provoking Rem too much. Even if it gets extremely bad, I have an emergency plan to fall back on. I can get through this._

Light said, "I'm not frightened of surveillance, because I know I'm not Kira. Watch me as long as you want. But, if you've managed to get more evidence against Kira, then I'm impressed, Ryuzaki. I thought it would be almost impossible since the deaths ceased completely some time ago."

In a dry tone, L said, "Thank you, Light. Now, Aizawa bring the evidence."

Aizawa carried over an external hard drive, and L hooked it up to his computer. L's fingers hovered above the keyboard, not typing anything, and he glanced over his shoulder at Light.

L said, "Light, I'm about to prove that you have a hallucination. Do you have any confession to make before I show you the proof?"

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

Sorry that it's another cliffhanger, but I just can't seem to resist those. At least it isn't the same cliffhanger, but a new one.


	19. Chapter 19

**CHAPTER 19**

The words echoed inside Light's skull. 'I'm about to prove you have a hallucination.'

L had said it, and it had to be a bluff, right?

 _No, there's no possible way L could prove that. I've been extremely careful. Sure, Rem has been jumpy and sometimes I've had to look at her to get crucial points across, but I didn't do it very often and it was usually subtle. Even though it was noticed sometimes, there's no way to prove something like that._

Light said, "Go ahead, Ryuzaki. I don't have any hallucinations."

L said, "I thought you'd say that," and his fingers danced busily over the keys, bringing up multiple views of a three-dimensional wire-frame diagram on the big overhead monitors.

As L caused the diagram to rotate, Light realized what it was. The investigation headquarters. L hit a few more keys and a number of red ribbons and blue ribbons were added, snaking through the rooms and hallways. Then the ribbons were overlain by black dots that almost entirely obscured them.

L said, "This is a visual representation for just one day, but I have data for many days. The large panels of cameras I had installed do not just perform facial recognition calculations to erase everyone's face except Light's from the videos. They also are very precisely calibrated to measure every aspect of a person's eyes, including pupil size, angle and direction."

 _Oh shit! Does he mean... no, I must stay calm no matter what happens. Everyone's life depends on it._

L continued, "These are identical to the cameras used to allow quadriplegics to type out messages by focusing their eyes on various letters placed on a wall. The red shows everywhere Light focused his eyes during that day. The blue shows where everyone else focused their eyes. The black dots represent positions of people or objects. As you can see from this visual representation of the data, Light spends a little time focusing his eyes on something that isn't there. Nobody else does this."

Ryuk started laughing.

Rem said, "Light Yagami, this is not according to your plan, is it? Do not fail me."

Light said, "Ryuzaki, I'm not frightened at all. You haven't shocked me."

L looked back over his shoulder and said, "I would guess you are talking to your hallucination right now, but pretending to talk to me in order to conceal your true intentions."

Light could feel his heart beating fast, his palms sweating. He willed his face to be completely blank.

Several charts and graphs popped up on some of the monitors.

L said, "As you can see, it isn't a one-day fluke. This pattern persists across multiple days, for all the time that the new cameras have been installed. Not only is Light's pattern different from every other person who works here, Light's pattern is also different from test subjects at a number of offices where I had the same devices installed."

With a few more keystrokes, L had placed even more data on the screens.

L said, "However, as we can see here, Light's pattern is a close match to these patients from a mental hospital, who hallucinate. Patients at the same hospital who do not hallucinate do not match. Taking everything into account, there is a ninety-nine percent probability that Light sees something that only he can see. There are even times when there seems to be more than one such hallucination bothering Light at the same time. Since Higuchi hallucinated as well, we can make strong arguments that Light is Kira."

Ryuk said, "Light, he's figuring everything out. I'm impressed."

Light said, "All this proves is that I spend more time staring off into space or looking at the wall than most people. I'm the top-scoring student in Japan. Of course my mental habits are not ordinary. Many geniuses have quirks. You should know that, Ryuzaki."

L swiveled his chair back around to face the rest of the room. He said, "There is more. We were able to find two witnesses who saw a flying box leaving the area Misa had indicated. We were too late to catch up to the box, but it does seem as if it could only be physical evidence. Incidentally, Light, it was the way you handled Misa that caused us to be late."

"Ryuzaki, I was just following your plan. If you didn't want me to act that way, you should have explained a different plan."

L said, "And your cellphone was conveniently switched off."

Light replied, "That was an accident. Besides, you could have called Misa's phone at any time to instruct me, and you eventually did."

L was curled in on himself even worse than usual, his back formed almost into a jutting hump, his long, slender hands locked around his knees, clutching hard.

The room felt particularly silent. It wasn't just the lack of sound; it was a crawling tension building in the air.

 _Doesn't anyone else have something to say about this? Usually they have comments._

Light glanced around and saw only grim faces.

 _Dad, even you are having serious doubts. What else has L found? How did he turn you against me? There must be more than just this "hallucination" evidence. People have arranged themselves in the room so that some are behind me, no matter which direction I face. Are they planning to draw guns on me if I do anything?_

Light wanted to run away as fast as he could, to scream, to tell everyone what idiots they had been, that they should have just left things alone and it would have been fine. Instead he bit down on his tongue to give himself a dose of pain, some reality to ground him. It was time to think, and think hard. Panic would mean defeat. Therefore, it simply wouldn't be allowed to happen.

L was already typing at the keyboard again, bringing up multiple views of what looked like an archaeological dig. Most of a hillside had been stripped down, turned into many rows of little trenches where workers dug with tiny implements and brushes. Little numbered flags were everywhere, with boundaries of bright surveyors' twine strung between them. It took a few moments to recognize it as the once-forested area where the death note had originally been buried, and that much was only possible because of some distinctive rock formations.

 _I can talk my way out of this. I know I can. If I can't, Rem will kill us all, or perhaps she will force me to escape and run away with Misa. I would spend the rest of my short life in hiding, trying to protect Misa._

L said, "Light, we also have found evidence that ties both you and Misa to the location Misa described. In your case, we found fibers that match the clothing you were wearing on the night of November fifth embedded in the soil very near to the exact place where Misa said to dig. We also found fibers from clothing that is in Misa's closet and two of her hairs, plus broken flakes that match Misa's favorite nail polish, all embedded in the soil. Both of you were on that scene, though not necessarily at the same time, and it is most likely that both of you were digging. On November fifth, your clothing was muddy enough that you had your mother wash it, Light. She remembered that."

Rem said, "Light! Do something."

Light said, "Ryuzaki, all of us have been attacked by Kira and we all have holes in our memories. I am pleased that you have managed so much progress toward solving these mysteries. But just because I don't remember something I did, that doesn't mean I'm Kira. If you're going to accuse everyone with missing memories, you could just as easily say that Matsuda is Kira."

 _Calm down, Rem. This is bad, but the only thing it really means is that L will spend a longer time keeping Misa and myself under surveillance. The case will eventually stall anyway. Without obtaining the death note and without any more judgments of criminals, L will never get enough evidence._

L then brought up something on a monitor, and Light didn't recognize it at first. It was just a pale blob of some kind with delicate furrows in it. The camera zoomed out and it resolved as tooth-marks on a weird-looking shriveled apple, green and unappetizing. Then the camera zoomed around the apple to show a jagged chunk missing from the opposite side.

Ryuk said, "Wow! L finds everything. I never thought that would matter."

Rem said, "No! Ryuk, you should not have done that!"

 _What is this? Did Ryuk eat an apple when he moved the death note?_

L said, "This apple has two bites taken out of it. One bite perfectly matches an impression we took of Misa's teeth. The other bite does not match anything known, but is closest to shark teeth. The apple is not from this world."

 _The shinigami realm has apples?_

L continued, "This is proven conclusively because of three facts. This apple does not rot. When an unrotting object such as a rock or bottle is placed on the ground in a forest, then with enough time bugs begin living underneath it. Also, any vegetation it is placed on dies. Underneath the apple, the condition of the insect colony and the exact stage of rotting of the three dead blades of grass indicates this apple had been sitting on the ground since late October or early November."

 _Stupid, stupid Misa. How could she leave evidence like that sitting right at a scene? If it weren't for Misa and Rem both being such idiots, all these problems could have been solved a long time ago._

L said, "Not only did it fail to rot, but nothing ate it during that time. Insects and bacteria all leave it alone. Furthermore, genetic analysis shows the DNA of this apple to be extremely distant from the DNA of any earthly apple. The genetic distance is comparable to the difference between humans and earthworms. Additionally, delicate granules of minerals have formed inside the apple, intertwined with its flesh in a way that should not be possible. These are minerals such as olivine, which only forms under extremely high pressures deep within the earth. These are pressures that would destroy any apple. In other words, even if someone wanted to create a fake apple like this, there would be no way to do so. This is genuinely an object from another world. The first time Kira controlled criminals, it was to send a message about apples."

Light said, "Ryuzaki, I'm impressed as always. What theory do you have about this?"

"I have a number of theories. Perhaps Kira's power passes from person to person by sharing an apple with a shinigami. Other theories I would like to keep private for now, but most of them involve you being Kira and Misa being the second Kira."

Rem's head was drooping, her skeletal shoulders hunched. She looked like a kicked puppy. She said, "L says he has a trap set if he dies, but perhaps he is bluffing, or perhaps you can think your way out of that trap. If I kill Watari and L, you will be forced to kill the rest to protect yourself, and then you will be forced to find L's trap and defuse it, which will save Misa too. If I act now, they will certainly shoot you. There are too many of them. Light, if you hide behind L they should hesitate to shoot through him. While they are distracted, I will take away and destroy all their guns."

 _I should have known Rem couldn't endure this much. Well, I've calculated for this too. It is time for the backup plan._

Light turned, looked directly at Rem and said, "Don't do it. I won't cooperate with you any longer if you do. If you don't do it, I promise there won't be any harm to you, and I can prove I'm right. No one will ever harm you."

During Light's speech, guns were quickly drawn all around the room, and both Aiber and Wedy had somehow slipped out of sight when Light hadn't been looking in their direction.

Light breathed carefully, calmly, trying to pretend his heart wasn't beating very fast. In a slow, easy motion, so as not to provoke anyone into shooting, he dropped to his knees facing Rem, being sure to keep his hands spread and in sight, showing clearly that he wasn't doing anything, that he had no weapon.

Light could hear breathing in the unnatural stillness of the room, ranging from Matsuda's anxious panting to L's single hissing intake of breath followed by silence.

Rem said, "I do not understand what you are doing, Light Yagami."

Light carefully glanced around to everyone, noting even his own father was holding a gun, though it was not actually raised to point at him. Surprisingly, Matsuda was the one who looked the most determined and brave. Aizawa had beads of sweat running down his forehead, and Mogi seemed almost as emotionless as usual, a stoic facade. L's eyes were like deep black pools, as unreadable as they'd ever been, but his hands were clutching his knees so hard the fingers had gone white.

 _I have to keep these idiots from overreacting too._

Light said, "If I were Kira, at least some of you would already be dead, and if I were unable to kill every last member of the task force then I would have disappeared into hiding a long time before this. If I were Kira, do you really think I'd allow myself to be captured this completely? I'm too intelligent for that. Of course I'm not Kira."

Aizawa stammered, "Perhaps you're a fool for love. You stayed, thinking you could win Ryuzaki to your side."

In a flat tone completely devoid of emotion, L said, "That is not so. Light knew exactly what he was doing when he seduced me, and I doubt it has affected his decisions."

 _Hopefully, Rem can translate what I say into what I truly mean. Even if she can't at first, she should catch on soon._

Light composed himself and turned to face Rem once again, saying, "You know that you're trapped. You'll never get what you want the most, but I can't act against you any further than I already have, and L will never catch you. You need to be satisfied with the way things are now. You can only push me so far. I will continue protecting the lives of my father and everyone else on the investigation team. You can't bully me into leaving you an opening to kill them. Do you understand?"

Rem said, "I am to play the part of Kira? Kira is an outside force controlling you?"

Light said, "Yes, sort of."

Ryuk laughed and said, "Oh, so it's going to be the 'devil made me do it' defense. Interesting. I wonder if they'll accept it? If they don't, you're completely screwed."

Light replied, "Not exactly."

L said, "We have succeeded in provoking Kira into action, though he pretends he isn't responsible for his crimes."

Before Rem could react, Light said, "And that's a further attempt at provocation. It won't work, because it's meaningless for my situation. I have nothing to fear from you, L. If you'd just think about things you'd realize that I'm protecting your life."

"Is that your way of claiming that you changed your mind about murdering me?"

"I never planned to murder you. Kira wants to murder you, not me."

L leaned forward in his chair and then in a surprisingly calm, quiet voice he said, "Who is Kira, Light? Is Kira a second personality living within your body, or is the 'Kira' label just a way of creating mental distance between yourself and your crimes, so you can feel less guilty?"

Light wanted to get up and punch L right in the face. It was all he could do to keep his hands loose in his lap instead of curled into fists.

Light said, "You always wanted me to be Kira. You just can't accept that you're wrong, can you? Is it because the great L has never lost a case and you can't deal with losing? You know, Kira has lost too, in a way. I've got Kira partly trapped. But I suppose that me finding Kira and saving your life in the process isn't good enough for you."

Soichiro's gun was drooping even more, and in a shaky voice he said, "Light, explain yourself. What is going on?"

 _This will be difficult even though it's already planned out. I can't give L much to work with, or he will eventually unravel my story and find the holes in it, yet I need to say enough that it seems logical that I'm simply a victim of the real Kira._

"Dad, I can't say much. I'm risking a lot just to tell everyone a little bit about the situation I've been in. I may have neutralized Kira enough to prevent the criminal deaths, but Kira could still retaliate. Kira has been threatening me for a long time. It is true that I've deliberately interfered with the investigation, but it was to save my life and the lives of everyone else here. I've always done as little to help Kira as I could get away with, and I've always worked against Kira as much as I could. If I had ever fully cooperated with Kira, you'd already be dead."

 _Dad wants to believe, but he's afraid. And the others, they are still doubtful and frightened, but they're beginning to get confused. I just need to push them a little further in the right direction, and then I can convince them so well that I'll look like a hero to everyone except L._

Soichiro said, "Light, tell us as much as you can."

Aizawa said, "Wait, I need to do something first."

Aizawa walked closer, his gun still held out in front of him, and nudged the barrel directly against the side of Light's head. The pressure of the cold metal was unsettling, a firm reminder of how close death was.

Aizawa said, "If anyone starts dying or acting like they're controlled, or if you do anything odd, you're dead. Start talking."

Light resisted the urge to flinch away from the gun and said, "When L got so sick on November fifth and I went out on my own, it was to act against Kira. That is why the killings stopped then and haven't resumed. I can't tell you what I did that night or what the situation is. If I started to tell you, even if Kira didn't retaliate, Kira would probably erase my memories so that I would suddenly not know what I was talking about. I am being watched at all times. I am hoping that the deaths never resume but I'm not sure if I've contained Kira adequately. I won't risk saying too much and angering Kira."

L said, "These hallucinations you talk to, were we able to see them in the past? Did we forget? How do we see them again?"

Light said, "There is no way for anyone else to see them, and I cannot say risk saying much about them."

"There are two shinigami, then?"

Light said, "Ryuzaki, I have a deduction for you to work on. You've always tended to suspect me of being Kira, because if I'm not Kira then there are too many odd coincidences that happened. However, consider the opposite scenario. If I were trying to look suspicious, then those coincidences aren't as meaningful any longer because they were engineered."

L said, "That is true, but it is a common tactic for criminals who are cornered to claim that someone else forced them to commit their crimes, such as trying to blame everything on an accomplice."

Light said, "I'm not done. There is also a rather strange coincidence I've never heard you discuss. What are the odds that Kira would turn out to be the son of the highest-ranking NPA officer on the Kira task force? Doesn't it seem more likely that Kira, being in Japan and knowing the NPA was going to act against Kira, would try to find an inside lead to the investigation? And that Kira found me?"

L paused, pressing a finger to his bottom lip delicately and rubbing slightly back and forth. He stared off into the distance and he eyes became less blank.

After remaining silent for a time as everyone else in the room seemed to be holding their breaths, L said, "It should be classified as an extremely unusual coincidence. However, some things are very difficult to judge correctly when looking back on them. There are plenty of people who, if they had become prime suspects, would have seemed extremely unlikely Kira suspects after the fact."

L paused and shuffled uncomfortably in his chair, his long toes flexing and then gripping the edge hard.

L continued, "It is also possible that the cause and effect relationship could be misinterpreted. Perhaps Kira started such a bold plan precisely because he felt confident that he would have a way of getting inside information from the NPA. Someone who was not related to a high-ranking NPA officer might not have thought of such a large-scale risky plan as killing off all the world's criminals. Also, Kira's profile does seem similar to a person raised in a police family. A very strong sense of justice, to go so far as Kira did, is extremely unusual. If Kira grew up hearing about criminals all the time, Kira would be more likely to want to rid the world of them."

Light tried not to think about the gun that was still pressed to his head and said, "I have another deduction for you to work on, Ryuzaki. If I'm Kira, then why is Misa still alive?"

L replied, "That is the most serious problem with my theory that you're Kira. I've always admitted that I do not understand this fact. If you're Kira, then Misa is almost certainly the second Kira, and it is difficult to think that Kira would leave someone so dangerous alive for so long. Kira would only do such a thing in response to threats, but you know Misa's name, and you don't fear angering her."

"You admit, then, that there are good reasons to think I'm not Kira?"

L craned his neck to look around the room and said, "It is possible that Light wishes for the entire case to stall until he can create an advantage that allows him to kill everyone who knows about him at the same time. Then he can resume being Kira after those threats have been eliminated. If Light is Kira, then Light is perfectly willing to do things that are illogical in order to decrease suspicion. That might be the reason why Misa Amane is alive."

Aizawa said, "Ryuzaki, you're contradicting yourself. Earlier, you said that Kira couldn't wait things out, that Kira had no choice except to act soon. That's one of the reasons why we gave you a month to work this out."

L said, "That was before all this time went by, with Kira doing nothing. Kira should have acted by now. Since Kira did not act, I am doubting my earlier deduction. Either the attack on headquarters was a ploy to make us think Kira was so afraid of us that he would need to do something soon, or the situation has changed."

Matsuda said, "Or maybe, Kira did something and we just didn't notice it."

L said, "I sincerely hope that is not the case, Matsuda. If it is true, we'll probably die within days."

With his head kept still to avoid provoking Aizawa, Light couldn't see most of the facial expressions in the room, but the voices sounded susceptible. There was doubt evident in those tones, and every bit of doubt could easily be magnified. Soon, with just a little more talking, all those vulnerabilities could be properly exploited.

L said, "It could be Light's plan to use the sexual relationship to corrupt me and break me. Perhaps that is why he is waiting."

Watari said, "Ryuzaki, if you fear this, you should end the relationship."

"No," L said, "I must keep Light where I can see him. If Light is Kira, then the only fact we truly know about Kira's power is that it is possible to use it while under intense video surveillance without leaving any clue, yet Kira fears being watched in person. If someone less observant than myself were keeping track of Light, then Light might have killed us already."

Aizawa said, "Ryuzaki, we told you when this first began that you can't keep Light on a chain forever without proof. If he is Kira, how will that chain protect us? You'll have to let him go at some point, and if he's Kira he'll kill us then, won't he?"

L said, "If Light is guilty, then he wants to keep an eye on me. He hopes to use me to defuse the trap I've set in case of my death. If Light is innocent, then he is so deeply infatuated with me that he doesn't mind being chained all the time. In either case, it seems Light is willing to be chained, so there are no legal concerns."

Light said, "Aizawa, it doesn't matter. I'll endure the chain for as long as it takes to prove my innocence."

 _It is time to conclude my argument, and from now on things will go exactly as planned._

Light said, "Ryuzaki, I want you to work on one more deduction, using everything you know about the Kira case. It must be clear by now that the only two possibilities are either that I'm Kira or that I've been a pawn of the real Kira. And, if I am Kira, then there are many things I've done that don't make sense, especially for someone as intelligent as I am."

Soichiro said, "Light, you understand it was wrong and illegal to interfere with the investigation, don't you?"

"Dad, of course I know that. I did the best I could. I didn't have much choice."

Soichiro said, "Light, you forget that all these men were willing to die to catch Kira. Myself, Ryuzaki, everyone. By doing what you've done, you let Kira escape and forced a choice on all of us. It would be better for some of us to die, or even all of us, if we could catch Kira in the process and be sure we've stopped this insanity forever."

Light said, "With the situation I'm in, I saw no way to catch Kira. If I'd allowed your deaths, it would have been for nothing. I can't explain enough to prove this, so you'll just have to believe me or not as you choose."

The room was silent for a time. Light couldn't turn his head to see everyone, but those he could see had their eyes on L. L was lost in thought, absorbed by his mannerisms. He was hunched up almost into a ball, and he leaned forward so far that his hair fell down into his face, almost completely hiding his eyes. He looked as if he were about to fall forward out of his chair. One long, spindly finger rubbed in little circles on the corner of his bottom lip.

Then, L's head snapped up and he looked ready to speak. His eyes were blazing.

"Light is correct," L said, "there are only two ways to resolve this. Either Light is Kira, or Light has been manipulated, either willingly or unwillingly, by the real Kira."

There were varied exclamations from the rest of the group.

"Is he really Kira?"

"Light couldn't be Kira."

"Light saved us, didn't he?"

"No, but even if he saved us, Light deliberately ruined the investigation. He can't be trusted anywhere near us."

"If we believe Light, it could be a trap."

"Will we die?"

"We need to ask Ryuzaki what to do next."

Light felt the pressure on his head disappear as Aizawa removed the gun. Light waited a few moments and then slowly stretched, getting the kink out of his neck and glancing around to take in the rest of the room. Only Aizawa and Mogi still had guns drawn.

The rest of the task force had all seemingly forgotten their previous mistrust of L. As a group, they were looking in L's direction with expressions on their faces that clearly showed they expected L to have the answer, to have some brilliant deduction to finally solve the case once and for all.

L said, "Let me think."

L was silent. His face had almost no expression, except maybe a hint of sadness. He looked withdrawn, as if he were mentally curling up on himself, retreating deep within.

Light waited, with a few nervous glances in Rem's direction. There was really only one conclusion L could come to after this, but L might be stubborn, he might need considerable convincing and arguing to get there. He wouldn't want to give up and admit things had reached an impossible stalemate. There was something in L that drove him to be absolutely sure of the truth, to support everything with unquestionable proof and sure steps of logic, to keep poking at evidence relentlessly until something new turned up.

After several minutes, L said, "With the available evidence, it is impossible to decide whether Light is Kira or a pawn of Kira. However, Light's actions do suggest that he is being threatened by a third party who is not Misa. Everything that has happened could be a careful act designed to give that impression, so that the real trap will catch us off guard as soon as we no longer suspect Light so much. Light's pride and intelligence would not allow him to be manipulated by a third party unless he was under a death threat and had no way of striking back at his blackmailer. This would indeed suggest a blackmailer who can spy on Light with supernatural means from a distance, just as Light has claimed. It would also suggest a blackmailer Light can't touch; either one he cannot discover the identity of or one who is invulnerable."

L paused and prodded his lower lip with one long, elegant finger. Then his gaze suddenly snapped to Light and he said, "Light, how did you stop Kira?"

"I can't say. I'm already risking a lot and I won't go any further."

In a dry, almost toneless voice, L said, "How convenient."

Light had the feeling that there was a seething anger beneath L's calm facade.

Aizawa said, "Why can't it be Misa who is controlling Light?"

Rem's head snapped up and she looked worried. Ryuk started laughing.

Light said, "Do you really think I'd let Misa threaten me into all this? Or that she'd let me dump her and treat her the way I did before I dumped her? As things are now, I'd simply turn her in if she were Kira. And, if I was Kira and she was the second Kira, then I would kill her. Misa doesn't have enough brains to threaten me into anything, regardless of the situation."

L said, "I agree. There are dozens of rather obvious reasons why Misa could not be the mastermind behind all of this. Misa would need a very powerful accomplice to threaten Light for her, an accomplice who was hidden or untouchable."

 _L gets so close to the truth, it's scary._

Light said, "Ryuzaki, you've only discussed what would be likely to be true if I were Kira. You haven't discussed the other side. It isn't fair."

"Yeah," Matsuda said, "I think Light saved us. He was very brave."

L said, "If Light is not Kira, then the situation is most likely the way he described it. There would still be some possibility that he is lying about how much he was coerced. He may have been a willing ally of Kira, either in the beginning or all the way through. But it is probably impossible to prove whether there was or wasn't coercion involved to force him to play his role."

Soichiro said, "What is the chance that Light isn't Kira? Do you have a percentage for us?"

L was still and very quiet. Then he looked at the floor and said, "I am biased. I am unable to evaluate the evidence correctly."

 _By saying he's biased, L just admitted he's in love with me. He may as well have said 'I love you Light' for everyone to hear. I've got him, and I've won. There's no more evidence to be uncovered, the case is still inconclusive, and now everyone thinks I probably saved their lives._

The entire room broke out into argumentative conversations, everyone talking at once, re-hashing every single point that had been brought up. Matsuda wandered over close to L and rather sheepishly asked to have a number of points explained to him, even some of the rather obvious ones. Light stayed silent, letting everyone work things out their own way, listening as the doubt grew bit by bit, listening to the subtle tones of admiration and gratitude.

Light looked directly at Rem. Misa's life was now completely secure, and it was difficult to carry the memories of having killed, knowing how badly the Kira plan had failed. All the most bothersome things that could be revealed had already been revealed, and the case was still irrevocably at a standstill. It was time to get rid of the only evidence that was left. Those memories needed to be gone, and with their loss Rem would be free to go get the death note, removing it from the human world forever.

"Rem, there is no purpose to these burdensome-"

Light's sentence was cut off as L's hand wrapped around his mouth, effectively gagging him.

L shouted, "Help me!"

In moments, Aizawa and Mogi had joined L, firmly cutting off Light's attempts to talk and pinning his arms to his sides so he couldn't struggle.

L said, "Light is trying to erase the remaining evidence. I'm sure memories are erased by talking, and only by the will of the person."

Mogi said, "We can't just gag him permanently. What should we do?"

Suddenly, L was looming close, his eyes a short distance from Light's own eyes, his nose almost touching. There was something frightening in L's face, and his eyes had a hard, dangerous look in their inky depths.

L said, "Light, there is one last threat I can make. If you erase your memories, it will seem as if you're helping Kira of your own free will. You can argue there are other reasons for it but I won't accept them. If you've been able to keep your memories for this long, then you can obviously thwart Kira's will in this one area. I will not let you destroy the only link we have to Kira. If you do, I'll assume that you are at best Kira's willing accomplice and at worst Kira himself, and I will leak all the information from this investigation to Interpol. It is likely they won't kill you or Misa as long as the criminal deaths don't restart, but it is always possible they might decide to kill you anyway as a pre-emptive strike. Do not disobey me."

L removed his hand from Light's mouth.

Light said, "Fine, even though it's painful for me, I'll do it your way. But you have only four hundred and thirty seven days from now. My memories will expire even if I don't willingly erase them."

L was still staring from very close. He blinked twice, and then said, "I will allow you that much time. If you erase your memories sooner, my threat will be carried out. I will have arrangements in place to make sure of it even if I die."

Aizawa said, "Ryuzaki, the month is over, and you haven't proven Light is Kira. You've uncovered additional evidence in an impressive way, but it's just as difficult to come to a conclusion as before. We're still stuck and we can't wait. The more time that goes by, the more chance that you'll become too attached to the suspect and make a mistake. You've already admitted you're biased and I'm guessing it will only get worse. If Light is Kira, we'll all die at that time. You need to quit the investigation, Ryuzaki."

L said, "I understand. Watari, will you make sure N is fully briefed on recent developments, and then have him take over the case?"

Matsuda said, "N?"

"Yes," L replied, "as I've said before, there is more than one L. There is an entire alphabet of them, though I'm the best. N will be a suitable replacement. I am fairly sure that he will give everyone orders through the computer instead of coming here in person. This is the logical move to secure his own safety."

Aizawa said, "Wait, how do we know N even exists? You were once just a voice from a computer. You could pretend to be N, or you could secretly be giving directions to one of your employees who pretends to be N, so that you're still in charge of the investigation."

L said, "I will continue to live in this building for as long as it takes to convince everyone that I'm not N and that N is not following my directions. I will work on separate cases, and I will no longer help with the Kira investigation in any way. I am sure it will only take a day for N to become fully briefed and decide what to do. I will obey whatever instructions N gives me tomorrow."

L hopped from his chair and started for the elevator at the back of the room. Light followed along, his arm stretched out in front of him, trying to catch up so the chain wouldn't jerk.

Matsuda called out, "Ryuzaki, will you be leaving us?"

Without turning around or slowing, L said, "It depends on what N decides, and on how long it takes for everyone to be fully convinced I'm not N or secretly in charge of N."

 _All of the others either don't trust L or they like L. Those who don't trust him will take some time to believe he certainly is separate from N, and those who like him will pretend to not be convinced right away, so that L won't leave soon, because they know they'll miss him. I probably have another month before he leaves this place, and by then I can convince him to take me with him._

As soon as the elevator doors closed, Light said, "What will we do while we're waiting?"

"It doesn't matter."

L's face had that incredibly blank expression again, the one that was even more unreadable than usual. But his shoulders were hunched very deeply, and his hands thrust far into his pockets. Light wanted to touch him, but had the impression that L would slap him for it. So, Light gave L a lot of space as they returned to their own rooms, allowing L to simply curl up in a chair and seem to go catatonic, staring off into space much of the time and drifting in and out of naps.

Watari brought a couple of meals during the rest of the day but L simply picked at his food thoughtfully, barely eating it. When it was bedtime, Light put up enough of a protest to get L to go to bed and lie down under the covers. Instead of being almost immobile, as he'd been when spending most of the day in one chair, L was restless, moving constantly, often curling up his body and seeming to be unsatisfied with the position, only to uncurl and try again.

Light propped himself up on an elbow and watched L. The man looked paler and thinner than ever. He certainly needed to eat more. But there was a stark, wonderful beauty to him, the jutting angles of his face, his large, dark eyes, the way his soft, flyaway black hair spread out against the pillow.

 _This is difficult for him now, but he'll soon get used to the way things are, the way they'll be from now on. He'll probably never stop suspecting me, but now that I've given him some good reasons to think I'm not Kira, he won't judge me so harshly. Even the suspicion will work in my favor, since he'll want to watch over me. I know L, and he'd never completely give a case up to someone else._

L didn't look as intimidating as he had earlier. Light slipped closer to him, snuggling up against L's back, breathing in the scent of his hair.

L wriggled partway out of Lights grasp and said, "I'm depressed."

"Why? Because we haven't caught Kira yet? You've always wanted to think I'm Kira. If it makes you happier, you could think that I'm Kira and you've clearly captured me. I'm on a chain, aren't I?"

L said nothing.

Light slid up very close against L's back and whispered, "Maybe I can cheer you up in a different way."

Light reached around, petting between L's legs on the outside of his jeans. L made a noise that sounded like "Mmmmmmmm."

Very quickly, L had spread his legs for better access, and was responding with a growing stiffness and faster breathing.

Light said, "You always wear so much clothing in bed."

L said, "I don't know what you want."

"I want you to wear less clothing. Don't you ever sleep in your underwear even when it's hot?"

"That's not what I mean."

The silence stretched between them. Light rubbed harder and then started unbuttoning the front of L's jeans. L grabbed Light's hands and pulled them away, closing his legs and curling up to protect the area.

L said, "No, I need to think."

Light moved his one hand to stroke L's side and the other to trace delicately along the edge of his jaw. L trembled slightly but did not uncurl. Light carefully reached down and began slowly slipping his hand into the back of L's jeans.

L said, "Stop it."

Light continued, gently massaging the center of one butt cheek. He whispered in L's ear, "You want me to help you get off. I'll just suck on your penis and I won't ask for anything in return. You know it will feel very good. I've gotten you so hard already."

L said, "There is a difference between physical arousal and consent. Don't make me kick you."

Something in L's tone sounded very serious, so Light let go and slid away, stopping when barely out of touching distance. He couldn't see L's face any more, just the messy black fluff of L's hair sticking out from under the blankets.

After a few minutes of silence, L said, "Light, I want to tell you something."

"What?"

"I... depending on if you're Kira or not, I have something different to tell you in each case."

"How will you decide which one to say?"

"I'll say them both. Light, if you are Kira, you are a murderer, probably one of the most prolific in all of history. What you did is wrong, and I will never forgive you. You cannot win me over with a sexual relationship. I will never support you or join your cause. I would rather die first. If you are Kira and you have any real love for me, you should go back to your attempts to kill me."

Light said, "That has no relevance because I'm not Kira. What is the other message?"

"If you're telling the truth, if you're not Kira but rather a decoy who was threatened into some cooperation as you claim, then I'm sorry."

"This is a conditional apology?"

L said, "Yes. If you're telling the truth, then you were forced into something terrible. You did not choose to be part of the Kira investigation, to risk your life. Everyone except you had that choice. And, even though it was wrong to deliberately mislead the investigators, your actions were understandable in the circumstances. You did save the lives of at least seven people. I did awful things to you if you're not Kira, and yet you accepted them all without much protest. I'm sorry, Light. I was harsh with you."

Light said, "I accept your apology. Thank you, L."

L was silent for a few moments and Light felt the mood was right. He tentatively placed a hand on L's thigh and was slapped for his efforts. After gazing wistfully at L for a time, hoping L would change his mind; Light gave up, rolled over and went to sleep.

In the morning, L had a better mood and aggressively jumped Light in the shower. Before Light knew it, L had pinned him hard against the wall as the warm water flowed over both of them, preparing Light for entrance and at the same time kissing Light's mouth as if he were starved.

L pressed inside as soon as he could and rocked Light's entire body with his forceful thumping, even trying a new experiment and pulling one of Light's legs up to spread everything and plunge in deeper with each thrust. Light was almost frightened by the intensity of it, by the sheer need shining unmistakably in L's eyes, the way L's hands were everywhere at once, and the almost painful-sounding whines L was letting out.

L had a particularly haunting cry when he came, like a quiet version of a shriek. That sound, and the distinctly odd look on L's face as he made the noise both stuck in Light's mind, and he kept thinking on that moment over and over as they prepared for the first contact with N.

The entire set-up was eerily similar to what had happened the previous morning, with everyone assembled in the main investigation room looking uncertain and apprehensive, but the mood somewhat improved. With a few looks around to subtly study everyone's face, Light decided that probably everyone except for L and Aiber was leaning more to the conclusion 'Light is not Kira' than 'Light is Kira'. After the seeds of doubt that had been planted along with offering a plausible alternate explanation, all that was needed was time. Even more time would work better.

Everyone's gaze snapped to the front of the room when one of the large monitors showed an "N" logo, in the same style as L's usual "L" logo, and a computer-scrambled voice started speaking.

The voice said, "Whether Light is Kira or not, Kira is purposely stalling the investigation. You are doing exactly what Kira wants, and therefore you're all useless as investigators. Your investigation has been permanently compromised. I have already assembled my own team, and I will not be using your services."

Aizawa said, "Wait, we've put in months of work and risked our lives willingly again and again, and you're telling us to just go home?"

N said, "No, I am saying something different. All of you have a link to Kira. Kira has attacked you in the past and has interfered with your memories. You are useless as investigators but you are useful as subjects to study to gain more insight into Kira, and I will employ all of you in that capacity."

Matsuda said, "So, we'll be like guinea pigs? Well, if it'll help catch the real Kira, I'll do it."

Wedy said, "I'm out. I only work for Ryuzaki, and I'm not going to be studied in some lab."

After a short pause, Aiber said, "I'll be leaving too. This isn't the sort of job I do."

Matsuda turned to the rest of the room and gesturing wildly with his arms said, "Hey, the rest of you guys aren't going to quit, are you? I'm sure we're close to catching Kira, and Ryuzaki and Light have been through so much to get us this far. It'd be cowardly to back out now."

Soichiro said, "Matsuda, you need to let everyone make their own choices, without calling them names."

Matsuda laughed nervously and while glancing around the room said, "Oh, sorry Chief. But, everyone else is going to stay, right?"

Aizawa said, "It depends on the way I'll be studied. I don't want anything that risks my life for no reason or takes away my dignity. N, describe what you'll do to us first, and then I'll consider it."

N said, "I can't do that, Mr. Aizawa. The prime Kira suspect is there, listening, at this moment. It was terribly irresponsible of L to allow himself to become so entangled with Light. With Light's stalling tactics, the only way to get more evidence is by setting him free, by force if necessary. He should never be allowed back inside this building, and L should not see him any longer, or it would be a potential weak link in the investigation."

L's face was completely expressionless, but his body looked like it was curling in on itself worse than ever.

L said, "Watari, bring the key. Then have Light escorted outside and have the security settings changed so he is not allowed back in."

 _No! He's getting rid of me, just because he was ordered to? It can't work like this._

As Watari exited the room, Light said, "L, you don't want to do this. You're my lover and you care for me. Please, come with me when I leave, or if you're too afraid to do that, then take me wherever you want to a secure location and keep me there. I'm not Kira and I've allowed you to keep me on a chain for months. You owe me something better than this."

L said, "Light, when we had sex the first time, I only did it because I wasn't thinking clearly. After that, I was using you for sex and companionship, and to try to understand you for the sake of the case. This relationship is wrong. It upsets everyone and risks their lives."

"It doesn't risk their lives if you're off the case! If you're not investigating Kira any longer, we can do whatever we want, and I know you want this as much as I do. Besides, every relationship consists of people who use each other for sex and companionship. That's what a relationship is."

Watari was approaching with the key.

Light said, "L, you don't have to obey N. Please don't go away."

L turned his back and said nothing. The snicking sound of the key turning in the lock was terrifying. Watari was coiling up the chain and putting it into a bag, standing directly in the way, protecting L.

Light darted one direction and then suddenly changed course, slipping past Watari and right to L. L didn't retreat, but he stiffened.

Light hugged L from behind and said, "You'll never find anyone else like me. You know that. L, you'll return to me. You'll be too lonely without me."

L started shivering within Light's grasp. Light hugged tighter and said, "L, I love you. Don't leave me. It would be cruel."

 _I have him. I've affected him deeply._

In a choked voice, L said, "Go away."

Light felt strong hands on his shoulders, pulling him from L. When he glanced back, it was Mogi and Watari.

Then Light heard his father's voice, saying, "Ryuzaki has made his choice. Let's go, Light."

 _L can't give me up. He'll discover he isn't able to._

Light relaxed, letting himself be pulled along by the men on either side. He looked over his shoulder at L as long as he could, memorizing that hunched profile, the beautiful contrasts of the pale skin and t-shirt with the dark hair and eyes.

Mogi and Watari escorted him all the way to the basement parking garage, and then Light got into his father's car and they started on their way home. Light's stomach was jumbled and clenched. Everything felt surreal, as if it couldn't truly be happening. It had been so fast, so sudden.

Light took several minutes to organize his thoughts, trying to plan his next move. When he was satisfied, he looked over at his father, studying his face for signs of his mood. He looked too worried, too old. He'd aged ten years or more since the Kira case began.

Light said, "Dad, don't worry about this. I'm concerned about your health. You know I'm not Kira. Remember the profile L developed for Kira? It indicated someone who would be willing to kill his entire family, if it came to that. You're still alive. If I am Kira, I had various chances to kill the entire investigation team that I didn't take. I also had chances to simply flee. Someone with Kira's power could disappear and hide easily, controlling others into housing him, giving him money and helping him. If I am Kira, then my actions don't make sense."

Soichiro said, "I trust you, Light, but there's so much we don't understand. You could still die, couldn't you? This is my fault for letting you join the investigation. I made you into a target."

"You didn't make any decisions that put me at risk. I can say that much honestly. And, I think I've neutralized Kira well enough that I won't be killed. I've saved my own life and the lives of many others. Look in my eyes. Do I look like I'm lying?"

Soichiro glanced over briefly before returning his eyes to the road. His face was full of concern, along with a few small twinges of doubt. He would be easy to win over. His doubt was already small and should be entirely gone in a few weeks at most.

Light said, "I don't want you to get hurt. The real danger has passed, and now the only remaining threat is your own thoughts. Please try to avoid stress and strain. I'm asking this for Sayu's sake and Mom's sake as well."

Soichiro sighed. "You are right."

"You'll give yourself rest and worry less?"

"Yes. I don't know what I was thinking, suspecting you."

Light said, "You know how smart I am, and I was trying to seem suspicious. Of course you thought that way. I don't blame you one bit, Dad. You shouldn't blame yourself either."

An expression of immense warmth flooded across Soichiro's face.

 _That's it. I've got him completely back on my side, this easily. And he won't worry much now. It would be horrible if he drove himself to another heart attack from the stress._

Light said, "Now that you've promised not to strain yourself, let's talk about college. The new term will start soon, and I think I can probably get special permission to re-enter To-Oh University within that time."

Soichiro's face looked even more pleased at the change of topic, with just the slightest stress lingering in the bunched-up wrinkles at the corners of his eyes. The rest of the trip was spent making plans for college. When they reached home, Light politely endured the attention his mother and sister showered on him, pretending to enjoy it.

It was odd to try to get used to the new house L had bought, and annoying to listen to Sayu's constant babbling about the supposed chlorine trifluoride spill that had prompted an evacuation of their neighborhood. Sayu was completely stunned and had to keep repeatedly describing how lucky it was that nobody got injured and that workers in hazardous materials suits had been able to remove most of their possessions immediately before a gas explosion leveled several houses. The only good thing about Sayu's babbling was that it mostly kept the subject away from Misa.

As soon as it was appropriate, Light retreated to his room, sighing and locking the door behind him.

His mind was not full of thoughts about college, but of L. Light lay back on his bed, placed his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling, going over all the details of how L had behaved. Yes, there wasn't any doubt that L would be back. L had been affected too deeply, he was hooked.

It was only a question of when, and how, L would return. L was stubborn. He'd try to resist. But L was a very lonely man who had obviously never forged a connection with anyone before. As time went by with no actions by Kira, with it becoming more and more clear that Kira wasn't merely taking a break from the killings but was gone forever, L would have to start believing the lie he'd been told.

L wanted to believe it, and the evidence would slowly push him in that direction. He was too paranoid to ever completely give up his suspicions, but at some point more of his thoughts would say "Light isn't Kira" and fewer of his thoughts would say "Light is Kira."

And, if L didn't return once his conclusions began leaning towards innocence, if he was still too paranoid, then there would be ways to push him. Light's mind had already started assembling several plans.

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

I know the Japanese academic year begins each April, but I failed in my research as to whether Japanese universities have two or three academic terms each year, so I assumed it was three academic terms and just winged it. I believe the story is probably in late December at this point.

Chlorine trifluoride is a nasty chemical that instantly catches on fire or explodes on contact with nearly everything. It can set sand, asbestos and concrete on fire. That's the hazardous material leak L faked (with the help of the authorities) several chapters ago to be able to dismantle the entire Yagami house and everything in it.


	20. Chapter 20

**CHAPTER 20**

Everyone in the investigation center was tense, full of little nervous movements as they waited to see what would happen after Misa's shocking statement. L mentally shut out their idle chatter and concentrated hard on the live video feeds showing on the multiple monitors, determined not to miss the slightest clue. He drank in all the details, even the smallest things such as the exact positions of hands and how often Misa and Light were blinking.

Light made an excuse to Misa so he could duck into the bathroom, and then he pretended to ask for permission for his next step, but his cellphone was switched off. Was it a stalling tactic?

Soichiro got off his cellphone and said, "Deputy-Director Kitamura says a force is ready. They only need a location and then they can quickly surround it to cut off all access in or out."

L said, "Good work, Chief Yagami," and then he once again hit the button that should call Light. Light's cellphone was still off.

Light took a few moments to primp in front of the bathroom mirror and then exited, telling Misa a story about how the supposed break-up had just been a Kira test, like the fake execution had been. Misa managed to get Light's pants open, provoking shocked exclamations from Soichiro and Matsuda, but Light quickly regained control of the situation.

 _If only I had previously thought to install something in his cellphone so I could remotely turn it on. Should I call Misa? It is a very delicate situation. Even if he is stalling, this is a rare opportunity to see Misa interact with Light when she supposes it is private. If I interfere too quickly, I could ruin all the work we've done to get to this moment._

The minutes ticked by, and Light's little speech to Misa was only becoming longer and more convoluted. It could be seen as delaying, or as a way to rebuild Misa's trust so she'd certainly tell the crucial information when Light got around to asking for it. Like everything Light did, it was plausible both as a tactic Kira would use and as something an innocent Light Yagami might actually do.

L called Misa, and as soon as she handed her cellphone to Light, L said, "I thought you might want a warning. Get to the point immediately. You have one minute."

Light replied, "I'm getting to it. There's a right way and a wrong way to do this. It's better with gentleness, not force."

 _Disobeying a direct order from a superior. Obviously stalling._

L said, "Your minute is already running out. You won't like what I have planned if you don't cooperate."

After saying that, L immediately disconnected so Light couldn't try to waste more time by arguing.

L said, "Light is being difficult. We need to make Misa extremely angry."

Matsuda said, "You mean you're really going to-"

"Yes. If you'd rather not see it, avert your eyes from the monitors to the left."

L had previously made sure that all video feeds with a view of the hotel room's television were grouped together. The investigators needed to watch what Light and Misa did, and sexual squeamishness couldn't be allowed to interfere with that task. This would make it easier for everyone.

Still, even with those precautions in place, L heard Matsuda let out an embarrassed high-pitched giggle and several other people made disgusted noises as soon as the video started playing. L kept his eyes to the screen, eagerly absorbing every detail, every reaction. Misa was shocked, utterly shocked. If she would turn in Light for betraying her, or kill him, or if she would otherwise make a mistake, now was the time. Anything might happen.

Or, if this entire thing had been a ruse from start to finish, with Misa and Light involved in some form of secret communication, then now would be when they might try to flee. Light would know this was his best chance to escape. L hovered one finger over the button that would open communication to the team of NPA officers who were ready to rush in and perform arrests. Misa had never seen them, so they, at least, wouldn't die.

Light quickly switched tactics, even going so far as to claim he'd been having threesomes with Matsuda.

Matsuda stammered out, "H-hey, all you guys know that i-isn't true, right? Light's lying. I don't know why."

L said, "Matsuda, Light is trying to make Misa angry."

"I'd never do threesomes with two guys. Why isn't anyone saying anything?"

Aizawa said, "Matsuda, we know you didn't do it."

Matsuda said, "I'll never be able to look Misa-Misa in the face again! Poor thing! She's suffering so much."

L said, "Matsuda, be quiet."

 _No, Misa isn't doing anything except reacting normally, and this is taking too long. Light is scheming, and he's still stalling for time. But, if I arrest her now, Misa might refuse to say anything. Am I playing into Light's hands? What choice do I have except to go along with this for a little longer?_

L's finger hovered impatiently above the button. He itched to press it and call in the team to arrest Misa.

Then Misa's expression changed; she seemed to be realizing something was wrong. A moment later, she said, "This is a trick. Ryuzaki is making you say strange things to upset me, to see what I'll do."

 _If something will happen, it will be any moment now._

Misa tried to talk about the place where she had been told to dig up something, but Light interrupted with comments about her needing to fix her makeup.

L pressed the button and said, "Move in, quickly and quietly, but do not enter the actual room until my signal. Arrest anyone who tries to leave."

 _There is no doubt Light is stalling now. Even the others should see that._

As soon as the team of NPA officers reached the correct floor, Misa blurted out the location. L pressed the button in front of the microphone and said, "Move in now."

Then he held out his hand for Soichiro's cellphone and used it to give Kitamura directions for sealing off an entire park, everything surrounding the hiking trail Misa had mentioned.

Watari picked up Light from the hotel and kept Light occupied by driving around in circles as L directed the investigation. L couldn't help but be astonished by Light's obliviousness to the clues that were being uncovered one by one. Couldn't Light observe and manipulate things at a distance? Witnesses were found, the strange apple was found, and dirt was dug up and sent off to forensics to be sifted and analyzed. At least some of those things should be worrying to Light, or should provoke some kind of action. L nervously waited for an attack to be launched, but nothing happened.

Misa did not deal well with her confinement, and she was largely useless. She told the same story over and over, in a sincere way, as if she didn't think anything was wrong or incriminating about it. She either had no memories relating to Kira, or she was doing an excellent job of faking it.

When L felt confident in handing off the investigation to the rest of the task force members, he told them, "Investigate from now on at the secondary headquarters. Tell Watari anything you need. I have a number of ways of communicating secretly with him, and we keep switching codes so that Light won't find out. I may also give you orders through Watari."

When the last of them had left the main headquarters building, L sent Watari a signal to return with Light. As Watari put the chain on them once more, L briefly explained the situation, saying that evidence had been found but giving no details about it, except that it was being processed at the secondary headquarters. L even showed Light a map with the location of that building.

 _Now, he will try to use his power to spy, and then he should be forced into action. What is limiting him? The night I became sick with that fever and he went home by himself, he was far from here and yet Kira attacked this place. Why is he now acting as if he has a distance-based limitation?_

L waited out the remaining days until the ultimatum, taking note of the growing evidence against Light and Misa, waiting for Light to do something. L even let Misa go once it was clear how pointless it was to question her. She would get a chance to do something too, if she still could. Perhaps her memories would suddenly return, and she'd try something, mess up, and incriminate the both of them.

It became clear that Light was waiting things out, refusing to do anything. Perhaps he truly didn't know how dire the situation was looking at the secondary headquarters. He'd need to be told. L arranged for a meeting with everyone present on the day of the ultimatum, to show Light the evidence directly and provoke him into doing something. Light would have to attack, or flee, or attempt to talk his way out of the situation.

The meeting took an odd turn when Light chose the least likely of those three possibilities. It was a classic move, favored by many criminals. When caught, blame the accomplice. L had seen it too many times before, and it was always a tiresome claim. But it was pulled off with incredible finesse, as only Light Yagami could do it, using every peculiarity of the Kira case to his advantage. Only in the Kira case would it be believable for a criminal to blame a shinigami, or to claim he couldn't confess anything useful because an invisible supernatural watcher would possibly kill him if he did.

The problem was that everything fit so perfectly. If it was a lie, it was a very believable one, with all the details meshing nicely with what was known. As far as the unknowns, Light had the perfect excuse to refuse telling the whole story, and without the full information, it would be incredibly difficult to find any flaws in what Light claimed was true.

As usual, Light had taken a situation where it seemed as if he were nearly trapped as Kira, and completely changed things to bring in a great deal of doubt. It was frustrating to have it happen over and over, Kira always remaining unreachable.

 _If Light is Kira, then he has managed to create a situation where even I wonder if he is Kira or not._

As expected, the next move was for the investigators to insist on a replacement. L did not try to argue, but gave in immediately.

 _I have failed. I did not solve a case, for the very first time._

L felt numb and angry all at once. He needed to think, and the more he went over the details in his mind the worse it became, a knot of turmoil sitting heavily in his stomach. Light really could be telling the truth. But someone as intelligent as Light could also make a lie this sophisticated.

That night, as L curled up in bed and continued to think, he knew he wouldn't get any sleep. Never had anything been so draining, but it was not leading to the kind of exhaustion that facilitates sleep, but rather the kind that irritates and creates painful wakefulness.

Then Light started touching him, and it felt good. Too good. L wanted to melt into Light's touches, wanted to press their bare skin together everywhere and lose himself in the sensation. He could feel his mind clouding over as the pleasure rose just from Light's hands on the outside of the clothing, and along with it a desire to push aside all evidence and simply believe Light without any questioning.

L rebelled by pulling Light's hands away and curling up, but Light kept trying to initiate something, until threats finally stopped him.

As the sound of Light's breathing slowly changed rhythm to the soft, even pattern of sleep, L lay there, curled in on himself. The room felt dark and empty, a lonely place. Hours went by and he couldn't sleep, but he couldn't seem to think either. His mind just ran in circles around the same few points, unable to find anything to grasp and dig in with. There was no new starting place or strategy. It was all the same, with the room pressing in and in until it almost seemed like an entity trying to crush L under a weight of loneliness.

L never went to sleep at all, and in the shower the next morning he couldn't stop looking at Light. If Near made the most logical decision, this could be the very last time.

In one swift motion L had grabbed a tube of lubricant and was pinning Light to the wall. Then it was nothing but need, need, and more need completely overwhelming him. There was no thinking, only action, no future, only the present moment of their bodies moving together with soft wet warm skin and the water flowing over everything. There was that face, the one that could be the face of a murderer, or a soulmate, or both. L pushed those thoughts deep within and kissed that face again and again, unable to get enough. He was almost ashamed of how much he wanted sex, of how good it felt to push inside Light again and again, ashamed of the sheer force of his orgasm when it hit him at the end.

It was not too long after that when it happened. The end of things. At the meeting, Near said exactly what L expected, and in response L turned his back on Light and said, "Go away."

Light fought it. He eluded Watari in order to engage L in one last hug, from behind. He said things L wanted to believe, and he said them so well that L shivered inside, feeling it in his very bones. L wanted to go with Light. He might have, if the task force members had waited another minute before pulling Light away.

L wanted to be anywhere except Japan, but he'd made a promise to stay until everyone was satisfied that N wasn't a puppet, but a true replacement.

It was difficult. He took up other cases, but it wasn't quite the same as before. He couldn't devote endless time and energy to them. There was a lack of internal stamina.

Several days after Light had left, Watari found L in a terrible mood, lying listlessly in the middle of the kitchen floor.

Watari said, "L, I admit I was wrong to suggest that you see a prostitute. I realize now that I went too far. I think, instead, it would be a good idea if you dated."

L said, "I can't. It wouldn't do any good. If I knew Light was Kira, I could force myself to be satisfied with leaving him. If I knew Light wasn't Kira, I could go back to him."

Watari said, "Think about it. You've never had anyone. It might be easier to replace Light than you believe it will be."

L didn't believe it, but he took up the task the next morning, creating a profile for himself to use in various dating services. He hired someone who resembled him for the photos, and had the guy wear thick glasses and a somewhat different hairstyle. It would not do to have real photos of L out there in places where copies could be made.

L searched through and rejected thousands of profiles for each one he added to his list. He recognized a pattern right away. He added incredibly smart men who looked similar to Light. He made an effort to add some men who didn't look at all like Light, along with a few women. He wasn't really sure what he would want. He didn't feel any attraction looking at the photos of other men or any women.

He knew what turned him on. It was Light, and L secretly snuck videos away to watch them, to see Light responding during sex, and to feel the answering response in himself as he watched and touched himself, his heart beating so fast as shame and euphoria rose inside him at once. He intended to wean himself away from watching videos of Light, to slow down the habit and eventually end it, but it never really happened. It was a pernicious weakness.

The dating went just as L expected. Everyone noticed the difference from the photos, and L attributed it to using a photo that was a couple of years old and no longer wearing glasses. Several of his dates attempted to take new photos, and one got himself kicked when mere talking didn't dissuade him. L found dating to be a chore, something he did without much hope, mainly so Watari would worry less and to fill up the time.

Sometimes he played strange tricks on his dates, just to study human nature and hone his skills. Other times, he went along with what they wanted, up to kissing and a bit of petting, nothing below the waist or they got kicked. L wanted to feel something when kissing and holding these awkward strangers, but he felt nothing. It was clinical, passionless, like pressing lips against a wall. Men or women, it didn't seem to matter.

Almost exactly a month after Light left, Watari came into L's room in a huff and said, "You need to turn on the news right now."

L turned it on. He didn't want to believe what he was hearing. Light had to be the one responsible. This was something only Light could do.

L said, "That vindictive-"

He felt an awful mess on his hands, and looked down to see that he'd completely crushed the doughnut he'd been eating. His hand was smeared with frosting.

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

I just love the cliffhangers!

Well, L's POV is now caught up through the previous chapters, and once again the only way is forward.


	21. Chapter 21

**CHAPTER 21**

Light woke up the morning after returning home - or rather to the new house L had bought - to an absence of Rem. Light reveled in the idea of some brief privacy, and lay in bed for a little while, savoring the quiet of his room. Through the floor he could hear dim sounds of what had to be a rather noisy breakfast downstairs.

Light consolidated his thoughts, going over the details of his various plans to lure L back into his life. The easiest and most likely plan was the one to try first.

 _It is time to act like a lovesick moron. Then, he'll have to use that as an angle to investigate me, in person. He won't be able to turn away from an opportunity like that. That is a way N cannot possibly investigate me._

Light smiled to himself just thinking about it. Without getting out of bed, he retrieved his cellphone from the end table and made calls to various delivery services, ensuring that candy, cakes and flowers with sappy love messages would arrive at the investigation headquarters once an hour throughout the day.

 _I'm sure L is too paranoid to eat anything I've sent, on the chance of poison. Probably all of it will be re-routed to forensics, but L will be aware I'm sending these things. He's too perceptive and involved with everything around him to be ignorant of deliveries that arrive at the building he's living in. I wonder if L is watching me at this moment? There could easily be cameras in this room. Well, whether there are or not, I have ways of getting to L. He may not be aware of it yet, but he needs me._

Then Light got up and went through his morning routine of showering, getting dressed and brushing his teeth, increasingly puzzled by the continued absence of Rem and by the sheer volume of the noisy breakfast downstairs. The words were all indistinct; a babble of blended voices, so it was impossible to know what was going on, but it simply wasn't typical of Sachiko and Sayu to be so loud.

When Light entered the kitchen, he immediately saw the problem. Misa was having breakfast with Sayu and Sachiko. Rem was hovering invisibly behind Misa, looking extremely pleased.

Light stopped and tried to lurk out of sight, debating whether he should retreat back upstairs or not, but just then Sayu noticed him and squealed, "Big brother! About time you got up, sleepyhead!"

In the next instant, Misa was up from her chair and launching herself in Light's direction. Light ran to keep the couch between himself and Misa as a barrier.

Misa said, "Light! I've missed you so much!"

Light had to dart around the couch to continuously keep it between her and himself.

Light said, "Misa! Sit down."

She didn't obey, but tried to fool him by quickly changing directions and circling the other way. Light changed course, neatly avoiding her.

Sachiko cleared her throat and said, "Misa was waiting on the lawn when we woke up. She looked so sad, and she really insisted on joining us."

Rem said, "Do not send Misa away. I would like to enjoy her presence."

 _This is going to be difficult._

Light said, "Misa, you're not my girlfriend any more. I think you'll be much happier once you realize that. However, it is fine if you have breakfast with us just this once, as long as you don't try to touch me. It isn't appropriate to snuggle with me or hang on my arm."

Misa started climbing over the couch and said, "But, Light, I need you so much and there's no reason we can't be together now. I have my sources. I found out you got dumped."

Misa's gleeful little smile made Light want to slap her face repeatedly until all traces of happiness disappeared from it.

Sayu said, "What! What happened, Light? I knew you were hiding something. You have to tell us all the gossip."

Light backed up. Misa had managed to eliminate the couch's use as a barrier by climbing over it completely, and there wasn't enough room to safely dart past her on either side. Light suddenly grabbed Misa's shoulders and used them like levers to swivel her around and then walk her forward. He ignored her attempts to cling and stroke, calmly walking her to a kitchen chair, forcing her into it, and then sitting down himself in a chair on completely the opposite side of the table from her.

Misa tried to jump up, but Sachiko said, "No, dear," and prevented her with a firm hand on Misa's shoulder.

 _If I don't stop this soon, Rem will start to think like Misa, that there's no longer any barrier to me dating Misa. Rem has much more power in this situation than she realizes, and I must keep her from utilizing that power even if I'm crude and harsh and it's embarrassing. I need to prevent Rem from gaining the upper hand and forcing me to be Misa's pretend boyfriend. Otherwise, I'll be nothing but Rem's slave for the rest of my life._

Light composed himself just so, trying to exude confident body language, and then said, "Misa, I thought I'd made myself clear before, but I see we need to have another serious conversation about our relationship even though I'd rather not say these things in front of my mother and sister."

Misa said, "Oh Light, you're giving me another chance, aren't you?"

"First of all, I want to say that you aren't really in love with me. You decided that you fell in love within moments of seeing me for the first time. That kind of love isn't real, and if you can form an attachment to me so easily, it will not be difficult for you to love a completely new person just as strongly. All you need to do is try."

"You don't understand. My love is-"

"Misa, please don't interrupt. I have more points to make. Not only is your love for me mistaken, superficial and easily replaced, it would also make you unhappy even if I went along with it and pretended to be your boyfriend. I already tried that for months, and it didn't work."

Misa said, "Light, I was happy living with you."

Light said "Misa, if you're going to fix your life you need to let go of your delusions. You weren't living with me. We were in the same building, but not even on the same floor. And, you weren't happy. You were constantly annoyed, bored and generally unfulfilled. If you'd had a boyfriend better than me, you would have been satisfied. You were constantly trying to have sex with me, and I didn't have sex with you even once."

Sachiko and Sayu both gasped.

 _Here it comes. I'm not really gay, am I? Just because the very few people I've had any attraction to so far have been male, that doesn't mean I could never be attracted to a woman in the future. Yet for the sake of not becoming Rem's slave I should describe things this way._

Light took a deep breath and said, "Misa, it should be obvious to you by now. I'm not attracted to you at all, but you've actually seen me having sex with Ryuzaki. I'm gay, Misa."

 _Wow, Mom really looks shocked._

Light continued, "I tried to force my feelings with you, but nothing ever happened. Try doing research on it. There's no cure for homosexuality, and women never find happiness with gay husbands or boyfriends, no matter how hard those men try or how many years those men pretend and force themselves into the role. Your happiness will only arrive after you give up on me."

 _Rem has to be swayed by this argument. It should be obvious that a pretend relationship can't make Misa happy, and even a shinigami can't force a homosexual man to have anything other than a pretend romance with a woman. This way I won't have my choices and freedom taken away by Rem._

Misa looked away, staring at the wall. Light wasn't sure whether she was about to cry or to get angry.

Sayu said, "I knew you wouldn't be afraid Dad would disown you just for moving in with a girl. So this is what you were hiding! Who is Ryuzaki? Someone from college?"

Light said, "Ryuzaki is the nickname of Hideki Ryuga, that other guy who got a perfect score on the To-Oh University entrance exams. I was living with Ryuzaki, sleeping in the same bed with him for months, and Misa still doesn't think there's any problem with the idea of me being her boyfriend."

Still staring at the wall, Misa said, "Light, you kept telling me, telling me I was your girlfriend. Then you said I wasn't and then you said I was, and you, you kept changing your mind."

Misa's head snapped back and in a low, dangerous voice she said, "It's not fair. You never gave me an honest chance. We didn't have a single real date without Ryuzaki. He's such a pervert, forcing me to watch those dirty videos!"

Sachiko let out a choking sound.

Misa continued, "I'm so glad he dumped you. I could tell he had kinky thoughts about you ever since he first chained you up. And then later, on our first date it was so creepy when he followed along and kept talking about how he was going to watch us have sex. I bet Ryuzaki is hooking up with lots of different men right now, maybe even a few women. I know he grabbed my butt the first time I met him. He was sneaky but I felt it. We have to start over, Light, we have to. We'll begin again, and it will work this time."

Rem said, "Do not send Misa away yet. I've been missing her and I would like to spend time near her, even though she cannot see or hear me."

Light said, "Misa, I have no problem being friends with you. Go ahead and stay for breakfast, as long as you don't try to grab me. If you do, I'll go upstairs and lock myself in my room until you leave. However, you must understand you have no chance of becoming my girlfriend again. As friends, we should not see each other often and we will not do anything resembling a date."

Misa got a calculating smile on her face and said, "Oh, you've underestimated Misa's powers of persuasion. I'll get you back."

Sachiko said, "Light, I'm not sure this is a good idea. Maybe Misa should go now."

"Mom, she came all the way out here. We should at least feed her a meal and talk with her for a little while. But, as soon as breakfast is over, I need to get started on obtaining special permission to re-enter To-Oh University. Misa will leave at the end of breakfast."

Sachiko said, "I'll make some more pancakes."

Over the next half of an hour, Misa talked almost non-stop. She kept trying to edge her chair around the table in Light's direction, as if she didn't think he'd notice if she moved closer a centimeter at a time. Sayu clearly wanted to ask a lot of questions about the months-long absence, but Misa interrupted her constantly to blabber on about "how special Light is" and a bunch of other nonsense.

Light kept thinking about L, remembering how quiet L was unless he had something important to say, looking at the syrupy pancakes and the strawberries for topping and thinking of how much L would like this breakfast, of how he would probably arrange the food into little patterns and play with it before eating it. Maybe that was how he stayed so skinny; he didn't eat as much as he seemed to because so much time was spent in playing rather than eating.

In the middle of a one-sided attempt at engaging in cutesy baby talk, Misa suddenly made a strange-looking lunge for the syrup bottle. Light guessed what she was doing but couldn't move out of the way fast enough. Almost instantly, the entire sticky contents of his plate had been pushed all over him.

Misa said, "Oh, look at everything I dumped in your lap! Let me get it cleaned up."

Light scrambled out of his chair, but before he could even take two steps away Misa had tackled him to the floor and was groping his crotch under the pretense of cleaning away the syrup and messy chunks of pancake.

Sachiko looked completely frozen in shock, holding a spatula in mid-air while a pancake began burning behind her.

Sayu started laughing as if this were the funniest thing she'd ever seen.

It was surprisingly difficult to push Misa away. She was slinky and evasive, stronger than she looked, and she really clung desperately. It took about a minute of awkward wrestling on the floor, which Misa seemed to enjoy a lot, in order to get her disentangled. As soon as Light had regained control of the situation he used Misa's shoulders to forcibly steer her toward the door.

Misa said, "Noooo! Let me stay. I know you would have gotten hard in another minute or so."

 _Even if I was attracted to only women, I don't think Misa could ever turn me on. Not unless I could get her to shut up and pretend she was someone else. What the hell is wrong with her? Most of the time she doesn't even act like a real person. Is she completely insane because of her parents dying and that stalker attacking her?_

Light said, "Misa, this is it! If you're going to be my friend, you will always behave when you are around me. I am serious. Because of this incident you are not allowed around me for at least a week."

Sayu, still laughing, anticipated Light's route and darted ahead of him to open the front door so he wouldn't smear the doorknob with his sticky hands.

Light pushed Misa outside and Sayu quickly shut the door just before Misa could dart back inside.

Light said, "Sayu, run to the back door and lock that too."

As Sayu ran off to obey, Light went to the bathroom, where he cleaned up the mess and put on different clothing.

When he came back to the kitchen, nobody was there.

Sayu poked her head around the corner and said, "Light, you've got to see this! Misa is digging up chunks of dirt and throwing them at the house."

Light ducked down and crawled into the living room, carefully hiding behind the couch so that Misa should not be able to see him through the window. Misa was on her hands and knees, one high-heeled boot removed from her foot, using the heel to stab into the turf. She was gradually poking out a divot, and several scars could already be seen on the lawn. Rem was drifting along behind Misa on bat-like wings.

Misa finished her task and threw the chunk of dirt with a bit of brown winter grass attached. It arced out of sight and made a quiet thump against the door.

Sachiko crouched down, approached the living room window and began pulling on the string that would close the shades. She said, "Light, this can't continue. Please call the police. We'll get her removed."

 _Rem might be too upset if I get Misa arrested._

Light said, "No, don't do that! It will be better to just ignore Misa."

Sayu said, "But, Light, she's throwing dirt at the house! Look at her!"

Light said, "Sayu, I was cruel to Misa. I was dating her and telling her she was my girlfriend for a long time, even while I was having sex with Ryuzaki. Because of everything Misa has been through, it would be wrong for me to call the police on her when she gets angry. She has every right to be this upset."

Sayu said, "I know a lot of people get kind of wild when they start college, but I never imagined you were so scandalous! Dropping out of school and leaving without any contact information, that's practically running away from home. And then, you have a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time? It's like a soap opera."

Sachiko blushed and said, "Light, I don't mean to pry, but this is very important. Do you use condoms?"

 _I am not going to talk about my real sexual history with my mom._

"Mom, I was a virgin before Ryuzaki, and I've only had sex with him, and he was a virgin too. Condoms weren't necessary."

Sachiko made a little coughing sound and then said, "Ryuzaki sounds like a very wild boy. Light, people often lie about their sexual experiences, and if Ryuzaki is into chains and pornography and watching live sex, he probably has had sex before he was with you."

"If it makes you feel better, I will buy condoms and keep them with me."

Sachiko said, "Yes," coughed nervously and then retreated to the kitchen as another soft thump came from the door. Light heard Misa screaming, partly muffled by the walls.

 _If Misa keeps this up, the neighbors will call the cops._

Sayu said, "Light, now I know why you're such a good dresser. Can I re-introduce you to all my friends as my gay brother?"

"No, this is difficult for me. I'm just now talking about it for the first time. Let's go slowly and not just immediately tell everyone."

Sachiko said, "Sayu, it's best to be polite. This is a private issue. Besides, Light's still young. Maybe he'll change his mind and marry a woman someday."

 _By presenting myself as gay, I won't look perfect to everyone any longer. I won't be able to fulfill all their expectations. Well, it is probably good for me to have a little less pride; it will be an improvement to my character. That is one of the reasons the Kira plan went wrong. Anyone who is to judge all the world's criminals needs to be more realistic and not blinded by anything such as pride._

Misa eventually left without attracting any cops, but she returned in the afternoon for another session of dirt throwing and got arrested that time. Light completely ignored Misa and divided the rest of the day between lounging around thinking up plans and doing paperwork and making phone calls to ease the process of being suddenly re-admitted to To-Oh University.

The new house was uncanny and difficult to get used to. It was highly similar to the old one but not exactly the same. If it had been very different, or if it had been completely identical, it would have been easier, but the little differences threw Light off. He began eyeing some of the odd features, trying to figure out if L had created them with any meaning in mind. The way that the ceilings joined to the walls with complex moldings was particularly suspicious, with easy places to conceal hidden cameras, but the ceilings were much higher and even standing on a chair didn't allow for a good view of what might be up there.

Light managed to sneak a small ladder up to his room to check, and found one small gray disk that looked like a particularly sophisticated hidden camera. When he found it, he smiled directly at it and went into a little speech about how much he needed to see L. Then he climbed down from the ladder, leaving the camera there.

It was three days of waiting until the first day of classes. Light continued to send hourly chocolates, cakes and flowers to the investigation headquarters, sure that L would be aware of what was happening, but he got no response of any kind, only depleting his money in the process.

On the second day, an enormous amount of mail from Misa arrived, and Light threw it all away without reading it. Sneakily, Misa had included one small box with a false return address on it, and when Light opened it, it was a strange-smelling letter that switched wildly back and forth between declarations of love and threats of continued stalking. Some kind of object wrapped in paper towels was also in the box, and proved to be the headless corpse of a bird. Light hoped that Misa had found it lying around on the ground instead of producing it herself.

On the day before his first class, Light went to the investigation headquarters, constantly standing there and buzzing to be let in for two hours without any response, and then sitting on the steps near the side entrance until at last Mogi came out.

Mogi looked uncertain.

Light said, "Tell Ryuzaki I love him, please? Then I'll go away."

"I'm supposed to tell you that you'll be arrested if you come here again."

"I thought so, but I'll allow myself to be arrested if it means getting in contact with Ryuzaki. I'll stay here until you agree to take a message to him."

"What?"

Light took a letter out of his coat pocket and handed it to Mogi. "Promise you'll give this to Ryuzaki, and I won't return here to cause a scene. Do you promise?"

"After it is sent to forensics, I will be sure Ryuzaki sees a photocopy of it."

With that Mogi turned and went back inside. Light had a momentary urge to try to suddenly dash in after him, but he knew it was futile. There were too many security points for a strategy like that to work. Getting past one security point was useless.

Light's very first class contained two surprises. First, there was Takada, sitting there toward the front of the room when Light arrived. Light tried to avoid her and find a seat quietly, but he was already attracting attention and Takada quickly turned her head toward the rising volume of voices. Her eyes went wide and she jumped up from her seat to make her way to the back of the room.

Light wondered at the strange coincidence. Had it truly happened by accident, or had L or N somehow arranged it?

 _L knows that Takada is one of the many girls I suddenly started dating right after the second Kira sent a video trying to conceal that the first and second Kira had met. When L investigated all my new girlfriends under the assumption that I was Kira and someone I had recently met was the second Kira, and that it had to be a girlfriend since I was trying so hard to use the camouflage of dating many girls, then L found physical evidence proving Misa sent the second Kira's videos. L must think it possible that one of the other girls had some connection to Kira, and he must have noticed that Takada is a Kira supporter. Even if N is now the one conducting the investigation, N has access to all of L's data and deductions._

Takada pushed her way through the knot of students who had gathered around Light and were asking questions he was trying to deflect or ignore.

Takada said, "Light, what happened to you? Everyone said you eloped with Misa or something like that, but the tabloids only said that Misa claimed she had a boyfriend, not who he was."

 _Everyone is looking at me and waiting for an answer._

Light said, "Misa was a mistake. I dumped her, however she thinks she's still my girlfriend even though I have told her she isn't many times."

There was a rising babble of voices around as everyone spoke at once.

"Wow!"

"Light Yagami is able to turn down that kind of woman?"

"If Light doesn't want Misa, I do."

"How can anyone not like Misa-Misa?"

"I don't get it."

"If Light is a free man, I want him."

"But Misa's so cute. Did Light find someone even better?"

Takada said, "I knew Misa was too silly and undignified for you. So, you're currently unattached?"

Light said, "I don't have a girlfriend at the moment, but my heart already belongs to someone."

Takada's face lit up.

 _Not you, you idiot._

Takada said, "Light, you're still interested in Kira, aren't you? Would you like to join the Kira club on campus? We track Kira's killings and collect articles about him and discuss his philosophy, and we even develop theories about who he might be. It's a shame Kira is taking a break, but hopefully he'll be back soon and the crime rate will go down again. Don't you agree it's a better world with Kira?"

Light said, "It's true I was collecting information about Kira and hoping to solve the case, as a hobby, but I'm tired of that now, Takada. I think Kira's plan was brilliant, but it never would have worked for more than a year or two. It would be nice if a supernatural being judged criminals and stopped crime, but Kira clearly relied on the media for information and had many other limitations. If Kira could know about crimes the instant they happened, whether the criminals were found by the police or not, Kira's plan would work better, but the plain truth is that Kira isn't powerful enough to rule the world like a god should."

 _Also, my mind was being warped too much by the killings. My judgment was slipping, and if I'd taken the next step of killing someone I actually knew, I would have been damaged too much. That path only leads to a poorly-managed Kira plan and my eventual death. I'm sure at some point I would have had to kill my father as well. He's one of the things in my life that anchors me to reality and lets me see what true justice should be. The strain of killing those I knew and eventually my own father, it would have destroyed me._

Takada said, "But criminals need to be punished!"

 _This is the kind of idiocy a Kira-ruled world would have created. Maybe the Kira plan would have been possible if people in general weren't so mindless and had a better understanding of things._

Light said, "Of course criminals should be punished. There is a system of laws and courts and the police already in place to do that. If you think the current system doesn't punish harshly enough, you are perfectly free to vote for certain politicians and campaign for laws to be put in place so that the death penalty will be used for most major crimes. Laws of that sort would have the exact same effect as Kira does, but they would be established by the will of the people, not by a killer nobody can find or check up on."

There was a rising babble of arguments among the students surrounding Light. Takada got caught up in defending Kira but Light ignored everyone and made his way to his seat, making sure to sit far away from the seat where Takada had left her coat so he didn't give her the wrong impression.

The second surprise in Light's first class was most definitely not a coincidence.

Aiber walked into the room, wearing a very nice suit. He said, "I know most of you were expecting Professor Kondo. She was rewarded for her hard work and has gone on an unexpected sabbatical for the year. I am Professor Tailor and I will be teaching this class for the entire term."

Light watched closely. Aiber did not show any sign of recognition, not even the tiniest flickering glance in Light's direction. He was a complete professional, his act flawless. His smile and everything he said was charismatic, and Light could see the students quickly warming to him.

 _The only question is whether Aiber is working for L or for N. Aiber said he wouldn't work for N, only for L, so unless Aiber was lying, L is still investigating me. However, N could be trying to give me the impression that L is still involved. Using Aiber is a deliberate move, in any case. Even if I had not found that camera in my room, I am being told very plainly that I am being watched._

Light waited out the rest of the class, not taking notes since the introductory material was so simple, but instead composing a short note to L in his head and then writing it down once he thought he had the perfect level of sappiness in it:

 _My sweet sugar-loving darling,_

 _I wish I could hold you in my arms and feed you strawberries, then kiss you and taste the strawberries on your lips._

 _I can't stop thinking of you. My body burns for you, my mind aches for you. I miss you so much I want to cry._

 _My life will never be worthwhile until you are back in it. We could do so much together._

 _Your boyfriend forever,_

 _Light Yagami_

Light smiled to himself as he re-read the note. It was perfect, completely over the top. Everything about it screamed "lovesick moron" and that made it the perfect bait. L would eventually find himself with no real avenue of investigation left except to exploit those feelings, and he'd have to do that in person.

When the class was over, Light made his way to the front of the room, pushed past the other students who were trying to talk to Aiber and said, "Professor Tailor, I believe we have a mutual friend that I'm having trouble getting in contact with. Could you give him this note?"

Before Aiber could react, Light grabbed Aiber's hand in a quick, smooth movement and pressed the folded piece of paper into it.

Aiber smiled and said, "Of course. I believe you are Chief Yagami's son, is that correct?"

"Yes. I'm Light Yagami."

"I will deliver this to our mutual friend personally, then. I know who you mean. He is elusive, isn't he?"

Light said, "Indeed. I've been unable to reach him for days."

Then Aiber became distracted by a student asking a question and Light slipped away. On his way to his next class, he couldn't help but notice someone following him who looked out of place, a tall guy in a trenchcoat, looking probably in his early thirties. By the afternoon, tall-trenchcoat-guy had been replaced by a stocky guy in a brown suit.

 _Whoever is investigating me, L or N or both, they are showing me that I'm being watched. I am meant to see these followers. They didn't even bother to pick ones who would look like students or professors. Probably there are more who are much better disguised that I haven't noticed yet. The plan is probably to wait until I give the slip to the obvious ones, and then have the non-obvious ones catch me doing something subversive when I think I'm unobserved._

It was almost a game from then on, picking out the spies, both hidden and obvious, and finding the listening devices and occasional cameras. If Light left his coat unattended, there was about a fifty percent chance it would have a bug on it when he returned. Sometimes he destroyed the bugs and cameras he found, other times he took them someplace private and murmured sweet nothings to L into them, or occasionally put on a display of masturbating while he talked about how much he wished it was L doing those things to him.

Light quickly depleted his money and had to stop sending gifts and flowers to headquarters. This was all according to plan, yet more proof for L that the love was real and strong, and that the only way to investigate would be to exploit that weakness. During that same time, the harassment attempts by Misa continued and she sometimes even showed up on campus and caused such a scene the police had to take her away.

The first time it happened, with Misa screaming at the top of her lungs and also using spray paint on everyone who came close, the crowd of students drawn to the event immediately started exclaiming in wonder about how Light was so attractive that a celebrity would stalk him. Normal people stalked celebrities, but for it to be the other way around, a celebrity stalking an ordinary person, Light had to be pretty special.

Light's popularity with the girls only increased after that. Takada and many others were constantly asking him on dates but he turned them all down. Dating could be used to make L jealous in the future, but the time for that hadn't come yet. It wasn't part of the "lovesick moron" plan. There were quite a number of things to try long before dating other people.

At first, Ryuk spent about one day out of every three hanging around in Light's vicinity, enjoying the freedom to depart and return whenever he wanted, but pretty soon Ryuk learned that not much was going on and reduced that time dramatically. Ryuk would just check in briefly, get Rem to give him a summary of what had been happening in his absence, and then if nothing were going on at the moment he'd quickly be flying off to find amusements elsewhere or perhaps to visit the shinigami realm. Light didn't ask.

When Ryuk did stick around for a few hours, he usually kept mentioning how boring it was without L as an opponent any longer, and without even being able to talk openly. Ryuk's restlessness made Light wonder, if he'd continued with the Kira plan and won against L, how long Ryuk would have remained satisfied with the boring administrative-type duties of ruling the world. After some years had passed, would Ryuk have decided there was no more entertainment, and killed just as he had promised in the beginning?

Light shivered in horror at the thought of it. Ryuk was so easygoing that it was sometimes difficult to remember that he was a remorseless killer of many humans, and that Ryuk thought nothing of dropping a death note in the human world, with all the destruction that could cause, for the mere sake of entertainment.

Light's mysterious absence was not as much of a problem to explain as he'd thought it would be. Light gave only a little information. Everyone believed what Light said, and it took barely any effort to deflect any real attempts to question or probe. It was easy to fall back into the game of acting like the popular guy everyone should envy, the one who had everything and was perfectly normal. Creating admiration and approval was simply a case of saying what people wanted to hear.

Light took up his old habits but drank in that admiration with less enthusiasm than before. The game was too simple. It was meaningless, but what else was there to do?

Everyone was too easy to fool. They were despicable. There was no reason to give respect to people like that. L had been the only one who was truly worthy. Sometimes L could be confused, occasionally even fooled, but it wasn't often and each victory was hard work. Victories against L were the only ones that meant something. Everyone else was barely worth interacting with.

Sometimes Light itched to get his hands on a death note again, to use that supernatural power on a large scale to try to force the world into being more reasonable. The world really was a rotten place, and it was sad there was nobody to clean it up. There were so many people who needed some sense knocked into them, by shock and fear if nothing else would work. It was frustrating to think of how stupid and corrupt most people were.

But then Light would remind himself of all the arguments he'd come up with for why the Kira plan or anything resembling it would never work, and why any attempt to make it work would completely ruin his life. Light was glad that the only death note remaining in the human world was in such a hard-to-reach place. It reduced the dangerous temptation that would sometimes come over him, when he would start imagining his utopia and plans would start popping into his mind of how he could try to get around the flaws that prevented the Kira plan from working.

No, the identity of Kira was dead to him now, and would stay that way. Even trying to go back to the Kira plan briefly would be extremely unpleasant and would involve killing his own father, L, the entire task force and also going into hiding to thwart N and whatever other minions L had given information to. It would be a life of probably running and hiding forever, completely alone, getting crazier and crazier. It was a terrifying fate to think about.

Two weeks after his last contact with L, Light decided on the next phase of his plan. He sought out Matsuda, following him and two of his friends from a distance to a bar, and then lurking in the back where Matsuda couldn't see him. Light waited until he thought Matsuda was drunk enough to be at least a little bit loose about secrets. Matsuda's two friends had also abandoned him by that point, going off with girls they'd picked up, and Matsuda was apparently having no luck with the ladies.

Light slipped into a seat behind Matsuda while he was looking the other way. When Matsuda turned around, he looked surprised, dismayed and happy all at once.

Light said, "Matsuda, it's good to see you!"

Matsuda smiled his trademark little dopey smile at that statement and leaned his face to the side, his neck and shoulders following until he was resting the side of his head on the table. Suddenly he looked very serious and solemn and said, "Light, we're not supposed to talk to you. Maybe you should go."

Light said, "Nonsense. This is just a friendly chat. We're friends, aren't we?"

Matsuda smiled at that, a broad, giddy grin, and Light had the feeling he was going to obtain a lot of information.

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

Well, Light doesn't like the idea of being gay. This is because he thinks Light Yagami is perfect or nearly perfect and being gay has a stigma attached, so he's defined himself in his own mind as something other than gay, even though he's describing himself as gay for the sake of completely circumventing any arguments Rem might have about Misa's happiness.

Also, Misa is pretty obsessed and psychotic, so she isn't submitting without a fight. Misa is stalking Light, and Light is stalking L, and L is perhaps stalking Light vicariously by investigating him through others. Light does not see the irony in this.

We haven't quite gotten to the cliffhanger yet, but it is not too far off. You'll just have to keep imagining what was on the news to upset L so much.

I did think about the possibility of uploading a fake new chapter on April 1st (April Fool's Day) as a joke with an incredibly stupid plot twist such as suddenly turning it into a Pokemon crossover or having a "rocks fall, everybody dies" joke ending or something equally weird and nonsensical, but I decided not to because it would be cruel and because it would waste valuable writing time on a chapter that I would just delete and replace later. I was really tempted, though. You guys are lucky I didn't do it.


	22. Chapter 22

**CHAPTER 22**

In a voice that was just slightly slurred, Matsuda said, "Light, I need help. The women don't like me! They don't like me at all. I need a date. I really do."

Matsuda's head was still resting on the table, his hair partway fallen into his face, and his soft brown eyes were blinking, looking up with such an expression of hope and innocence.

 _Matsuda isn't bad-looking, and he has a sweet and helpless personality. With those puppy-dog eyes it should be easy to obtain a woman. I know he's doing it all wrong._

Light opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say anything Matsuda suddenly blurted out, "My mother is always asking me, asking when I'll find a girl and get- get married."

Light said, "Matsuda, is it because of your mother that you're trying so hard?"

Matsuda dropped his voice and said, "No, no, it's not just her idea. I really- I mean, it's been a very long time. I haven't even had a girlfriend since before the case started. Ryuzaki likes eighteen-hour workdays and working all weekend way, way too much. There's no time at all. No time!"

Light said, "I would be happy to help you. Your attempts to pick up women are either too crude, or too shy. You need to find the right kind of middle ground. Women want respect, but they also secretly long for aggression. Your message to them should be sophisticated. You need to be complimenting them without going overboard, and showing a strong desire without scaring them away."

Matsuda said, "But that's not how you do it. You ignore women, and they just throw themselves at you. All of them want you, and none of them want me."

Matsuda lifted his head from the table to stare mournfully into his drink. He tipped it back and forth, swirling the contents.

Light said, "Well, you're not very drunk, but I think you're too drunk to do it right. You need your full mental abilities to talk to women. In the future, you should stay sober until you have a date secured. Then you can get drunk during the date."

"So, what do I do?"

"To start with, you should talk to women in a way that acknowledges their worth as people. It is easier to make that sort of impression if you know them in some way before approaching them for a date. Use any connection, no matter how small, and talk at first about something other than wanting a date."

"Like how beautiful they are?"

Light said, "No, because that's part of asking them for a date. First, establish that you would be interested in talking with them even if they weren't women at all, if they were men. You wouldn't go up to a man and immediately start talking about how beautiful he was, would you?"

Matsuda giggled.

Light said, "It is difficult to pick up women in a bar like this, because most of them are complete strangers. Find a woman in a different setting, such as a shared workplace or at a party with many people you know. The easiest woman for you would probably be a friend of a friend. Talk to the woman about that friend you have in common, or about anything else neutral. Then, when she has started to believe you're interested in her as a person, ask for a date."

Matsuda sighed and said, "I can't remember all this!"

"I could send you an email."

"No, we're not supposed to do that. Then everyone would get mad at me and I'd have to change emails again."

"I'll write it down," Light said.

Light brought out a pen and paper from his pocket; filling the page with the most helpful tips he could think of, all of them geared to Matsuda's personality and intelligence level.

 _There are very few people who saw L dump me, and of those few the only one likely to leak that information to Misa would be Matsuda._

Light handed the paper over and said, "You told Misa that Ryuzaki dumped me."

Matsuda got a shocked look on his face for a few moments, and then he laughed and said, "You always know everything! How do you do that? It's a trick, isn't it?"

Matsuda prodded the center of Light's chest with sharp jabs of a finger, saying, "You use your special powers, right? Hey, could you levitate something? That'd be really cool and groovy."

Rem said, "I am not here to entertain drunk people."

Light said, "I'm more like a prisoner. I'm not really someone with much control over that kind of power."

Matsuda said, "You're a hero, Light. You- you suffered so much, and you were... in lots of danger. Probably you still are in danger. And they're so mean to you. It isn't fair."

Light said, "I don't blame you at all for telling Misa. I bet you were too embarrassed to think properly when she came to you and asked about things. It is my fault you were put in such a humiliating situation."

Matsuda turned bright red and said, "It was so horrible. I- I feel like I've violated Misa-Misa just by listening to those lies being told to her."

Matsuda put his hand on Light's shoulder and said, a little too loudly, "I don't want to have sex with two men and Misa-Misa at the same time."

Several people at nearby tables turned around to stare. Matsuda became even redder and said, "No, no, I'm not with this guy, he's just my friend who has sex with my other male friend. I really like women a lot and any women who want to be with me, I'll respect them incredibly hard and skillfully with all the right respectful lines that I'm going to learn."

Light said, "I don't think you should return to this bar anytime soon. Don't try to pick up women again until you're sober and you've also memorized what I've written for you."

Matsuda slapped a hand to his forehead and said, "You're always so nice to me Light, even though I'm always doing stupid things. Always, always."

"No," Light said, "you do plenty of brave things, like risking your life with Higuchi, twice. That isn't stupid. It's being a great investigator."

Light paused just long enough to let Matsuda bask in the flattery, and then said, "However, since you did tell things to Misa, don't you think it's fair to tell a few things to me too?"

Matsuda glanced over to the stocky-brown-suit guy who was sitting in a far corner, the one who had been watching Light since before Light started following Matsuda.

Light said, "So, you know about him too? He's not the only one. That skinny girl in the red skirt is also trailing me. I'm sure you're already in a little trouble for talking to me at all, and that won't change even if you left right now."

"Ah! I always get in trouble."

"As long as you're already in trouble, why not make it count? You know I've been subjected to a great injustice, and even Misa has been given more information than I have. I'm in love with Ryuzaki, yet because of the case he thinks he has to separate himself from me. I know he loves me, and I love him, but this small doubt keeps us apart. If I could just learn a little about the situation, and be sure my love letters get delivered to him, I know we'll have a happy ending. Isn't that what you want for the hero who saved your life?"

Matsuda stiffened, his whole body tensing up as he said, "Ryuzaki already left. We don't know where he is."

 _He's lying. His body language doesn't look right, and I've already calculated that it should take about a month for L to leave, not just two weeks._

Light said, "Matsuda, I know they told you to say that, but remember that you can't lie to me."

Matsuda laughed nervously and said, "Oh, right. I keep forgetting about your power. But haven't you been watching the inside of the building?"

"It doesn't work like that. So, how are things going?"

Matsuda glanced around, dropped his voice to almost a whisper and said, "Everyone hates N. Even me. He's so mysterious and self-righteous, and when he yells at Ryuzaki, Ryuzaki just agrees with him without arguing at all. Aizawa threatens to quit nearly every day, and everything is soooooo boring. Nothing that N has us doing makes any sense at all. I can't tell you the details but the only good thing is that we don't work long hours any more."

"What about Ryuzaki?"

Matsuda said, "Oh, he just sits there most of the day surrounded by bottles."

"He's been drinking?"

"No, no, it's that... no, I shouldn't even be telling you anything about him. They'll find out, and they'll say I'm not a good investigator. I should go."

Matsuda started to get up, but Light grabbed his hand, pulling him back. Matsuda looked pained, conflicted.

Light said, "I won't ask for any more information, just two favors. Please?"

Matsuda hesitated. His hand relaxed in Light's grip.

Light said, "I need to know that at least some of my messages are getting through to Ryuzaki. Does he read them? If not, I need you to promise to get some to him. Do you promise? My dad won't help with this at all and he won't say anything about Ryuzaki. I'm depending on you. You're my only hope."

"Yes, Ryuzaki looks at one or two of them each day. I don't think he likes them at all."

Light slipped an envelope from his coat pocket and pressed it into Matsuda's hand.

Light said, "Make absolutely sure he reads this one, it is more important than any of the others. But, if he won't read it, tell him what it says. Tell him that I'm going crazy with the feeling of losing him, and I don't know what I might do."

Light paused, and in a purposely-dramatic voice said, "Matsuda, if he won't see me at all, I could do anything just from the pain, without really meaning to. Tell him that for sure. It's extremely important. It's also in the letter."

Matsuda said, "Yes, I will. I'll do that, Light."

 _Matsuda doesn't understand this threat, but L might, and I know for a fact Matsuda will deliver it. I still have ways I can pressure L. However, this threat might be too obscure even for L to figure out what I'll do next. If he doesn't figure it out, then what will happen is his own fault for not stopping it, and after that he'll have to see me._

Light said, "There's one more favor. Keep Ryuzaki there as long as possible by saying that you still think he's pretending to be N. Say that N doesn't actually exist or is just his employee. As long as he stays in Japan, I have a much better chance of getting him back. Will you do that?"

Matsuda said, "Yes, Light."

And then, after a couple of glances over his shoulder at both of the followers Light had indicated, Matsuda rushed away.

Light quickly started putting things in place for his next plan to pressure L. Through a minor acquaintance in the computer science club - actually it was the hacker's club in everything but name - Light secretly obtained a small piece of equipment he'd need for hidden communication of the sort he had in mind. He kept it concealed on his person at all times until he was able to unsuspiciously give everyone trailing him the slip and install the equipment on a campus computer. Light strongly suspected that neither L nor N were prepared to monitor all of the thousands of computers on campus.

Light could use any cellphone to connect with that modified computer and secretly send out emails and other forms of communication. He only needed one thing for a completely private messaging system: a cellphone that was not bugged, tapped or traced.

Light knew of only one way to get such a thing. Borrowing from a friend would be useless. Perhaps even minor acquaintances had taps on their cellphones. He'd need to steal one.

Light waited, hoping he wouldn't have to do it, hoping L would show some sign of wanting to get in contact again, but the days went past with no such indication.

One morning, Sayu met Light as he descended the stairs for breakfast. She was clutching a tabloid and squealing excitedly.

She said, "You won't believe it. You were totally, totally right."

 _Of course I was right. But, what was I right about?_

Before Light could ask anything, Sayu opened to an article in the middle, showing it to Light. A glance at a photo of Misa and the real Hideki Ryuga, a quick skim of the contents and then Light was laughing, a sense of relief coming over him, like a weight being lifted from his shoulders.

 _Is L responsible for this? He probably is, especially when considering that, because of Rem's concerns about Misa's happiness, I had previously made him promise to try to get Misa a different boyfriend._

Rem took a few more moments of reading over Light's shoulder before she said, "Does this mean Misa is happy?"

Sayu said, "Isn't it weird? It's like the plot from a soap opera. I guess Misa really is shallow like you said."

Light said, "I told you there's no such thing as love at first sight. Anyone who suddenly attaches to a person the way Misa did to me can just as easily attach to a new romantic interest. It's a simple deduction."

Sayu said, "It's not just superficial, it's really strange! I mean, it's pretty clear that the famous Hideki Ryuga didn't have anything to do with the trouble Misa was making at To-Oh yesterday, and then the police arrest both of them and accidentally lock them in the same examination room in their underwear for a couple of hours, and now he's her boyfriend! I can't believe you and Misa both have a Hideki Ryuga! And that's pretty fast for her to grab a new man."

Light said, "Not really. It's only natural. After all, Misa started filming a movie with Hideki Ryuga as a co-star back in October, and she's been making all sorts of appearances with him lately to promote it. He's good-looking and she's had plenty of time to be attracted to him."

Rem said, "Light Yagami, I have underestimated you. No matter what happens, your plans work. I appreciate this, and all you've done to protect Misa."

 _Good, I'm even getting Rem entirely on my side. With this, there's even less chance that she'll try to break our deal after I lose my memories. Killing me or letting Ryuk kill me could make Misa look suspicious and that alone should motivate Rem, but if I'm also earning Rem's admiration, then I have an extra assurance that my life is safe._

Sayu said, "Well, I guess there won't be any more dirt getting thrown at our house and all that stupid mail will stop. Are you jealous that Misa managed to get the prettier Hideki Ryuga?"

"I don't want air-headed celebrities even if they are male."

"Oh, I guess not. You like the mysterious look, don't you? Ryuzaki looks as if he's hiding something. And he's so rich that he really ought to dress better, so he is hiding at least something, right?"

 _Sayu makes deductions like this? Perhaps her intelligence has developed better these past months when she was not always leaning on me to give her the answers to everything._

Light said, "I'm attracted to his mind. We have conversations you would hardly believe. Now, let's go tell Mom the good news."

The absence of Misa's harassment was not as relaxing as Light had hoped it would be. With each passing day, an aching worry grew in him. He became tired of the banal chatter of those he called friends, those people who always flocked to him, somehow wanting to bask in his glory, to share in the illusion of perfection.

Talking with them and putting on a show of being social seemed more pointless than it ever had been. Light sometimes felt that his calm exterior would rupture, and then everyone would see the seething frustration and vast dissatisfaction underneath. His disguise was wearing thin, feeling worn-out and useless.

When it had been about a month since he'd last seen L, he decided to make his move, hopefully before L left the country but if not the repercussions should reach L wherever he had gone.

Light smoothly nabbed a cellphone from a complete stranger during the chaos after a particularly large lecture ended. He hid it in his sleeve all the way home, and only took it out once he'd completely gone under his covers, pretending to be feeling sick and needing to go to bed early.

It took some waiting and a few emails, but Light got in contact with Sho Fujiwara, the exact man he needed for the scheme he hoped to pull off.

Sho Fujiwara was a reporter known for going undercover to get big stories and for keeping his sources entirely anonymous if they wanted to be. His reputation was impeccable. Nobody knew who the prime minister's mistress had been even five years after the fact, but nobody doubted that she existed and that Sho Fujiwara had interviewed her.

The reporter wanted to talk in person. Light explained a little to Fujiwara about how he was being followed all the time, and suggested a plan for them to meet in a way that would be both private and public, the perfect way to fool everyone who would be watching.

Two days later, they met just as planned. Sho Fujiwara was in disguise, having used a bribe to temporarily replace one of the assistant tennis coaches. Light was supposedly being evaluated on the courts. He played a difficult game against the captain of the tennis club and then, as the captain left and the small crowd of students dispersed, Light sat down on a bench to talk with the "assistant coach" about the possibility of joining.

Light knew his clothing wasn't bugged, and Light saw the two watchers he had that day were both at enough of a distance that overhearing the conversation should be impossible. That left only lip-reading as a possibility, and that could be thwarted by the large fake mustache Fujiwara was wearing, along with turning heads away at critical times and using towels to blot at the face and neck.

At first, they did talk of tennis, using a script Light had earlier provided. Fujiwara proved to be a true professional. He had to have done this sort of thing many times before, as part of his other projects in investigative reporting.

Then, just as the watchers were showing further signs of losing interest, Light turned his head just enough to hide his lips from their view and said, "This will be the biggest story of your career. However, if my name is leaked, I will deny everything."

Fujiwara said, "If you can show me a little more than the facts you've already given me, I can guarantee your story will be published and believed. Right now it doesn't amount to much."

"I can't tell you the entire story, or any critical details. If I did, we'd both be arrested. However, I think I will have no problem convincing you that I am a Kira suspect."

"And that you've met the real L?"

Light said, "You'll have to use your own judgment about that. Even I can't prove to myself that I met the real L, I merely suspect that I did."

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

I finally got around to revealing what the cliffhanger was about. But, we still don't know how L will react to it other than knowing it made him upset.

Which, of course, L doesn't just sit around whining, he might be passive for a little while but then he does things. Often in a big way.

And, I couldn't help but throw in another Matsuda moment. I hope I wrote it well. I always have a lot of trouble writing drunk people.


	23. Chapter 23

**CHAPTER 23**

Light used a towel to blot his chin, as if wiping off sweat after his tennis game but actually making it impossible to lip-read anything, and said, "You're recording everything we say, correct?"

Fujiwara said, "Yes. I always record my interviews. Don't worry about your identity getting out, though. Even my boss never knows who I've been talking to unless the person is famous enough to be recognized by voice alone."

"See that tall guy in the trench coat? Don't look directly at him. He follows me about half the time. He's one of L's employees. A less obvious follower is that college-aged girl with the pigtails all the way down her back. There are other followers who aren't here at this time. There is a shorter, stocky guy who alternates in shifts with the tall trench coat guy, and four people who follow me if I get on a subway, and two if I get on a bus. They all switch out in shifts so it isn't as obvious. There are also seven of my classmates and three of my professors. I'll tell you the names they've told me, though I'm sure they're probably fake."

 _Actually there are four professors, but L would be too upset if I blew Aiber's cover._

Light rattled off the list of names, leaving out Aiber.

Fujiwara said, "I'll admit that man in the trench coat looks out of place on a college campus, and he's even taking notes, but the rest of what you've told me sounds kind of paranoid. If your father wasn't in such an important position, and if you didn't have such a reputation for truthfulness and never getting in trouble, I might have decided not to meet you."

Light said, "There is a very simple way to prove that I'm a Kira suspect. Have my followers investigated. Use someone with as little connection with yourself as possible, and make the money trail extremely difficult to trace. Whoever you set up to investigate the people who watch me will in turn get investigated with considerable force, the kind of force that only someone like L could use. This will quickly become obvious. You will probably be surprised at how fast L begins to unravel your deception. That fact, along with the fact that having so many agents watching one college student would be ridiculous unless I were a highly important suspect, should convince you of the truth."

Fujiwara paused, processing the information, and then said, "It will be simple to check out that part of your story. What about the rest?"

"Once you realize I must be a Kira suspect, the rest of what I tell you should be largely believable, simply because there wouldn't be much reason for me to lie. Any part of my story that is important to conceal, I simply won't tell."

"Go on. You said there were other Kira suspects?"

Light said, "Yes. Obviously I cannot tell you their names or much about them, because that would violate the terms of the confidentiality agreement I signed with the NPA. I promised I would not leak any vital information about the case, and if I do I can be arrested. I am sure that everything I will tell you today will not violate that agreement, though some information might be borderline. As far as I know, there were over four hundred suspects a year ago, but since there were so many none were investigated in great detail at that time. As far as serious suspects, I only knew of three in addition to myself."

 _Misa, Higuchi, and Deputy-Director Kitamura's daughter. Mogi was still approaching Deputy-Director Kitamura's daughter last April and claiming to be L, just as the real L was approaching me at the same time._

"Do you know if those suspects are still being investigated?"

"I am not fully sure, but I believe that of the four suspects, one died and one was completely cleared, leaving only myself and one other person as serious Kira suspects."

"The original Kira and the second Kira!"

Light said, "Perhaps."

Fujiwara said, "You said you might have met the real L. I find that part difficult to believe. L never shows himself. Even the deepest sources within Interpol say that L only appears as a garbled voice and a logo on a computer screen. Watari, L's associate, shows himself occasionally, but always in disguise. Those people who claim to have met L in person, they always turn out to have been tricked by a known police officer acting under L's orders."

"As I said, that part of my story is not provable, even to myself. At times L was a garbled voice, when I was brought in for questioning. Someone claiming to be L also deliberately showed himself to me."

Fujiwara made a snorting sound and said, "That doesn't make any sense!"

"It does, if you assume L would be protected by such a move. If L dies, the suspect is confirmed as Kira, so the suspect doesn't dare to kill L."

"Huh. That is an interesting theory."

Light said, "This man, who might have been the real L, made a number of astonishing deductions on the spot, with no time to consult with some behind-the-scenes person. I am sure he did not have any hidden earpiece through which he might have been receiving commands. Even if he was a proxy, he had enough intelligence to be the real L. Additionally, he did not look or act anything like a police officer or a CIA agent or an FBI agent or any kind of person with a similar job. He also did not seem anything like the image of L that has been built up in the public's mind. If L were going to send a proxy, he'd sent a more believable one."

"This supposed L might have been pretending for you, to make you think that way."

"That's what I said, and he agreed with me far too easily."

Fujiwara said, "You've told me what this L is not. He's nothing like a law enforcement official or a government agent should be. Can you tell me what he is like?"

Light said, "For now, I will only say he's not as old as people suppose he is. I might give you a little more information the next time we talk."

"Okay, that's fair. I would like to know why a Kira suspect would admit being a Kira suspect to a reporter, even anonymously. You're not getting anything out of this if I don't publish your name, and yet you risk violating your confidentiality agreement if you tell me slightly too much. You want to join the NPA after you graduate, and this should make it harder. That is, if being a Kira suspect hasn't already completely ruined your chance."

 _Fujiwara has no idea how easy it is for me to talk people into things. I could still probably become an NPA officer, even if the entire force knew I'm a Kira suspect, which they don't._

Light said, "I am doing this for my own benefit. You see, one of the theories L has is that Kira can manipulate memories and control people, depositing Kira's power in certain people and controlling them to kill the criminals, then moving the power to a new person and erasing the memories of the person who once acted as Kira."

Fujiwara shuffled his feet and cleared his throat, then said, "You mean, that you could actually have been Kira in the past, at least in function, but you no longer remember it?"

 _This is close enough to the truth that it'll alarm L. He'll have a strong desire to do something._

Light said, "Yes, that is possible. I do not want to be Kira. What I'm doing now, admitting my status as a Kira suspect, it makes me a poor target for Kira's power. You see, if Kira does plan to return the power to me, it would only make sense if every single person who knows I've been a Kira suspect dies first. The more of those people there are, the more secure my future is. I am not sure if I ever was Kira, but I wish to take steps to prevent myself from ever being Kira again."

In a slightly nervous voice, Fujiwara said, "So, to secure my own safety, I should make sure to tell a person or two that you are the anonymous Kira suspect I interviewed, so that killing me would be pointless."

"Exactly. The officers investigating me have already used that same strategy. I would be a useless recipient for Kira's power, and telling my story to you only makes me more useless, as well as establishing that I am presently innocent. If I were the real Kira and merely pretending to not be him, I would never make such a suicidal move as this."

A group of people started approaching the tennis courts.

Light said, "We are almost out of time. However, I'm a little nervous about how much I've told you. I want you to say in your article that I wonder if I've trespassed too close to the line in revealing information, and I want you to write that if this supposed L comes to me in person and asks me to say no more to you, I will do so. Otherwise, if L does not tell me in person to stop communicating with you, I will assume that it is fine to tell you a little more the next time we talk."

Fujiwara said, "Yes, I will do that. I don't want to get in trouble either."

With that, Fujiwara stood and shook Light's hand, pretending to be ready to leave and talking as if he were wrapping up a conversation about tennis before leaving.

As soon as the journalist was gone and Light was walking toward the showers, Rem said, "Are you sure that was a wise move?"

Light hid his mouth in the towel to prevent lip-reading and said, "It doesn't harm you in any way, and it helps me. L is paranoid about the idea of people finding out anything about his identity. I haven't said enough to truly betray him, so he won't be angry enough to reject me because of this, but he will find it necessary to visit me in person to prevent any future meetings with the reporter. I know I can win him back if he'll just visit me in person once."

Rem said, "You sound like Misa."

 _I'm nothing like Misa, you stupid shinigami! Well, I don't have to talk to you anyway._

It took only one day for L to counter Light's move.

The next morning, Fujiwara's articles were in all the major papers, and the news channels were talking about the new revelation quite a bit. There hadn't been a genuine-seeming update about the Kira case in a very long time, and the media almost couldn't get enough of it, to the point of over-analysis.

Light couldn't help but smile when Takada ran to him just before one of the two classes they shared, excitedly jabbering about the idea that a Kira suspect was out there, or possibly three or four Kira suspects, and that Kira perhaps moved the power to kill from person to person.

By the afternoon, more breaking stories hit. Seventeen supposed Kira suspects, some staying anonymous and some not, talked to various reporters including Sho Fujiwara. All of them had "proof" that they were Kira suspects, with the evidence being the same or better than what Light had provided to the reporter. All told similar stories, with a mysterious "L" they refused to describe approaching them in person, sometimes with voluntary or semi-voluntary abductions involved, and two of them even claimed that L had chained them to himself for a time for observational purposes.

Light waited until he got home, holding in the simmering outrage all day. When he'd finally retreated to his bedroom, he didn't even check for surveillance devices but threw himself on his bed, buried his face in the pillow and let out a series of frustrated screams.

 _The audacity of L! He's telling me that I can't do anything to him. Very soon, this will be a phenomenon like alien abduction, with lots of people claiming to have possibly been Kira at some point, and nobody believing it._

Rem drifted close and said, "Light Yagami, I did not realize you were capable of having feelings."

Light chose to ignore her and let out a few more screams, biting deeply into the pillow to muffle them. The last thing he needed was Sayu or Sachiko rushing into his room to ask what was wrong.

Light weakly pulled himself up onto his elbows, gasping for air, and said, "He's so stubborn! He's like a child. Just once, if he'd visit me once, but he won't do it."

Rem said, "You ignored Misa when she pursued you with threats. Perhaps this is the same."

 _Shit. Shit! Is Rem right? How could she be right?_

Light flung himself onto his back with a groan and memories of L filled his mind. The way L ate, his slouching walk, how he always seemed so calm even when he must have been frightened. The way his skin felt and smelled, so clean, only the barest salty traces of sweat. The way his hair always had such volume without using any special hair-care products to give it volume. The expression he would get on his face when he slept, looking so very young and deeply innocent.

 _Do I give up? Is this what L wants? Is this how to win the game? I could admit defeat, verbally, and get him to visit me that way. I know he's lonely. I know he needs me._

Light thought it over, carefully deciding how to word his apology and how to create the right actions, or rather the lack of actions, that would convince L he'd given up on threats and was willing to be genuine.

Half an hour later, he was ransacking his room, looking for a spy camera or a listening device.

Light found one and said into it, "This message is for L. I'm sorry I tried to force you to visit me. It was wrong. I won't try anything like that again. I will wait patiently for you to decide you want to see me. Don't make me wait forever."

There was a distinct possibility, though, that L did not have enough to do with the investigation to hear one message. Perhaps N was in charge of surveillance, and he would not pass on such a message to L.

Light repeated the message at regular intervals, two or three times a day, into whatever bugs or hidden cameras he found. He also sent another letter via Matsuda, though Matsuda claimed that L was truly gone. Light kept up the schedule of saying the message, being sure to state that he wasn't repeating it as a form of pressure, but rather to simply know that L would receive it.

Meanwhile, Light did nothing else except go to classes and interact normally with his friends and family. Light stayed away from Sho Fujiwara even though there was intense pressure for a second interview. There was fallout at home from his bold move. Light endured a number of lectures from his father about how bad it was to go to the press at all.

The "Kira suspect" phenomenon was evolving just as Light had predicted it would. It became common among Kira followers to use hypnosis to try to dredge up memories of being Kira and of getting investigated by L. Mentions of it were appearing less and less in the mainstream news outlets and more and more in tabloids.

If it wasn't for the situation Light was in, he would have laughed at the various artists' concepts of L that were published, nothing like the real L. L was almost universally described as young, and was usually thought to be American. He tended to be drawn as tall, athletic and broad-shouldered, often with a baseball cap or a cowboy hat. His hair was most often blonde, and his posture was always straight. Soon a trend showed up of giving him a tiny goatee and a single long, swept-back ponytail.

It was a little more than two months after Light had been sent home from headquarters that everything changed. Light had just exited a class and glimpsed L. L was at a distance down a crowded hallway, standing slouched, hands thrust deep into his pockets, wearing his dingy old untied tennis shoes with no socks.

Light's mouth was suddenly dry, and he was almost afraid to approach. He had the feeling he might scare L away, and if L ran for it, then what?

Light walked in that direction, slowly, carefully, never removing his eyes from L, trying to control his breathing, even it out. L looked like he was suffering. His dark eyes focused on the floor most of the time, and only flickered up to rest on Light's approaching form once.

Light stopped in front of L, ignoring the flood of students rushing past. Soon they would disperse and the busy hallway would be mostly empty once again. Light longed for that privacy.

 _I have the key to Professor Yamada's office. He trusts me that much, and I know his schedule. It'll be empty for the next two hours._

Light said, "I know a place we can talk, just two floors up from here."

L said nothing, but when Light turned L followed. Light kept glancing back over his shoulder, making sure L was still with him. They quickly left the crowd behind, but even the sound of L's footsteps weren't reassurance enough. Light had to keep getting visual confirmation that L wasn't trying to leave.

Just as Light was about to withdraw his key, L jumped in front of him, pulling out his own key and unlocking Professor Yamada's office.

 _I should have known. I'm sure he knows the schedule as well as I do, too._

They went into the office and locked the door behind them. It was fairly large for what was usually allowed on the space-cramped campus, with two big old-fashioned wooden desks and a small table.

Light said, "Our relationship isn't just based on sex, or you wouldn't be here."

L prodded at his lower lip with a long, spindly finger and said, "Perhaps it is based on sex. It seems I have physical needs that I cannot satisfy with other people."

 _Other people?_

It was time to make a case for L to stay around.

Light said, "Nobody else understands you as well as I do. You want someone who might be able to guess what you're thinking before you explain it all in detail. I'm the only one who ever does that."

L looked at the floor. He said, "I don't know what I'm thinking."

"I think you've never been happier than when we were working together to catch Higuchi. We weren't even having sex yet, but you liked being with me."

L said nothing, but simply stared. It was that incredibly blank, unreadable stare that Light had become so familiar with. It was the first expression, if it counted as one, that Light had ever seen on L's face.

Light said, "Listen, L, I know you don't trust me, but I also know you're so paranoid you'll never trust anyone. If you look for someone else, that person will demand your trust and the relationship will eventually fall apart if you can't let down your guard. With me, it will be different. I know you have good reasons to suspect I'm Kira. I deliberately fueled those suspicions and even when I lose my memories you can show me the tapes of what I said, and then I'll know you're justified. It's okay if you never trust me, just don't leave."

Light took a deep breath, looked straight into L's eyes, almost losing himself in the inky depths, and said, "L, I like it when you investigate me. Please investigate me some more."

Light approached L, pushing him backwards, almost trapping him against the edge of a desk. Light wanted to sweep everything off that desk and start fucking him, but instead he held his body so close to L's that he could feel the body heat even though they weren't touching. He wanted L to make the first move, to be overwhelmed by feelings. Light waited.

L reached up and trailed his fingers along the side of Light's face. Light closed his eyes, feeling it, wanting more, wanting to suck those fingers into his mouth and nibble on them. The room seemed suddenly hotter, his clothes tighter. L cupped Light's chin, a satisfying warmth and pressure, and then Light felt the kiss, L's lips hesitant and greedy all at once.

Light had been intending that they end up on the desk, but somehow, as he melted into the touches he'd needed for so long, they ended up in a tangle of limbs on the floor, a rough, cheap carpet not really cushioning them from the floor, Light on top, trying to struggle out of his clothing but so involved in the experience that he'd only managed to partly unbutton his shirt and slip his trousers just slightly lower than his hips.

L was wriggly, a challenge, seeming to change his mind constantly about whether he was a very enthusiastic participant or whether he was thinking about resisting.

Without any warning, L suddenly reached up and ripped Light's shirt badly.

 _Was that move calculated? Is he really that eager or is it part of a plan?_

Light brought out the small tube of lubricant he'd been carrying with him for the last two months, and then he dug through his wallet and brought out a package of condoms.

Light said, "I'm sure you know I haven't been with anyone, but if you want to be completely safe I'm prepared to use these. They're flavored."

 _If L has been involved in the investigation of me all this time, then he should know for a fact that I haven't had sex with anyone since he dumped me. But if N has been watching me without L, then L won't know for sure and he's so paranoid he'll probably want to use protection. If L has me use condoms, then I'll know that he has truly dropped out of the investigation, or at least that he wants me to think so._

In a quiet voice, L said, "It doesn't matter. Only if you want to use them."

And then they were once again a tangle of arms and legs and stomachs brushing together deliciously, and Light was sucking on L's bottom lip, making him shiver, trying to coax open his mouth for a deep kiss.

Something was a bit unusual about L's movements. Light focused more closely, and then decided L was neatly intercepting all attempts to play with his hair. Suddenly, Light knew what it had to be. He slipped his hand into L's hair quickly, burrowing deeply among the soft black strands. L got a resigned expression on his face, and then Light could feel it. He parted the hair to look.

The bug was glued neatly to L's hair a few millimeters from his scalp, within the deepest portion of his flyaway fluff. It had been painted black to blend in even better. Light gazed at it long enough for L to know he'd certainly seen it, and then said, "Don't worry, L. Didn't I tell you that I like it when you investigate me?"

Light captured L's mouth in a kiss, probing fiercely, melting away L's resistance with the sheer heat of it, making L respond vigorously, making him need it.

 _You will feel this, L. You can't deny it._

Light broke the kiss just long enough to say, "Please investigate me some more, L," before diving back in and refusing to relent until L was softly moaning and trying to thrust upward.

Light took his time with the foreplay, teasing L, fanning the flames of desire, re-educating him on exactly what he'd missed, what he'd deprived himself of by being so stubborn and childish. Light wanted everything to count, for it to be an emotional experience and not just a quick fuck.

He kissed L everywhere on his face and neck, played with his hair and his ears and lips, let his hands roam underneath L's clothing to tenderly stroke all the sensitive areas, to feel L's nipples stiffen under his probing fingers, to gently dip fingers beneath L's waistband and brush across the warm hardness growing between L's legs.

L didn't resist when Light reached down to remove L's shirt. L was compliant during the process, almost limp. But when Light went to unzip L's jeans, L glanced toward the door and got a look on his face as if he wanted to leave. Light subdued him with kisses, fiercely nibbling and licking until L began responding again, until L was reaching up and grabbing the back of Light's neck to pull him down into even more vigorous kisses, lips mashing together, tongues wrestling.

Light paused long enough to say, "Both of us need this. Both of us."

L was getting that helpless look Light absolutely adored, L's eyes fluttering open and then closed, his face almost shining with pleasure. L was moaning under Light's every touch. It was all Light could do to shed the rest of the clothing, it was almost too much to let go of L long enough to struggle out of few clothes that remained.

Light felt proud when L's erection was finally exposed. It was extremely hard, swollen, a slight purplish tint to it from being so engorged, and when Light slipped his own erection alongside it L's hips made a little jump. L looked wanton, helpless, almost begging for it, splayed out on the floor underneath Light.

Light planted his knees on either side of L's hips and rocked back and forth, rubbing their most sensitive places together. L closed his eyes, black eyelashes against pale skin, and moaned loudly. He'd never looked more beautiful. It was time to show him how very good it could feel. Light's hand wandered over the floor and found the tube of lubricant, and while he held L down and pleasured him with kisses and the dry friction of their erections sliding against each other, Light reached behind himself with one hand and began preparing himself for entry.

L must not have been aware of what had been happening; because he looked very surprised when Light began taking in his length bit by bit, burying it deep within. There was a feeling of need inside, of needing to be stretched and filled, and L's penis fit that need perfectly as it slowly slipped further and further, finding more than enough lubricant in there to ease its path.

Light stopped when L's penis was fully buried inside, trembling, getting used to the sensation all over again. Two months was far too long to go without this, though sex was better the other way around. That would come next. First, it was important to give L the best possible experience, to trap him with desire, to remind L he wasn't merely a cold, logical machine.

Light fought hard to hold things together, though L's stomach muscles jostling against his hard-on made it difficult, as he pulled upward and then drove down again and again. He went slowly at first and then in a building tempo, relentlessly pushing L into a state of only emotions and no thoughts.

Light could see it in L's face, the almost complete absence of calculations, the genuine human underneath the layers of masks L liked to present to the world. It was a precious, valuable sight that Light couldn't take his eyes off of. Perhaps nobody else had ever seen this version of L.

Very quickly, L began wriggling in an odd way. He looked happy yet almost uncomfortable all at once, and his face was turning red, a dramatic, obvious flushing when seen next to the rest of his pale skin.

Light guessed what was happening, placed his mouth against L's ear and whispered, "It's okay to come if you want to."

Light was unprepared for the severe arch L's back went into. It was difficult not to be knocked sideways, and L's penis drove deeper than before at that angle, releasing gushes of surprisingly hot semen far within. L was letting out almost painful-sounding stuttering cries, though his face looked incredibly blissful, and Light couldn't help but capture those lips in another kiss, funneling those beautiful sounds into his own mouth and slightly muffling them.

Then L was panting as if he'd just finished running a marathon, sprawled out on the floor as if he had no bones in his body, limp and wasted. He certainly looked stunned, trying to recover.

Light held him and cuddled, a kind of fear growing in his chest, and then he saw the signs he'd been dreading. L was trying to disengage and slide out from underneath.

Light tried to pin L without being too forceful about it and said, "Don't you want another one?"

L looked at the door and muttered, "My sexual needs have been met."

As fast as he could, Light slickened some fingers with lubrication and slipped them into L's rapidly-retreating ass. It stopped L in place and he closed his eyes, leaning his head back and his mouth making a perfect "O" of surprise.

Light worked his fingers in and out, curling upward to put pressure on that sensitive spot, making L wriggle with pleasure.

Light said, "You nearly always come twice, and I know you like having me inside you. You'll be ready to go again soon."

Light eased closer, working his fingers more vigorously, watching L nibble helplessly at his own fingers. It was not long at all until L's penis began to stir to life, growing and hardening once again, and then Light positioned his penis for entry, a completely unresisting L underneath him with legs already raised and spread.

Sliding inside was so easy. L was open and ready, inviting, practically pulling Light's penis within.

The heat, the heat was amazing, better than he'd remembered, and the feeling of being buried, of being completely enclosed, it was intoxicating. Light felt a sense of unraveling, a sense of something breaking apart. Resistance? It was all or nothing, this was the beginning of a renewed relationship or the very last time, and Light couldn't think of the future any more, he just wanted to lose himself further and further in the present moment. There was a kind of freedom in not trying to manipulate things so much, of reveling in the pleasure of touch and friction and the way L would squeeze his internal muscles just so and make Light's breath catch in his throat.

Light didn't want to leave, and so he didn't think of leaving but merely of the lovely physical responses he was provoking in L and the surges of pleasure that strengthened with each thrust.

Light held the building orgasm in just barely, driving into L again and again with a pounding force, so close, so very close, that he had to slow at times to regain his composure.

And then Light saw it on L's face, heard it in the sudden change of pitch in L's moaning, felt it underneath him. Pulses of warm cum were flooding into the space between their bellies.

 _Yes, I'm making you come. It's me that does this to you, nobody else. You need it, and you're helpless without it._

Light watched the emotions surge through L's face, continuing to plunge in and out, and then he let go of his control and felt himself seized with a feeling of intense warmth running up from his tight balls, right up his shaft with tingles of electricity and then shooting out the tip in an explosion of pleasure. It suffused his entire pelvis in a kind of expansion and contraction of pure ecstasy, leaving him trembling and with chills running up his back, the entire frustration of two months of celibacy breaking free at once and surging, surging so high it took Light's breath away.

There was a feeling of finality after that. Light cuddled again, on the unyielding floor, beginning to feel the carpet burn on his knees for the first time. L didn't say anything, but seemed half-hearted about participating, and L's dark eyes became very intent, watching Light closely.

 _I know that look. He's analyzing, deciding. Was this visit a test to see if he wants to be with me? Did I fail it?_

Light felt a constriction around his heart. He stared hard into L's face, studying it for any sign of what that decision might be.

Almost absently, L said, "N complains about watching you deliberately masturbate in front of the cameras."

Light replied, "Maybe you should be watching instead of him. I want you to keep investigating me."

L said, "You're manipulative."

"So are you. Also, I don't think you could stand having a relationship with someone who didn't bring you mental challenges."

L used his toes, monkey-like, to grab a box of tissues that had fallen off the nearest desk, unnoticed during their activities, and began cleaning off his sticky cum-splattered belly. Light took a few tissues too and began cleaning up as well. Clothing had been flung in every direction and should take some time to pick up and re-assemble.

Light gathered up all the soiled tissues and carefully put them underneath things already in the trash, so that their indiscretion would perhaps go entirely unnoticed by Professor Yamada.

L was almost completely dressed when Light turned around.

Light scrambled quickly for his own clothing, swearing as he was forced to put on his ripped shirt. L was already slipping out the door and Light ran after, leaving his jacket behind on the floor, still zipping up his trousers, and startling a knot of students gathered at the top of the stairs.

It was a real job to run after a rapidly-retreating L. Light could barely keep him in sight and soon they were outdoors. From the exclamations of several nearby students, Light realized that not only was his shirt ripped badly, but he also had some kind of mark L had sucked or bitten onto his neck. In the heat of the moment he hadn't been fully aware of everything L had done.

Light had almost caught up to L when Watari's car came into view, L heading straight toward it. L had just enough of a head start that it was clear he could get away unless he slowed.

 _Is this what L wants? For me to make a fool of myself in public? Is that the test?_

Light called out, as loud as he could, "Ryuzaki, don't leave! I'm in love with you."

At that, L stopped and turned to look behind him.

Light continued to approach, panting, painfully aware of the eyes of many students on him.

L said, "I do not think what we have is love. I use you for my sexual needs. That is all."

A fat guy with glasses standing near Light said, "Light Yagami is gay?"

The guy's friend next to him said, "Of course he's gay. All the women want him. Plus, he turned down Misa-Misa. Could any straight man do that?"

Light said, "You're lying, Ryuzaki. You don't understand what you feel, so you pretend it isn't love. Let me run away with you. I'll go right now if you want."

The passenger door opened on Watari's car and L began retreating toward it, step by step.

L said, "I require only occasional sexual encounters. I will see you again in perhaps two months, unless I find someone else first."

"That isn't enough."

L had his hand on the car door. Just before he slipped inside, Light blurted out, "I'll show you something you've wanted to see for more than a year."

The door closed. Light felt a crushing sensation inside his chest. He was only dimly aware of the murmur of many student voices all around him.

Then the door cracked open and L said, "Light, will you let me tie you up and do whatever I wish?"

"Yes, yes, of course."

Light felt like he was dying inside from some of the things being said around him, but he ignored the students and focused on the car door. It suddenly opened and L's head poked out.

L said, "Get in the car, Light."

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

Well, Light is learning a few things the hard way, and L is being manipulative right back.

I've got a tiny little cliffhanger, I hope it isn't as bad as the usual cliffhangers.


	24. Chapter 24

**CHAPTER 24**

As soon as Light got in beside L and closed the car door, L said, "Light, you will never again attempt to force me to do anything. You may attempt to convince me, but force is unacceptable. Is that clear?"

 _He's angry. I'm probably the only one in the world who can hurt him, and that stunt with the reporter must have been very upsetting._

Light said, "I won't. I'm sorry."

Light looked out the back window, seeing Rem soaring behind the car. Thankfully, the invisible tether was long enough that she'd been off by herself during the sex, but now she was being dragged along, quite literally. She caught up to the car and clung to it, partly inside and partly outside, her monstrous head overlapping with L's right shoulder.

L was staring straight ahead, one finger prodding thoughtfully at his lower lip. Light thought he detected a hint of curiosity in L's expression.

L stopped the prodding, looked at Light and said, "Light, what is it that you will show me?"

Light took a deep breath, tried to put a suitably worried look on his face and said, "I'm going to take a risk for you. It is a risk I'd rather not take, but it is probably a minor one. I couldn't think of anything else to say to keep you from disappearing."

Light gave a meaningful look at Rem, to reassure her that he still had things under control, that this was all still part of the plan.

Light continued, "Just as you guessed, there are two invisible watchers that only I can see."

"Shinigami?"

"Yes, that is what they call themselves. One watches me at all times. That one is named Rem. The other one arrives every two days or so, receives reports from Rem of everything that has happened, and then leaves to go somewhere else. I have also been told that there are many other shinigami that I am unable to see."

L's eyes were practically sparkling with life. He had a mystery to mull over, information to process, and that was just the sort of thing to make him excited.

L asked, "Does the one who receives reports have a name?"

"Ryuk."

L said, "Have you ever tried following Ryuk? It could lead you straight to Kira."

Light crossed his arms and said, "Don't you think I've already thought of everything I could possibly do in my situation?"

After a pause, L said, "Will you show me a shinigami?"

"No. As I've said before, that isn't possible. You've already seen some of the things they do, so it isn't much of a risk to show you a little more of that. From judging Rem's personality, I do not think I can convince her to do anything, but once Ryuk arrives for the next report, I think I can convince him to eat an apple in front of you."

L said, "Then Rem does not eat. If Rem watches you at all times, we would have seen her eating on the surveillance videos. The original Kira sent a message saying that shinigami love apples. This would suggest the original Kira has contact with Ryuk."

Rem said, "L thinks very quickly. Do not tell him too much."

Light said, "Don't worry, I won't do that."

L said, "You are talking to the shinigami?"

"Yes. I'm always being scolded and instructed about what I can and can't do. I'm almost a prisoner. I'll be happy when my memories of all this expire."

From the brief uncomfortable look that flickered across L's face, Light guessed that there must have been a strong note of genuine conviction in his voice, a note that L's people-reading skills had immediately zeroed in on.

 _Well, it is true. Once I can't remember being Kira, I will be happier. I won't have to live with the knowledge that I came very close to killing my own father, having my sanity unravel, and having my planned perfect world tainted by so many flaws that it would probably be worse than the world is now. Plus, after my sanity eroded, someone with much less talent than L would have been able to catch me, and I would have died a pitiful death._

L said, "Shinigami have genders? How interesting. What do they look like?"

"Monsters. Bones. Sharp teeth. Bandages. Yellow and red eyes."

 _And for some reason, Ryuk wears one heart-shaped earring, but I'm not going to tell L that._

L said, "Describe them both in detail."

"No! I'm already said a lot and I'm uncomfortable in taking this risk. We'll wait until Ryuk shows up, and then I'll try to get him to eat an apple while you watch. That's all. We won't talk about this any more."

To Light's surprise, L said, "That's fair. I won't pressure you about it."

 _Maybe he does feel guilty about doing this to someone who quite possibly isn't Kira, as far as he knows._

L narrowed his eyes slightly, looking almost mischievous, and said, "If you show me Ryuk eating apples, I will show you the progress I've been making on part of the Kira case. I think you'll find it very interesting."

 _What progress? The case is completely stalled. There are no clues left, and L has already made all the deductions he possibly could about the clues he already has. No, if he's made any progress, it is on a false lead or something equally meaningless. It has to be._

L shuffled on the seat, absently scratching one foot with the toes of another foot and said, "Watari, please drive us to the facility that has a cage. We might need to keep Light for a little while."

Light said, "What are you going to do?"

"Light, by your own admission it might be two or three days until Ryuk arrives, and you've already promised I can tie you up and do whatever I wish with you. I do not have the personnel or resources to keep track of you in the places I live now. When you are not within my immediate reach, I will lock you up."

"Don't you still have the handcuffs with the chain?"

In almost a monotone, L said, "That would not be acceptable. You would use it as a pretense to seduce me. My mind must be clear as I decide what to do about you."

 _This is a test, then. He's deciding. I think I passed the first part of the test, but it is obvious he resents it when I use sexual manipulation. I can't appear to be pursuing him too vigorously. I have to show him that we have a genuine connection, beyond sex._

Light changed the subject then, seeking something less charged than sex or the Kira case, talking of all the things they'd regularly discussed during the brief month and a half they'd been college students together. L was a little reserved and seemed out of practice at first, but soon he warmed up to the conversation and it almost felt like they were back to that stage in their lives. There was something incredibly comfortable about the way L would take a philosophy or a point, turn it around, and verbally examine it from all angles while crouched in that characteristic way and indulging in all his little mannerisms.

The journey ended in front of a large, fancy hotel. It felt like time repeating itself, except that there would be no task force waiting in that hotel suite to discuss Kira.

Before L exited the car, he said, "Light, just as with the hotels we used to meet in, all cameras here have been turned away so they will not record my face. They also have detectors on them so that if a shinigami or a controlled victim tries to re-position them, I will receive an alarm."

As L got out, Light said, "I'm glad you're protecting yourself. It is only wise to continue to do so."

When they arrived at it, the top-floor suite was more elegant than the ones Light remembered from task force meetings nearly a year ago; it was almost like a small house within the hotel. Perhaps L had not wanted to create tension before by displaying too much wealth.

The main room looked like an elegant combination of a living room and dining room, and was nearly two stories tall, with a wide carpeted stairway at the back twisting away to somewhere above. L led Light through that room and opened a door to a side bedroom, where the bed had been completely enclosed by a large cage with iron bars.

L said, "You will stay here until I need you. There is a buzzer to summon Watari. He will let you out for bathroom breaks. There are books and games under the bed, and a remote control for the television."

As Watari unlocked the cage, L said, "Watari, make sure you have room service deliver plenty of apples."

Light said, "Wait! I need to tell my father where I am. He'll worry if I just disappear."

With a look over his shoulder at Light, L said, "I will take care of that, and I will also be sure your professors excuse you from classes. There is nothing for you to do except wait for Ryuk."

 _This is all a test. I have to pass it. I know I can do it._

Light willingly walked into the cage and crawled onto the bed. It felt like being locked up the first time, but in more comfort. There was a large, soft bed instead of a plain prison cot, there were no handcuffs, and there was entertainment.

Still, it was difficult waiting for Ryuk. Rem drifted in and out of the room, and L occasionally spoke to Light through a speaker. Watari brought a meal and also allowed Light a shower in additional to the bathroom breaks. Eventually Light turned off the television and went to sleep.

The next morning, L brought breakfast and though Light desperately wanted to grab L when L unlocked the cage to pass the tray of food through, he held himself back from doing so. After two months without, one encounter hadn't been even slightly enough and Light had felt the burning need building up inside almost the entire time since they'd stopped having sex, getting stronger hour by hour. They talked of neutral things while L re-arranged his own food, picking at it with long fingers, putting a lot of focus into the activity.

When everything was finished and L took the empty tray and prepared to leave, Light couldn't help but blurt out, "What will you do after Ryuk shows you his eating? Will you disappear again and never return?"

In a quiet voice, almost a monotone, L said, "I am still deciding what to do about us."

By the afternoon, L seemed to have made a partial decision, or at least he'd decided to do another part of the test. He let Light out of the cage, put on the handcuffs with the two-meter chain, and led Light to a different hotel suite in the same hotel. This one was smaller, with only three rooms, and it had been outfitted with plenty of computers, desks and office equipment.

Light had already guessed what was happening before L explained that this was where he worked on cases, and that he'd like some help.

 _L already knows we work together well as an investigative team, but he is testing it again on something other than the Kira case. If he does let me live with him, this is what we would be doing most days._

The need to touch L was getting stronger than ever, but Light resisted and let L direct him to a table covered with stacks and stacks of documents.

L said, "I am working on fifteen cases currently. That is my usual schedule, because there are often long stretches when no new clues can be obtained on a case and to work efficiently I must have multiple ongoing cases rather than waiting. The Kira case and a few others are the only ones I have ever devoted myself to exclusively."

With a hand motion, L indicated the documents on the table and said, "All these have to do with the Reinswald Chemical Company, founded in Italy seventy years ago but currently with all manufacturing facilities and offices located in Germany. There have been eighteen extremely suspicious industrial accidents resulting in deaths over the last three months. Twelve of these have been investigated by the police as possible murders, with no results."

L tapped one stack of documents and said, "As far as the documentation shows, the Reinswald Chemical Company has been following all laws and regulations for health and safety. Everything that has happened seems to be due to freak accidents. Even so, its stock has plummeted in value from all the bad publicity."

L moved partway around the table, stretching the chain taut, and tapped another stack of documents, saying, "Here are all the insurance claims, going back to ten years before these events began."

Light said, "Who do you think is responsible?"

L sat down in a chair and said, "It is not yet at the stage where I have a definite suspect, but the police have singled out Hans Abendroth, a supervisor who was present at most of the accidents. However, there was never enough evidence to bring charges against him, and there is no motive for him. In fact, these events have ruined his life."

Light settled down to go through the documents, speed-reading them and memorizing as much as possible. It was really a process not much different than studying for exams, simply requiring time, focus, devotion to detail, and a good memory. It was also rather like spending days going through thousands of completely irrelevant Yotsuba emails, in search of anything that could be a clue. There was a lot of tedious waiting and effort involved in detective work.

While Light read his way through the stacks of documents, Watari hovered nearby, constantly bringing more coffee, tea, crackers and sweets, almost seeming to guard L from any possibility of getting seduced. L was still receiving more documents about the case, getting new information faxed to him, and L also had a long conversation with an agent he'd stationed at the scene.

It was getting late at night when Light finally stopped reading. He was still not entirely done with all the information but an idea had begun forming in his mind.

L noticed immediately and turned toward Light with an expectant look on his face.

Light said, "I think we need to do a thorough investigation of Hans Abendroth's sister."

L said, "That is what I thought as well."

 _He lied to me, just to see what I would come up with on my own, without any bias._

L continued, "I am not always sure my ideas are correct. When I receive confirmation from someone with the same deductive abilities as myself, then I have more confidence in pursuing a particular path of investigation."

 _He's saying he needs me, that his work would be faster and more accurate with me by his side._

Light said, "This is just like when the second Kira was pretending to be the original Kira. You deduced it was probably a different person, but when I thought so as well without any hint of your opinion, then you were virtually certain of it."

L tilted his head to the side and said, "Watari, would you go to the other hotel and bring my personal items to the suite upstairs?"

Watari said, "Of course, Ryuzaki," and hurried out of the room.

 _Personal items? Has he decided to-_

Light was suddenly grabbed from behind by strong, bony fingers. In a surprisingly smooth movement, L had swept all documents off that end of the table and pushed Light backwards onto it. Light squirmed a moment, off-balance as his butt hung off the edge, nothing supporting it, but L was attentive to that too and quickly lifted Light's legs to shove him further backward, pinning Light so he was just sitting on the edge of the table, still in a slightly precarious position.

And then L was pulling at Light's trousers, working them off, and Light's underwear too. It was all a complicated operation in the position Light was in, and he could feel himself already getting hard at the fingers so close to his throbbing need.

With a few licks of L's tongue Light was fully erect, straining for further contact, his hands buried in L's hair, his voice mindlessly mumbling encouragements to L. And then that needed contact was there, in the form of L's lips and then mouth and then throat, taking in Light's entire length without choking in the slightest. L hummed, sending a vibration, and then swallowed slowly around the sensitive tip, making Light shudder.

 _He must have been practicing with frozen, chocolate-covered bananas like I told him to. He wouldn't practice with other people. No, I know him, and he wouldn't._

L pulled back and then plunged down again in a rhythm, slowly at first and then with building speed, still with no choking. It was exactly right, L's mouth attentive and skilled, his movements surprisingly complex, but L's enclosing mouth felt so good Light could hardly think about it. Every movement, every bit of sliding friction, the strong suction and pressure, and all the little tugging movements worked together beautifully.

Light could feel a tremendous rising pleasure within him, about to reach its peak.

He gasped, "Yes, L, just like that. I'm going to come. I'm going to-"

L withdrew and Light could barely stand the ache of that missing mouth. Light reached out to pull L closer but L made a surprisingly agile maneuver, slipping out of reach and then darting back in unexpectedly, flipping Light over with sure, deft strength.

Light found himself on his stomach, his ass and legs hanging off the end of the table, L's bony hands pinning his hips securely.

Light struggled to turn enough to see L, but L pressed down harder and said, "Shhhhh, stay still."

Light felt something hard and slippery, much harder than a dick, pressing at his entrance, and then the object suddenly started vibrating. It had to be one of the anal probes; it was more slender than a dildo but thicker than a finger. Light moaned as it slipped inside just slightly. The vibrations were really loosening him up fast, and he felt like he'd be able to take something much bigger very soon.

L reached around to lightly hold Light's erection in one hand and pressed the probe in further, slowly working in and out, twisting it slightly to put pressure on just the right spot internally. Light was soon panting, wriggling in place, anticipating it, but L held back. L wouldn't start having sex and he seemed to know exactly how to keep Light on the edge of orgasm, keeping that release just out of reach.

Suddenly, L said, "Light, you will not use my sexual needs to manipulate me any longer. If you intend to spend time with me, you will not be the one to dictate the terms. You are the one who is a suspect, and you must acknowledge your proper role."

Light said, "Is this proper, then? You're a hypocrite. You want this as much as I do."

L finished with the probe and withdrew it. Light felt empty inside, almost crazy with arousal. He'd never wanted to be penetrated so much in his life.

L said, "You are correct. It is wrong of me to do this. I cannot seem to help myself, even though I could be risking many lives. That is why, if it is done, it must be done in the least harmful way. I'm sure you agree that a Kira suspect should not be allowed a good opportunity to kill off investigators. One photo of me, placed into the right hands, could trigger a massacre."

 _L is such a weirdo. Is this really the right time to have this kind of discussion?_

Light panted in place, squirming, needing L. L's hand was merely holding Light's penis with a light pressure, not stroking, and Light could feel L's penis just starting to get into position, a presence barely beyond Light's slickened ring of muscle.

Light said, "Then, you admit you are still investigating me?"

"Not officially, but yes, yes I am. I am also aware that Kira is far more concerned with the idea of killing L than the idea of killing N, Mogi, Aizawa, Matsuda or your father, even if L has retired. L was always Kira's most important enemy, and I doubt that Kira would ever believe L had quit or had been surpassed by some other enemy. Out of respect for your father and the others who have willingly risked their lives to catch Kira, there should be special... arrangements every time we see each other."

 _I do not want to hear L talking about my father in the middle of sex. Why can't L just shut up and fuck me?_

Light said, "What kind of arrangements?"

L's hand started moving in short, delicious strokes. Light moaned softly, his mind clouding with lust. His thoughts were just coherent enough to have a twisted admiration for the kind of sexual scheming L was doing, to make demands for these things during sex.

L said, "You will never say when or where we will meet, and you will never know until the meeting is about to start. If it is inconvenient you can decline a meeting, but you cannot reschedule to any time you know. I will send employees to fetch you, not Watari, and I will never come personally. You will submit to a search before being allowed in my presence. Most of the meetings will be in private places, not public ones such as restaurants, museums, parks or concerts. Your friends and family will not visit with me except under very rare circumstances. Do you agree?"

"Yes, yes."

 _This means I've won. I passed the test._

L was panting then, and Light could feel the pressure on his back as L lay partway on top of him and at last penetration was achieved. Light welcomed that intrusion as he never had before, feeling almost empty each time L pulled back, opening to receive each forward thrust deep within.

There was an urgency to it all, and when L's hand on Light's penis faltered in its rhythm, Light reached up, enclosing L's hand with his own, and helped him, stroking together, bringing on a quick, strong climax, sweeter from being on the edge for so long. L followed a few moments later and then, after cleaning the mess from the table edge and floor, L led Light back to his cage and locked him in.

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

Sorry about not updating this fic or "Fifty Days" much lately. I've been sick and also having a little bit of writer's block about some of the plot twists, however my schedule has changed and I'll no longer need to wake up at 5 in the morning so hopefully I'll be less tired and have more energy to work on fics from now on. At least I've usually been uploading big chapters when I do update.

L is starting to give in, but he's not a pushover. He's giving Light strict rules and boundaries.

And once again we've got a tiny little cliffhanger, this time about L possibly getting one more clue.


	25. Chapter 25

**CHAPTER 25**

It was early the next morning when Ryuk finally arrived. He laughed when he saw Light and said, "I looked in the portal and saw you in a cage. What is L doing now?"

Light pressed the buzzer to summon Watari and said, "Ryuk, there are cameras in this room-"

"And you're talking to me? You've given up? How disappointing."

"No, nothing like that. I think I can convince you to eat an apple in front of L. Will you do that for me?"

Ryuk said, "Then you have given up? Or not? This is confusing. Wait, I should go find Rem and she'll tell me what the deal is."

A few moments after Ryuk went through a wall, it was not Watari but L who opened the door. L said, "You were talking to Ryuk."

"Yes, he left suddenly but I think he'll be right back."

A thumb rose to L's lip, and he prodded and probed carefully, as if intent on thoroughly investigating the softness of his lower lip. Then his eyes shifted to the basket of apples that had been left sitting on a table.

L said, "This is very interesting, Light. I'm pleased you're going to show me this."

L moved the basket of apples onto the floor and crouched protectively over it, almost completely hiding the apples from view with his torso and arms. He looked absurdly pleased.

Light scooted to the edge of the bed and said, "What are you doing? A shinigami can move through solid objects, I'm sure you've deduced that by now. You also know that a shinigami is strong enough to break our chain. Getting you away from the apples would be easy."

"Oh, I know that, Light."

"And you're willing to provoke a shinigami? Idiot! I've done a lot to protect you. Don't waste all that protection by acting stupid."

L scooted backwards on the floor, then plucked one apple and held it up as he crouched. He said, "Ask Ryuk if he will take it from my hand."

"We'll see. I don't have much control over what he does."

A few minutes later, Ryuk emerged through a wall and said, "A complicated story, but it sounds interesting. Yes, I think I'll eat an apple for L. I'd like to see the look on his face."

Rem poked her head through the wall and said, "You're not allowed to communicate anything to L. No writing, no codes to answer questions with a 'yes' or 'no' or anything else. You won't ruin this for me, Ryuk."

"Okay, okay, I've got it. Can I haunt him for a little while just to mess with him?"

At the same time, both Light and Rem said, "No."

L's head snapped up and he stared blankly in the direction Light was gazing. He held the apple up further and in a very soft, quiet voice said, "Ryuk, would you take this apple from me? I would appreciate it."

L's eyes were darting back and forth. Ryuk approached and said, "He looks kind of scared. It's cute."

One of Ryuk's long, spindly arms swung forward to take the apple from L. The moment Ryuk touched the apple, L made an odd complicated movement, quickly moving his hand forward and swirling it around Ryuk's hand all in a moment and then withdrawing it. L's eyes were very wide, wider than ever, his gaze fixed on the apple that Ryuk was lifting to his mouth. L clutched the hand that had touched Ryuk in a fist.

Ryuk took a bite of the apple, and then said, "Hey! That pickpocket stole one of my rings! Right off my finger!"

Light said, "Ryuk knows what you did. Give him back his ring."

L opened his fist and stared blankly at his palm, tapping at the ring lying there with the fingers of his other hand. He said, "I can feel it but I cannot see it. Does Kira's power come from something like this?"

Light said, "You said you wouldn't ask. You said you wouldn't push for more information."

L ignored him and slipped the ring onto his own finger. He kept stroking at it with his other hand, tilting his head to the side and peering uselessly.

Ryuk finished the apple in two more bites and then stepped forward, picking up L by the back of his shirt. L shrieked as he dangled in the air and kicked out into empty space. Then he suddenly swung himself upward in a monkey-like movement and was clinging to the end of Ryuk's arm.

 _Shit!_

Light pressed himself against the bars and shouted, "Get out, Ryuk!" as Rem darted forward and grabbed L.

Rem hissed, "Don't let him touch your death note while you're solid!"

As L struggled, Rem easily pulled him away from Ryuk, pinned him to the floor with one knee, removed the ring, and tossed it to Ryuk.

Ryuk caught the ring, and Rem said, "That's the last time you'll go anywhere near L while you're solid."

L had his fingers laced into Rem's knee bones when Rem became incorporeal, and then he was suddenly swinging his arms through her without any resistance.

Light glared at L, crossed his arms and said, "It's over now. You're really lucky you didn't lose a finger, or get all your ribs broken, or-"

L sat up on the floor and said, "It would have been worth it."

"No, it wouldn't! You can't just decide to take risks like that without consulting me."

 _If he'd been faster, he might have touched Ryuk's death note. It's a good thing Ryuk has such extremely long arms. L can be such a pain._

L stood up and said, "Is Ryuk okay? Did I harm him by touching him, or is he just shy?"

"He's very upset. Stand far back from the apples and let him eat, okay? Get as far away as you can."

"As you wish."

L shuffled off to the side, his hands deep in his pockets, and then he hopped into an upholstered chair. Any sudden move he might make, even a tremendous leap, would not allow him to reach the apples before Ryuk could get away or go incorporeal.

Light gritted his teeth and said, "Because you couldn't behave yourself, this is the last time. Ryuk says he'll never eat for you again. Watch closely, and treasure your video footage."

Ryuk laughed and said, "He is still interesting, isn't he? It's a pity I can't haunt him a bit. L gets such odd expressions on his face."

Then Ryuk ate seven apples in quick succession, each one in only three or four bites. L watched with his eyes nearly bulging out of his head.

At the end, L whispered, "They just disappear. They're eaten up, and... one after another. The teeth are sharp, they leave jagged marks... like shark-"

Light said, "Hey! What were you going to show me? You said you'd show me a clue if I let you see this."

L said, "Watari, bring it here."

Watari's voice came from some hidden speaker, saying, "Are you sure that is wise, Ryuzaki?"

"Yes," L said, "Risks must be taken."

Light asked, "What is it?"

"You will see. It should take less than ten minutes for Watari to fetch it and return. I did not want either of your shinigami to see it before."

Light stretched back onto the bed and said, "It's probably a bluff, anyway. You're still trying to provoke them, trying to get them upset. Do you really think they haven't caught on to that strategy?"

A small smile barely came onto L's face, and he said, "They really don't tell you what goes on at headquarters, do they?"

Light sighed and said, "Of course they don't. They don't tell me much at all. They mostly scold me about what I can't do."

L said nothing in return, but merely plucked pieces of candy out of his pocket and began to line them up into patterns on the end table beside his chair.

By the third time L had carefully rearranged the pattern, Watari entered carrying an object draped in a cloth.

Watari removed the cloth, revealing a tiny tree in a terrarium, with very few leaves, looking gnarled and ancient.

Light asked, "One of your hobbies is bonsai?"

Rem said, "Oh, I know what he did now. How is this a clue?"

Ryuk replied, "I don't know, but if L can use our trees to solve the case, I'll be pretty impressed."

 _L planted the seeds from that shinigami apple. That ancient-looking tree is a young seedling. There is probably more than one of these trees. Paper comes from trees. Are death notes made from shinigami trees? Could L make a death note with these?_

Light said, "Rem, is that dangerous?"

Rem replied, "It's just a tree. What could L possibly do with it?"

"You know what I mean. Does this tree, and any others like it in the human world, need to be destroyed? Do you need to get other shinigami to hunt down all of them and destroy them?"

L said, "So, you recognize it, Light? These trees do not like our world. Only two survived. N has the other one. They dislike sunlight. Plus, anything more than a few drops of water kills them."

Watari placed the terrarium on a table and replaced the cloth shielding it.

Rem said, "Light Yagami, I still don't understand."

 _Why do I always have to spell things out for this stupid shinigami? Well, I'm not giving L any clues. He already suspects that Kira's power might come from a notebook, I'm sure he's already thought about trying to create paper from shinigami trees._

Light said, "Rem, does this tree have anything to do with Kira's power?"

Ryuk said, "Oh, I get it now. Trees. Paper. No, we don't have a paper industry in the shinigami world."

Rem said, "The shinigami king hands out death notes. Nobody knows how he creates them."

Light said, "Are you sure it's fine?"

At the same moment, both Ryuk and Rem said, "Yes."

 _Then, unless they're both real idiots, I'm safe. L's last clue is useless._

L was looking very smug. Light wanted to somehow get out of the cage and slap that expression right off his face.

 _I know what he's doing._

Light said, "L, you haven't needed my father or the others for a long time, and if N's investigation of them results in anything, he will tell you about it."

L brought a thumb to his mouth and said, "You are correct. When I stopped needing the task force, I had a good plan to get rid of them. I pushed Aizawa into quitting, but your father had to be incredibly good-natured about the way I treated them and stopped the others from leaving as well. It would be... difficult for me to shut down my own personal investigation of Kira, as it is obvious I came very close to discovering the truth. The goal is so near, it would be intolerable to turn back now."

 _Is this his way of saying he'll always be investigating me?_

L walked forward, grasped the bars and said, "I'll get a taxi and send you back home now. If you return to this hotel I'll already be somewhere else. Can you be good while I'm gone, while you wait?"

 _He's still afraid I'll pull some new stunt, and he's warning me about it._

Light said, "Of course I'll be good. Now, come here."

L had a sad little half-smile on his face, but he waved Watari away, and as Watari left the room L unlocked the cage door. Light reached out, and L let Light pull him into the cage and onto the bed.

Light held L close enough to feel his heart beating and whispered, "This could be the last time for a few weeks, couldn't it? Let's say a proper goodbye then, just in case."

 _He's still uncomfortable with this, even though he's made his decision. But he won't be away for long. I know that now._

L didn't resist as Light undressed him. He was docile and helpless, a direct contrast to the earlier aggressive sex. Light kissed him everywhere, teasing L until his knees were shaking and his breaths were all sharp little pants, and then Light was preparing him with a small tube of lubricant and soon was thrusting deeply inside him.

Light watched L closely as their pleasure rose together. Light was in love with the looks L got on his face, the sheer neediness, the shameless, wanton pleasure, of seeing L's lips produce soft little moans and almost cat-like mewling noises, of seeing L's hands mindlessly grabbing at the sheets for stability, long fingers digging in.

And then, when L reached his climax, Light was in love with that perfectly honest, unguarded expression of bliss, so sweet and pure, and the delicate arch L's back went into, so perfect that Light had to run a hand under it and trace the upward curve of the spine as L shuddered and splashed his belly with spurts of white liquid.

Light had thought L would try to leave after that, but instead he clung tightly, monkey-like, unwilling to let go.

They were a warm tangle of arms and legs and torsos, breathing in each other's faces, rolling over and over, kissing and petting. Light was surprised when L pinned him down, suddenly looking aggressive, and actually used his fingers for once, preparing Light for penetration with far too much lubricant, leaving a big sloppy mess.

Light didn't care. When he felt ready, he spread his legs widely and pulled L toward him, hands on L's slender hips to guide him in properly.

At the moment of penetration, L looked eager and surprised and a little overwhelmed all at once, but he quickly recovered, moving into a fast, steady pace. Light tried to absorb as much of the experience as he could, memorizing every detail, the smell of L's skin, the softness of his milky-pale belly, the sound of his gasps. Light lured L into extra kisses and rocked upward into his thrusts as the tension built and built, moving toward that inevitable explosion.

Afterwards, L lay there looking stunned but satisfied, almost sleepy. He stayed in the bed, pulling the blankets up around himself and yawning as Light dressed.

As Light laced up his last shoe, he said, "Why are you so sleepy? It isn't even noon and you don't sleep much anyway."

L muttered, "You have such a sexual appetite. You drain my energy. I'm not nineteen like you, you know."

Light stepped outside the cage and quickly locked it, smiling as L sat up startled. Light stepped back, holding the key up.

Light said, "Tell me the real reason, and I'll let you out."

"I haven't slept for days."

"You missed me."

"I was merely trying to solve the problem. I chose the most logical solution."

 _He resolved it, so now he has no reason to fight off sleep any longer. Does this mean he didn't actually decide yesterday, but waited until now to be sure of his decision?_

Light unlocked the cage door.

L flopped back down into the bed, yawned, and said, "Watari would have let me out anyway."

Light crawled back into bed just long enough to kiss L one last time. The warmth of L's lips left a little tingle behind, a lingering feeling of contact that stayed with Light through his entire journey home.

It was two weeks before he saw L again.

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

Next chapter: the mystery of the bottles that Matsuda mentioned gets solved.

If you look closely, Ryuk has at least one ring, though they seem to vary (maybe the artist sometimes forgot?). Oddly enough, he wears them on top of gloves.

In this chapter I put my interpretation of what I think the Aizawa quitting incident was really about: L was deliberately trying to get rid of the task force so that he could run things as he pleased.


	26. Chapter 26

**CHAPTER 26**

When L finally sent for Light, it was through employees, without showing his face in public, just as L had earlier described it would be. It was very sudden. Just before it happened, Light was walking across campus, heading for the nearest bus stop to go home, with Takada and Yasunaga, the captain of the tennis club, walking with him and conversing in what seemed to be a casual way, but was actually subtle attempts to convince him to join their respective clubs. The Kira club had grown enormous ever since the idea that anyone could be Kira and could afterwards forget it had spread in the media.

As Light neared the edge of campus a convertible car drove up and pulled to the curb, holding all seven of the students he'd earlier identified as plants working for either L or N. One of the girls waved and said, "Hey, Light! We're all going to a karaoke bar. Want to come?"

 _This can only be the next meeting with L._

Light said, "Sure," and changed course towards the car.

Yasunaga said, "Well, I have too much homework to do," and wandered away, but Takada stuck with Light and called out to the car, "Hey, can I come with you?"

 _Takada still hasn't completely given up. What an idiot! Or perhaps she only wants to be friends?_

One of the boys replied, "There's only room for one more person in the car, and there won't be space for you in our booth once we arrive. Sorry, Takada!"

Light climbed into the car. He'd talked to each of them at various points and knew the names of all these students, or rather, he knew the fake names they went under. He was sure none of the names were real.

As soon as the car had pulled away into the street, one of the girls, called Rin, said, "We'll need to blindfold you, perform a search and dress you in different clothing. We will not be performing any cavity searches. This search is being videotaped to assure you there won't be any abuse. Any molestation or any humiliating tactics would result in immediate termination of our jobs and legal actions. Do you want females or males to search you?"

Light said, "Males, as long as they are completely professional."

Rin said, "We're all professionals here," and climbed over the seat into the front, sitting next to the girl who was driving, leaving only males in the back seat with Light.

With a mechanical sound, a roof began ascending to enclose the car. The guy sitting to Light's right pulled a blindfold out of his pocket and put it on Light, while at the same time the guy to Light's left began unbuttoning his shirt. The procedure was short and very business-like, with only the slightest brushes against Light's skin to undress him and then dress him again. They left the blindfold on afterwards. From the too-frequent right turns, Light got the impression that they were driving in circles to confuse him.

At last Light felt his blindfold being pulled off and felt the car pull to the side of the road at the same time.

A guy called Kenta pointed at a nearby apartment building and said, "All the items we approve of have been placed back in the pockets of your new clothing. Go to the sixth floor. It is apartment sixty-four. We will leave. We'll drop off the box with your original clothing at your house. When you are ready to return home, a taxi will suffice."

 _It will be like this from now on. A search, and then a meeting, every time I see him. Will he have us working on a case together again? I wonder which one, since the last one is already solved._

When Light finished the elevator ride up and knocked on the door, L answered it and said, "I do not always live in hotel rooms. Since you have seen this apartment, I will move out as soon as you leave."

It was a spacious, airy apartment, decorated in themes of white and clear glass panels. Immediately behind L was a room two stories in height, with a glass staircase along the back wall leading up to a balcony. The furniture was sparse and spread out, inadequately populating the large room.

Light leaned around the doorjamb and looked both ways. He said, "Where's Watari?"

"Watari will not be joining us today. This is a date."

"You're not going to always wait two weeks between dates, are you?

L turned his back and in a monotone said, "I must make my movements unpredictable. There will be no set schedule. I already told you that. I might see you again tomorrow, or three weeks from tomorrow. You will never know."

L shut and locked the door, and then moved further into the room, aiming for a small desk off to the side.

L said, "I am a failure at dating, so I do not know what to do with you. I hope you will like what I have planned. If it is too tedious, we will try something else next time. I will not tell you anything that would allow you to discover my identity, but I wish to reveal more of myself to you. Therefore, I will show you one of my hobbies."

"I didn't think you had hobbies."

L pulled open a drawer on the desk and said, "I did not have time for hobbies during the Kira investigation. I usually take up new hobbies on a regular basis, and stick with each hobby until I feel I have mastered it."

L began pulling out many little glass bottles, like perfume bottles except maybe too plain for that. All of them were empty and unlabeled.

L continued, "Tennis and flying helicopters are two of my former hobbies. This is my newest hobby. I started it after you left."

 _I wasn't the one who left. You dumped me, in the most retarded way possible, by turning your back on me and telling me to go away. Well, I've got you now and you won't get away again._

When L began removing tiny paintbrushes with strangely curved tips, along with some paint bottles, Light immediately understood and said, "Nei Hua! The Chinese art of painting the interior of tiny bottles. I didn't know you could paint."

L said, "Actually, I can't paint. I follow a pattern. It is like painting by numbers. The real skill lies in two things: the ability to paint at all under such constricted circumstances, and the necessity of painting backwards. In Nei Hua, every stroke must be perfect. You put down the foreground elements first, finishing with the background. Unlike with ordinary painting, mistakes cannot be corrected or painted over. One misplaced stroke ruins the painting."

L carried the supplies to a long glass coffee table and began setting them out: brushes, paints, the empty bottles, instructional diagrams, cleaning rags, and water baths and drying racks for the brushes.

Light sat down in an upholstered chair at the end of the coffee table, while L hopped onto a couch at the side of the coffee table. The dazzling clean all-white upholstery in close proximity to so many paints made Light nervous, but he tried to get rid of the feeling. L could certainly afford any spills, so it shouldn't be a big deal.

Light picked up a stack of instructional diagrams and flipped through it, trying to figure out the basics of the techniques.

L said, "So far, my record is seven in a row with no mistakes."

"How long did it take to make one with no mistakes?"

"Three hours."

"I'll beat you today. Just watch."

L said nothing, but continued arranging and setting up his work space. Soon he was dangling a bottle in front of his face in a two-fingered grip in one hand, as his other hand snaked a tiny brush through the bottle-neck and made almost imperceptible tiny movements to paint.

Light watched L for a time, and then followed L's lead, setting up his items in the same way and then selecting the instructions to paint a turtle. It was mostly oval shapes, which shouldn't be too difficult.

With the first eight bottles Light tried, he made a mistake on the second or third stroke. It was an art form that demanded absolute perfection. It took an hour to get to the point where he was able to produce one lumpy-looking, lopsided turtle. It was correct only in the sense that he hadn't made any mistakes beyond not lining up the shapes correctly. In that same time, L produced two bottles with identical mountain scenes. L's painting was beautiful, even though he was only copying strokes in the order shown on a card propped in front of him. Light took a break long enough to admire L's handiwork.

Without pausing or glancing in Light's direction, L said, "Landscapes are easier. With animals, it is extremely difficult to place the eyes correctly. Mine always look as if they are suffering from severe concussions."

 _Then I made a mistake by deciding that a painting consisting largely of ovals would be the easiest._

Light shuffled through the instructional diagrams again and picked out one for a scene of young bamboo shoots against a sky blazing orange and red from the setting sun. Several frustrating starts let nowhere, but by the time L had lined up three more of his perfect little tiny mountain scenes, Light had produced one painting of the bamboo that wasn't horribly crooked. He frowned at it, still unsatisfied. It was too easy to smear the edges of the bamboo leaves and create odd shapes that didn't look right, and the branches were strangely angled, lending a jumbled look to the entire thing.

He went through the instructions again, trying to memorize them, trying to completely master them and dig out any hints to the technique that weren't obvious, and he watched L again, seeing what he did, the way he followed the instructions and held the brushes so delicately and precisely.

Then Light threw himself into the project so fiercely that he was barely aware of the room around him or of time passing, only having an awareness of the process, the repetitive motions of the pattern slowly taking shape, and the slow progress as each bottle looked slightly better than the one before it.

He was startled out of his concentration when L said, "Light, please come here."

Light looked up from the bottle he was working on. L was crouched in the middle of the couch, his face concealed in the nook formed by his arms wrapped around his knees. Only his fluffy black hair stuck up out of that hidden space.

Light made his way over, and as he sat down next to L's crouched form, L said, "Hold me."

L's position had made him into a collection of bony, jutting angles, but Light wrapped his arms around L all the same, holding him from behind and slightly to the side. L started trembling almost imperceptivity, and then after a time he stopped trembling, let out a satisfied-sounding sigh and relaxed into Light's arms. His position didn't change but his muscles felt looser. L's face was still hidden. Light slowly trailed his fingers through the soft, fluffy hair.

 _He's so childish. He's like a child needing to be held._

L was slumping heavily, his body feeling boneless, soft, unresisting. He was so warm. Was he asleep? Light carefully rearranged him to turn his face upward, cradling him from behind, L's head resting against his chest. Then Light reached down and delicately swept the hair away from L's eyes.

They were wide and staring.

L seemed like some fairy-tale creature, too odd and delicate for this world, all large eyes and spindly, elongated limbs and a mind that was so very sharp, so quick to dart ahead of everyone else's. Light looked and looked into those dark eyes, forgetting about trying to read the expression in them, feeling pulled into the depths, almost drowning in L's gaze. It was a frightening sensation, like dissolving, losing a sense of self. Light had an instinct to draw back, to retreat and only face L again after he was more composed, yet the drowning sensation was also an intoxicating, alluring feeling and he wanted more of it.

L stared up at Light and blinked several times slowly, owlishly, his large eyes opening and closing in an odd way that seemed almost non-human. Light had a sudden sense of just how fragile L was, and how thin and small his body was. L had escaped death narrowly so many times.

 _He must have been very frightened that Kira would kill him, starting when he first approached me, though he never showed it. He knew he could die at any time; he was always mentioning it. He's been extremely brave. I wish I could prove to him that I'll never hurt him; I wish I could show him how safe he is now, that the criminal deaths will never resume._

Every part of L was incredibly warm and soft and accommodating. He did not feel at all dangerous.

 _What I did wasn't wrong. It would have been wrong if I'd continued the Kira plan after it was obvious it would ruin the world and make me too mentally unbalanced to rule properly._

 _No, anyone who was handed such a great power, even if that power was killing others, anyone should try to change the world for the better. Not trying at all would have been a moral failure, it would have been cowardly, and who knows whether Ryuk would have given the death note to a maniac next and killed me. That outcome would have been completely unacceptable._

 _What I did was justified. It had to be justified. Raye Penber and Naomi Misora and all those other cops, when they died it wasn't pointless. They died as part of an experiment to see if my utopia would be viable, and they died to save those victims who would have been impacted by crimes that I prevented. Crime rates decreased significantly at points, and all those would-be victims owe their happy lives to me and to the people I sacrificed for them._

 _I stopped at the correct point. What I did as Kira was not wrong. It only would have been wrong if I'd continued._

Light suddenly had an irrational urge to simply tell L the complete truth.

That obviously wasn't going to happen. It was a huge risk, probably fatal. And even if L had become biased and wouldn't arrest Kira, it would be a tremendous strain on the relationship. L would always be happier if he thought there was some chance of innocence. L's happiness was important.

 _After I lose my memories, even I will probably think I was never Kira. It won't be the first time I've conspired to fool myself. I'll be happier that way too._

L said, "Light, you look so thoughtful. What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking about us."

"It's best not to think about that."

"Why?"

L hesitated, then closed his eyes again and said, "Just shut up and hold me."

An orange-red glow from the sunset was streaming through the closed curtains, bathing all the white surfaces in the apartment. Nothing in there was truly white any longer.

Light twisted around slightly, re-arranging L and tightening his grip, and L let out another of his beautiful sighs, relaxing even more into Light's arms.

 _I could almost reach-_

Light slipped his hands under L's shirt, tracing circles across the smooth skin of his stomach. L was so clean. He had almost no scent at all, as if he'd just showered. He barely sweated, and his skin never tasted very salty.

Light let his fingers trail down very slowly to the edge of L's jeans, enjoying the process of hearing L's breathing speeding up and then, as Light struggled with the button and zipper, hearing those breaths become slightly shaky.

 _If I pulled him backwards a little, I could have him sitting directly in my lap._

Light pulled down L's jeans and underwear, and then got rid of his own clothing. The pristine whiteness of the couch didn't matter any more, only the need to touch and to provoke those lovely responses, to merge their warm bodies together. Light pulled a tube of lubricant from his trousers, reached underneath with one hand and began preparing L for entrance with slippery fingers while his other hand reached around and began stroking L's half-erect cock to further hardness.

It was difficult to wait until the moment L was ready, though it did not take long. Then, Light lifted L up and backwards, L helping steady things with his leg muscles and a hand on the couch's back. Light kept a tight grip on those narrow hips to maneuver precisely, guiding L's body downward onto his waiting erection.

L cried out so loudly at the moment of penetration that Light was afraid for a moment he'd hurt him, but when Light paused L pressed down, whimpering and wriggling, trying to get more contact. Light let him slide all the way down the shaft in one slow, delicious movement, right into Light's lap.

And then Light was holding him, rocking slightly back and forth to give himself stimulation, resting his chin on L's shoulder, having one side of his face tickled by L's hair. Light started up his stroking again with both hands, harder and relentless, squeezing to get reactions out of L, savoring the sounds and little moans and the way L squirmed on top of him as if trying to get even deeper penetration, though that wasn't possible. Light's penis was in completely, all the way to the hilt, enclosed in exquisite heat.

Light could feel L's approaching climax in the growing tenseness of his muscles, and the way his back tried to uselessly arch though there was no room for it in their position, along with the way L's breath kept catching and restarting.

 _I wonder if I could get him to come for me on command again._

L's growing excitement was contagious. Even though Light was only getting a little stimulation from the rocking motions, unable to properly thrust at all, he could feel tension building in his body just at the juncture where they were joined and he rocked more fiercely.

At the exact moment Light felt it was right, he stroked L's penis harder than ever and whispered, "Come, now."

Two seconds later he could feel and see L's release, spilling out over his hands as the man twitched on top of him, delightfully impaled.

It wasn't enough, not even slightly. Light needed to hold L down and give him a proper fucking right then; he couldn't wait even one moment. It was an overwhelming frenzy of need, a driving instinct. Light pushed L forward and followed him down with sharp, short thrusts, unwilling to completely withdraw to find a new position. He ended up with L sprawled on his side on the couch and Light scrambled to make it work somehow, raising one of L's legs so high against his chest it practically pointed straight up and straddling the other leg, placing one knee against L's back and the other against his front.

A molten, tingling heat was gathering in his groin as he sped up the pace. L was spread incredibly open and Light felt as if he was slipping deeper than ever before, truly penetrating. He clutched L's raised leg more tightly to his chest and used it as leverage to plumb him deeply, feeling an intoxicating surge of pleasure growing higher each time he thrust in.

L's facial expression was rhythmic, looking mildly surprised with each inward thrust and suffused with bliss the rest of the time. L stared up at Light with parted lips and lidded eyes, displaying raw emotion without attempting to hide it, and at last L closed his eyes. His face was perfect, completely perfect, even to the blush-like pinkish coloring along his cheeks and nose.

Light came to the sight of that face and to the warmth deep within L, releasing and releasing what felt like an enormous amount of semen, all the pent-up tension flowing out in pleasurable spurts.

When Light could breathe enough to speak he said, "Did you do that on purpose? Waiting two weeks so I'd have a greater need and a better orgasm? Don't make me wait so much."

Without opening his eyes, L said, "Will you stay here tonight? Will you sleep in my bed? I can send you back in the morning."

Light said, "Yes."

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

Light wants to have his cake and eat it too; he wants to simultaneously believe that the Kira plan was wrong and flawed, and that he personally didn't do anything wrong. If Kira had been anyone else, Light would have judged them more harshly, but Light has a soft spot for himself and even though he's learned enough to give up some pride, he still has quite a bit of pride.

As to the timeline on this chapter, I believe it is around the end of Light's current college term (late March) or possibly just a little bit into the start of a new academic year (during April).


	27. Chapter 27

**CHAPTER 27**

L counted off the days to that time when Light's memories would supposedly expire. When Light had confessed to deliberately thwarting the investigation, he'd said his memories would expire in 437 days. It was a difficult wait.

Had Light been Kira? Or had Light been Kira's accomplice, or was he merely Kira's victim? Those were the only three possibilities, though the true condition might also be a combination of two of those states. L pondered those questions day by day, unable to reach an answer. But he prepared for any possible answer. Light would be surprised on that day. He seemed to have no idea of the trap that was being carefully constructed for him. L's precautions were very elaborate, designed to thwart even invisible watchers.

Even so, those preparations wouldn't be possible if L were watched by a shinigami all the time. L knew he was generally unwatched when away from Light, or the trees and other things would not have gone unnoticed and unchallenged for so long. Rem lurked with Light at all times, she had to. Light had admitted as much and the facts fit with his admission, while Ryuk came and left but not did, for some reason, spy on L when L was away from Light. Or, if Ryuk did spy, he never said anything to Light about important plans that were made and evidence that was collected.

Light himself became obviously restless as the day of memory loss approached. Light threw himself into the cases they investigated with particular force, becoming very deeply involved, as if trying to forget about the looming deadline.

Was it a bluff? Would Light need to say something to the shinigami to voluntarily erase his memories, or had he told the truth that his memories would expire naturally? In either case, the entire process would be filmed from about twenty different angles, so that Light should not be able to pull a trick. Still, Light was intelligent. Something might happen.

It became March again, after about a year of their arrangement continuing without any surprises or adjustments. Light didn't try anything Kira-like in all that time, or if he did his attempts were so well-hidden they were undetectable.

During that year of their arrangement Light had tried to convince L to take him on as a permanent business partner, to simply live together all the time. L wouldn't hear of it. Light needed to finish college, not become a drop-out. Even if Light were certain he'd spend the rest of his life doing nothing but working cases, L knew that Light needed to have preparations in place for the possibility of another career choice.

Also, Light didn't seem to realize it himself, but Light clearly needed other people, he needed a life aside from work. L was content doing almost nothing except detective work during most of his waking hours, using sugar and caffeine to fuel himself and to stave off sleep. Light was different. Light had a disdain for other people, for the group of friends he'd developed on the college scene, and yet L couldn't imagine Light thriving in an environment where he was cut off from others, isolated with just L and Watari for companionship, constantly moving around secretly from one hotel to another.

Light would tire of such a life. He would eventually get fed up with it, no matter how much he thought he wanted it. And so for Light's own good L had Light switch between the two lives frequently, spending some time as Light Yagami, college student and dutiful son, and the rest of the time as Light Yagami, secret partner with L. The visits usually lasted from a day to a week and included solving cases along with other activities, sometimes even extending to standard dating activities such as going to restaurants or concerts. There was always a lot of secrecy and security involved with being in public with Light, and it rarely happened.

Light often resented being sent back to his ordinary life if a case he was attached to was still unsolved. Light generally found it already solved by the time he returned a few days later, or a week later, or rarely as long as two or three weeks later. The salary L paid Light for his work didn't stop Light's expressions of frustration with the process. Still, except for the disagreements about when to take breaks, everything went unusually smoothly. Working with Light was so easy, L found it almost like having a second brain of his own.

When the day itself approached, L decided to keep Light for an entire week. The end of the school term was approaching, but with the right strings being pulled behind the scenes and the right people being bribed Light could even take his final exams at a later time if he wanted. Nothing could be allowed to interfere with progress on the upcoming event, perhaps the last clue ever in the Kira case.

A day before the event, L suddenly put down his coffee, slid his chair away from his computer, turned to face Light and said, "Light, when will it happen? I know it is tomorrow, but what hour?"

"I'm not sure of the exact time. Around midnight, I think. It's according to the shinigami calendar, and I never had that explained to me."

L said, "I will be here for the entire process. This is something I must witness. We will be handing all our cases over to N for a few days. We'll take back any he doesn't solve at the end of that period."

Light said, "But we're so close on the Jameson case!"

"That means N will have an easier time solving it quickly. There is no need to worry."

Light frowned but consented, and without any cases to work on they quickly ran out of things to do and ended up tangled together in bed, exciting each other in that most instinctual way. There was a profound feeling to it all, an uncertainty that made the experience more meaningful, more intoxicating. The present moment was all that mattered.

The future was uncertain and best to not think about, though L was always aware that somewhere in the back of his mind scenarios of guilt and innocence were running through his thoughts. It was a mere background distraction, a process L was used to. He was able to mostly push it aside and simply enjoy what they both needed so much, every move perfect after long practice and experience in exactly how to get each other off. Both of them had full knowledge in how to tease and touch and all the techniques that worked the best.

L held Light in his arms afterwards, staring at him with an intense feeling of curiosity. Light seemed sweet and innocent. The expression on his face was not that of a killer.

Was Light the original Kira? That was the important question, always the most important. Light with his memories and Light without his memories were like two separate people. Without, Light was clearly innocent and unknowing, acting from pure motives. He almost entirely lacked that scheming quality that Light-with-his-memories had in such abundance.

Light with his memories perfectly fit the personality profile of Kira. He could be Kira. There was something evil in that version of Light. It was apparent in hundreds of little things he did and said, as if he were putting on an act to conceal that he was actually a remorseless killer. In L's perception, that evil had been fading over time. It was barely noticeable any more, and yet Light clearly still had his memories.

 _Did it truly fade, or do I see him differently because he is my lover and I am biased?_ _I don't want him to be Kira, and that is my weakness. With the Kira case, I am a terrible detective, but who else could I trust with Light? Nobody._

Light sighed, opened his eyes and said, "You're not going to leave me once I'm no longer a subject to study, are you? This relationship isn't just for the investigation, is it?"

L said, "It might be. I'm not sure"

Light looked hurt for a moment, but then he made a sarcastic-sounding snort and said, "You're lying, as usual. You're such a liar. Don't think you can fool me."

 _Indeed, I am a liar. You will see how much of a liar I am tomorrow. It has been a long time since the last time I deceived you. Have you grown complacent, Light?_

L did not sleep at all. He watched Light throughout the night, wary that perhaps the event would happen as much as 24 hours early. There were no guarantees.

As soon as Light opened his eyes, L said, "Do you remember Rem?"

Light sighed, closed his eyes, opened them again, and said, "Yes. Testing so early?"

"I want to cover all possibilities."

Smiling, Light said, "Of course. I wouldn't expect anything less of you."

Breakfast was uneventful. L kept his eyes on Light, noticing the slight restlessness, noting every movement, every expression. Light played with his food a bit, uncharacteristic for him. His expression was difficult to read.

After breakfast, Light wanted to spend some time out on the hotel suite's balcony. L did not. He never went on balconies any more, wary of all the people who might be able to see and photograph him. Instead, he crouched on a couch with a laptop open in front of him, switching to the video feeds from cameras installed to film the balcony, studying Light's expression on his screen. Light was less guarded-looking than usual, staring out across the cityscape almost wistfully.

There was something about Light, something very important. He looked happy, relieved, as if he would soon be freed of a burden, as if he were looking forward to the event. Light had said keeping the memories caused him pain. Why? Was it remorse for things he'd done? Did Kira have some kind of mind control power that Light had to endure and fight against? Or was it some other reason altogether?

L was startled out of his thoughts by a slight tapping noise behind him. He turned to look, and saw the computer on the other side of the room with the keys depressing one after another by themselves. He started to get up, but suddenly the laptop in front of him made a beeping noise and a little pop-up window appeared, the chat program he often used to communicate with Light when they were in different rooms.

The chat box said, "Do not approach the computer or I will stop."

The computers L had placed in their hotel suite were all very unusual pieces of equipment, currently on their own private network, incapable of connecting to or being hacked by outside networks. Besides, a shinigami was clearly typing and that could not be faked, not without Watari's help in rigging some mechanism inside the keyboard, and if that were the case it would be easily apparent by disassembling the keyboard later.

L said, "Is it Rem or Ryuk?"

L saw keys depress on the computer across the room, and then another chat box appeared, saying, "It is Rem. I will not say much. Time is running out and things will change soon."

 _Why is this shinigami choosing to talk to me now for the first time? What does it hope to accomplish?_

L said, "Rem, what do you want?"

The next chat box said, "I want to say that I do not hate you. I think you are harmless, and I have come to sympathize with you to some extent. Your ideals are in the right place and you are very similar to Kira. Both of you wish to eliminate crime. However, if you ever attempt to arrest the true Kira, I will kill you. I am saying this now because I want to make the situation clear. I will no longer be able to threaten Light into carrying out my orders. Surely your life is worth more to you than a petty desire to capture Kira."

"I understand this, Rem, however if I die others will know that I was on the right track shortly before my death. You would gain nothing."

A chat box said, "You have made that threat frequently. It is tiresome."

L said, "I am willing to die if it is necessary, and the very fact that you have not killed me yet leads me to believe that my threat is effective. Or, if it is not effective, then something else restrains you from acting. In any case, I have no reason to feel that it is safe to discard my threat. We are at a stalemate. Both of us have known this for a long time. Is that what Kira intends? The investigation stalling?"

 _If Rem is stupid, I could get some worthwhile information._

Another chat box popped up, saying, "You are braver than Kira, or stupider, to always stubbornly risk your own death. I do not think either your threat or my threat will ever be carried out, but I still wanted to remind you. Light will forget, but I will not. If a situation ever arises where you find a clue that is meaningful instead of useless, think of your own death before going forward."

 _Does the shinigami realize what I intend? Have I left any clues?_

L said, "Rem, is there any other reason for conversing with me now? Have you found something? Why have you always been silent before?"

L waited, but no chat window appeared.

He said, "Rem? Don't you wish to discuss your threat more? Don't you wish to give me orders?"

Once again, there was no reply. L continued to wait, but Rem never answered. L had already saved a file of the entire exchange, and once he'd given up on receiving more answers he quickly disassembled the keyboard at the computer that had been used, finding it just as he expected. A shinigami really had chatted with him.

Light returned as L was re-assembling the keyboard and said, "May I ask why you're doing that? Do I want to know?"

L replied, "There is a file I saved recently. It explains everything."

Light genuinely looked surprised when he brought up the file. That surprise was yet more proof, on top of previous proof, that Light was not a master of the shinigami. Whatever was going on, the shinigami were not Light's obedient servants.

Then Light was obviously listening to a voice only he could hear, and replied with, "I don't care, and it doesn't matter. It will all end soon anyway."

L watched Light fiercely the entire rest of the day, reading Light's changing moods and weighing his plan in his mind. A small window of opportunity would open, and it would be almost unforgivable to waste it. Nothing should go wrong. The gun was already concealed in the hotel suite, ready to slip into his pocket when ready, and there was an entire squad of well-trained paramedics waiting for the signal, under Watari's command. They were stationed just far enough away that L thought Rem would not notice.

Light would be angry at getting shot, and it would give him tremendous physical pain, but there would be no real danger. L had seen to that with countless hours spent in practice sessions. He had used forensics dummies made of gelatin of the exact firmness of human flesh and with the exact size and position of all of Light's internal organs. L was fully confident of his ability to shoot Light in the chest while avoiding the heart, the spine, and anything else that couldn't be immediately and safely patched back up.

It grew dark outside and the hotel suite was a contrast, bright with lights in every room, high ceilings making it seem particularly airy and light-filled. L prepared a bedroom with an attached bathroom, stocking it with enough to eat and drink for the entire night through, if needed. It was a large bedroom, with two small couches, a chair, some small tables, plenty of floor space, and a bed off to the side. There was nothing that could be used as a weapon. Nothing except the gun that L had secretly slipped into his pocket.

Light settled in, accepting their voluntary confinement together. There was something pleased, almost smug, about his expression. It was as if stress were dropping away from him bit by bit as the hour he'd estimated approached. Of as if he were sure of winning.

Light was an enigma. Getting the truth out of him was the most frustrating challenge L had ever encountered. Light only admitted what he was forced to admit, after you'd all but proved something already, and even then Light would add his own spin to it that still made him seem like the good guy. Was it all lies, or not?

Light had been allowed far too much control over the situation. L could feel the slight weight of the small gun in his pocket, completely concealed by the bagginess of his jeans. His plan rankled at him. He didn't want to do it, but what choice was there? This was the last chance. He'd been far too passive previously, allowing Light to steer things, refusing to make any big, bold moves.

If Light genuinely thought he was dying, he might say something. He might admit to being Kira, or he might let slip a clue that would lead to the case being solved. Whether Light was Kira or not, there were answers locked away in his brain, answers that might be released if Light were put in exactly the right situation, but those answers would otherwise be lost forever. It was only right to try one last test, even if it had a mere thirty percent chance of resulting in any new clues.

Even if it caused Light a great deal of physical and emotional pain.

L tried to clear his mind, to go over the facts once more in a completely objective way, as if he had no bias at all towards the prime suspect.

 _Light had some connection with Kira before Light became the prime suspect. Light has admitted this and it fits with the facts._

 _Misa also had some connection with Kira, or with the second Kira. She admitted early on that she sent in the second Kira's videos, though she claimed, and still claims, that they were poltergeist hoax videos. Also, she met Light in Aoyama, she fits the profile of the second Kira, and she was able to get Higuchi's confession suspiciously easily, without the crucial first half of the conversation recorded._

 _When I first arrested her, she acted exactly like a guilty suspect should act, refusing to say a word, refusing to ask for a lawyer, or even to protest her captivity. Then she had the same kind of severe personality change that Light also had, and at the same time completely changed her behavior. Plus, from her own story, though we have no video evidence, her apartment was "haunted" for a short time after the attack on headquarters, which sounds like a shinigami followed her. There is no way Misa isn't involved in this._

 _Yet further surveillance has revealed nothing more. Misa now seems completely innocent and oblivious._

 _Where is the clue that I missed? There should be something that causes all this to make sense._

 _The deaths have stopped for too long a time, and Light has not made use of any of the opportunities I've given him, opportunities Kira should have taken. If Light is Kira, then he no longer wants to be Kira, or he is no longer capable of being Kira._

 _What if Kira lost his powers somehow? Perhaps voluntarily, perhaps involuntarily? Kira has a strong sense of justice and wishes to reduce crime. If Kira did not have his powers, he would want to do exactly what Light has done with his life._

 _But if the power loss were involuntary, there is still a possibility Light could regain the ability to kill at some point in the future, and catch me unexpectedly, after my guard is down._

L whispered, "Do you think it might be possible that Kira gave up?"

At that statement there was a fleeting odd expression that moved through Light's face. It was gone so quickly L had trouble interpreting which emotion it showed.

Light said, "A lot of things are possible with Kira. I do not know. Perhaps Kira has died and the two shinigami continue to torment me for their own amusement."

 _If I do this, and it is successful, there is no going back. If it turns out that Light is Kira and I can prove it, Light will be taken away and executed. Too many others are listening, others who would never let Kira go. Light will die._

L had a sudden mental image of himself as he had been after leaving Light, spending sleepless days and nights lying on the floor, fretting, and then imagined it increased a hundredfold because Light could never be brought back.

 _No, I'm stronger than that. I can endure through, until the pain fades with the passing of years. If Light is Kira, then he is completely despicable, a murderer of thousands. I could never forgive him._

He shifted again, feeling the weight of the gun in his pocket. Roiling uneasiness churned and churned in his stomach. Light's eyes looked innocent. L wanted to believe Light's story. Certain parts of it were very believable, or at least they were very well-crafted lies.

 _What if something goes wrong, and I accidentally kill Light? What if he dies here, in my arms, without ever revealing anything? What if he dies for nothing, and I end up being his murderer?_

Light whispered, "I know how Kira's power works."

 _Is he going to tell me something?_

Light looked as if he wanted to speak, but no words came out.

L prompted, "How does it work?"

Light said, "I can't tell you that, but I need you to promise me something. If you ever discover how it works, don't use Kira's power yourself. It carries a curse. Each person who uses it can never go to heaven or hell."

 _Is he serious? If he is, does he mean the heaven and hell that are common to Christianity, Judaism and Islam, or the many heavens and hells of Buddhism, or other things altogether?_

Light had such an earnest look on his face.

 _Light Yagami, are you suffering from that curse? Or perhaps from other curses you are unwilling to tell me about?_

Light said, "I know you are curious. Don't let your curiosity curse you. I know you're also paranoid. Let your caution guide you. I'm not trying to trick you. Look into my eyes. You can see I'm telling the truth."

L hopped out of the chair he'd been crouching in and walked right up to Light, drawing himself up to his full height to look Light exactly in the eyes.

Light repeated his earlier statements, and his eyes looked entirely honest throughout the process.

When Light finished, L said, "I am sorry. I will need to restrain you now. I do not know what will happen. Please lie on the floor or the bed."

Light chose the bed, and as L tied him up L couldn't help but remember their previous encounters. Beds and restraints were for sex, not for the abominable thing he was about to do to Light. It really was a shame. Would Light ever allow bondage again? Probably not, and L would never blame him. Light would be entirely justified.

Light said, "This is difficult for you, isn't it?"

L replied, "You have no idea."

Light frowned briefly. Something about the way his eyebrows moved in that moment made L want to kiss him and comfort him and tell him everything would be fine.

 _I'm hopeless. He's defeating me with his eyebrows. What is wrong with me?_

Light said, "It will be over soon. Please promise me you'll tell me about the things you know that I'll forget. Otherwise I'll be very confused and I'll probably think the way our relationship is set up isn't justified. When you show me the videos of what I've said, then I'll know that you are right to be cautious about me."

"I promise, but before that I will need to question you and test you, to determine exactly which pieces of knowledge are missing. It will be important for the investigation."

"Of course."

 _Time to get into position._

L climbed on top of Light, straddling him, looking down full into his face.

Light didn't look as worried as he should be. He seemed almost relieved, yet a little sad too, as if he were losing something.

 _It hasn't happened yet. The look in his eyes changes when it happens. All I have to do is shoot him. I need to act before I run out of time._

The gun had been specially rigged with blood. A lot more blood would appear at the wound than was natural, actually secretly coming from the gun, more than the wound would produce. Light would panic. He had a tendency to panic and make mistakes when pushed far enough. The pain of actually being shot and the enormous amount of blood should convince him, at least briefly, that he was dying.

Still, there was only a thirty percent chance Light would say anything useful, and even if he did say something useful it might just be one more clue to add to the case, and not actually something that would allow the case to be solved.

 _Yet the case is so close to being solved that perhaps one more piece of information will make all the difference._

Light had an odd smile on his face and said, "You're hard."

 _No, I'm not. That's just the gun in my pocket._

L said, "I don't want to do that now. I think it would be horrifying if you lost your memories in the middle of the act."

"It probably would be. I might panic a great deal when it happens. I will remember pieces of the truth that don't add up to anything meaningful, and it will seem very alarming."

 _Maybe I should keep him talking. He now seems more willing to communicate freely. Perhaps something will slip from him without any need for-_

 _No, I am stalling. I need to do this quickly._

L reached for the gun in his pocket.

It was harder than anything that had happened in the training sessions. All the strength was draining from L's arm, leaving a profound sense of weakness. There was a shivery, twisting sensation in his stomach that threatened to bring his supper back up his throat. His hand settled in his pocket, feeling the hard metal of the gun. Bringing it out would be the point of no return.

Light frowned and said, "Something is going on. What do you have planned?"

L replied, "To tell you the truth, I think you're Kira."

And then, though he seemed to have no strength in his arm at all, he somehow pulled out the gun and placed its tip exactly against the spot on Light's chest he'd practiced for so many times before. Everything was precise. It had to be for Light to live.

Light looked panicked for a split second, and then he laughed. "You tried this before, remember? With my father holding a gun to my head. Can't you think of a new trick? I'm not going to say something just because you threaten me with a gun loaded with blanks."

"I assure you, this is not loaded with blanks."

Light looked up, studying. He had exactly the same expression on his face as when he was unraveling the puzzles involved in a case.

L tried to pull the trigger but there was something about those eyes that stopped him.

Light said, "You're actually trying to do it, aren't you? Why? Are you really that paranoid?"

 _He doesn't get angry, he just asks why._

L said nothing, but he was fighting to keep from vomiting all over Light.

 _Why haven't I pulled the trigger yet?_

Light looked down and said, "That's why. You're smart enough to aim for my heart, but you're not aiming there. Let me guess. You'll shoot me in a non-lethal way and then hope I'll say something incriminating for Kira in the few moments before your crew rushes in to give me medical attention."

 _How does he guess my thoughts so precisely?_

Light sighed and said, "Your plan is useless now. It only would have had a chance of working if you'd done it immediately, before I could think. Even then, if I'd said something truly damaging to Kira, Kira would have possibly killed me for it, assuming that I did not manage to neutralize Kira thoroughly enough on that night when the headquarters were attacked."

L said, "I do not think you are in danger from Kira. Kira should have acted by now if Kira were capable of it. It has been more than a year with no criminal deaths and no known actions by Kira. We should have seen some kind of attack or trick. Thus, it is reasonable to assume that you can tell me everything."

"There is still a risk," Light said, "and, unlike you, I do not want to risk my life. I know much more about the situation than you do. I'm in a better position to evaluate whether I'm likely to get killed for telling on Kira or not. If I think the risk is too large, then nothing you can say will convince me otherwise. Now, get that gun away from me. Put it on that table over there, pointing away from us."

 _It really is useless._

L obeyed, making sure the safety was on for extra assurance, and then returned to straddle Light in the bed, looking down intently into that face.

Light said, "What are you doing?"

"I need to watch. I must see the change."

"Go ahead. Just don't ask too often."

"Are you comfortable?"

"Comfortable enough. You don't weigh much."

"I know."

Things settled into a rhythm after that. L watched Light's eyes, afraid even to blink in case he missed the moment. Approximately every minute or two, he would ask, "Do you remember Rem?"

Again and again, Light answered, almost reflexively, "Yes."

At a certain moment L saw it happen unmistakably and at the same instant he felt the back of his neck prickling. It was frightening to see Light's eyes suddenly looking different, more innocent, unguarded. What was it that had been dwelling in Light's brain? Was Kira like a possessing entity, a parasite controlling Light, or was it a more willing arrangement?

 _Who is he now? I haven't seen this version of him for a long time._

L said, "Do you remember Rem?"

Light's face was pure shock, and then fear.

Light choked out, "Why-"

And then stopped, as if he didn't know what to ask, as if too many questions were pressing in on him all at once. His eyes were full of thoughts, frantic and chaotic. He looked very, very confused.

Light said, "Who is Rem?"

L said, "Rem is a shinigami."

Light immediately got a skeptical expression on his face, as if he thought it was all just a bunch of superstitious nonsense.

It was genuine. It had to be genuine. Light had acting skills, but not this perfect. Additionally, Light hadn't said anything to a shinigami to make the memory loss happen. Unless he'd used some secret signal or had a prior arrangement, it really wasn't by his own will that he had lost his memories. They truly had expired.

Light struggled a little inside his bonds and said, "Let me up! Tell me everything."

Light dropped his voice to a whisper and added, "Please!"

"I can't do that until I've fully questioned you to determine what you do and do not remember. Everything said here is being recorded. I will be able to help you the best if you do not conceal anything."

Light narrowed his eyes and glared for a few moments. Then he got a resigned look to his face and sighed. "Go ahead. Let's get this over with."

L said, "Thank you."

Then L leaned down and captured Light's mouth in a kiss, noting the surprise as Light hesitated at first, frozen, and then the warmth and soft wetness as Light began to respond, to kiss back. L felt the kiss deeply, concentrating on the exact sensations, on the way Light moved underneath him.

L drew back and Light said, "Why did you do that now? What kind of interrogation is this?"

"Not that kind. The kiss was an experiment. I merely had to see if you still feel like the same person to me. I do not think it would be productive if we have sex while I ask you questions."

 _Almost the same. Almost the same. And yet, also very different._

L said, "I will let you go as soon as you tell me everything you remember, from the very beginning."

"No. You'll untie me now. I'll tell you everything while I'm untied. You know I can't leave this place without your permission. I'm not going to escape."

L hesitated.

Light continued with, "I'm thirsty, I need to use the bathroom and it is kind of intimidating to have you sitting on my stomach staring down at me while you ask questions."

"It is only to be sure I can look you in the face and eyes while you answer. Do you promise not to look away, even when I ask upsetting questions?"

Light grumbled a bit and then said, "Okay. Fine. But you have to get me some hot tea first."

Light took longer to settle down than L expected. He clutched his teacup tightly in both hands, as if warming his fingers, and kept staring into its depths, turning it and sloshing the contents just slightly. His expression was variable, changing back and forth between being very difficult to read and showing mostly confusion, and his eyebrows furrowed as if deep in thought.

 _I am being too gentle with him. I am letting him decide the pace of things because I feel guilty about what I tried to do. Why isn't he angry? I expected a lot of anger from him, not for him to be like this._

Finally L approached him, gently pried the teacup from his hands and set it down on the end table. Light briefly pulled L into an awkward kiss, trying to entangle their arms, trying to get L into his lap.

 _He is confused and still attempting to delay. Is he deciding which lies he'll tell me?_

L gave Light what he hoped was a reassuring hug and then disengaged. A few moments later L had pulled up a chair and crouched directly across from Light, facing him.

L said, "Do I need to tie you again, or will you tell me everything now?"

Light said, "I will."

Somehow he managed to sound confident and frightened at the same time. His eyes were defiant but his voice had the slightest tremble to it.

Light took a deep breath and started talking. He was hesitant, not quite trusting, but L could see the parts where Light was trying to decide what to say and continued to prompt him until he went forward. This version of Light was easier to push and manipulate. L almost felt guilty doing it. Almost. The Kira case was too important to allow guilt to interfere.

Two of the points where L had to push Light to continue were the entire Raye Penber incident, and Light's chance meeting with Naomi Misora. Light was clearly upset and obviously wanted to look away, yet he kept his promise and continued to face in L's direction, eyes downcast and troubled as he told the very damning details that L had never heard before.

 _Knowing about this hijacking incident now, knowing that Light saw Raye Penber's FBI identification card and was involved in an event that looks smoothly designed by Kira to convince Raye to show his identification, it must mean that Kira sees, or saw, through Light's eyes. Either Light was Kira at that time, or Kira was somehow watching events through Light. Otherwise Kira could not have killed Raye Penber and forced him to somehow reveal the identities of his co-workers._

 _The same is true of the Naomi Misora incident, and there are distinctive gaps in Light's memory of exactly what he talked to her about, but she did show him her identification which is not like her at all. She must have been tricked._

When it was clear that Light was moving on past the subject of Raye Penber and Naomi Misora, L stopped him and said, "Why did you not tell me this much earlier, when we were first chained together? It would have helped the case immensely."

"I was certain I wasn't Kira, so I thought it was irrelevant because if I said anything it would just make everyone think I was Kira and waste their time. I was afraid everyone would hate me, even my own father, and I was certain the case would make better progress if I could help freely, if things weren't difficult between myself and everyone else."

L said, "That is a very weak rationalization meant to protect yourself. You should have realized that withholding information clearly related to Kira would harm progress on the case."

Light said, "I know, I know. I feel bad about that decision, but I didn't think it was wrong at the time. I'm telling you now, aren't I?"

"Yes, of course. Please continue."

Light looked panicked and said, "You won't tell my father, will you? I can't bear to have him think about me that way, and his heart is fragile. It would be reckless to tell him."

"I would never do that. He is not employed as an investigator on the Kira case any longer. It would be completely unprofessional."

"How do you know whether N will do it or not?"

"I have ways of controlling N. I will share this information with him but I will not allow him to tell your father."

With that, Light seemed reassured and continued talking about everything after that, still hesitant at various points, obviously upset about the holes in his memories, and completely confused about why he even pretended to like Misa.

At one point, Light stopped and said, "Ryuzaki, do you think Misa could have been the real Kira all along, or that she could have been the real second Kira instead of someone manipulated by the second Kira? When I had my memories I seemed surprisingly willing to have a pretend relationship with her. Could it have been due to threats? It doesn't make sense."

L replied, "I have considered that possibility. Misa may have been the real second Kira, and at the very least the real second Kira had something to do with her. However, I cannot imagine her forcing you into anything. You are far too intelligent for that. Since you only pretended to want her when Kira was directing your actions, the most logical conclusion was that it was an act meant to make you seem suspicious. In all this time, Misa has not shown any sign of regaining her memories or her Kira powers, if she ever had them."

Light seemed satisfied by that and settled down, continuing to tell his story. When Light's narrative caught up to the present time, L went back to each and every issue that seemed important, especially the memory holes, and questioned Light extensively.

L could have spent the entire night going over the fine details, but Light was exhausted by 4 a.m. and insisted on going to bed. L could not sleep. He crouched in a chair next to the bed, his mind running wild, continually analyzing everything he'd been told. He watched Light, feeling uncomfortable at seeing his sleeping, innocent face. Light and Kira, such an odd contrast, and yet... and yet... it was so difficult to think of them as different people, and it was simultaneously difficult to think of them as the same person.

Three hours after Light went to sleep, L felt his cellphone vibrating in his pocket. With a guilty glance at Light he slid it out of his pocket and dangled it next to his face, hearing Watari say, "Ryuzaki, there has been an incident at the Yotsuba headquarters in Osaka."

Dropping his voice to a whisper, trying not to wake Light, L said, "What happened?"

"It is still chaotic. There was an explosion of some kind. I've managed to obtain security video footage and I think I've located a witness. Please hurry."

 _Does this mean Light is innocent? I cleared the Yotsuba members of any further involvement with Kira, yet this seems as if Kira had something to do with Yotsuba all along. Or, is it a trap or another decoy meant to confuse me?_

L replied, "Send a team to secure Light. I need to know he isn't doing anything while I investigate."

L tried to get out of his chair without making any noise, but then saw Light's eyes crack open, watching surreptitiously.

With traces of sleep still in his voice, Light asked, "What do you need to investigate?"

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

L and his crazy, sadistic, over-the-top plans. I hope this was reminiscent of actual L plans, such as the ridiculous notion of building an entire skyscraper for just seven investigators plus Misa.

At one point during the handcuffed-together time in canon, Light began thinking about telling the investigators that he remembered talking to both Raye Penber and Naomi Misora, but he decided not to because it would make things difficult. However, that was the only canon time during his innocence when we are shown Light suspecting himself of being Kira. He quickly dismisses the thought, because Light is in denial.

Oh, and Ryuk buried the Death Note under the foundation for the new Osaka Yotsuba building way back in chapter 18.

As to the not going to heaven or hell thing, that is sort of canon, depending on exactly how you interpret it and whether you rely more on the manga or the anime and whether you consider the "How to Read" official supplement to be fully compatible with canon or not. It is a death note rule that all humans who use the death note cannot go to heaven or hell, and a different death note rule says that all humans go to Mu (which is usually translated as "nothingness" but "Mu" is actually an extremely complicated concept that could be interpreted in a number of different ways, see an essay called "All Humans Go to Mu" found on the DeviantART journal of MrsJeevas for an excellent analysis of the various things that "Mu" could mean).

In the manga (but not in the anime) Light guesses that neither heaven nor hell exist, and Ryuk agrees with him. However Light, being a character in the story, has never read the "How to Read" supplement so he doesn't know what is canon, he only knows what is the truth as far as his own intelligence allows him to reason.

Furthermore, Light knows that Ryuk has lied to him or has concealed vital information in the past and Light also knows that Ryuk is amazingly ignorant about even his own powers. From Light's perspective, Ryuk is both ignorant and a liar, certainly not a reliable source of information, so even if we take the manga continuity as superior canon than the anime, then Light still has reasons to think that L might need a warning. Also, Light knows first-hand about the temptation that the power of the death note represents, and he doesn't want L to suffer from that. After all, Light is intelligent enough to suspect that L or N might be capable of creating death notes once their trees get large enough.


	28. Chapter 28

**CHAPTER 28**

L pulling a gun, trying that insane stunt, it had been surprising but not really unexpected. It had been all too obvious that L had been planning something big for the last day. Guessing what L was thinking at any given time was becoming easier, at least with certain things.

Whenever L wanted to hide something, his facial expression was particularly blank and unsuspicious. On the last day L had looked so blank that Light had experienced an eerie feeling, almost as if L had been replaced with some kind of robotic, humanoid doll.

That much had tipped Light off, and after mentally going through every possible scenario L might have planned, being threatened with death was seemingly the most likely of them.

The only thing that surprised Light was that it ended up being L pulling a gun on him, instead of some other sort of carefully crafted life-threatening situation. Light had swallowed his panic, ignored his racing heart, and simply confronted L with calmness, to force L to back down by looking him in the eyes and letting him realize that he had feelings, that he had human emotions, and that he wasn't actually crazy enough to shoot his lover.

Light knew he was right, and so he wasn't truly scared as the gun was pressed to his chest, he just had a jolt of adrenaline to his system, and afterwards a kind of glowing pride at how he'd backed L into a corner where L didn't have a choice. Light had been a helpless, bound prisoner, and yet he'd defeated L with nothing except words and a facial expression. It was a nice little victory to gloat about.

Then, hours later, the confusion had slammed into him right after the moment of memory loss, and it had been devastating in every way that the gun incident hadn't been. Light was shaken to his core, his mind racing, absolutely furious at Kira for doing such a thing to him.

The loss of control was simply unacceptable, and then there was L, being annoying, trying to start up questioning right away. Goddamn L with his devotion to the case outweighing everything else, even outweighing comforting his lover, which any normal person would do first in a situation like this, but L was weird and too business-like in his actions to do things that way.

On any usual day Light admired it, L's devotion to the cause of justice. L was perfectly built to go after criminals, to clean up what the police couldn't solve. The way L's mind operated was a marvel to watch, and L would stay up late night after night, combing through the most boring files ever for the one clue that really mattered, which he had an uncanny knack for zeroing in on.

L was cleaning up a rotten world. In terms of the world in general it was a slow process, but it was also a remarkable amount of work for one person. If only there were a hundred detectives just like him, or better yet a thousand, the world would be much closer to perfection.

But this wasn't a normal day or a normal case. Light wanted to strangle L and to be tenderly comforted by L at the same time. The detective was absolutely infuriating and attractive all at once. Light had a strong desire to be held but he wasn't going to ask for it. He wanted to keep his composure, not to fall apart. The evidence, it was all so awful, so incriminating, so much of it pointing at himself.

Even if he had been trying to make himself suspicious, did it really need to be so bad? Sure, it was subtle rather than blatant until the end, but evidence that was too obvious would have revealed Light as a decoy. In that case L would have only wasted a brief amount of time and very few resources on a decoy Kira, with little advantage for the true Kira. It made sense, it fit in with the best way for Kira to waste L's time and divert his suspicions.

Light had delayed the start of L's questioning session as he thought furiously of what to say, going over and over everything he could remember and noting the gaping holes around certain subjects and incidents. Why hadn't it been more obvious the first time around? The same holes were back; he remembered thinking about many of these very gaps the first time he'd lost his memories, except that previous time he hadn't known he'd lost anything.

And now that more time had passed, there were new gaps to worry about. Not knowing what had truly happened was almost too much to bear. A Kira who could kill, and who could control people's actions and minds, and on top of that strike out pieces of their memories, it was terrifying beyond belief. How had L stayed so calm through it all?

But Light kept bringing his jittery mind back to the most important aspects, and it all came down to the same conclusion in the end, no matter which assumptions he made.

Light knew he couldn't be Kira. A decoy and a victim and an ally only by force, yes, but not the real original Kira. And yet Light couldn't shake the thought that he'd been ill-prepared for his memory loss the first time around, and that this second time he needed to consider all possibilities and think them through correctly. Even possibilities that he didn't want to consider.

If he wasn't Kira, then there was nothing to lose by telling L everything honestly, without holding back. Either there was nothing left in his memories that Kira would kill him for, or Kira was no longer capable of killing, or Kira was already going to kill him no matter what he said.

And if by some odd, one-in-a-million chance he were actually Kira, then he would have planned for this situation, he would have predicted his memory-less version's thoughts, and he would have known that the present version of himself would conclude there was no reason to hide anything from L. And, if that were so, then the former version of himself would have thought of some way of stopping any damaging confession. Since nothing was stopping him, there must be nothing in his remaining memories that mattered.

Either way, it made sense to tell L everything he'd hidden before, including meeting with Naomi Misora randomly in the police station, and that odd hijacking incident with Raye Penber. It couldn't hurt at all, no matter which assumptions Light made.

Light talked and talked and talked in response to L's questions. It felt like he was spilling his guts for L to see. It was a little bit of a relief to admit everything, but mostly it was terrifying. Light found himself feeling numb as the hours stretched on, emotionally exhausted, responding to L's soft, even monotone almost automatically as the idea of sleep became ever more attractive.

When Light glanced at the clock and saw it was 4 a.m., he decided he'd had enough of L's nonsense and went to bed, gradually drifting off to sleep under the gaze of an L who was sitting in a chair next to the bed, watching Light with an almost feverish intensity and constantly nibbling at his thumb. Light didn't expect L to sleep at all. He never slept when important events were unfolding rapidly.

Light's sleep was restless, shallow. His mind rebelled against all the bits and pieces that simply didn't fit together at all. Thus it was very easy for something unknown to impinge on his consciousness, to drag him out of his sleep into an uneasy half-awareness. He opened his eyes just barely, seeing L pulling out a cellphone.

Light shut his eyes immediately and kept them closed, ears straining for the sound of Watari's voice on L's cellphone. It was barely audible, barely recognizable as Watari, but L was close by and Light did think he understood a few of Watari's words during the conversation.

Among them was "Yotsuba" and that single word set off a swarm of speculations in Light's brain.

As soon as it sounded like the conversation had ended Light barely opened his eyes and through the slits saw L trying to sneak away, right after he'd said, "Send a team to secure Light. I need to know he isn't doing anything while I investigate."

 _Yes, that's exactly what L would do. Send in some employees to watch me and effectively imprison me while he goes to check out this lead by himself, regardless of my feelings or the danger to himself. And then, if it turns out to be something I vitally need to know, he'll probably conceal it from me for months while he runs tests. That isn't going to happen._

Light feigned more sleepiness than he actually had, as he said, "What do you need to investigate?"

L froze, looking guilty. From the expression on his face he must still be feeling terrible about his incredibly stupid plan. In the next moment L's face and eyes became completely blank.

 _In this condition, he won't be able to resist giving in to what I ask. Right now he's spineless and malleable._

In a voice just pitiful enough to appeal to L's sympathy, but not pitiful enough to come across as obviously fake, Light said, "L, don't go without me. If this is important I need to be informed."

L replied, "It's just a minor incident. You need your sleep."

"You wouldn't leave me alone right now unless it was extremely important. In fact, since we are no longer working on anything except the Kira case I am sure it must be something to do with it. Am I wrong, or did Watari just say 'Yotsuba' on the phone?"

L muttered, "You have disturbingly excellent hearing for someone who was supposed to be asleep."

But then L was giving in, talking on the phone to Watari again and arranging a trip to Osaka. It was an hour by plane, and with the airport nearby it should only take slightly longer than that to actually arrive.

L was running out of the room then, Light barely able to keep up as they exited their suite and then the hotel and then got into the back of a limo, with a soundproof barrier to seal off the driver.

During the short drive to the airport L talked to Watari, updating Light every so often with summaries, as Light could only catch the occasional word from what Watari was saying and L was unwilling to simply put the conversation on speakerphone.

Light idly wondered if he were being fed any lies as part of a test to see whether he knew anything about this new development.

Well, if L were telling the truth, then there had been some sort of bomb threat mailed in to the Yotsuba headquarters in Osaka. It had been ignored at first but later caused an evacuation of most of the employees, after a large truck drove directly through a wall into the main lobby. A number of employees were still trapped on the top few floors of the skyscraper.

The truck was apparently driverless and it did not explode as was feared. However, after the police's bomb squad had determined the truck was harmless, there was an explosion and a fire on one of the evacuated lower floors from an unknown cause. There was no power in the building, the elevators were non-functional, all the stairwells were choked with smoke and two of them had collapsed. Those people on the upper floors who had failed to evacuate earlier could not descend. Rescue helicopters had removed some employees from the roof but it was a slow process. Police had completely surrounded the skyscraper on all sides, creating a secure perimeter.

Nobody had successfully investigated the explosion so far. Those who had tried had all met with collapsing hallways, new fires that started suddenly for no reason, and other strange experiences. Presently, all attempts to investigate had ceased and the police were merely holding the perimeter and rescuing victims from the roof.

As soon as L and Light reached the airport there was a quick transfer from the limo to a waiting private jet, with the pilot also sealed away behind a sound-proof barrier, and there L finally opened a real audio connection to Watari.

L also set up a series of video feeds to a bank of monitors. It showed the Osaka Yotsuba headquarters from multiple vantage points, all from cameras that the police or L's employees had set up, and one monitor started playing a video showing an ongoing interview with a random Yotsuba employee who had tried to get closer to the source of the explosion.

L opened a laptop and placed it on Light's lap. It was already playing the beginning of a video that was showing Light's confession at headquarters.

L said, "After this one several other videos will play. All of them relate to your situation."

 _So, L is keeping his word about filling me in on everything I forgot but that he knows. I remember saying that I had been manipulated by Kira, just not in this much detail, or the reason why I did so. Is this like the confession I made before being locked up the first time, when I told Dad and the others that I thought I might be Kira?_

Light had a sick feeling in his stomach as he watched himself on the video, talking to an invisible presence called "Rem" and confessing to being a pawn of Kira. The thought of a criminal such as Kira controlling his actions, through blackmail or memory manipulation or some other means, it was completely vile. And then, through it all, there was the uneasy thought burning in Light's brain, the knowledge that if it had been anyone other than himself on that video he would strongly suspect that person of actually being Kira and lying about being a victim.

 _No, that is what Kira wants me to think. Kira wants me to doubt myself. Kira is evil and a murderer. I'm not evil, so I can't be Kira. I'm making this too complicated in my mind when it is actually very simple to figure out. Just because I think most of the people killed by the first Kira deserved to die, that doesn't mean I murdered them. I'm sure plenty of other people thought the same thing, good people who don't have murder in their hearts, and I am just as innocent as they are. Everyone wishes that some people would just die. Wishing is not a crime._

Light's glance flickered to L.

 _L can't keep his eyes off me. He just keeps watching. It's creepy._

L was seated in precisely the right position to observe all the screens and Light's face at once. L was obviously studying, analyzing. Light wanted to be out of that intense scrutiny long enough to get his thoughts collected, but he also wanted to endure through it all under L's gaze; he wanted to show L, once and for all, that there was nothing to fear, that the worst couldn't be true. To prove L wrong. It was important, and it would eventually be accomplished.

 _The way L has always arranged our meetings, they are secure but not actually secure enough for dealing with a Kira suspect. There are vulnerabilities I could have easily exploited, if I had wanted to. It was L testing me, and it proves that I was not on Kira's side by choice, but merely because I was being blackmailed or otherwise forced into it. It is proof that I am innocent. However, there is no doubt I had something to do with Kira in the past. I would not have cooperated willingly, but if Kira threatened to kill my family..._

 _Does Kira still have any power over me? Will I lose more memories, or suddenly try to uncover L's identity, or become a pawn in a new plan? Is that the real reason L is letting me tag along? To see if, as soon as we reach the site, Kira tries to-_

Suddenly Light's attention was drawn to the screen showing the interview, as the Yotsuba employee being interviewed mentioned seeing a monstrous handprint suddenly appearing as crushed into the plaster of a wall, which was the point where he decided to turn back.

L prodded at his lower lip and said, "Watari, make sure that man is questioned about the exact location. I would like to get an impression of the handprint before it can be destroyed."

Watari's voice replied from a centrally-placed speaker, saying, "I will relay that information to your agent."

 _L is taking pains to conceal these names from me. Does Kira observe everything I do? If L spoke his real name around me, would Kira know it? No, if it worked precisely like that, then Kira would have already used all those people I know to attempt to attack L by now. Kira has been passive for too long._

Light stopped the video running on his laptop and said, "L, why would Kira do this now? Why not earlier? What does Kira hope to accomplish? Kira couldn't possibly think you'll be stupid enough to show up directly on the scene in person, right?"

L didn't answer, but from the way L's face became blanker Light guessed what would happen, and he had a sinking feeling in his stomach.

Light said, "No, you're not going to risk yourself like that."

L said, "Precautions will be in place. Besides, I risk myself every time I meet with you, in case you had forgotten. Kira knows that I must be getting impatient after such a long time with no activity. It is a little bit too obvious that this event is supposed to draw my attention. Kira also knows that I have a tendency to walk right into traps in an attempt to spring them. It is an opportunity that is too good to waste, and Kira surely realizes this."

L plucked a strawberry from a bowl in front of him and swirled it into his mouth with his tongue.

 _I can't stop him. He'll go by himself if I protest. The problem is, he's right. Even if it is a trap, this is our chance to get Kira, to find him and punish him for all the things he's done to me, and to my father. We can't be cowards now. And, if I can stop Kira this time, then I know he'll never mess with me again._

Light said, "Watari, we need all the information we can get on this building, especially blueprints. By the time this plane lands we can both have the layout memorized."

Watari's voice said, "I have already been obtaining that information. I think it will take about three minutes until I can get the last few files and send them to the two of you."

Suddenly, one of the monitors showed activity and shouts from the police on one side of the building, many of them pointing up.

L tapped away at the keyboard in front of him and one of the monitors zoomed in, showing some object hurtling through the air at a great height, toward the building. It crashed through the glass and went inside.

Light said, "What is that?"

L brought up a bunch of still frames of the object on the largest monitor, then picked one and enhanced it. At first Light still couldn't decide what he was looking at, but a moment later his brain sorted out the extremely odd angle of the thing. It was a jackhammer.

L said, "This suggests they are trying to get something that is behind, or underneath, a concrete barrier. The bomb threat, truck crash, explosion and fires are obvious attempts to keep people away from the lower floors while they do their work."

"They?"

"Kira has at least one shinigami working for him. There is a strong chance that Kira, or someone controlled by Kira, is within that building right now. Would Kira risk coming in person? That is the question. If he is a Yotsuba employee, he could mingle with the victims and later be rescued from the roof unsuspiciously. Still, it would narrow down the number of suspects and that would be dangerous for Kira. It is more likely that Kira is now in safety and is controlling one or more persons on the scene."

In a louder voice, L said, "Watari, how many victims have been taken from the roof so far, and how many do they estimate are left?"

Watari replied, "The helicopter has rescued thirty-one. They estimate at least two hundred are remaining. A number of them are refusing to be rescued, as they have been told the building is in no danger of collapsing and also because there are rumors circulating that the helicopter will be a target next."

L said, "If the police will agree with this, either cease rescue operations or make sure those rescued are held in a secure facility. Tell the police to keep the perimeter ring as tight as possible, and to shoot at any other flying objects they see that enter or leave the building."

Light said, "Why those that leave? It might be valuable evidence that could be used to convict Kira. We don't want it destroyed!"

"Kira would have already destroyed any evidence he didn't vitally need. Because he hid it instead of destroying it, Kira must need it. If this thing is a source of Kira's power it is better to destroy it forever than to risk that it might go back to Kira, even if it means we'll never be able to convict Kira."

"But... that's wrong! Just letting Kira go, after he's killed thousands of people?"

"The goal is to keep the evidence from leaving. Of course I hope to capture it instead of destroying it, but if the evidence is already leaving, it is best to admit defeat in that area, and take the smaller victory of destroying it. Such an action would most likely save lives."

 _That is true. I didn't think fast enough, I was so focused on getting Kira. This mission shouldn't be about revenge._

L clutched his hands on his knees tightly and said, "Watari, make sure the police on every side are armed with incendiary rounds, to burn anything that exits."

Light said, "What could the source of Kira's power be?"

L smirked and replied, "Watch the video of your interaction with Misa in the hotel, and then the video labeled 'NPA wife interview' on your computer. Especially note the reaction you are recorded as having the first time you watched the video live."

Light began playing those videos, seeing that at the same time the informational files from Watari were arriving. He arranged the programs to view both videos and Watari's files on his laptop at once.

The Misa video contained a few things he did not remember, but it wasn't the big shock. The big shock was in the other video.

Seeing what he'd done, seeing his strange reaction on the videotape to hearing about a magic notebook, it was making the hair prickle on the back of Light's neck. There was a sense of having been someone else entirely at the time, an inability to recognize any logical reason for the reaction, an eerie sense of memories and memory holes mixed together. The idea of such loss of control, to be a pawn of Kira, it kept unsettling Light. He just couldn't be comfortable, not even slightly. Kira needed to pay.

Light could feel, though, that there was something in him that didn't want to analyze these things too deeply, something that tried to shy away from certain lines of thought. Though the idea filled him with dread, he almost wanted to suspect himself of being the original Kira, _willingly_.

Some facts just fit together in a certain way... yet that had to be Kira's plan, to plant self-doubt in his mind. That had to be it. That was exactly how Kira would think.

Light could feel his resentment against L suddenly draining away all at once, turning into a kind of sick guilt that gathered in his stomach in a tight knot. L was only being intelligent, he was only using logic. L wasn't to blame at all. It was admirable, really, to be able to think that way under what had to be tremendous emotional pressure.

And yet, when Light snuck a glance at L and saw the calculating look on L's face, he couldn't help but have a fresh surge of anger. L could be so cold, so clinical, sometimes. Sure, L had to be hurting inside about investigating his lover for being Kira, but he rarely showed it.

 _Why hasn't L told me that if it did turn out that I used to be Kira, he would forgive me? Anyone with normal emotions would have either done that or ended the relationship by now. It is heartless to leave me hanging in limbo like this. Only L could be such a bastard._

And then Light thought of how many risks L had willingly put himself under to continue the relationship, and the anger turned back into guilt just as suddenly, guilt accompanied with a terrible weight of exhaustion.

 _No, I can't get mired in this kind of thinking when we are finally getting clues again. I will solve this, I will find the real Kira, and then I won't ever have to worry about this again. We are very close to the end, I can feel it. I have to concentrate on what is important right now._

Light turned off the damned videos and concentrated his full attention on the files and the blueprints Watari had sent. Light quickly saw a pattern that made his heart start beating faster.

Light said, "The skyscraper has a concrete foundation that is twenty-four meters thick, and this foundation was being poured the same day that the mysterious object was dug up from the place Misa mentioned, the one that bystanders saw flying away."

L said, "Yes, the flying box. I am now sure that it was being carried by a shinigami. A pity that we never caught up to it."

Light said, "How long does it take to dig through concrete that thick with a jackhammer?"

L said, "Long enough that we might arrive before the evidence has been uncovered. This is especially likely if Kira does not have the full cooperation of whichever shinigami buried it and is unsure precisely where it was buried."

 _Could it really be so simple? This must be a trap, after all. But, can Kira hear everything that I hear? If that is true, Kira will know about our preparations, but perhaps Kira's link with me is now broken. In any case, I am sure L has already thought about this and is only saying things that it is fine for Kira to hear._

Light said, "That is our goal, then. To reach this evidence before Kira can disappear with it. I think Kira will let us further than the others who have tried to penetrate this mystery, because it is a trap for you, and perhaps for me as well. If Kira can kill you, I will probably be the next enemy to die."

L's eyes had that subtle sparkle that came when the end was nearing on any mystery. Light smiled to see it.

L prodded carefully at his lower lip with a thumb and said, "I think the same. It would be pointless for Kira to let a random police officer or a bomb squad member get close to the evidence, but once we arrive I am sure we will be able to get closer than anyone else has so far. Kira will try to trap us as we approach very near to the evidence, and far from any help. If we try to bring guards Kira will stop us while we are still too far away to get any useful information. We must make ourselves vulnerable in order to win this contest."

 _I do not like this, but it is worth it to catch Kira. There is no way that Kira can win against the two of us. We will outsmart him._

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

For some reason, innocent!Light always seems a little bit weak to me, in canon or out of it, and just not as interesting as Kira!Light. I do not think Kira!Light is a good person, but as a character he's fascinating in a way that innocent!Light simply isn't. Innocent!Light is, like Takada, kind of on the blah side of things.

However, this fanfic version of innocent!Light has a bit more sense than innocent!Light in general usually has, perhaps because of experience. He's been through this before, and he is thinking about things a bit more realistically the second time around. Enough to be a little bit conniving, anyway.

I hope this chapter's in character. I've been trying to show character development for both Light and L. Light is not as naive as he seems, and also the experience of giving up the Kira plan has changed him even though he doesn't remember giving it up. L has been changing too. L is 26 years old now and L's craziness has softened some, more than L wants to admit to himself.

Light is going through mental chaos, and I'm trying to show that by him having anxiety and contradictory thoughts. He can't quite decide what he wants or what he believes.


	29. Chapter 29

**CHAPTER 29**

It was easy to get into the building itself. To the mass of police officers surrounding the perimeter, L and Light were simply yet more bomb inspectors, the only ones brave enough to still be willing to enter the building. They both wore full-body hazardous materials suits and breathing masks to obscure their identities. Only a few of the higher-ups had been told they were employees of L, and nobody had seen their faces.

Light hardened his determination as the ring of police officers parted to let them through. He took to heart the words of encouragement the officers were calling out, though they didn't know how important this was. This was the final showdown, the last chance to outsmart Kira.

L was trailing behind a little, as if he were the subordinate of the two, and that was good, it would probably make him slightly safer. L was wheeling an oxygen tank. There was a danger of smoke inhalation, and the shared oxygen tank would tie them together by force unless they were in an area without smoke. In any case, L had made it clear that it was not allowed for Light to disconnect from the tank and go off on his own without permission, or if he did his Kira percentage would rise to nearly a hundred percent, and there would be consequences of some kind.

The fact that L hadn't specified exactly what the consequences would be made Light surmise that it would probably be bad. L would be very angry; perhaps he'd even break off the relationship, or at least pretend to for a few months.

They entered together through the hole that had been smashed in the wall by the truck, with glass crunching under their boots, turning on their flashlights as soon as they came far enough inside the gloom. The only other light came from the headbeams of many police cars shining through the glass walls and from the dim flickering glow of distant fires shining down hallways.

L suddenly yanked on Light's oxygen tube, keeping him from stepping forward, and said, "Koi Pond."

Light looked down and saw, almost hidden by sheets of rubble and collapsed ceiling tiles, a build-in floor pool that he'd been only a few steps away from falling into. It hadn't been on the blueprints they'd received. It must have been installed later.

Light flicked his flashlight downward to reveal it fully, and saw several of the large ornamental goldfish circling there in the clearer parts of the water. Light traced the extent of the pool with his flashlight's beam and made a new route around it, through deeper rubble but without a dangerous false floor underneath.

It wasn't possible to get down the hallway that should be the best route for getting to the eastern stairwell, the one reported to be the clearest. They ended up retracing their steps and trying a different hallway, but they still couldn't get to the desired stairwell because of another cave-in in that direction.

L came close and said, as quietly as he could and still be heard through the mask, "We'll need to take the western stairway."

"But that's on fire!"

"There was a fire there, it may have died down by now. In any case, we will not face any dangers from smoke inhalation, and if it is impossible to get past the fire without being burned we can always return here and try using the axes to go through walls around the collapsed portions."

Light said, "Agreed."

When they were almost to the correct doorway, there was a crunching sound from behind and L suddenly hissed loudly. Light spun around to see their cameras, tiny things that had been hidden on the wheeled oxygen tank, being lifted into the air one by one and crushed. During the process, L struggled briefly with an invisible form, and then as soon as the last camera was destroyed he was clawing at empty air, trying to touch, but his hands were obviously encountering nothing.

Suddenly the dark innards of the building seemed more ominous than ever, with the pressing gloom every place the flashlights weren't pointing, and strange jagged shapes everywhere. Nothing was as it should be.

L slid his cellphone from a pocket, pushed a few buttons, and while dangling it next to his face said, "Watari, Kira knows we are here. Did you get footage of the cameras being destroyed?"

Light could just barely hear an affirmative reply from Watari.

L said, "We will proceed to the basement through the western stairway. If you receive the emergency signal, dig through that wall to reach us. If I am no longer alive, be sure that no objects are removed from the building without being destroyed. Search anyone as soon as they leave."

The emergency signal would be sent out if L's cellphone were destroyed or if he sent out the signal purposely by using a small transmitter hidden somewhere on his body.

As Light leaned closer, he heard Watari say, "If I do not receive that signal, how long should I wait until trying to retrieve you?"

"As long as you can wait. We must be allowed to gather as much evidence as possible. Extraction is a last-resort solution."

Watari replied, "I am not sure that is wise."

L said, "Do not tell me how much risk to take. I am willing to die for this case."

At that there was silence on the phone, followed by a loud sigh and, "Very well."

The western stairwell was choked with smoke, and just inside the door there was a pile of rubble that entirely blocked off access. L and Light together worked to pick up the debris: chucks of concrete, snarls of broken-off tubing and electrical wire, and twisted air-conditioning units and desks.

After they had cleared enough of a space to crawl through and drag the oxygen tank behind them, Light surveyed the smoking hole and the intact stairway he could see through it and said, "This was obviously placed here, it didn't just fall. Perhaps we should use a different route."

"Either Kira does not want us to enter this way," L said, "or this is the surest route to the trap."

 _The trap. What does Kira plan? To expose our faces? Surely Kira could have done so before now, in a less obvious way._

L began moving but Light pushed ahead of him, determined to be the first through the gap. Some remaining small rubble rolled under his feet, the pile shifting and unstable. Light dropped to hands and feet for the last bit, glad of having thick gloves to protect him from the shards of glass. Then he was through the space they'd created and reached backwards to grab L's hand and help to pull him through as well.

The stairwell was completely open past the artificial pile; only that particular door had been blocked by heaped-up rubble. The stairs and walls were intact, but smoke was pouring up from somewhere below and swirling further up into the darkness to ascend.

Light used his flashlight but it only helped a bit because of the obscuring smoke, which only obscured more when it was illuminated. They descended and as they did so the red-lit glow increased, along with a roaring, crackling sound of the flames. When Light turned the last corner and saw the fire, he was surprised at its modest size. For all that smoke, he had expected something larger. He carefully swept the area with his flashlight beam, looking for anything else dangerous, but not seeing anything out of the ordinary.

L huddled close and in a low tone he said, "It should be easy to get past this small fire. Be ready."

 _He thinks Kira's trap might be just beyond this door. But he is talking as if he isn't talking to me. I know this already. He must have left his cellphone on so Watari can still hear us._

Light hesitated a few more moments to scan with his flashlight, then began walking slowly towards the exit, feeling with his feet every step of the way in case the floor were somehow rigged to collapse. Just as his hand was reaching for the door handle, loud thumps echoed down the stairway, coming from somewhere far above. It sounded large and alarming, but not like collapsing walls or ceilings, rather like something very heavy being pushed and rolled along, accompanied with bangs and scraping noises.

L said, "I suspect the hole we created is being closed up again. When we are ready to leave, we may have to seek a different way out."

 _This proves it. He is narrating for Watari. I wouldn't need to hear something so obvious._

The sounds were getting closer.

 _Although, is it truly more rubble for the heap? I almost think it is getting-_

Light said, "Watch out, the trap is behind us."

L had already started to turn, the front of his head pointing in the direction of the last flight of stairs.

 _Or, Kira is hoping to get us between two traps. Something could still happen with that door to the basement, or on the other side of it. However, if Kira can command a shinigami to kill us with rubble, then why aren't we dead yet? Also, why weren't the previous people who tried to investigate this scene killed instead of merely being scared away?_

Light turned his head to keep both the bottom of the stairway and the door into the basement in view at the same time, though they were almost in opposite directions and so each place was close to the edge of his peripheral vision. Moments later, a couch came into view, descending the stairs by itself.

Light was afraid to turn his gaze away from the door to get a good look, but he heard L say, "There are impressions on one end, as if large invisible hands are grabbing it. The shinigami is pulling this sofa down the stairs."

The couch stopped, and L said, "Is it Rem or Ryuk? It is of no use to pretend you are not moving the sofa."

At that, a horrible screech started and Light couldn't help but look directly, seeing words scratching themselves into the surface of the concrete wall next to the couch.

It said, "Good deduction. You always were fun."

L said, "Rem is more concerned with threats. Ryuk is more concerned with fun. I guess that you are Ryuk. Ryuk, you are obviously strong enough to kill us. Why are we still alive?"

More words appearing, spelling out, "It wouldn't be fun to tell you why."

L replied, "For that matter, why has nobody else died at this scene? There have been fires, explosions and collapses, but everyone we know of is still alive. Nobody has even been seriously injured."

Feeling a little silly talking to empty air, Light said, "Ryuk, why do you need a jackhammer if you can claw so easily into concrete?"

Words appeared again, saying, "It takes longer with claws. Why don't you visit the dig site and see? It would go faster with help."

L said, "And exactly where is that dig site?"

There was no reply, but the couch started moving again. Light could see the pressed-down marks of huge fingers on it, and he noted the way that the jerky dangerous-looking lurches of the couch slowed down in order for it to gently ease past L and then join the fire.

 _The shinigami does not want to harm us. Or is that a trick too? Perhaps it is incapable of harming us, or unwilling. What kind of god of death is this? A very pathetic one, if it won't kill or maim._

L said, "This stairway is intact, Ryuk, though you could easily collapse it. You are deliberately filling it with smoke, so that those without oxygen tanks cannot descend, which would apply to all those employees trapped on the upper floors. Are you trying to leave it as an evacuation route? To be used later, after you have what you want?"

There was no answer.

After a few minutes of additional tries by L to get some sort of communication, Light pulled subtly on L's oxygen hose. At that, L fell in behind once again and Light opened the door. It showed an equipment room of some kind, with pipes and large metal tanks in rows. A loud sound echoed constantly from somewhere. The air was clear, free of smoke. Light quickly exited, pulled L along behind, and then flattened himself against the wall, sweeping the area with his flashlight's beam.

 _What is Kira's plan? We need to outsmart him, not to merely fall into his trap, but to spring the trap and turn the tables on him. Kira can't be here in person, can he? He wouldn't take such a risk. But at least one person controlled by Kira is probably here. According to the Yotsuba group's information, Kira's power cannot force the intended victim to kill someone else, so it must be that our identities are meant to be exposed somehow, so Kira can kill us personally. Does L intend to deliberately expose our faces to spring the trap, and then trace Kira's controlled victim back to Kira?_

L said, "The dig site is obviously where the noise is. It is not very far."

 _I know my way through these rooms as well as he does. Perhaps we should take an unexpected route. Although, Kira would expect that as well. There are only two choices now. To go directly there, or to explore elsewhere first._

Light began leading away from the noise, intending to circle the noise from every direction and search for additional clues, but a voice, a familiar-sounding voice that Light couldn't quite place, suddenly called out, "Hey! Who is it that has a light over there?"

Another voice said, "Is there a way out? Are you the rescuers?"

L's flashlight was already swinging toward the source of the voices, and then it came to rest. There, poking their heads around from behind a large boiler, were two faces Light had not expected to see.

L said, "Reiji Namikawa and Shingo Mido, you have some explaining to do since you do not even work in this city."

 _L is letting go of the element of surprise so easily? Well, he needs to narrate for Watari, and even if these two are knowingly working for Kira they must already have some idea of who we are, so it is only a small loss._

Mido shaded his eyes from the flashlight and squinted in their direction. He coughed weakly a few times and then said, "Who are you?"

Namikawa said, "Careful. Either they are working for Kira, or for L."

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

There is a big climax very soon, with actual violence. Plus there will soon be some things you may have thought I'd forgotten about: the tree, and Sayu.

There will also be watermelons.

Why has nobody died? Rem can't kill if it is part of a plan to protect Misa, and although Ryuk is helping Rem and he cares nothing for Misa, it is still fatal for a shinigami to kill or seriously injure a human in any way other than by using a death note. Thus, Ryuk is acting on the safe side out of his own self-interest, and has actually been herding people away from harm so that all the chaos he has helped to create doesn't have a chance of accidentally killing himself. I suppose in order to break that rule, it would probably have to be a direct result of the truck crash, the explosion, or the fires, but Ryuk isn't taking any chances.

I suppose Ryuk could have done a pre-emptive kill of everyone in the building so he doesn't have to worry, but unless he wrote their deaths for the future the building would be such an obviously dangerous place that L and Light wouldn't enter, and Ryuk would be deprived of fun. And, Ryuk might not be smart enough to think of writing names for the future so that it all seemed peaceful. Plus, it would be a lot of work, and it might ruin any future fun he might think of regarding these people.

Or, at least that's what I intend. I think there are always plot holes if you look at the full set of shinigami rules too closely, because, ultimately, they aren't fully compatible with each other and with the canon storyline. But only if you start thinking about them and their implications very deeply. It's called "Fridge Logic" on the tv tropes website if you want to look it up. There are some things you aren't supposed to think about too deeply because they make fiction less fun. So I try to stay as close as I can to the actual shinigami rules while also putting my own interpretation on them.

The scene where Light almost falls into a Koi Pond is inspired by the "Koi Pond" episode of "The Office" where Michael falls in a Koi Pond.


	30. Chapter 30

**CHAPTER 30**

After Namikawa's statement, L said, "And which way would the two of you prefer? Would it be better news if I worked for Kira or for L?"

Mido replied, "We have no choice regardless. If we declared our loyalties to be with one side and then it turned out you actually work for the opposite side, we'd die or get arrested. Of course we are neutral, and yet we'll do whatever you require of us. We are not a threat."

L came closer to the pair and brought out from his backpack a lantern, turning it on with a click of a switch and placing it on the floor, brightly illuminating a small area between two rows of metal tanks. As L moved, Light was forced to follow after by his oxygen hose. L was already crouching down just across from Mido and Namikawa, his back against a large metal tank, his gloved hands sitting on top of each knee. Light sat down next to L and studied the two Yotsuba employees in the lantern light.

L said, "I do not require assistance, only an explanation. I am Ryuzaki, and my associate is Asahi."

Namikawa said, "Kira would not require an explanation, as Kira almost certainly staged this. These men are most likely working for L. After all, they hide their faces. Kira could control people to come here and do whatever it is that Kira wants, and Kira's puppets would have no need of hiding their faces."

Mido said, "Or, it could be Kira's men, testing us by pretending to be L's men."

Light said, "What makes you think Kira staged this?"

Mido said, "Both of us were tricked into coming here by fake emails, summoned to an important meeting that simply did not exist. In each case the emails appeared to be coming from our superiors, but after we arrived and were unable to find the meeting, we checked back with them. Our bosses said they'd never sent any such emails."

Namikawa added, "Then, before we could leave, the truck crashed into the lobby and we were trapped along with everyone else who had been on the upper floors at that moment."

L tapped one gloved finger at the corner of his mask, just above where his mouth would be, and said, "Yet you are here, in the basement, away from everyone else. How did that happen? Tell us the full story."

Mido said, "We were on the thirteenth floor when it happened, still talking to our bosses on our cellphones and trying to sort out the mistake. There was a very loud crash. Everyone was told to stay where they were or to go further up, away from the trouble, to not risk coming down until the police had secured the area. After a time the police decided the area was safe and started evacuating the lower floors, but then there was an explosion and after that everyone who tried to go down met with trouble and returned."

Namikawa added, "There were rumors that a gunman was on the lower floors, killing everyone, but I decided these were false as the shots would have been heard. Still, it was difficult to convince anyone that it might be a good idea to descend. There were many rumors and strange stories. Some people we talked to reported getting grabbed by something invisible and dragged up the stairs."

L said, "Who?"

Mido said, "We don't work here, we don't know the names of these people."

Mido paused and suddenly looked frightened. Was he afraid that the act of denying names to possible agents of Kira would end up killing him?

Namikawa said, "Everyone was becoming hysterical at that point, and there were some oddly-timed collapses of ceilings near us, but never above us, as if we were being driven in circles, always gradually higher. No one was injured, but most people were upset and most held that the best idea was fleeing toward the roof. That direction was never blocked off. At one point a collapse separated us from the rest and we couldn't find any way back to them or upward. We were lighting our way by the glow from our cellphone screens, so it was slow and confusing. We were only able to get to one usable stairway and we couldn't go up on it. We could only go down, and none of the doors out of the stairway would open except the basement one. The way back is now blocked by that fire. None of the other stairways are passable at this level."

L said, "Only you two were summoned? What of the other four?"

Namikawa said, "I've already checked on them. They are in their respective homes, and nothing odd has happened. I could probably get any of them on the phone again if you wish."

L said, "This almost proves that none of the Yotsuba group's survivors could be Kira. Namikawa and Mido could not be, because Kira would not take so much of a risk as to appear personally at this scene. Furthermore, the appearance of Namikawa and Mido here, far from their usual workplace, makes the other four seem so suspicious that it must be a set-up. Kira would not do something so idiotic."

Light said, "However, Kira might have thought that way already, and he could be willing to take the risk of making himself look suspicious, thinking that we would think of it as such a suicidal move that we'd dismiss the possibility."

L began getting up, as he did so saying, "Namikawa and Mido, if you do go out of sight between now and when I can get you into protective custody for further questioning, it will cause significant problems for yourselves. Please follow along. Asahi, keep an eye on them."

Namikawa watched warily, and then got up, holding his hands open and in view, as if showing how harmless he was. After a tired-sounding sigh, Mido got up as well, coughing.

Namikawa said, "Ryuzaki, do you have flashlights for us?"

L said, "No, I have extra lights but I will place them all along the route back to the stairwell, so that we can run away easily and so that we may also have a better idea if anyone is approaching from that direction."

Light moved to herd Mido and Namikawa to the front, where they could be more easily watched. L was already walking ahead and, true to his word, he set down another lantern just where the pool of light from the first one was fading.

Namikawa said, "You are going toward that sound? Aren't you afraid there might be another bomb there?"

L said, "There is a chance I will not survive this."

Mido stopped so suddenly that Namikawa ran into him.

With a hysterical tremble to his voice, Mido said, "You're... you're forcing us to come along on a suicide mission? Are the two of you insane?"

Mido turned directly to Light and said, "Asahi, please don't make us go there. We can guard the way out, or do whatever else you want."

 _The way Mido is eyeing our oxygen tank... he's thinking of trying to take it by force and running._

Light said, "Kira has tried to kill both of us many times. We are experienced in dealing with Kira's traps. Besides, it is clear that Kira meant for you two to be here. Don't you think that refusing to perform your role might be dangerous?"

Namikawa said, "If we're already controlled, we'll die either way, whether we try to resist our controlled actions or not. But if we are not controlled and Kira meant for us to be here under our own direction, then if we stay we might survive but if we leave we'll just be killed as punishment or controlled to return."

Mido said, "You mean, Kira wants to frame us, or for us to act as decoys to draw L's suspicions? For that purpose we're no good if we die in twenty-three days."

Namikawa was just opening his mouth to reply when L was suddenly on the floor and letting out a choking sound. For a second, Light couldn't comprehend what was happening, whether L had tripped or not, but then he could see L's arms wrapped around something invisible, L straining and straining.

Light's heart was beating fast, his mouth dry, his feet frozen in place.

 _Is this it? A shinigami attack?_

L let out another choking sound. He was pinned as his hazardous materials suit was literally shredded off of his body. His struggles looked weak and entirely ineffective.

Then L took a huge gasping breath and said, "Help me!"

Light snapped out of the mental paralysis that had been gripping him and launched himself at where the shinigami should be, feeling silly and useless.

When he hit it, it was like tackling a marble statue. There was no give whatsoever, not the slightest reaction to his attacks, no matter how hard he hit. Unlike a statue, it was entirely invisible and it moved underneath him.

Light felt sick to his stomach as he noticed his feet were dangling off the floor. He was floating in the air to all appearances. He could hear Mido and Namikawa exclaiming excitedly behind him, and, underneath him, Light could see L continuing to lose the suit. It was being shredded into long ribbons bit by bit, even the boots and the gloves, revealing his usual outfit underneath.

 _Mido and Namikawa have cellphones, and they could be agents of Kira. They'll get L killed!_

Light let go, slid off the monster and said, "You two, hand over your cellphones now."

They were both reaching in their pockets when Light felt himself being tackled and pinned to the floor by something huge, heavy, and hard as stone. He screamed and kicked and swore but he just couldn't get loose of the invisible weight. He could feel bony hands gripping him in various places, and sometimes things like knees, and he watched helplessly as his entire protective suit was shredded to bits, including the mask.

 _They've seen us! They've seen both of our faces!_

Suddenly, the weight was gone, and Light was gasping, feeling violated, looking up at the three curious faces leaning over him.

L said, "Asahi, are you all right?"

Light became aware that both Mido and Namikawa were holding out cellphones in their stretched-out hands, as if to give them over.

Light said, "Ryuzaki, did you see? Did they take pictures of our faces yet? Get the cellphones and destroy them."

L said, "There is no need for that, Asahi. They haven't done anything."

 _Is he going to wait and see if they try to send pictures out, to let us get killed?_

 _No, he must be sure that by now Watari will have things rigged to intercept any such messages and replace any picture of L's face with a decoy. Yes, that must be it. Trace it to the destination. I panicked too much and I didn't think fast enough. Damn that shinigami! What is it trying to do?_

Namikawa said, "Now I recognize them."

Mido said, "Who are they?"

Namikawa replied, "It's the ambulance workers from when Misa Amane's manager faked his death. These are L's employees. Although, if Kira is orchestrating this incident they might be controlled by Kira, without even knowing it themselves."

Mido waved his hands and said, "It's a couple of kids! Are you sure these are the same guys?"

Namikawa said, "Yes, or at least I'm sure of Ryuzaki, because he is memorable. Asahi looks a bit more generic, so there is a possibility they could have replaced him with someone who looks similar, and I might not be able to tell the difference, after all this time."

L said, "Namikawa, it is interesting that you would remember us so well. I do have a little suspicion of you. You are intelligent enough that you have some potential as a Kira suspect."

Namikawa sniffed and then said, "I suppose that is good news, Ryuzaki, if suspicion is what keeps us alive. However, don't you want to take our phones away? I don't wish to be made too uncomfortable, or to be forced into being Kira's tool."

L waved his hand dismissively and said, "It doesn't matter. If you wish, you can have Asahi destroy them."

Light took the phones and shoved them into his pockets, reminding himself to smash them as soon as he had a chance.

L was already walking toward the jackhammer noise again, setting down small lanterns at intervals, and Light followed, herding Mido and Namikawa just in front of him. It was getting louder and more difficult to hear anything. Then a jagged block of concrete came into view, rolling along by itself. Mido jumped back with a little scream, but the concrete slowed and went around them. L's flashlight followed it as it joined a heap of concrete rubble.

Loudly, to be heard over the noise, L said, "I think there are only two of them. If one is moving blocks away from the pit and the other is using the jackhammer, then none of them are presently guarding the stairwell. However, I could be wrong and perhaps there is a third or a fourth or even more."

Namikawa said, "Two of what? That invisible thing that attacked you to destroy your suits?"

L didn't answer, but instead took a few more steps forward, his flashlight outlining a pit dug into the floor.

Over the jackhammer noise, L shouted, "Rem, we are here. What are you going to do about it?"

The sound did not stop. Light came closer, following L as he begun circling the pit and placing lanterns on the floor all around it. Light swept the bottom of the pit with his flashlight's beam, and saw a jackhammer there, standing by itself. Another chunk of concrete broke loose next to it and began rolling up the side of the pit, towards the rubble pile Light knew to be just a little distance back. When they had walked halfway around the pit they found a second pit, this one much deeper, with bare soil showing in the bottom.

L stopped as soon as he saw the other pit and said, "There are at least two dig sites. I do not think they are sure of its exact location."

Knowing Watari was listening and not wanting L to do all the work, Light said, "Look how deep it is, entirely drilled through the twenty-four-meter foundation, and yet they abandoned this one to start a new pit."

L crouched near the edge, probing into every crevice with his flashlight's beam. The pit edges were almost straight down, yet full of small furrows and broken, jagged protrusions from the way the concrete had been dug out. It was not only deeper than the new pit, but also narrower. The dirt at the very bottom had been churned, almost like plow-marks.

Suddenly L screamed and was falling into the pit... falling in slow motion. He was obviously trying to struggle but his arms were pinned to his sides as he floated slowly down.

L said, "A shinigami is pulling me into the pit. I am not hurt. I think we will all end up in this pit."

In a high-pitched, wavering voice, Mido said, "Shinigami?"

In the next instant Mido was running, following the trail of lanterns back along the route L had placed them on. The jackhammer noise stopped. Namikawa looked after Mido's disappearing form as if he were trying to decide whether he should run too.

Just then Light felt something like a giant gloved hand wrapping around the front of his face, cutting off his attempt to yell, and then something freakishly strong and large was wrapping around him and pinning his arms as well. Was it a monstrous, very long arm? Something like tightly-laced shoes pressed into the back of his neck. He could not sort out the shape of the thing that held him immobile, but he knew it was huge.

There was a whoosh of air and he felt feathers brush against his face briefly, and then he was in the air and was being handled roughly, flipped and caught as something dangled him by his ankles. He breathed slowly, trying not to scream, as he was lowered gently into the pit, head-first, resisting the impulse to grab at the walls.

There was screaming in the distance, abruptly cut off.

At last Light was within grasping distance of the bottom, and as soon as his fingers touched the dirt and he was about to relax the thing dropped him and he fell heavily onto his shoulder.

L flicked his flashlight briefly onto Light's prone form and then pointed it up again, looking upwards.

Light twisted into a sitting position and gazed up to see Mido descending, struggling in place, trying to bite but it seemed as if his mouth was full of something invisible, unable to close. His glasses were missing and his suit jacket was torn in two places. When Mido had almost reached the bottom, Namikawa became visible, floating over the edge of the pit and then descending. He didn't struggle much and seemed calmer.

As soon as Namikawa had been deposited as well, Mido stood up, brushing the dirt from his clothes, and said, "Well, what do we do now?"

Mido was looking at L, but L didn't answer. L just crouched there, staring off into space and probing at his bottom lip with the tip of a long index finger. The flashlight was hanging limply in a two-fingered grasp in his other hand.

Namikawa ran his hands along a jagged protrusion and said, "It would not be too difficult to climb this."

Light said, "If we try to climb out, won't they just push us back in? They might not be so gentle the second time."

 _Although, they are reluctant to hurt us, or at least they want to make us think this is true._

L still said nothing. He looked extremely blank.

 _Is he afraid to say anything more in front of Namikawa and Mido?_

Light took the flashlight from L's unresisting hand.

Namikawa said, "Asahi, what is wrong with Ryuzaki?"

In a soft, bewildered voice, as if musing to himself, L said, "It's useless. All of this is completely pointless."

 _No, L is planning something. But what can we do here, without climbing out?_

Mido looked at Light and said, "Asahi, tell us everything about this, now. We need to know how to get out of this alive, and what those creatures are capable of. Are they servants of Kira?"

Light said, "Anything more we tell you could compromise the investigation, risking your lives and our own."

Mido coughed several times and then said, "If your earlier theory is correct, Asahi, and we stand the best chance of surviving if we seem more like Kira suspects, then there is nothing at all to limit us from trying to extract information from the two of you. It is to our advantage to seem suspicious, so there is no reason to stop."

 _If it comes down to a fight, there is not much room here for L to use his swinging kicks. There is barely enough room for the four of us to stand without elbowing against each other._

Namikawa said, "Mido, don't you think it is odd that L would send the same two employees as he used more than a year ago, especially ones with appearances and behaviors that seem weird and unprofessional? If L had his choice of the best men from the FBI, CIA and who knows how many other organizations, why would he depend so much on two youngsters? Couldn't he find people with more experience?"

"Then," Mido replied, "this is a deliberate move, meant to make a statement?"

Namikawa said, "It is not an accident, it means something. Although-"

At that moment the jackhammer noise started up again and L softly said, "Move out of the way."

Light flattened himself against the wall as L began smoothing out the dirt, getting rid of the churned-up surface. L poked impatiently at Mido's and Namikawa's feet when they didn't immediately move.

L said, "This is what could save us. Get out of the way, or help me make it smooth."

Both men stepped back, onto their tip-toes, and L continued pushing the dirt into place.

In the same soft voice, L said, "Ryuk, I am sure Rem is not looking now. I think you have something to say to me, don't you?"

There was suddenly a feeling of something large in the middle, pressing everyone back against the walls of the pit. Light once again had the sensation of feathers tickling his face. Then he could see, in the center where L had made the dirt into a perfect writing surface, words were forming.

It said, "What you want is buried there."

Then an arrow formed, its point ending exactly where the jagged wall of the pit met the dirt. The next instant the invisible pressure was gone.

L read the words in a voice barely above a whisper, and then used his hands to obliterate everything.

L said, "To dig in that direction would be to approach the pit Rem is digging now, but from underneath. Is it a race to see who can reach that spot fastest? Or is it buried closer to this pit than to that one? Asahi, do you want to dig, or shall I?"

 _If we do find Kira's tool, if this whole thing isn't just a trick to waste our time, then it is best for L to find it, not me._

Light said, "Go ahead, Ryuzaki."

L selected a piece of broken concrete that fit in his hand well, almost like a scoop, and began digging at the spot Ryuk had indicated. Light squatted behind him and swept back the dug-up dirt as fast as L produced it, piling it behind himself.

Namikawa said, "Both of you keep saying things that are a little too obvious. You're bugged, aren't you?"

Without stopping his work, L said, "Those who are listening will not rush in to rescue the two of you, no matter the circumstances. We are bugged so that there will be a record of what happened here if we do not survive. As far as L is concerned, we are expendable. Now, please be silent and help. Mido, hold the flashlight. Namikawa, please get Asahi's pile even further out of the way and begin tamping it down so it will fit along the wall."

L was a very fast digger. Soon his body was disappearing into the hole up to his waist, and every time he wanted to retreat with the next load of dirt he had trouble wriggling backwards, so Light and the others had to pull him out. He was creating a long, narrow, shallow hole with its roof as the building's foundation, pointed directly towards what would eventually be the bottom of the second pit. He was increasingly filthy, caked with damp, clay-like soil from one end to the other.

And yet, the hole kept proceeding without any discoveries. Soon it was so long that L could disappear entirely into it, and it had to be widened a bit so that he could more easily wriggle backwards to the point where Light could snag his feet and pull him back out.

Then, just as Light was starting to loose hope of anything meaningful happening, he heard a small wordless sound of excitement, cut off abruptly. He crawled into the hole on his elbows, grasping L's feet.

L said, "Don't pull yet. I need to get it loose."

Light's heart was beating fast, but he waited patiently as the sounds of digging continued. It seemed to take forever until L said, "Pull."

And then he was pulling L out, insanely curious to see what it was L had found. L emerged from the hole looking like a long, skinny earthworm, slinky and covered in dirt, his face so smeared that only a few hints of his pale skin showed here and there, his eyes standing out starkly in his brown-coated face. At the end of his arms, as the last thing to emerge from the hole, he was dragging a cardboard box almost too large to fit through the hole's diameter. It was caked with soil and crushed almost flat.

Light felt as if he'd have a heart attack waiting for L to open the box.

 _Could it really be a notebook inside there? Although, even if it is a notebook, it could be merely a decoy or a trick, something meant to temporarily hold our attention until... what? What is the real trap here?_

Namikawa asked, "Inside that box is Kira's source of power?"

L said, "Perhaps. If any of you try to take it, it will not go well for you."

Mido said, "I would almost suspect you of being Kira, Ryuzaki. You want to acquisition Kira's power for yourself."

L said, "Think whatever you wish. You will not like what will happen if you interfere in what is to come. It is best for you to stay out of it."

Namikawa said, "If anything, Ryuzaki is being controlled by Kira. Why would Kira risk coming here in person when he could control a victim to dig for him?"

 _L is taking too long, I will open that box myself._

Light hooked his fingers under a flap of the cardboard and began working the tape loose.

L spun around possessively, pulling the box away and using his body to block Light from it.

L said, "Asahi, you will not open this box."

Something about the tone of L's voice sounded very dangerous, almost unhinged.

Light said, "We need to open it quickly. These shinigami could discover it at any point and take it away from us, trying to send it back to Kira. I know you want to open it inside a forensics lab, but this could be our only chance to see the evidence. Besides, if we do escape the pit with this box, do you think the shinigami will let us just walk out carrying it? We need to discard the box and then, if whatever is inside is small enough, hide that thing under someone's clothing as we attempt to leave. Otherwise, we have no chance of actually leaving with the evidence."

L said, "That is true, still, I will be the one who opens it. Watari, be ready to break through the western wall very soon. Make sure only our crew enters and bring four body bags for myself, Asahi, Mido and Namikawa. The pit we are in is about two-thirds the distance from the stairwell to the southern wall."

Mido said, "Body bags? You are planning to kill us, aren't you? You have our faces, our names, and Kira's power will be in your hands soon unless we stop it. Since we don't know your real names, it would be less dangerous to let one of us hold on to the source of Kira's power, until we can destroy it."

L said, "The body bags are so that all of us can be smuggled out without our faces being seen by the police and others around the perimeter. Any of them could be agents of Kira, knowingly or unknowingly. I am protecting your lives and your reputations, not risking them. Remember to lie still while you are being carried out."

Then Light was holding his breath and biting his bottom lip as L plucked delicately at the box, peeling the tape back, opening the flaps, and revealing a plastic garbage bag wadded up inside. Namikawa and Mido stood there tensely, but they did nothing to stop L.

L found the opening to the bag, removed more tape, and then slid his hand inside. Suddenly, a weird expression flashed across his face and was then erased almost instantly, replaced with utter blankness.

L slowly slid out what he had and let the box and plastic bag tumble to the ground as he did so. It was a slim, ordinary-looking black notebook, except that on the cover, in English, it had "Death Note" written.

 _This is it then. It should be simple for L to hide that under his clothing, and if we're fast enough and smart enough, we can flee with it. Once we analyze this in a lab, it should at the very least bring us much closer to discovering who could be Kira, and perhaps even allow us to catch him. The case could be over! I could be cleared._

In a low, dangerous-sounding voice, L said, "This is how Kira removes and restores memories. I remember everything now, absolutely everything I had forgotten."

 _This is great. It will all end now, won't it?_

L held the notebook out and said, "Asahi, if you touch the notebook I think you will remember too. Don't you want to remember?"

It felt very wrong somehow, a crushing weight of apprehension, but Light shook it off, knowing that he needed to have every possible bit of knowledge that could help to defeat Kira. He stretched out his hands and grasped the notebook.

 _I'm Kira. I'm Kira! I'm Kira!_

Everything was suddenly flowing into his brain all at once. Light heard loud screaming and realized it was his own. He knew it all, every twist and turn, just how dangerous the situation was, exactly how much trouble he was in and how badly things had gone. What seemed like hundreds of thoughts and emotions streamed through his mind quickly. Everything in his head was vastly speeded-up, while the real world seemed slow, almost frozen in time.

L was the owner; he had touched it first, so his memories wouldn't disappear again unless the notebook were burned or voluntarily given back to a shinigami. But Light's own memories were temporary, fragile, lasting only as long as he continued to touch the death note. He gripped it tighter than ever, panting as his scream subsided.

What had happened? Ryuk must have offered to help and then tricked Rem, just so he could stir up more trouble. That had to be it. Ryuk wanted to see what would happen if L got his hands on a death note once again.

Why had Rem been so stupid? Why hadn't she just phased through the foundation, making the death note both hers and intangible as soon as she touched it? Shinigami could not see inside solid things, only inside hollow things like pipes, so perhaps it would be like trying to find a lost tennis ball at the bottom of a large pool with your eyes closed. Still, though that method was troublesome, it shouldn't take as much time as trying to dig up the death note with a jackhammer, and it wouldn't alert a whole bunch of humans that something was happening.

No, there was more to it than that. The death note needed to be lifted from the earth in order to trigger ownership. If everything above it was concrete, it couldn't be lifted free of the ground, ownership couldn't go back to Rem, and the death note would remain tangible and ownerless. It would be solidly physical, a part of the human world. So the concrete had to be moved away first.

L had ownership, but it wasn't an insurmountable situation. L's memories could be destroyed again, and even with them intact he still didn't have absolute proof, just a very strong suspicion. The situation could be solved. All that was needed was getting the death note to the nearest fire and burning it, before L threw Rem into a killing panic or said anything too incriminating for Watari to hear.

Just as Light thought he was almost prepared for the challenge of getting the death note away from L and reaching a fire without ever letting go of it for an instant, he caught the look in L's eyes and a chill ran through his body, a chill so strong he almost let go of the death note.

L was staring at him with an expression of blazing hatred.

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

I think this is probably the biggest cliffhanger of the entire fic. Sorry for that! I'll try to get to the next chapter quickly.

Light has an obvious solution, burning the death note quickly, but he has to contend with numerous obstacles besides L: trying not to lose the temporary memories, dealing with possible interference from Mido and Namikawa, and either scaling a 24-meter wall (that's about 78 feet high) to reach a fire, or getting a fire started in the pit.


	31. Chapter 31

**CHAPTER 31**

 _I need to take control of the situation fast. In particular, I need to make sure it doesn't turn into a fight of three against one, or they'll certainly be able to snatch the death note away from me._

Light said, "You think you remember everything, but you don't remember as well as I do. This notebook has a corrupting influence on your memories. Kira has implanted exactly the right memories for you to follow his plan, until he erases them again. I've been through this three times before, so I'm more resistant to the process. You need to let me have the notebook before you do something dangerous with it. The only way to stop Kira is to burn this notebook. Trying to smuggle it out is insanity and will only lead to everyone here being killed."

L's only response was to yank, but Light held firm, refusing to be dislodged and crowding L against the wall so that he couldn't make any drastic movements.

Light looked at Namikawa and said, "The moment Ryuzaki is left alone with it, we're all dead."

 _This should make them paranoid about the possibility of L snatching it away from me, and even if I do lose my memories, this means there's a chance Mido or Namikawa will complete the task for me._

Mido gripped L's shoulder in his hands and said, "Until we've decided what to do, Ryuzaki, I don't want you to have it."

Namikawa said, "Mido, don't touch the notebook. It is entirely possible that both of them are deluded and Kira means for us to fight with each other. If Kira can change people's memories when they touch that thing, then we'll be contaminated as well if we touch it."

 _L will call in Watari at any moment, unless I can make headway fast. He's only been delaying up until now in hopes that I'll reveal evidence of myself as Kira._

Light pinned L against the wall, both of them with their hands squeezed between their chests, gripping the death note. It was the most effective position for not letting go.

Light said, "I can prove what I say is true. I'll show you now."

With all the loudness he could muster, Light screamed, "Rem!"

The sound of the jackhammer stopped, and a few moments later Rem was dropping over the edge, into the pit. She landed with no sound at all, incorporeal, overlapping with Mido and Namikawa.

Light said, "Rem, take the death note away and drop it into a fire. That is all I require of you."

Rem said, "I cannot do that. He is now the owner. I cannot take it from him by force, I could only kill him and take it. Do you wish me to do so?"

L said, "Interesting. Then you have to obey me, shinigami?"

Rem said, "I do not have to obey anyone. Light, should I kill L now?"

Light said, "Don't kill him. Remember our deal. Nobody dies."

L said, "You're ordering Rem not to kill me? Why? And why would Rem obey someone who isn't an owner? You must have discovered a way to gain some control over the shinigami."

For the first time since L had become an owner, Light saw a bit of doubt in his eyes, and Light's heart jumped at the thought.

Light said, "Rem, then carry both of us, just like this, to the nearest fire. I'll sort it out with him when we arrive."

Rem was suddenly very solidly physical and had wrapped an arm around both of them. Light was crushed hard against L, the death note trapped between their bodies, their arms pinned in place. Light couldn't see much other than L's shoulder and Rem's bony torso as the shinigami ascended the pit in a series of stomach-wrenching lurches, but he could feel L trying to kick.

 _Only our legs and our mouths are free to move. L will kick and bite._

 _I have to keep him from thinking that Rem might be protecting Misa. If I can just keep him from saying anything about it long enough to destroy his memories, I'll win. The focus needs to be on me._

Their knees were jostling together, Light feeling how L was trying to get into position for a vicious jab to the crotch. Light countered by keeping his legs firmly closed and pushing back.

Light made sure to bite first, right where L's shoulder met his neck. Light couldn't reach the windpipe, or he would have tried to strangle L into unconsciousness. L yelled and then returned the favor, a mere pinch at first but quickly becoming brutal. The stabbing pain of L's nasty bite made Light instinctively try to jerk backwards, though there was nowhere to go, and in return he dug his teeth in harder, tasting mud at first, and then blood as his teeth broke the skin.

Everything around them was a confusion of dizzying motion, with wind rushing past and the lights L had placed on the floor flashing by one by one. Light felt sick and giddy. His eyes were watering from the pain, and a desperate instinct was rising up within him, an almost irresistible urge to shake off L's bite at any cost, even if it meant stopping all struggles and letting go of the death note.

Alarmingly, L was making an incredibly agile twisting motion with his neck and kind of chewing sideways, and it was hurting unbearably worse. He was actually succeeding in moving around from the side of Light's neck more toward the front. Light bucked back at him, trying to twist away, his desperation surging. If L could manage to complete the action, he could end up in a position to cut off all air and decisively gain the upper hand.

Just as Light thought he couldn't take another moment of the burning pain, Rem hit the stairwell's wall, tearing off the door and a fair amount of the structure immediately surrounding the door. L stopped biting at the same moment as Light. Debris rained down briefly, but Rem was shielding them. Still clutching them, she was in the process of placing them upright on their feet. Light could feel L shifting around and tensing, ready for something. What was L's plan?

 _This is it, I can't let go._

Light could see, through the gap blasted in the wall, Namikawa and Mido both dangling in the air and approaching fast, both silent, looking grim.

 _That's right, I can't see Ryuk now. He wants more complications here._

Rem still had L and Light crushed together in the same position, though they both had their feet firmly on the floor, as if she were waiting for an order to let go.

Light braced himself as well as he could and said, "Now, Rem!"

Light lurched backwards and tried to twist the death note from L's hands. L went completely limp in every way except that he did not let go. He was a dead weight. Light pulled him forward cautiously, watching for a sudden movement. The small fire was just behind him; he couldn't see it without turning but he could feel its heat, hear its crackling, and see the flickering on the walls.

Mido and Namikawa were quietly deposited near L's trailing feet by invisible Ryuk. They both looked confused and stunned.

In a toneless voice, L said, "Why does Rem obey you? What was the deal you mentioned?"

 _I've got to keep him from talking._

As Light dragged L slowly forward he said, "I gave up a lot to get this amount of limited control over one shinigami. You have no idea of what I've been through, how much I've sacrificed to keep everyone alive through this. You're still deluded but my mind is clear for the moment-"

L hissed, "Don't patronize me. You are lying. Tell me the full truth for once."

Light could suddenly hear the sound of a wall collapsing somewhere not too far away, the growling motors of heavy machinery echoing loudly.

 _Watari's crew will be here quickly. Even if I get the death note from L, will I forget fast enough to let him pull it out of the fire? I need to get the others to subdue him._

Suddenly L rotated on his hips while still lying on the floor, swinging both feet around to trip. Light barely managed to keep his grip while jumping and letting L's feet pass underneath him.

 _I'm almost to the fire, but I have no time._

Light screamed, "Kick him, tickle him, I don't care what you do, just make him let go, or we're all dead. Can't you tell he isn't in his right mind?"

L continued the motion of the kick into a full-body-twist, flipping over and nearly wrenching the death note from Light's hands. Mido grabbed L's feet, which kept him from twisting further, but got kicked in the jaw for his efforts, splitting his lip. Namikawa stood to the side, arms crossed, looking undecided.

Light pulled L closer to the fire. It was becoming painfully hot on his back, the fire a beating presence that he was highly aware of despite not seeing it yet. L kicked backwards again and Mido jumped away.

 _He won't let go, he simply won't let go. There's no time._

Light hooked a leg in the crook of L's elbow and made a tremendous twisting yank that caused them both to end up in a tangled mass, as close to the fire as it was possible to be without getting burned.

There was only one more thing to do, only one possible way to win. Light gritted his teeth and with all his strength shoved the death note into the fire, screaming at the absolutely intolerable pain, trying to focus his mind on keeping it in the fire, hearing L scream. Light's hands were burning and burning, and it hurt almost beyond belief, beyond reason.

The world was narrowed almost nothing other than the burning torture, it wouldn't stop, it wouldn't stop. It was almost impossible to keep from snatching his hands back, but he kept them there, hating L and screaming, seeing L screaming too at his own burning hands, both of them unwilling to let go, L still exerting force to try to pull the entire notebook out of the fire but Light wouldn't let him, he wouldn't let him.

L's eyes were watering, tears streaking through the dirt down his face, and Light was choking and screaming and it hurt too much to think and then suddenly they were both jumping back at once and Light didn't understand. He beat his arms against the ground, screaming with every movement, to put out the fire on his sleeves. And it wouldn't stop hurting. He was sobbing. It still felt like his hands, wrists and parts of his arms were burning, though they were not. On his hands he saw red, raw oozing flesh and cracked skin trying to peel off and little black pieces and mottled patches of odd whitish-yellow stuff.

He was taking in big gasping breaths between screams, squirming on the floor, holding his hands up, some instinct telling him that if he could just get in the right position it would stop hurting but it kept hurting, a deep, hot burn, feeling as if the fire had eaten entirely through his skin and was settling into his bones.

People were suddenly swarming around, all wearing protective suits, some carrying stretchers. Light looked to L and saw him curled up on the floor, thankfully with his clothes not on fire, his hands also in the air, though it was hard to tell the damage to them, as they were so dirty. Tear tracks had left wide streaks through the dirt on each of L's cheeks.

And then people were grabbing Light, using scissors to snip away the half-burnt remains of his sleeves and shoving his hands into a bucket of cool water that soothed but did not stop the pain. Light could think, though, and he stopped screaming so much and started breathing more. He glanced over to see L being given the same treatment, while Namikawa and Mido were being placed into body bags, unresisting.

He was completely bewildered. He couldn't remember how they'd gotten out of the pit. He could remember shoving his hands in the fire, but not why, or why L would choose to do the same thing at the same time.

Had Kira accomplished his goal, whatever that was?

 _Something had happened before with my memory, and it happened again. We're both hurt. Kira somehow forced us to burn ourselves. And we didn't find any clues. Damn it, I think Kira won. Or, at the very least, Kira was toying with us._

Light watched L's hands being removed from the bucket, dirty water streaming down, and then clean water being poured over them from a bottle. With the filth being removed to show the skin, L's hands were bright red, with blisters already forming. Light hated Kira bitterly; it made him insane that he couldn't reach out and immediately destroy Kira. He breathed slowly, carefully, closing his eyes and trying to shut away the pain, trying to go over what he did remember, trying to formulate a plan to catch Kira before it was too late.

 _If Kira can control us, why did he only force us to burn ourselves? Why not do something worse? Is this a warning, or a clue?_

Watari's voice came out of receivers worn on the belts of the workers, saying, "There are reports of the box leaving the pit. Try to save it."

Three workers ran off.

 _That's right, there was a box with nothing in it except a plastic bag. Is that the clue? Why, and how, did we end up over here?_

Light was being pushed backwards onto a stretcher, multiple strong hands supporting him and moving him. Several workers were continuing to tend to his hands, every slightest touch or jostle to his burns incredibly painful, the disinfectant stinging. Light wanted to kick in retaliation but instead he held his hands up for them to continue. He was exhausted. His mind kept running around in circles every time he tried to think of how the trick had happened, and why. There had to be some trick, but it was completely elusive.

He remembered fighting with L, but not why. He remembered biting each other at the same time, but not where they were when that happened. He remembered telling Mido and Namikawa that "Ryuzaki" was crazy and begging for their help.

Light kept remembering that look of pure, blazing hatred L had given him. Just thinking about it made chills run down his back and an uneasy feeling twist in his stomach.

He couldn't help but think that it was all just Kira amusing himself, a pointless diversion. That was better than the possibility of dying but it was infuriating.

 _Kira is a horrible bastard. If only I could catch him, pay him back for this. I would love to see the look on his face when he realizes there is no chance for him to escape._

Light saw L going out on a stretcher, and then he was hoisted up and carried too. A cloth was placed over his face.

 _They don't want to make our injuries worse with body bags._

Light panicked. He couldn't see, he wanted the pain to stop. He wanted to see L. He wanted to know what was happening. He mindlessly grabbed the sides of the stretcher, flinching and screaming at his mistake, feeling the sickening tearing sensation of skin slipping loose from flesh. An instant later, strong hands were holding him down and he felt the sharp pinch of a needle in his arm.

Everything faded very quickly after that.

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

Well, we're getting very close to the end now, and the biggest problem was resolved, but I hope the few twists still left will prove satisfying.

Light's plan ultimately led him to a place where he'd be required to make an actual sacrifice instead of just lying his way out of everything: to put his hands in the fire and keep them there for as long as it took for the death note to burn up.

I feel as if Light, as the bastard he is, doesn't really deserve to get L for nothing at all, especially if he lies his way into getting L. Of course, L ended up getting hurt too, but that's only realistic. Sacrifices tend to affect both members of a couple. L is lucky he hooked up with reformed!Light or he really would have suffered badly for the relationship.

The violence ended up being mostly self-harm. I feel a little proud about writing an LxLight fic where they both self-harm, and yet there is nothing emo about it.


	32. Chapter 32

**CHAPTER 32**

Light knew he was being tortured. He was groggy, too tired to open his eyes, his thoughts sluggish, his brain stuffed full of cotton. He was being stabbed in the hands repeatedly, while soft, insistent voices hovered above him.

He tried to cry out, tried to tell them that he wasn't Kira, tried to tell them to stop drugging him, but they weren't listening. The voices only became harsh and more demanding, barking out orders that Light thought he understood when he heard them, but had lost all meaning by a few seconds later.

Light was being forced to breathe something. He tried to turn his face to the side but his neck was too tired to move, and then he was gone again, all thoughts stifled in a nothingness that swallowed him up completely.

An indeterminate time later, Light was awake. He opened his eyes. He couldn't see well. Everything was dim and somewhat wavering in his vision. Medical workers swarmed just out of reach, their faces always turned away. Light closed his eyes for a time that seemed either a few seconds or an eternity, and when he opened them again L was crouching on top of him, straddling him, looking down with bulging, black, owlish eyes, licking ice cream from a spoon obscenely. Each movement of his tongue was sickening to watch, his saliva thick and ropy, dripping down his lips. L's expression was distant, his eyes holding some dark secret.

Light could still feel the stabbing pain in his hands.

With all the force he could muster, Light whispered, "You bastard! Stop torturing me."

Just saying that much drained almost all of Light's strength, and he had to fight hard to keep his eyes open.

L looked to the side, as if staring at another person out of view, and calmly said, "There is a ninety-eight percent chance Light is Kira."

Light tried to turn in that direction to see who L was talking to, but instead saw the tray holding L's dish of ice cream. It was melting fast, entire chunks of it slipping down. No, it was wriggling, horribly, obscenely. There was a large slug in it, crawling around, that was why the ice cream was moving so much. L ate around the slug with delicate, flicking motions of his long spoon, like a moth drinking from a flower with its proboscis.

Light wanted to tell L that his food was disgusting but he was falling asleep too fast to say anything. He was in and out of sleep after that, sometimes feeling cool hands on his face or his neck, at times feeling giddy and euphoric, and he remembered questions being asked, but he couldn't remember what they were. He wasn't sure if he'd even answered any of them. Sleep was an abyss that he kept falling into over and over again.

The first time he woke up and felt as if he could stay awake for more than a few moments, nobody was immediately apparent. Light blinked, looking around the room, seeing scattered items of furniture, blank white walls, and two doors leading to other rooms. The lights had been dimmed, though there were soft glowing cracks around the edges of the curtains, so it had to be daytime.

His arms felt strange and he focused on them, seeing that they were raised above his bed by a series of padded straps and buckles, keeping his bandaged hands safe from any pressure or danger of brushing against things. Still, they hurt, even when not touching anything. Light experimentally moved a finger and yelled in response.

L's voice said, "Are you truly awake this time?"

Light had never before heard L sound quite so monotonous and lifeless.

Light turned his head, seeking out the source, and guessed at the hospital bed next to his own, half-hidden by a curtain that went from ceiling to floor.

Light shifted slightly in bed and realized his butt was sore as well, in several different places. And his neck, where he'd been bitten. But those pains were nothing compared to the strong ache in his hands.

Light said, "Yes, I'm awake."

The sound of computer keys being tapped started up, slower than L's usual typing, and then the curtain began sliding back, revealing L's bed, as the lights became brighter at the same time.

L was crouched in his bed, in the middle of a nest of blankets, wearing a hospital gown. His hands were covered with white bandages, held up rather than resting on his knees. A laptop computer was open in front of him and one foot was stretched out, his long toes tapping at the keys. He looked small and lost in the large bed.

The bags under L's eyes were darker and more pronounced, his eyes were haunted, and his face was pinched and drawn. He used his foot to close the laptop and then withdrew into a huddle, trying to place his hands on his knees but flinching at the touch and raising them in the air again. L looked extremely pitiful, and Light hated Kira with a fierce, burning need for revenge.

Light said, "Will you be okay? Will you use your hands again?"

In a very quiet voice, L said, "Both of us will use our hands again. Mine are in better condition than yours. The layer of soil created some protection. With you, they were forced to remove what remained of one of your fingernails, and they had to take seven skin grafts from your butt to repair the worst areas on your hands."

"Kira... he attacked us, right? Did he get away again?"

Light realized he couldn't keep the anger out of his voice. His fantasies of harming Kira were getting quite vivid. The kind of sick person who would force others to burn themselves deserved something worse than just an execution. His thirst for vengeance brought with it a cold wash of fear. Light was horrified that he could think such things, even about Kira, but Kira deserved it.

L stared blankly, saying nothing, then looked at the wall and said, "It is possible we have Kira. Determining who he is among the suspects, that is the problem. I was almost certain of Kira's identity at one time, I remember that. I don't remember the reasoning that I had used to reach that near-certainty. My memories disappeared once again, and without being able to recreate the steps of logic I took at that time, I cannot... besides, I was not completely sure even then, I know I still had a few doubts... so what I did remember must not have been absolute proof. And now, even that which I had has been taken away from me."

 _That expression of hatred he had in the pit. He means me. But Kira is trying to trick us. If L thought I was Kira at that time, then his memories were being led in a particular direction. How can we trust our own ideas if Kira can manipulate our memories? No, there must be a way to defeat Kira. The two of us can figure it out._

Light said, "There are new clues, even if we can't remember them. Before, we were able to fill in some of the gaps by examining data that had not been destroyed. We'll look over everything, and I'm sure something will occur to us."

"That is my plan, yes."

"You haven't been looking over the data yourself, yet? I thought you weren't in surgery?"

"My deductive abilities were impaired until recently because of pain medication. I have only looked at a few things. Watari has been forcing me to sleep instead of letting me work on the case."

 _That's right. He hadn't slept for three days straight when the explosion happened._

Light felt a constriction in his chest, a wild panic, and said, "We can't waste time. Kira could be getting away right now. Since when could Watari force you to do anything? Order him to let us work."

"Watari has been conducting interviews himself and gathering data through the police and the agents we have at the scene. Every Kira suspect is in protective custody or is being followed. We are in a public hospital, so the doctors have more authority about my care than I do, especially if Watari agrees with them, as he is posing as my grandfather. Now that you are awake we will move to a more private facility stocked with my own doctors, within the next few hours."

Light had a sudden flash of memory, of someone asking him questions over and over about what he had seen and experienced in the Yotsuba sub-headquarters' basement. The memory was garbled and unclear but it didn't feel like a dream.

L continued talking, saying, "If you wish for your family to visit you, it must be before we move to the high-security facility. I am afraid I cannot allow outsiders in that place. I have already prepared a cover story for how we were burned in such an unlikely way. We were trying to save what looked like a dog from a fire, but it turned out to be a stuffed animal. This was during a trip to-"

Light said, "You were interrogating me, when I didn't know what I was saying!"

L shuffled in place and said, "I did not ask you any questions. Watari interviewed both of us, while we were disoriented from stronger pain medication than what we are on now. He had to be clear about some details in order to know how to conduct his part of the investigation."

L looked at the wall and said, "Watari separated us for the questioning process. He does not trust me. Watari believes that, out of love, I would sabotage the investigation for your sake. He needed to be sure that both of us had experienced the same memory lapse, that I was not faking it in order to conceal incriminating knowledge from him."

 _That would be wrong... but what does L think? He looks blank, does that mean he would do it? Or that he doesn't want to think about whether he would do it or not?_

Light said, "You don't have to worry about that. Don't sabotage anything! We'll catch Kira, I know we will."

Light heard someone's throat clearing loudly, and turned to see Watari standing in the door, holding a dish of ice cream. He looked very calm, considering what he must have heard.

Watari said, "Light, it is good to see that you are awake. I believe we can move you to the new facility in another hour."

As Watari walked over to L's bed, L said, "Excellent work, Watari."

Watari sat down next to the bed and said, "Since you only slept for half an hour this time, I will restrict you to eating half of this."

L simply opened his mouth, and Watari began spoon-feeding L the ice cream.

Watari said, "How do you keep getting these laptop computers in here?"

Between bites, L said, "It's actually a very complex trick. You've come quite close to figuring it out twice now."

Light watched L eat and thought hard. His thoughts kept going around in circles. He was angry and he itched for more information. Everything was taking too long. He wondered if L had secretly viewed all the data. If that were true, then everything being shown was a lie, an elaborate performance to see what he might do.

Light tried moving his fingers again. He regretted it. Whatever was under the bandages felt hyper-sensitive, stretched to the breaking point just from small twitches. Still, there was something about it that felt dulled, not as bad as it could be. Some sort of pain medication was obviously in his system, just as L had said.

At exactly the halfway point, Watari got up, taking the ice cream out of reach. L's eyes followed it. He looked like a puppy that was about to start begging.

Watari said, "If you sleep at all before the time the move will start, I'll give you ten cookies."

Watari turned to Light, and in a gracious, jovial voice said, "Do you want to eat the rest of it?"

Light remembered the horrible slug dream and said, "No. Just work on getting us to the new place as soon as possible."

Watari said, "Very well," took the laptop and left.

L was crouched in his bed, staring. Light stared back. There was an odd sort of tension in the air. L's eyes were incredibly penetrating.

 _Is he nervous about being with me now? What is wrong? It's not like him to be afraid, if that's what it is._

L didn't stop. He kept watching and watching, then blinked twice in his characteristic puppet-like way and cocked his head to the side. He said, "It is strange, now, isn't it?"

"You mean, without our memories?"

L placed a bandaged thumb at the corner of his mouth and jerked it back instantly. Then he said, "Light, do you want to have sex?"

 _Is this another attempt at evaluating me, or a genuine desire for sex right this moment?_

"No, I can barely even sit up without feeling tired. Besides, we'll get caught."

L raised his head, gazing behind Light, and said, "You are correct."

Light looked in that direction and saw a male nurse. He was pushing a wheeled cart with supplies and a food tray, just starting to come into view. He attended to L's bandages first, taking them off to reveal bright red skin that was covered with blisters and looked as if it had been boiled. L winced throughout the process of having his hands inspected and cleaned and the bandages replaced, but he didn't say anything. L looked incredibly tired.

Next, the nurse helped L use the bathroom. Watching L walk across the floor in nothing except a hospital gown was odd and wrong. It simply wasn't L's clothing, it wasn't the way L should look, all fragile and with so much skin showing. And L, of all people, wasn't supposed to need help with something as simple as using the bathroom.

Then the nurse turned his attention to Light. He spoon-fed Light some bland, mushy food, checked the IV bags and adjusted them, and helped Light use a frightfully cold stainless steel bed pan.

After that task came the removal of Light's own bandages, the nurse delicately peeling them back, but Light still cried out at the act, feeling too sensitive. Even the cool rush of air on his damaged skin was almost overwhelming.

It made him sick to look at his burns. While L's burns had been mostly red, Light's burns were multi-color, with mottled reds, blacks, whites, yellows and even a few tiny areas of various shades of green. He could see where the skin grafts were, and also some small areas that had miraculously survived almost undamaged. Everything else was a terrible, confusing mess. It was hard to believe that in the future there could be anything like relatively normal skin on his hands.

It was shortly afterwards that the move to the new facility occurred. Light slept off and on through most of it. At the new place, they were both set up in hospital beds, with medical personnel checking on them frequently, in a large, high-tech room similar in design to their old headquarters in the skyscraper, with multiple monitors at one end of the room.

Then it was many long, grueling hours of watching videos and examining data, some old, some new, the process periodically interrupted by meals and by various procedures done by the new set of L's personal medical staff. Light found that the pain he'd thought he had was nothing compared to the real, true pain. Right on schedule, every four hours he needed another dose of painkillers, needed them quickly, needed them in a way that he had rarely ever needed anything in his life.

Watari had arranged it so that everything being shown was chronological, presented in the same order that it had actually happened, and, for the sake of time, excluded things that Watari knew had not been erased from their memories the first time it had happened.

It was strange, seeing himself reacting on video to things he'd forgotten, and then forgotten a second time. Light had an eerie disconnected feeling, as if the "Light" he were watching were someone else altogether. The holes in his knowledge were painful.

The idea that he could forget things that he'd clearly had so many conversations about, things that he surely must have tried to fix firmly in his mind, sent chills through his body. His mind kept returning to Misa, and to those times in the beginning when he'd taken her up to his room for long conversations that were largely a mystery to him. He could remember only bits and pieces of them.

Light still didn't remember forgetting and then re-learning about shinigami and magical notebooks the first time, but he could see that exactly that had happened from the evidence on the screens in front of him.

He saw his video self reacting to that knowledge in the exact same ways he was currently reacting, an eerie sense of duplicated events, of having been through it all too many times already. L even nearly fell from his seat again at the first mention of shinigami, just as he had when watching the second Kira's video for the very first time. Light remembered L falling back then, but not why, and not anything about a shinigami.

And L's eyes were like a burning presence throughout all the revelations, watching, judging, evaluating. L said nothing. There were no accusations, but Light could practically see L weighing scenarios of guilt and innocence in his mind. Every mannerism, every movement, spelled out, "Processing, processing, processing," clear to read for anyone well-versed in L's habits.

L's eyes looked troubled and especially deep. He kept trying to nibble at his thumb, but in a half-hearted, distracted way, and he withdrew from pain every time.

Light knew he was just as much an object of scrutiny as the data they were examining. He was a part of the test, part of the experiment. L didn't just want to use the data to compensate for the gaps in his own memory, he also wanted to observe one Light Yagami reacting to that same process as they underwent it together.

It was like being a specimen in a lab, and something visceral deep inside Light rebelled at the concept, wanted to... do something. Become angry. Get frightened. Start yelling at L. Apologize to L and feel guilty for all the bother he'd put everyone through. Somehow instantly locate Kira through an incredible feat of deduction and then beat the living crap out of him. He couldn't decide what he wanted to do, but he wanted it very desperately.

When they got to the point where they were about to watch themselves entering the Yotsuba sub-headquarters in Osaka, Light couldn't stand the silence any more. It was silence like a weight bearing down on him. L had to say something, damn him.

Light said, "What is your opinion?"

"It was all a set-up. It was too meaningless, as if it were an event designed to draw our attention, but it was so simplistic, not like Kira at all. The trap for us was very crude. No, Kira would do something more sophisticated, more subtle. Unless there will be more to come, this has most likely been a pointless distraction. I look forward to discovering what actually happened."

 _Is that what he really thinks, or is all just part of the test?_

And yet, L was still surprised by things. By their cameras being destroyed, one of the cameras even catching another in the process of floating up into the air and being crushed. By the audio recorded by Watari, by figuring out the things Ryuk and Rem must have said and by finding out about the two written messages through crime scene photos and Watari's pre-recorded interviews with Mido and Namikawa.

And hearing that the fight had been to destroy the notebook, that cursed, troublesome notebook that probably wasn't any kind of decoy, or else why would touching it restore memories and make a shinigami temporarily visible? It had power, it had to.

L was genuinely surprised and confused. He could only fake things so far, Light knew that, and if L truly wanted to conceal his emotions he would just go blank.

At one point, L even rolled his head to the side, resting it on his unhurt shoulder in a curiously bird-like posture, and said, "I don't understand."

Further detailed questioning of Mido and Namikawa over a live video connection did not really resolve anything. Watari had been very thorough during his previous sessions. Light was able to tell that Namikawa suspected he had met the real L, but that was hardly of any consequence. L had for years made sure to plant plenty of fakes to stir up suspicion, and literally hundreds of people thought they had seen the real L when they had only encountered a proxy.

L at last became frustrated and turned off all the screens, refusing to view the same evidence yet one more time. He looked small and fragile crouched on his large bed, lost and alone, not himself.

L turned toward Light then and said, "You refused to let Rem kill me, and you did not attempt to flee with the source of Kira's power. Light, why did you do it? Why did you burn the notebook?"

"I don't know! My memories were erased again. I suppose it was like I said on the recording, that it was the only way to stop Kira. You said something very similar in the plane, that if we were faced with a choice between stopping Kira but destroying evidence, or risking that the Kira murders would start again, then we should take the smaller victory. I must have known enough about the situation at that time to decide burning the notebook was the only option. Maybe the notebook makes people go insane. Maybe it would have been too dangerous to keep it. Maybe Kira had a fool-proof plan to snatch it back from us if I didn't destroy it immediately."

"That is not exactly what I meant," L said, "I was looking for a deduction. When you are able to relax and consider the situation subjectively, you are able to make stunning deductions about yourself, about your possible role in Kira's schemes."

 _This is it again, then. I owe him. I'll do my best._

Light said, "Based on which assumptions?"

"First of all," L said, "I know that Rem must have offered to kill me. Otherwise, if that were not true and you had tried to imply such an offer using the human-only side of the dialogue that was being recorded, I would have contradicted you. So, we can take it as a fact that Rem offered to kill me, and you ordered her not to. It could have been a pre-planned, staged performance, but in any case those things were actually said."

 _I saved him. He doesn't need to be quite so harsh about his doubts, does he?_

Light replied, "What else?"

L said, "Also, you were not destroying evidence, because you left people alive who knew that the notebook had existed. Burning it would not erase Watari's audio recording or the memories of Mido and Namikawa. Let us assume that the entire incident was a scripted attempt to establish your innocence. You save me from a shinigami and you prove yourself willing to make a painful personal sacrifice in order to destroy Kira's power. Could such a person possibly be Kira?"

 _Not at first glance, no. But things still don't add up._

L continued, "However, if you truly think about everything, then this incident does not make sense as a performance. It does not actually absolve you of anything. In fact, it makes you appear to be more involved than you initially claimed to be when you first said you had been Kira's victim, someone merely manipulated by threats. From your perspective, you would have been far better off if you had simply allowed yourself to remain in the same situation as before. You did not prove your innocence, and you revealed potentially damaging new clues. I know you are more intelligent than to try such a trick. You know how I think. So, I am asking you to deduce what the true purpose of this stunt was."

"Based on the assumption that I am Kira or the assumption that I'm not Kira?"

"Both ways, please. This is... complex, and you have not slept in twenty-two hours, so I expect you may need to sleep on it and think on it for some time. Take as long as you require."

 _I'm not Kira, but if I don't hold myself back from examining that assumption, if I fully analyze it from every angle, then I might be able to prove that I'm not._

 _L is right. This will probably take a few days._

Light tried to restore himself with sleep, but he could feel his mind continuing to work on the problem, exhausting him even in his dreams. He was chasing Kira through burned-out rubble and collapsing hallways, along the course of the chase falling into deep pits and barely clawing his way out.

Kira was hard to get a good look at; he was a slithering dimly-lit form in a nice suit who always had his face turned away and was generally in the process of disappearing around a corner. A few times, Light almost thought it was Namikawa, thought he glimpsed long hair in that style but it was so dark, so dark, and the glimpses were far too brief to make judgments.

When Light was awake it wasn't much better. Working on the problem was infuriating. He felt stripped bare, over-exposed, with L's pale face and dark eyes often looming in his peripheral vision, patiently waiting. His thoughts were being tied in knots, with dozens of _what ifs_ competing with each other and attempting to link up in patterns, but the patterns were like wild scribbles a child would make on paper, circling and circling and hopelessly tangled.

Light knew he was becoming irritable. He tried not to be, but he couldn't help snapping at the staff whenever they came near. He hated being told that it would be six weeks until it would be a good idea to use his hands. It was humiliating and demeaning to be spoon-fed and sponge-bathed by others, and to have complete strangers telling him when to take naps. Naps! As if he were a small child.

He had a little more patience with Watari, and he didn't say anything nasty to L. L didn't look as if he deserved to be yelled at, or as if he deserved anything bad. L was even refusing pain medication, to keep his mind clear, and every bit of that pain showed on his face. It was a haunting, strained face, only slightly darker than the stark white of his bandaged hands.

At last Light decided that it was difficult to think while spending most of his time in a bed, in a flimsy hospital gown with only a few ties keeping it from gaping wide open in the back. He needed to be in a more comfortable situation to really think well. That had to be it.

The medical staff disapproved of him dressing himself so soon, and they made him wear short sleeves to leave the bandages clear of obstructions, but once Light had set his mind on it he was able to force them to give in and show him how.

Under their guidance, Light learned how to dress in normal clothing without using his hands or jostling any of the burns. There were "dressing aids" that the medical workers supplied and demonstrated for him. These were stick-shaped things that he could clasp between his forearms at one end and then use hooks or clamps at the other end to pull clothing into place, to fasten buttons and close zippers. It was an incredible amount of work to dress himself, and left him sweating and weak, but it made him feel more capable, more like himself.

Getting out of bed and into another room onto a nice, soft couch helped even more. The feeling of being in a waking nightmare reduced though it didn't go away, and Light was able to actually feel as if his deductions were... well... making some progress. His mind felt more settled, at least. It was nice to be wearing real clothing. His arms became sore from holding his hands up, but very soon a nurse came and arranged some more of those slip-strap harnesses, attached to points in the ceiling, putting all the weight of his arms onto his elbows and lower forearms, cradled gently.

Like most of the rooms L had designed, this room looked like part of a nice hotel suite, with beautiful furniture arranged around the outer walls, windows with thick, luxurious curtains, small tables with ornate lamps, and plenty of over-stuffed couches and chairs arranged in the middle. Light's mind went back to the many, many similar places he'd been in with L. He wanted to hold a pencil or a pen in his hand, not to doodle or write, but just to think better, to spin it between his fingers and allow his mind to roam.

Light was startled by a touch on his knee. L had somehow managed to approach silently, and was kneeling on the floor in front of Light, resting his chin on Light and staring upward, unblinking. His hands were held up in the air, and he looked thin and small. The bumps of his backbone stood out starkly between the gaps where his hospital gown didn't quite close.

In a tone that was almost a sigh, Light said, "L."

L didn't answer, but he turned his face back and forth, snuggling against the fabric covering Light's thighs. His breath was remarkably warm, coming out in soft puffs that oozed right through the material. Light wanted to run his fingers through L's hair.

Light said, "What were you thinking, when you could remember?"

"Huh?"

"Right at the end of your time in the pit, from then until the notebook was burned, what were you thinking?"

In a sleepy voice, L said, "I remember being almost certain that you were Kira. After that, I was convinced that you were going to flee, to attempt to disappear forever. I was confused when it seemed that you were not going to run away, but I suspected it of being a ploy, that you were merely pretending and would bolt for freedom at the first opportunity. I was also thinking that you were lying to myself, Mido and Namikawa. Beyond that much, I do not remember my thoughts from that time."

Light said, "You were angry."

L said, "You would be angry too, if you seriously thought I had been Kira all along, wouldn't you? If it turned out that I had been a lying murderer in secret, tricking everyone and putting them through torments, judging criminals but refusing to be judged myself even though I was the worst of them all. How would you feel?"

"It would be awful. I'd hate you. I don't know if I'd ever forgive you."

L said, "What do you think about retribution, Light?"

 _He doesn't usually talk this way. He talks about justice, not about the finer details of it._

"Well, we don't have to deal with it. Once we hand criminals over to the authorities, they decide the punishment according to the laws in their own country and according to whatever consequences judges and juries think is appropriate."

L pressed his face forward, sliding it further into Light's lap, his elbows sitting on either side of Light's thighs.

L said, "Retribution and deterrence, the two major reasons for the punishment of criminals. Deterrence stops others from committing similar crimes, or stops the same criminal from breaking the law again after they've been released. Retribution is simply the idea that people who do bad things should have bad things happen to them in return, even if the punishment has no influence on future events."

Light said, "Kira must have had deterrence in mind, and probably retribution as well. But Kira could only reduce the crime rate by seventy percent at best, and that was with the numbers skewed. Every time Kira took a break for even a day, the crime rate skyrocketed. The logical conclusion is that Kira didn't stop crimes of passion at all, and for pre-planned crimes he only caused most of the criminals to wait or to perform their crimes with more stealth."

L muttered, "You have been studying Kira's failures. I thought so."

"Plus, unexplained disappearances during that time more than doubled, and there were fewer arrests even for minor crimes, and more cops getting killed in the line of duty. Regular murderers were simply trying harder to dispose of all evidence and witnesses, and because criminals no longer had anything to lose, they were so desperate that the cops were either afraid to arrest them in the first place, or were being intimidated or bribed during arrests, so that it merely seemed as if crime had gone down so much. That seventy-percent reduction did not tell the full story. If Kira's reign had continued, the media and police forces would have become overwhelmed by bribes and threats; perhaps they would have been taken over entirely by hidden masterminds of organized crime."

Light wanted to see L's face, but it was nestled too deeply in his lap, turned to one side but with Light's left thigh and L's hair hiding his expression.

L said, "Then, do you admit that Kira's plan is wrong and that it is also a complete failure?"

Something pulled at Light's gut to say it, but he said, "Yes, Kira's plan is a failure. It might work for a while, but it wouldn't really work over the long term. Anyone who killed that many people would go insane. And I don't think it worked very well over the short term, either. Studies show that punishment as deterrence works best in moderation. If there's no punishment or only a minor one for a crime, that crime will become common. If there's a very severe punishment, it only deters criminals slightly more than a normal punishment, because most criminals are convinced they won't be caught. Even the punishment of criminals can't escape the rule of diminishing returns. If it could, then every intelligent nation on earth would have long ago instituted the death penalty for all major crimes."

Light had a bitter taste in his mouth, his tongue curling from sourness. He suddenly wanted to be anywhere other than where he was, doing anything other than talking about that subject.

 _I'm not Kira, so it doesn't matter. This is just speculation, and it will help the case._

L's partly-muffled voice came from Light's lap, saying, "I am sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, but we need to thoroughly understand Kira's thinking. We need to know what Kira might do in the future. Listen to my next point and try to make a deduction based on it. I did not anticipate that Kira's killings would stop for so long. Ever since they stopped, I have been expecting them to resume at any time, but my predictions have continued to be wrong again and again. What could cause this?"

"There are only two possibilities. Either Kira has retired forever, or Kira is merely laying low for now and will resume murdering later when conditions have improved."

"And why might Kira stop the killings for this long if he intends to continue?"

 _He is leading me to this conclusion too tediously. I'm not so fragile that he needs to approach everything in small steps._

Light replied, "If it is Kira's plan to continue, then in that case Kira would only temporarily halt the killings if he were under too much suspicion to continue without getting caught. The only people who meet that requirement are myself and Misa."

"And Misa is obviously the second Kira, not the original."

"Are you just bringing things back to an accusation of me? I already know this, there's no need to repeat it."

Light tried to sound unaffected, but he could feel his voice trying to develop a slight shake. Kira's murders, all those people who had died. Kira was the worst mass-murderer in history, and he'd killed cops too, not just criminals. Any possible association with Kira, let alone actually being him, just felt worse and worse the longer Light contemplated it. It was like drowning in blood.

L said, "I believe that you are not Kira now. You do not have the acting talent to fake everything I've seen these past few days. If you were Kira before, you remember nothing of it, so whatever plans you might have formed while you had your memories are now unknown to you, perhaps waiting for a future event to bring your memories back again. Even so, I think we must assume that if Kira's plan were to start the murders again, then that Kira would have to be you. No other person who could be Kira would have a reason to wait so long and then restart."

 _He almost never speaks this openly. What is he up to?_

L's head was a warm, heavy weight on Light's thighs. He radiated a calmness in his posture, in the way his bandaged fingers curled loosely, and in the shape of his shoulders, slumped, relaxed.

 _I need to prove to him that I'm not dangerous. I know I wouldn't hurt him, but he doesn't. He deserves to know that much, at the very least._

Light said, "I'm sure you've already thought that far. If we assume I was Kira in the past and had set it up so I would start murdering again in the future, it makes no sense for me to wait this long."

"I agree. You're far too impatient. Yes, you would have fled by now. You should have run and then operated as Kira from hiding, using all your talents to be sure you'd never be found. The question is: why are you still here, Light? Suspicion is justifiably high. New evidence has been pouring in, and perhaps a good case can be made against you from it. You are in considerable danger. Even one new clue, or two existing clues fitted together in just the right way, could be enough to doom you. Why don't you run?"

 _No, he isn't calm. He's resigned. Resigned to whatever the outcome will be._

Light wanted to say, "I don't run because I'm not Kira," but instead he said, "If the only Kira who might resume the murders is me, and if I would have run by now if had I planned it that way, then I think we can say Kira's murders are over. They won't ever restart. We can be almost completely sure of that."

L said, "Should I let my guard down? Should I appear in public?"

Without thinking, Light said, "No!"

Then, in a calmer voice, Light said, "We still don't understand everything. It's best to be careful. Besides, you've always been paranoid. There's no reason to stop now. Other enemies might take advantage of any weaknesses in security."

L said, "Now, let's apply ourselves to the other possibility. Regardless of the identity of the original Kira, that person may have decided to quit. If Kira truly has retired, if Kira does not intend to start killing people again at some point in the future, then the only purpose of punishing Kira is retribution. Even if we catch Kira, the world will never know his fate, so his punishment would not be a deterrent to anyone else who might gain the same powers in the future. Purely retribution-based punishment is morally questionable. It is not useful to society, and it is very similar to revenge."

"Are you suggesting that if we do catch Kira, he shouldn't be punished?"

"It is something to think about, to consider as a possibility."

Light said, "We didn't forgive the Beaufort Strangler just because he'd stopped killing young girls and wrote a letter of apology to the police. And he only killed fifteen people. Kira is far worse. It would be wrong to just let Kira go free after everything that has happened."

L said, "Speaking hypothetically, would you still be in favor of punishing Kira if it were proven that you were Kira?"

"Of course," Light spit out, "justice should be equal. If I excused myself on grounds of personal feelings, then it wouldn't be fair to the family members and friends of criminals who are forced to watch and wait, unable to avert the punishment to their loved ones. Justice has to be consistent."

Light's hands ached and throbbed. He glanced at the clock. It was still more than an hour until they would let him take more medication.

"Listen to me, Light. Your personality changes are a clue. Whatever you may have been in the past, I believe you do not currently approve of Kira. When you regain your memories, you scream, but I do not. This suggests you remember something that makes you extremely upset, such as murdering thousands of people."

Light could feel his heart beating faster, and only L's warm weight on his lap kept him from getting up and leaving the room.

Light said, "We don't know the threats Kira used to force my cooperation. Perhaps it is too painful to think of it. He could have threatened to have my entire family tortured and killed in disgusting ways. He could have threatened to make sure my sister and mother get raped. Nothing would be too extreme for Kira."

L replied, "Under international law, it is illegal to execute anyone for crimes committed when younger than eighteen, or to execute anyone who is insane."

"Yeah, well, you know as well as I do that plenty of individual countries ignore those laws. I'm sure that Kira would be an exception. Because of the attitude Interpol has already shown, I expect Kira would either be immediately executed or spirited away to some top-secret facility to be tortured for everything he knows, in an attempt to learn how to acquire his powers."

L said, "That is my evaluation also. It may be entirely unethical for me to deliver Kira to the authorities. It would be best for me to retain custody in a secret location during the trial. Kira would probably prefer death to a lifetime of torture, and if the execution order were given, there are agents employed under myself who are authorized to carry out field executions."

Light could imagine what it might be like, being convicted as Kira and then handed over to powerful government agencies who wanted to know how to kill people from a distance with only a name and a face. They might not believe that the power had been in a magic notebook and that the notebook had already been burnt to ashes. They would have no incentive to give up. The cost of keeping one prisoner alive was miniscule compared to the potential gain. They could bring such a prisoner to the edge of death again and again, torturing him, brainwashing him, conditioning him. No tool would be left unused.

Light shivered and said, "Are you asking me if, if I did turn out to be Kira, if I would prefer you to have me killed instead?"

"No, I am thinking something different. Please evaluate what I am about to tell you. If we take the assumption that you were the original Kira, then your killings lasted almost exactly six months, starting on November twenty-eighth with the presumed first kill, and ending on the first day of June when you handed yourself over for voluntary confinement."

Light said, "I know where you are going with this. During the first three months I was seventeen, and the last three I was eighteen."

"Yes. You probably did not commit any other murders outside that time period, with only one possible exception: Higuchi. However, there is no evidence for that and perhaps the shinigami killed him instead. If you had used the notebook while sitting next to me in the helicopter, I would have noticed, or Watari would have, or the cameras would have caught it. My memories were not erased until days later, so if I had evidence of you killing Higuchi I am sure I would have acted."

Light sighed and said, "You're going to say that for three months of the original Kira's killing spree I was underage, and that by the date of my eighteenth birthday, if I were Kira I would have been insane, so the rest of the killings didn't count either. A lot of lawyers try to use the argument that any crimes that are extreme enough must result in a diagnosis of insanity."

"You make it hard to help you, Light. If you were Kira, then you are in very deep denial."

"You would be the same, L. If there were any reasonable chance that you could be the true Kira, would you just sit there helplessly and make no effort to defend yourself? No, you would be repulsed by the very idea. You would never submit quietly."

L said, "Beyond deterrence and retribution, there is also a third theory: rehabilitation. It is not exactly a punishment, and could even be seen as a reward, but criminal justice systems that lack a rehabilitation component don't function very efficiently. A heavy emphasis on rehabilitation instead of punishment is best suited to juveniles, the mentally ill, and those with drug or alcohol problems."

 _Is he finding it so hard to talk to me that he has to discuss all this as if I were a child? Telling me about these basic theories in such tedious detail?_

Light said, "So, you're saying that crazy, underage Kira didn't know what he was doing, he just needs to see a psychiatrist or take anger management classes instead of facing the justice system like everyone else?"

"No, because you are sane now. Your other self is the insane part of you, and I am not sure it would respond to treatment while it is dormant."

Light tensed his legs, prepared to raise them and push L away, but just then L rolled his shoulders to the side and looked up. Something strange glittering in his eyes stopped Light from acting.

L said, "Light, if you were convicted as Kira, there are also consequences for others. Rem has promised to kill me if I arrest the true Kira, and I expect your father would probably commit suicide. Why should three people die for the sake of retribution alone?"

 _He's pushing this too hard. He's already promised to find a way to hide any conviction of myself from my father and I know L wouldn't break that promise. Also, I expect he thinks Rem's threat is a bluff, considering that Rem has killed nobody so far, and that if it isn't a bluff then Rem will likely give him a chance to negotiate at the last moment, since Rem apparently has no other way of protecting Kira._

Light said, "L, I know what you're thinking. This is another test, to see if I'll make a deal for rehabilitation and a minor punishment in return for not holding back at all, for using the full extent of my intelligence to dig hard for every possible clue that might make me look like Kira."

L said nothing.

Light said, "It doesn't matter either way. Even if you do truly intend to protect me from punishment if I would ever be pinned as Kira, you would still need the cooperation of N and Watari, and perhaps other people as well. I doubt any of them will see this reasoning as you've described it."

L did not reply, but reached forward with his mouth, taking the button of Light's trousers between his lips and deftly undoing it with tongue and teeth. He followed with the zipper and then tugged at the underwear fabric, pulling it out of the way. L breathed wetly on Light's soft, curled-up penis and then gave it a few long, slow licks.

Light said, "What?"

L looked up with an expression of bewildered innocence, an expression so perfect it had to be contrived. He said, "Are you too tired? I will stop if you wish."

"I'm sure my percentage went up considerably. How can you do this?"

"Because I am childish and selfish. I want sex in the same way that I want candy. Will you indulge me, Light? Both of us need to do something to release our stress. It is to our mutual benefit."

 _He's trying to make me stop thinking about all of this, is that it?_

L gave another lick and Light shivered under it. Light closed his eyes, leaned his head back until it was resting on the back of the couch, and said, "Yes."

That was all L needed to take the entire thing into his mouth, and then he was manipulating it skillfully, coaxing it to further hardness, bringing heat to every place his mouth latched on, incredibly wet and messy.

A blow job that sloppy and moist could only have one purpose.

As soon as Light had that thought, L was moving forward further, sinuous and slinky, his mouth opening each button of Light's shirt starting with the bottom and moving up. L crawled forward and situated his body carefully, suddenly awkward and slow as he maneuvered between Light's outstretched slings for each arm, barely avoiding jostling all their bandaged parts, moving his own arms into that space elbows-first.

L was using his teeth to pull up the front of his hospital gown as far as he could, out of the way.

Then they were belly-to-belly and L placed his head to the side of Light's face, the unbitten sides of their necks against each other, the exact opposite placement as when they had bitten each other. L's arms were stretched out, resting lightly on each of Light's shoulders, his hands dangling somewhere unseen, out of the way behind Light's head.

L said, "Light, I'm not hurting you, am I?"

"No, just be careful."

Any movement other than vertical would possibly jostle Light's injuries. His hands ached more strongly, two points of pain pressing in on his awareness even as the pleasure and anticipation gathered in his groin. It wasn't time for more medicine yet, but it wasn't too far off.

L leveraged his body downward, trying several times to capture Light's slippery erection before he achieved penetration, then deliciously sliding downward on Light's shaft, his knees pressing into Light's armpits as he descended. L's skinny body fit next to his own perfectly, slipping so close, into all the small spaces.

L hissed wetly next to Light's ear, his belly muscles shivering and tensing against Light's bare stomach as he adjusted to the intrusion inside him. When he began sliding up and down he still wasn't quite ready, an exquisite tightness that tensed uncertainly in pulses around Light, almost making him lose it too soon. Light breathed carefully, resisting the pleasure that wanted to surge through him and into L.

Very soon, Light was breathing fast, all the tension needing to be released. It felt so good inside L, so very right and warm and comforting, washing away all his thoughts in the closeness and the shared heat of their bodies. There was a feeling of being connected everywhere and not just at their groins, L tucked neatly into every contour of Light's body.

That was when L, without changing his rhythm at all, whispered directly in Light's ear, "They have no way of hearing this. I will help you escape and hide if you ask. I will not follow you or try to find you. You would be safe."

 _This is a trick, isn't it? To see if I would run, or to let me run but secretly observe me to see what I would do on my own? Could L be serious?_

Light didn't say anything in return, and L speeded up slightly. Light strained upward, almost unconsciously. He was exhausted, but L's relentless motions spurred him on, made him almost lose himself in the experience. The entire act was a balance between pain and pleasure, the good feelings almost drowning out the bad, but he was constantly aware of the two points of pain, never completely shutting them out.

L was insatiable, his movements and his cries full of desperation and need. He rubbed his chin against Light's shoulder, his cheek against Light's jaw. The side of L's face was damp.

 _Is he sweating this much from the exertion, or is he crying?_

With a sudden forceful, downward slide by L, it was suddenly too much. Light was coming with a strangled moan, experiencing such a sense of relief, emptying and emptying, almost too sensitive as pulses ran through his cock, twitching where it was buried deep, deep inside L's hot body.

There was no way to reach between their bellies and help L find his own release.

Light finished, panting hard, his limbs feeling jelly-like from exhaustion. He needed to sleep. He needed his medication.

Light said, "I'm sorry, I couldn't help it."

"That's okay."

L didn't move; he didn't withdraw. Was L planning to wait the necessary minutes until it would be possible to continue?

Light said, "Maybe if we switch positions, I could give you oral sex."

But as soon as he said it, he knew it was a mistake. Even his voice was tired. He could never do so much work and hold his hands up the entire time. Exhaustion pressed down on him like a heavy weight.

L said, "I don't think you could. No, let's go to your bed. I have an idea."

L got up then, leaving a feeling of lack behind, of something missing. L helped Light by undoing the buckles with his teeth, to release Light from the slings that held his arms, and then also used his teeth to removed Light's half-pulled-down trousers and underwear, so he could walk without stumbling. L scouted ahead for the next room, poking his head around the corner of a doorway and verbally shooing away the medical workers.

Then L set up Light in his own bed the same way, with the slings suspended from the ceiling and cradling the entire weight of Light's arms, keeping his hands up out of the way without any need to use his muscles or to exert himself in the slightest.

L said, "I have nothing to prepare you with, except my toes. I think you are too tired to endure it. We can avoid these problems with interfemoral sex. Try to hold your legs together tightly. If you're not strong enough, relax and I'll use my knees to help keep your legs in position."

L climbed on top as soon as Light was situated, a tube of surgical lubrication he'd found somewhere held between his teeth. He squeezed half of it out into a cold puddle right between Light's upper thighs, gradually oozing downward. Then L tossed it aside and was moving forward, straddling Light, crawling on elbows and knees. L rested his head on Light's chest, his hair tickling Light's chin. He was gradually hardening against Light's thighs, right in that cold puddle.

Light was tired, so very tired, and his hands were starting to feel almost as if they were on fire again. It wasn't quite time yet, or he would have shooed L away and starting screaming for his medicine.

L was snuggling, at first innocent but quickly becoming aggressive, L nipping at Light's chest between heavy, ragged breaths, and L's erection pressed hard, beginning to slip into the tight crevice between Light's thighs, and then it was suddenly vigorous rutting, L pounding into that place as if he had an insane need.

Light had no energy to press his legs tightly together, but L took over that job, using his knees to lock Light's legs in the right position. The constant rubbing wasn't erotic; it was not close enough to Light's erogenous zones to give him stimulation, except for the occasional slight brushes of L's stomach against Light's penis.

Light kept looking at the clock. His hands were burning. He wanted to call a nurse, but not yet, not yet. He felt almost as if he were drifting away, so tired he could barely pay attention to L's actions. L was taking a long time. Was he in too much pain to have an orgasm? If he was, it was his own fault for refusing to take anything to alleviate that pain.

Then, finally, Light felt the rush of warm stickiness between his thighs. He pitied the next person who would have to sponge-bathe him, but he was too exhausted to feel much embarrassment, too focused on his hands. The clock told him it was still six and a half minutes until they would let him have medication, so he let L rest where he was until that time came, and then told him to leave.

L pulled the blankets up around Light and left the room. The moment he was gone, a nurse came in and administered Light his next dose. As soon as Light started feeling the effects, L was back, curling up on top of the blankets next to Light's side, snuggling with his head, his elbows, and his knees all at once, awkwardly.

When L tried to lick his armpit Light flinched back and laughed.

In a completely serious voice, sounding as if he thought he had a real chance, L said, "How long until we can fuck again?"

Light said, "No! No. I'm sorry, it's been fun, but I'm too sore and sleepy. I probably won't even be awake much longer."

L didn't say anything, but merely made a breathy, trembling moan.

Light closed his eyes and said, "That's not going to work. If you're still horny, you'll have to take care of it by yourself."

L made a disappointed-sounding whine, and then Light felt the warmth and pressure of L's body withdrawing from him.

 _I'm sure L can get Watari to send over one of the hands-free toys. Or, if not, then L can fill a sock with lotion and put it between two pillows._

Light tried to sleep, he honestly did, he put real effort into the process as sleep continued to elude him. He thought someone as utterly tired as he was couldn't have a problem sleeping, but his body paid no attention to his logic and continued to thwart his wishes.

He got close to sleep sometimes, but a kind of strangling panic tried to overwhelm him every time he thought he might succeed.

At last he had a nurse help him get out of the arm-slings but then waved the nurse away, stumbling to the nearest bathroom by himself. L was back in his own bed by that point, but he didn't say anything or try to follow.

Light used a foot to close the door, though he doubted he had any real privacy. He turned on the sink's faucet with an elbow and pressed his face into the stream, reveling in the cold shock, panting, feeling as if everything except his face was too hot and stuffy. He gasped and gulped, but couldn't get enough air, though his mouth was outside the stream of water and in theory there shouldn't be any problem. Then he pulled back, rested his elbows against the counter on either side of the sink, and leaned forward to stare into his own eyes in the mirror, searching their depths.

 _Who is Kira?_

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

Wow, writing this chapter was surprisingly hard. I had to be fueled by massive amounts of chocolate and tea, and even with that help I kept pushing the release date one day ahead, each time that I reluctantly admitted to myself that it wasn't going to be finished by midnight. Maybe I hated writing this chapter because it's so angsty?

I think part of the problem is that this chapter has a big risk of being redundant. Light has already been through the process of trying to re-educate himself about his memory loss, and even though writing about it again is an important part of his character development, it is still an unavoidable fact that writing about it in a way that both feels complete and (hopefully) doesn't bore the crap out of readers is a difficult process.

I'm not sure if I succeeded, but I will say that I tried very hard and that we are done with it; Light won't be re-educating himself again. There will be a significant time skip between this chapter and the next, in order for the plot elements I have in mind to get into place, and Light will undergo a lot of off-screen wrestling with this issue so that he'll be ready for the next step forward in the next chapter.

I did a lot of research on this chapter to try to figure out what L and Light would talk about when their conversation became very complicated. Among other resources, I used the Amnesty International website to figure out things about international law.

The sex wasn't so good, but that's because two people who are injured and in a lot of pain are trying to have sex. I imagine L is craving sex almost as a way to distract his mind from the pain. However, I bet they're going to become rather skilled at a lot of hands-free techniques during their time of healing.

As to the arguments L made in this chapter about not punishing Light, it is up to the reader to decide whether L was serious, or whether it was a test to see what Light would do, or whether it was some combination of those two situations.

The things L said are the best arguments that I think can be realistically made against punishing Light. Light was underage when he started his murder spree, and I think he went insane rather quickly (although he certainly went far more insane in the second half of the series). I personally think that Light was old enough to be held responsible for his own actions, and since his own actions were the things that drove him insane, his insanity isn't necessarily a good excuse for what he did.

The law has to set a certain limit for when people become fully responsible for their own actions, and because of that, the law can't reflect the reality of life: people who are the same age may have vastly different levels of psychological maturity, and "becoming an adult" is a gradual process that begins around age 12 and lasts until the early 20's with no sudden jumps in maturity.

On the other hand, Light was at an age when inexperience and unrealistic thoughts about the world can easily lead to bad mistakes, and he was faced with a murder weapon that creates clean, anonymous deaths from a distance, something that is far more tempting than anything that actually exists. It is understandable that maybe the best solution is to allow him a new start in life.

Furthermore, because of his potential for magical memory loss, Light is one of the most easily rehabilitated serial killers in all of fiction. Plus, that route stops other people from ending up dead just to catch Light.


	33. Chapter 33

**CHAPTER 33**

Light woke up slowly, in a familiar room, next to the tangle of blankets and long, spindly limbs that represented L, still asleep. It was their bedroom, the one he had shared with L for the last three months. It was the longest time they'd ever lived in one place during the years he'd known L. And it was a house, no less, not an apartment or a hotel room or a secret underground base or a submarine, as some of the other places had been. It was also the longest time they'd stayed together in one country, not counting Japan. L was very international in his living habits.

Living in America was odd. America was in so many movies and television shows that it seemed everyone in the world should know what to expect from living there, yet the feel of American life had still been unexpected. It was surprisingly ordinary, as if the distilled essence of everything that was commonplace throughout the world had been concentrated and mashed together in America.

The neighbors, of course, did not have any idea what went on in the house or any clues about the real identities of the occupants. They thought that Light was an investment banker and L owned a winery, and they knew them by aliases.

It was strange to wake up before L. Light usually fell asleep to the soft sound of L's fingers flitting over the keys of his laptop, and woke up to that same sound. L was normally such a workaholic that Light was more likely to see him asleep in a chair than in bed.

L's face was turned away, the heap of blankets rising and falling with a slow rhythm, the black spikes of his hair and the bare skin of one hand the only parts of his actual body that were visible. Light reached out, almost ready to touch that hand with his own, ready to wake L and subtly gloat at being up first, but he stopped.

It was an opportunity, being unobserved. Light let his thoughts drift, idly turning over the possibilities, and as one part of his mind came up with stealthy objectives, another part of his mind couldn't help but compare his still-outstretched scarred hand to L's bright pink hand, to remember all they'd been through.

The memories flashed through Light's mind at the same time as he spun his plan.

The doctors had been right. Light had gotten the worst of it, and L was better off. L's hands had ended up overall a different color than the rest of his skin. They looked rather like a recent sunburn, not old burn scars.

Light had gotten the same kind of sunburn effect on portions of his own hands, plus some areas of textured ridges, a number of irregular joins between the skin grafts and everything else, along with places where the skin was too tight and could give him pain if he moved wrongly. He rubbed special oils and creams into his hands daily, to try to soften, heal, and gently stretch those areas. His range of movement had improved considerably from what it had been at first.

Both of them had ended up with places that were nearly numb along with places that were extremely sensitive to any touch. After the initial healing phase had ended, these features had become a part of their lovemaking, inspiring them to nibble gently on each other's hands to stimulate the spots that would induce shivers and prickles and gasps.

Light finished ransacking his mind for what to do while L wasn't watching. There was really only one thing that mattered. Something in Light almost wanted to shy away from it, to shirk his duty, but, no, he couldn't turn away from a rare opportunity like this. It might be uncomfortable, but it wasn't forgivable to merely avoid it.

Light slipped backwards slowly, determined to leave the bed without pulling on the covers or causing the mattress to depress and spring back. There was only the unavoidable wispy sound of cloth against cloth, Light's pajamas against the sheets, until he slipped out entirely and padded away on bare feet across the warm wooden floor.

It was always warm to the touch. L had constructed the house so that every carpet-less floor was heated from within.

With a few soft steps Light was through a high-arched door, then past rich maple paneling and elegant antique furniture covered in faded rose-themed upholstery, past oil paintings of presidents, philosophers and mathematicians, and then at last through a small metal door that he had to first type in a code to open.

It was not a forbidden room, but something about it felt wrong, as if he were intruding. He stopped as soon as he was inside, the door sealing behind him to keep in the different atmosphere. It was hot and immensely dry, like desert air, something he could feel in his nose and throat as he breathed. The lights were tinted red and orange.

The walls were metal and very plain, their expanse only broken by periodic rivets and seams.

There was only one thing in the room, in the exact center. The tree.

The tree was three feet tall, four years old, and flowering for the first time, with a few sickly white flowers, even fewer than its very sparse leaves. There was something incredibly sinister about it. It resembled a bonsai that was hundreds of years old, gnarled and stunted, with branches wildly kinked, and it always looked as if it were dying.

They had already discussed it many times: if the tree were anything like earthly trees, it would not be too long until fruit appeared. As soon as more seeds could be obtained, the parent tree would be pulped to make paper, to test and see if writing a name would kill. L had already promised that a criminal and nobody else would do the writing, and that the entire process would be surrounded by the utmost in secrecy and high security.

Light hated the tree. He would have found a way to have burned it already, except that such an act was pointless as long as L's tree wasn't the only one. N had a tree too, and N was a complete mystery, his location unknown. It was unthinkable that such a person should potentially have access to killing paper if L had none.

Light said, "Rem, are you here now? I don't know if you can hear me."

In the past, there had been a written answer sometimes when he'd talked to empty air. If Rem were present, she'd know better than to write in L's house, where whatever thing she wrote on would need to be smuggled out or secretly destroyed. L had stopped having indoor cameras some time ago (only retaining cameras around the perimeter and each door leading to the outside), and Light had confirmed this many times by checking, but L was sneaky, and Rem knew it.

Light said, "Rem, I will repeat this whenever I can until you acknowledge. I believe Russell Hertoff, or whatever his real name might be, is an employee that L and N have in common. If you can follow him back to N's headquarters, burn N's tree first and then this one as soon as possible."

There was no answer, as expected.

Investigating Kira was important, but Kira had obviously been stopped, and so it was more important to prevent Kira from ever regaining a tool of supernatural murder, and to prevent anyone else with similar ideas from gaining that power as well.

In the meantime, until the trees could all be destroyed, it was important to use L's tree for the only other thing it was good for.

Light hated it and yet craved it. He wanted to know.

He approached the tree, crouched next to its container, took a deep breath, and then reached out one hand to touch it.

At the instant of contact with the tree's rough bark, there was a tickle in the back of Light's mind.

He tried to clear his thoughts, tried to breathe evenly. Pushing too hard was the wrong way. In that case, what he needed would just elude him. Letting it happen, unresisting, that was the way it worked. But it was very, very difficult.

When Light felt he was ready, he let his mind drift to one of his memory holes. Ordinarily, meeting Misa for the first time was full of bits and pieces that simply weren't there, but now there was a little more. Light couldn't see the missing pieces, but he could almost feel them, just out of reach. He shouldn't look at them directly. If he did, they would scatter like small, frightened fish fleeing from an arm-shadow cast over the water.

Light could feel that Misa had been carrying something with her. Was it a notebook, a Kira video, or a piece of evidence showing how she herself had been blackmailed? As soon as he thought of the concrete possibilities, the sense was suddenly gone, and Light had to quiet his mind again, to let himself drift, unconcerned.

When he could feel the thing Misa had been carrying once more, he let it take shape without evaluating, without suggesting anything. Whatever Misa had been carrying, he didn't like it. He'd had strong emotions about it. And then, at some point, Misa hadn't been carrying it any more.

He tried to feel what had happened to it. Something complex. There had been words spoken. Uneasy words, a kind of promise, lies.

Light suddenly knew that they had talked about L in some capacity, but he couldn't remember any specifics, any at all.

There was a sense of danger around L, and around Misa. Light had been looking up, up at something? At someone? What was it? A tall shinigami?

No, there was nothing, suddenly. He was trying, and so it was gone.

Light tried to not want to know, but the problem was that he did want to know. He wanted it desperately. He battered at his desire, pushing it down, then trying to release it. It wouldn't leave. He calmed, he breathed, he tried to detach from his thoughts. Still, the craving stuck to him, unshakable.

He'd been so close, so very close, and then it had been snatched away, all because he wanted it.

Light let go of the tree, and the tickle disappeared and at that instant he couldn't feel the missing pieces at all, not even distantly. He had the memories of what it had felt like, of the thoughts he'd had as he'd touched the tree, but no direct memory. It was more removed, like having memories of memories of a half-forgotten dream. And that was all.

It was always that way. Progress did happen, but at an agonizingly slow pace. He hadn't added much to his knowledge by doing the sessions with the tree, and he hadn't come up with any information that was testable, not yet.

But it was better to gather a little information than to refuse it because it was uncomfortable, because it made him feel a little sick, a little frightened.

Light knew he'd been either a tool or a serial killer. Those were the only two possibilities, and both were terrible.

There was the metallic pop of the door beginning to slide open.

In an instant, Light composed himself perfectly, smoothing out his facial expression before turned to see L standing in the open doorway.

L was standing on one leg, the other rubbing along the back of a knee in a scratching motion, his head cocked to one side in the special way he had.

A familiar quilt was draped over his shoulders, one L sometimes slept with. It was an old, worn, handmade quilt, the embroidery nearly falling out in places, the color of the panels faded from many washings, and there was a burn mark along one edge that had been hastily repaired with a strip of mismatched fabric by someone with shoddy sewing skills. Light knew it had to be a childhood memento, though he hadn't heard any history of it.

All the other blankets L owned were new and beautiful.

Light knew that for L, showing the quilt in the first place had been an act of trust. And the idea that L would approach wrapped in it at such a time, it meant that he was being manipulative.

It was a way of silently saying, "See, I trust you, now please feel guilty," without actually giving real trust.

Light had the feeling L knew everything. About his secret attempts to communicate with Rem. About the things that happened in his brain every time he'd touched the tree.

Light wanted to tell him.

Instead he said, "L, I couldn't sleep. I thought, if I looked at it again, I might think of something useful."

L hooked a finger into his bottom lip and stepped into the room, the quilt trailing along the floor behind him.

As soon as L was fully in, the sensors on the door slid it shut.

L made his way to the tree, crouched down next to Light, and stared, first at the tree, then at Light.

His gaze was black and penetrating. If L wanted to, he could make a good living as a scam fortune teller. The scrutiny in those eyes was powerful and terrible. People would believe he knew everything, or they would tell him their secrets without meaning to.

L said, "Yes, I heard you attempting to conspire with Rem. You wish to burn all the trees."

Light's heart sank within him.

L said, "I was in the wall."

L stretched out a finger, pointing toward a seam in the wall with a few rivets scattered along its length.

L said, "That is not a rivet but a screw. I unscrew it partway from the other side. It is engineered to make no sound when I do so, and to leave a tiny gap to see and hear through."

 _See? Then he saw everything? How will I explain why I touch the tree for such a long time?_

Light said, "Burning them is not a bad idea. You're kind of crazy for not destroying them yourself. Please do it. I know you can outsmart N even if he tries to disobey you."

L said, "You are most likely correct. It hardly matters at this point. It wouldn't prove anything regarding any suspect. It would only make things more clear in my own mind. Yes, it is my insatiable curiosity that keeps these trees alive. Having come this far, I must know Kira's method. I must know if writing a name is how Kira killed. After that, I will be sure they are all burned, with the ashes scattered. I agree that the risk is too great to keep them alive any longer than that."

 _I should just tell him. I should have been more honest in the first place. He is actually reasonable._

Light tried to say it, but something stubborn in him wouldn't let the words leave his mouth. It was so humiliating. He knew his face would be red in shame if he didn't have so much control. L had tricked him again. Light knew he should have suspected that there would be a way to spy and listen at the tree's room even without cameras and bugs.

L seemed to sense where the subject was headed, and said in a musing tone, "You don't actually remember, or you would scream as you did every time before. It must have a partial effect."

Light said, "Yes."

Light sighed and it felt as if a great weight had been lifted from his chest, but at the same time he wanted to punch L for defeating him again. L was looking at him searchingly, but it was a calm, curious expression, not anger or judgment.

Light was moody, he knew it. L was calm. How could he be so calm most of the time? It was a complete mystery.

L should be in turmoil. His suspicions should be extremely strong, stronger than ever before. He didn't have proof but he had nearly enough evidence for his conclusions to point in one direction more than any other, and yet L had almost certainly decided to let Kira go without punishment. If Kira were Light Yagami, that was. Light knew that L's reasoning about averting punishment applied only to himself.

The thought made him angry. Things should be fair. Any Kira should face the same punishment, no matter whether L was emotionally attached to that person or not. That was how it should be.

Except that Light didn't actually want anything bad to happen to himself. It had all been enough already, and then there was the collateral damage that would likely happen if Light were caught as Kira, to his father, to L, and probably to others too.

Though, for Kira, could anything ever be enough? Getting burned hands and going through a great deal of confusion and emotional pain, that wasn't enough to make up for one murder, let alone the few thousand the first Kira was responsible for.

 _All those deaths... how could Kira continue to kill so many without hesitating, without spending his time puking up his lunch or covered with sweat or having terrible nightmares? Surely I would have noticed something like that in myself if I'd actually done it._

Light felt a sudden, stabbing pity for L. L certainly had gone through plenty of bad experiences, and he didn't deserve any of them.

But, just by watching L, it had been obvious he'd had a better time of it. Somehow he'd reconciled himself to it or found a kind of mental balance that worked better than anything Light had ever managed. Maybe it wasn't entirely healthy. L had never seemed like a completely sane person anyway. But L's method worked, whatever it was, whatever flaws it probably had.

Light was envious.

L moved a little closer in that crab-like crawl he tended to have when he was on the floor and didn't want to stand. His eyes were like two black pools, almost enough to fall into. Here, next to the creepiest tree in the world, in the orange-tinted light of the metallic room, L's eyes seemed more than ever as if they could reflect the soul.

 _He is still waiting for me to tell him, for me to be honest. Besides, I'm sure he's touched the tree, himself. I'm not really revealing anything._

Light took a deep breath and then started speaking.

"You're right. I don't actually remember, not directly. It is hard to describe. I feel the parts that are missing as if they are very far away and difficult to perceive, like waking up and not being able to remember your entire dream, and then thinking very hard about the missing parts and having a general sense of how they went without actually knowing. There aren't any details. It's just a faded, worn-out, barely-there thing."

In a quiet, solemn voice, L said, "That doesn't happen when I touch the tree."

 _He doesn't know? I could trick him into thinking it only happens to me for some unknown reason... but no, that would be wrong. And it might be a trap. He might know everything already._

Though, looking at L's face, Light had a strong belief that L really didn't know.

Light said, "But you feel something, don't you? That tickle?"

"Yes, but there is nothing more, no matter how hard I try."

Light said, "It works in a complicated way. If you want to know, you won't be able to remember the slightest thing. You have to let it happen without wanting anything. It's like meditation. You clear your mind completely of all thoughts and desires."

"All of them, or just ones relating to the memories?"

"Just ones relating to the memories, but being that specific in censoring my thoughts is harder for me than clearing my mind completely, so I take the simpler way."

Recognition flashed in L's eyes and he said, "That's how you did it, isn't it? Part of you would rather not remember, and so you stumbled on the technique by accident."

"Yes."

Light was about to speak again, but L said, "Be quiet," and stretched an arm out from underneath the quilt, gripping the tree's trunk firmly.

 _It's going to happen now. What will he... no, he said he wasn't one hundred percent sure even when he had his memories._

 _But he could have been lying when he said that._

 _He won't punish me even if... but will he tell me? If he finds out, if it's true, will he pretend it isn't true to spare my feelings?_

L's face was serene and blank, eyes closed, his expression getting blanker by the moment. He'd had longer training in meditation, so surely he'd be able to get those desires out of the way soon.

Light wasn't sure what he wanted to happen. There was curiosity, revulsion, guilt, and even a small twinge of triumph at the thought that there was a slight possibility he'd be completely cleared.

They weren't touching each other, but were crouched together in mirrored postures, so close that their breaths intermingled.

In a moment of trust and sudden inspiration, Light wondered if there would be any difference if they both touched the tree at the same time, and so, with only a bit of apprehension in his stomach, he reached out and placed his hand on the trunk next to L's.

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

There was another time skip between this chapter and the previous one, of three years, in case that wasn't obvious. If I've got my math right, L is now 29, Light is 23 and Sayu is 18.

I've been trying to put Light through a lot of character development to make him a better person.

This fic's Light isn't actually redeemed, he's just rehabilitated. He's probably killed far too many people to actually be fully redeemable, and even though he's made some sacrifices and learned some lessons, he hasn't sacrificed or learned nearly enough to make up for that many murders.

I felt like, if I moved him too far away from his selfish roots, he'd be out of character, so I didn't try for a full redemption. Light got a second chance instead, one that he didn't earn, but people often get unearned second chances in real life too. Light made a few right decisions and then got lucky with the rest, and so did L, in that they'll likely both have much better lives than canon brought to them.


	34. Chapter 34

**CHAPTER 34**

As soon as Light touched the tree, the tingle was back, a little stronger than usual unless Light was imagining it, and he could see nothing except the blackness of his closed eyes. He tried to unburden himself of all thoughts, all desires. It happened faster than he expected, the other-place mental landscape of feelings unfolding quickly around him.

He almost didn't notice the swarm of his missing memory pieces. Something else dominated. It was a vast intelligence, layer upon layer, complex and with internal parts that constantly moved, shifting and turning and revolving in patterns too difficult to follow. Light had a sense of a living, thinking mind. He was sure it was L. It felt like L, powerful and prickly and incredibly complicated and somehow childish too.

The intelligence noticed him almost instantly, turning a focus on him that was the most probing scrutiny Light could imagine, raking across him like a searchlight, sending out nonverbal demands for answers, for giving up everything. Light was afraid. There was much that could be lost. Perhaps, perhaps he had wanted his innocence untarnished, ugly answers buried forever.

Giving up secrecy and deception for trust and risk...

Yet Light knew he was a risk-taker, and curious, and that the issues at stake were mainly emotional ones, no longer the danger of being imprisoned or executed. Besides, it was intolerable that L should discover things on his own, secretly. There wasn't any way to stop L, so joining him in the search was the only hope of keeping L from having an unfair advantage.

Light tried to reach out mentally, allowing access, refusing to flinch as that other mind drew very close to his own and began to invade with a chill like cold water.

Light had a sudden flash of memory, of being very small and crawling across a dark floor, lit only by the orange-red flickering of flames just beginning to stream up the curtains with a crackling sound. The sound down the hallway was much louder, more dangerous, but that was further back. His hands were tiny and pale as they continually moved in and out of his vision just below him on the carpet, helping to propel him along. Something soft that he liked very much was wrapped around his shoulders and dragged behind him.

He detoured around an area littered with shards of mirror, catching multiple glimpses of his face in them, unmistakably the face of L but very, very young. With only a slight hesitation, he wedged himself through a cat-door, into a smoke-choked room that was darker and brighter at once, with bits of smoldering things on the floor and continuing to drop from above. He bunched the old quilt tighter around himself for protection, pressing his face close to the floor to suck up cleaner air. Most fire deaths were not caused by burns, but by smoke inhalation.

Then the vast intelligence was rebuffing Light, pushing him out and away, setting up prickly barriers and observing him from behind those barriers.

Light could still feel his crouched posture and the bark of the tree, but his focus was almost entirely on the mental realm. He was breathing very slowly, and could hear L's breaths continuing to slow as well.

Light let his thoughts calm, his desires fall away, and he once again became acutely conscious of the swarm of pieces of his missing memories, just out of reach. He tried to not want anything at all, and then, after it felt just right, Light let his mind drift to those few days between Higuchi's death and when all the strange things had begun happening.

Light had the feeling that L was peering over his shoulder the entire time, watching, evaluating.

Whatever had happened then that he couldn't quite remember, it was incredibly emotionally charged. There were elaborate plans that had been made, plans built up and discarded, then replaced with altered plans, more than once. Whispering in Misa's ears had been part of a scheme, Light was sure of it, but no matter how quiet and still he made his mind, he couldn't remember just what he'd whispered to her.

But there was an additional detail now. He had a distinct feeling that at some point, Misa had held a small object hidden in her hand and brushed his skin with it, and something had changed as a result. Light waited and waited, but no additional information surfaced about whatever Misa had concealed in her hand.

But there was something else. Misa had forgotten something she shouldn't have forgotten. Light hadn't been angry, though, he had a plan for that too.

And then his plans had changed even more, though he didn't see how. That change had made him very nervous, until L had become delirious with the fever, and then Light had seen his chance and... somehow... taken that chance.

Light waited patiently, trying to see if anything else would come to him, but the time kept going on and on with nothing new coming. All the while, he was dimly aware of L. L was still hiding behind those prickly barriers, doing his own mental dance with his own elusive memory pieces.

It was nerve-wracking to simply wait and see, wondering if L would find anything that could be turned into meaningful proof.

At last, Light heard L's voice in the real world, muttering, "Thirteen days, that's the only problem."

 _L must have remembered something about that mysterious test that was partially set up but never completed. What were those two criminals going to be used for?_

Light opened his eyes to see L just removing his hand from the tree. Light let go as well, and the tickle and the sense of hidden memories both disappeared instantly.

They were staring at each other. Light felt as if he were seeing L for the first time again, looking at him and wondering about him. It was particularly odd to see him wrapped in that quilt from the vision. Light could still almost feel that quilt wrapped around his own shoulders, could almost smell the rank, charred scent of fire burning a wide variety of household items.

He wondered again at how little he knew of L, other than things he had directly observed. He didn't know L's name, or almost anything about his past. And yet he felt as if he understood L very well, the way L's mind worked, all of L's likes and dislikes, everything that made L uniquely himself. Light knew everything about L, except for a few basic things that most people knew about their lovers.

L said, "You were there with me. I could feel it."

 _I should tell him what I saw._

Light's heart was pounding fast, but he ignored it and told L everything he had sensed, including the detailed vision.

At the end, Light reached down, fingering the quilt, and said, "This is the same quilt, isn't it? What happened then? You say you have no family. Did they die in that fire?"

L answered, "No, that was a different occurrence. Are you sure you didn't see any more of my memories?"

"I thought I might if I waited, but I didn't."

L looked pleased. He had hooked a thumb into the corner of his mouth in the way he always did when he wanted to hide a small smirk.

L said, "Then this process is not dangerous. We can repeat it, and we will, until we are sure we've extracted all the useful information. The destruction of the trees will wait until after this has been completed."

Light blinked at L, wondering at this new turn of events.

"You believed me," Light said, "just like that? You're not going to insist on trying to figure out some test that would prove whether I'm lying?"

L said, "I can usually tell when you are lying. I am more skilled at that process than you think. Besides, lately you've shown an increasingly stronger inclination towards telling the truth. You seldom attempt lies."

Light said, "But what if it was a lie, and you failed to detect it? That could put you in danger. You need to be concerned with protecting yourself, L. We still don't really know what happened to me, or what hidden powers Kira might have."

"I am taking care of myself well enough. You have no idea of everything I've done."

And then it was a staring contest between them again. Light had the feeling that L was looking him over just as thoroughly as he was looking L over. To feel another person's mind directly, it was odd, almost too intimate, and it had set Light's brain in a whirl. Speculations were pressing in on him from every side, mostly old ones that he'd grown a bit tired of rehashing, but they felt almost new again now that he'd touched L mind-to-mind.

L was a mysterious man. His past was almost a complete blank. His habits and personality were well-known, but not the reasons behind them. Light couldn't help but think of L as a child, crawling through that burning house alone with only a quilt for defense. L had said his family hadn't died in that particular incident. What if there had been a string of tragedies, gradually depriving L of everyone close to him?

L's stunted posture, always curled in on himself, and his complete lack of friends; all the clues were obvious. L had at some point in his life decided that socializing wasn't worth the costs, and he wanted to avoid it. If it wasn't isolation that had caused L's attitude, it was something else. Had he been bullied? Had he faced too much trauma at a young age? Had the pressures of starting a dangerous career as a child warped him badly?

Over the last three months of living in one place, Light had managed to coax L into participating in a little social group Light had formed from the neighbors. It had only served to demonstrate how very inadequate L was in that realm, even with Light dropping him hints and hovering nearby to help steer things in the right direction.

The first meeting, a simple dinner party, was almost a complete disaster. After L had served everyone wine that was from his winery (he actually did own one, it was just owned under an alias and was of no importance) L had spent the next twenty minutes describing in excruciating detail exactly how easy it would have been to poison every last one of the guests. Until L had driven the topic into the ground, none of Light's attempts to change the subject or lighten the mood had worked.

Although it had been possible to coax the neighbors back for more social events, L barely improved. He said terribly rude things from time to time in the most casual way, and he was argumentative about any attempts made to question his eccentric appearance and behavior. L seemed to view socializing as a chance to learn more about infiltration and undercover work for possible use later. L didn't interact with them as if they were real people, but rather as if they were all part of a big experiment, a social test.

L was difficult to figure out. He was an eternal mystery, ever-intriguing. Light knew so much, yet there were always additional layers to L, and Light felt as if there would forever be more surprises waiting for him. Life with L would never be boring or normal. Nobody else could be such a challenge. L was always and forever the center of excitement in Light's life. When L had first appeared, the suffocating boredom had ended, and it had never returned.

Light said, "We should be starting work. I'm sure we're already behind on at least three cases."

"Aren't you curious as to why I slept late?"

"It wasn't just a ploy to catch me?"

"No. Catching you was an unexpected benefit."

Light said, "I'm guessing you handed over all our cases to M and N."

"You are correct," L said, "I have a surprise for you, and our work would interfere. We need to be free of obligations."

M, like N, was nothing more than a letter on a screen and a computer-garbled voice to Light. As far as Light could tell, L had begun working with M a little more than two years after N had first appeared. M and N did not get along very well with each other, but they both worked well with L.

M and N, along with Watari, were sort of like a surrogate family for L. He did more socializing with M and N through the computer than he did with any live person other than Light himself, and the tone of that socializing was oddly familial. There was a closeness, as of long association, along with the sort of irritation that relatives often had with each other.

L stood up and began leaving the room, the metal door sliding open quickly at the touch of a button.

Light followed, saying, "Since it is a surprise, I suppose you won't tell me where we are going?"

"Correct."

Light had come to think of M and N as L's younger brothers. L had eventually revealed that M and N were both teenagers, which meant that N must have been very young indeed when he'd started giving L orders and had taken over as head of the task force. Light knew his father and most of the others would be mortified, so he never told them.

M and N were oddly like L in certain ways, especially in their thinking patterns. M was like an overly-emotional and hot-headed version of L, quick to take risks and to let his sense of justice spur him into action. N was like a colder, more stunted version of L, with even fewer social skills and sometimes a shocking ignorance of practical matters. Neither of them liked Light very much, but they had eventually grudgingly accepted him as a permanent accessory to L. In addition to the grudging acceptance, Light knew that from time to time he'd managed to completely dazzle them and earn their envy by making some particularly brilliant deduction.

Light continued following L through the house, all the way to a safe in the basement that had to be opened with yet another code, plus a palm-scanner and a retina-scanner. This was proof that the surprise was indeed a trip, just as Light had expected. The contents of that safe allowed L and himself to leave the house together.

The safe opened, revealing two plastic leg-cuffs with embedded electronics, each with buttons and little screens. Each one was designed to clasp a leg just above the ankle, remaining hidden under the clothing of a trouser-leg or jean-leg. The cuffs were the high-tech equivalent of the older handcuffs and chain, working via GPS signals to be sure they didn't stray more than 100 meters apart.

It was impossible for Light to get out of the house without wearing one cuff, limiting him to a hundred-meter range around the house unless L came with him. It was also supposedly impossible for anyone but L to remove the cuffs, though Light suspected Watari could, and Light suspected he could figure it out under the right circumstances. He was never actually given a chance, though. The cuffs were always removed in secrecy, while Light was asleep or by making him wear a blindfold and handcuffs so L could remove Light's leg cuff completely unseen.

Any attempt to remove the leg cuff in the wrong way would send an alert to both Watari and L, while at the same time the cuff itself would inject Light with a sedative that would render him unconscious in less than a minute.

Moving 100 meters apart would also send an alert to Watari and L, along with making Light's leg cuff give off a beeping in warning. If Light didn't heed the warning and return to within 100 meters fast enough, he would likewise be rendered unconscious. In addition to the GPS sensor, the security equipment and the injection array, Light's cuff also recorded all sounds near him.

L had nicknamed this ensemble "the wedding bands" and seemed almost sentimental about it. Light was allowed to go places entirely unwatched and on his own without the cuffs, but only if L changed their residence to a new, unknown location at the same time. The entire system meant that it would be very difficult for Light to betray L's location under any circumstances, except intentionally. If any Kira or agent of Kira approached Light and tried to threaten him, it would likely not work, at least not without L knowing about it.

L secured both cuffs, then turned on a nearby laptop and sent out a few test signals, checking for proper calibration. Everything seemed fine.

When they left, the front door sensed the cuffs and let them out. Thirty minutes later Watari had dropped them off at a private entrance to the local airport, one with lowered security, perfect for someone as camera-shy as L. After only a cursory check, they were escorted out onto the tarmac to a small luxury jet owned by L.

Light made small talk with the pilot for a few minutes before the sound-proof door sealed their privacy.

As Light returned to his seat and strapped in for take-off, he said, "What is there in the Midwest for us? I thought you were bored to death last time we went there."

"It's no fair, cheating like that, tricking the pilot," L said, and pouted.

But it was his fake pout. He wasn't actually displeased.

It was a two-hour flight, and all through it Light debated whether to bring up the events of the morning again. There was a sense of an unfinished conversation hanging in the air. Too much had happened with the tree and new information and their temporary mental communication. More needed to be said, but perhaps it was all too heavy and complex to get into, when they were obviously going on a little vacation.

Light thought he needed time to think, to process everything, and L didn't bring up any of those topics, so the unfinished conversation continued to hang silently between them as they talked of other things.

And then there was another limo ride, dropping them off at the front entrance to a huge amusement park. The scraggly humps and twists of various roller-coasters filled up the skyline.

L pulled two maps of the park from his pocket and handed one to Light, saying, "My employees are already in place. They're running all surveillance cameras here and our faces won't be recorded."

Light said, "What is so special about this amusement park?"

L smirked without trying to hide it and said, "You'll see."

Light was already ninety percent sure what they'd find, and his guess was confirmed when he heard Sayu's voice yelling out, "Big brother!"

A quick look around revealed her arm, waving above the crowd, and then her form, pushing through the throng. She stopped suddenly as soon as she had a clear look at Light and said, "Wow, I've never seen your hair so long! Did it grow that much in just three months, or is it hair extensions?"

"It's real," Light said, "but you shouldn't call it long. It's only shoulder-length."

"I was just startled. It makes you look like a male model. Are you sure you don't want to ever try out to be a model?"

"I'm not interested."

"Oh, right," Sayu said, "Misa. Well, she was annoying, but not all models are annoying. I'm even friends with two at college now."

Sayu laughed and said, "Oh, I haven't thought about Misa in so long. I'll never forget when she came to our house and threw dirt. Mom had a complete meltdown as soon as you left, Light. Waving her arms and screaming and the whole works! Mom never wants Dad or you to know how upset she can get, but Misa's crazy stuff really pushed her buttons."

Sayu enfolded Light in a hug, and said, "After this, visit again soon, okay?"

Then Sayu turned to face L and said, "Ryuzaki, I've missed you too! I know Mom and Dad wouldn't mind if you want to visit for a couple of weeks, as long as you bring Light too, which I know you would."

L said, "We might do that after this. We're on vacation. We could go wherever we want."

Sayu reached into her purse, brought out a flyer for a local grocery store and said, "Look, Light, just look at these watermelons! It's unbelievable. Fruit is so cheap in America. We have to go there."

L said, "I can ship as many as you want to your home. It would be easier than you trying to haul them back to Japan in your luggage."

Sayu laughed again and said, "Oh, you don't have to, Ryuzaki. You're always so nice with gifts! But please do it."

L blinked at Sayu, looking happy in that subdued way that was so typical of him.

Sayu said, "Light, I never thought you'd ever end up with someone so funny-looking."

Light said, "Hey! Ryuzaki isn't funny-looking."

L said, "It's no use protesting. Sayu is correct. I am, in fact, funny-looking."

Sayu said, "Oh, but I mean that in the nicest way! Ryuzaki is like a puppy of an ugly breed of dog, or maybe like a baby warthog. He's got features that shouldn't look nice but, somehow, he's just really cute regardless, once you get used to him."

Continuing to talk, they wandered further inside, soon finding themselves in more tolerable, thinner crowds once away from the entrance. Sayu mostly wanted to talk non-stop, and Light wasn't particularly interested in one thing more than any other, so their path was mainly determined by L. At first, L led them to lots of games; frequently managing to figure them out and win the biggest prize, which he would then wave away as unnecessary unless Sayu happened to want it.

At some point Light focused on Sayu too much and L somehow wandered off. As soon as Light realized he couldn't see him, he glanced around, his heart beating fast, trying to catch a glimpse of L's hunched form though the moving sea of bodies around them. Where was he? Sometimes he could be so childish and unreliable! If he went too far, and Light started beeping and then "fainted" in front of his sister and lots of curious strangers...

Some sort of panic must have been evident on his face, because Sayu said, "Hey Light, don't get so worried. I'm sure Ryuzaki is fine. You really love him a lot, don't you?"

"Yes, I do," Light said, and he knew it was true.

Finding L could be a simple matter of pulling up his trouser leg and looking at the cuff to see which direction L was in, but Light didn't want to reveal the existence of his cuff. He could probably come up with a nice lie about the cuff for his sister, but it would be better not to even face that much potential embarrassment.

Then Light's gaze latched onto a cotton-candy stand with a particularly thick press of bodies around it. It was exactly the sort of place L would go, and Light started off, getting his guess confirmed halfway there as L emerged from the crowd, eating a gigantic cottony whorl of purple with an expression of intense bliss on his face and a decidedly purple tongue.

That event set L on a mission to collect as many treats as he could, before all three of them settled down in a food court area, Sayu and Light having obtained more normal meals. Though, America's idea of Japanese food was decidedly off.

There was a long, leisurely three-way conversation as they ate and then digested, to be sure that the rides wouldn't provoke any problems. Light thought that he had never seen L enjoy Sayu's company quite so much, and he'd certainly never seen L make so few mistakes in socializing. Perhaps he actually was picking up techniques, learning from his awkward encounters with the neighbors.

Then it was rides for most of the afternoon, L childish and excited at always pointing out the highest or most twisty rides, talking about acceleration and G-forces and naming the engineers who had designed each ride. None of them scared L, though a few scared Sayu so that she waited while they went alone, and a couple of them made Light nauseous enough that he sat out for a little while.

L was almost a bit too adventurous about the entire idea. On one particularly wild roller-coaster, L pressed his mouth near Light's ear and whispered, "If your sister were not with us today, I would be tempted to test whether it is possible to secretly perform oral sex while on one of these rides."

Light quietly said back, "Not on this one. It would knock your teeth out."

L rolled his eyes and said, "Obviously not this one."

A sudden drop threw Light upwards, his shoulders grinding against the padded bars that kept him in, and then a twist jerked him to one side.

Over the noise of the rushing wind, Sayu said from the row behind them, "What?"

L said, "This is obviously not the last roller-coaster we are going on today."

At the end of the day, as an orange pre-sunset glow was beginning to spread across the sky, they left the park, another limo taking them to a lake, where L had rented a small island with an elegant resort on it, easily large enough for several families. L piloted the boat out there, and when they entered the empty building let Sayu choose her rooms first.

Sayu's jabbering had quieted by that point, as if she'd already let out all her pent-up energy through the day's conversations. She was dreamy, almost sleepy-looking, and before she retired she only said, "You will come home, Light?"

L said, "If he wants to, he will. I do not have any preference."

"Yes," Light said, "I'll come home."

As soon as they were locked in their own suite, L pinned him against the wall. All in one motion, L whispered in Light's ear, "We haven't had much sex lately. We should fuck. I'm on top."

Light grabbed just under L's ass, simultaneously knocking him off his feet and pulling him up until finally L was slung across Light's arms and Light was supporting all his weight.

Light carried L to the bed and flung him down, watching him flop onto the mattress with a satisfying bounce. The sheets were a shiny silk, a dark burgundy that looked almost wet.

Light climbed into bed and was quickly attacked by a very eager and clearly dominant L. L was all over him, wrapping around him, pressing him down, clutching and stroking.

Light wanted to let all his thoughts rest and give in to the pleasure, to act on the heat that was rising in his groin as L palmed the outside of the material, but he couldn't stop his mind. It was still going over events of the early morning. The tree. His confessions. L's reaction. The uncertainties of the future, of what it all meant, where it might lead.

Now that they were alone together, the unfinished conversation was pressing in on him relentlessly, demanding completion.

Light panted up at L and said, "Do you think... I was the original Kira?"

He'd never asked quite so directly, so openly before. His heart was beating fast, his mouth dry, his palms sweaty.

It was horrible. The most horrible feeling ever. To think something like that about himself.

L said, "If you were threatened by the original Kira into framing yourself, and then you managed to outsmart Kira and take away his powers permanently, I'm sure it was a spectacular trick. I wish I could have known every detail of it."

There was a wistful note of admiration in L's voice, and Light could feel his heart swelling in pride at the thought that perhaps he'd been the one to catch and punish Kira, surpassing L, a victory like no other. But L was clearly sidestepping the issue.

Light said, "That's not an answer, L."

L said, "Let me remind you of the figures you calculated yourself after more than a year of analysis. There is a one hundred percent chance that you were in the past connected with Kira in some way, a forty percent chance that Kira hopes to use you in the future whether you consent or not, a ten percent chance that Kira is a separate personality dormant within you, and a thirty percent chance that you were, in fact, the original Kira."

After a pause, Light said, "You forgot I also calculated a fifty percent chance that Kira has died by now."

L said, "I will tell you one additional fact. There is no longer any purpose to holding it back. I already have everything in place to stop Kira, if Kira should ever start murdering again, so I am as safe as I can be in these circumstances."

 _What will he tell me? Is this going to be his name? Is it really safe to do that?_

L's eyes were huge, round, staring right through Light, a piercing, penetrating gaze.

L said, "If you were the original Kira, then I have concluded that a shinigami must be protecting Misa. Most likely Rem. It is the only possibility that fully makes sense with the other evidence. For this reason, I have resolved to never arrest Misa again. The potential cost would not be worth it. It is likely that I only narrowly escaped death the first time I arrested her. Perhaps I only lived through the experience because I imprisoned her at a location far from myself and only spoke with her using the voice filter, until after she had lost her memories and Rem was occupied with Higuchi."

 _This makes sense, though if I was being threatened by a shinigami, then there is no telling just how much I was being threatened into doing._

In a slightly gentler voice, L added, "Whether you are Kira... it is not important. The outcome would be the same as now, except that both of us would have something to be unhappy about."

"But you want to know, don't you, L?"

L rubbed at his nose, an angry, impatient motion, and said, "Of course I want to know. I want to know the answer to every mystery that I have ever encountered, and the Kira case is one that has occupied me for years. Yes, I want to know, but I must admit it is doubtful that I will ever receive the proof that will make me one hundred percent certain."

Light said, "I want to know too."

After a few heartbeats, Light added, "But... I really wish that I didn't kill anyone. I would like to know that I didn't kill anyone, to know it for a fact."

L nibbled his thumb, and looked, and looked, and all the anger drained out of his face.

Light reached out and touched with both hands, gently tracing L's chin, L's lips, brushing the wisps of hair away from his forehead. L let him, nibbling and nibbling on his own thumb all the while.

Almost as an afterthought, without really thinking about it, Light said, "Will you ever tell me your name?"

L pulled him close, and with a kiss, L said, "Leonard Landon."

Light laughed, and L used that opportunity to kiss again. L drew back from the kiss and said, "Linus Linderman. Lorenzo Lassiter. Lonnie Laurent. Luke Luddell."

Light whispered, "None of them are your real name."

With yet another kiss, L said, "Liam Lane."

Light sighed and said, "Congratulations, L. I'd probably never believe you even if you did tell me your true name."

L got a serious look on his face, but Light couldn't tell if it was L's customary mock-serious expression or a real one. Even after years of practice, it was not always possible to read L.

L said, "I would never do that."

Light said, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked your name. I shouldn't have brought up the topic at all. I know this."

L said, "I understand. It is the most natural thing in the world to want to know the name of your lover."

L snuggled closer in his characteristic long-limbed agile grip, clinging tightly, arms and legs wrapped around everywhere. It always reminded Light of a monkey. Love with L was monkey-love, strange and wild.

L's breath was soft and warm against Light's neck, his fluffy hair tickling Light's face. It felt so peaceful and right just then that it was easy to forget that the entire relationship had been built on quite disturbing foundations in the beginning. Since then, much better work had been built over those foundations, creating a real if weird relationship, perhaps the best that an anti-social misfit like L was capable of.

Would those foundations ever erupt? Would the ugly uncertainties of the past ever become an issue of the present, tearing everything apart? Light's heart beat faster as he thought about it. Being Kira, if it were true and it somehow came out into the open; it would be the worst disaster ever.

And yet... and yet... there was something appealing about Kira, about his ideas if not his methods, something intoxicating about the concept of simply getting rid of all the bad people, those who didn't deserve to live, those who made the world a worse place. To force everyone to be good... it was a wonderful dream.

If only the world truly worked that way.

Light remembered thinking over the issue of Kira in a lot of detail, even during the times when his memory had supposedly been intact and he must have known something more about what was actually going on.

He'd thought out everything, trying to trace the full implications of Kira's plan, and Light remembered that he had decided it had to be an impractical plan.

Kira's mission was one of those really nice ideas that simply wouldn't work in real life, and it wasn't just because innocents like L and Light's own father and plenty of hard-working cops would need to die. No, if it had been simply a matter of sacrificing innocents, it would have been worth it for Kira to kill those people in order to create a utopia.

Light remembered deciding that Kira would never be able to know everything. Kira would never be able to judge perfectly, as a god should. Kira usually killed more than twenty criminals each day. How much research was Kira able to do on each case to determine who was actually guilty, or to decide who was guilty but truly remorseful? Even an hour per case was probably more time than Kira spent, but who would ever want to be judged worthy of life or death so quickly and easily? Who would want to be judged by how the media presented things?

Light barely felt L's continued kisses, L's hands beginning to snake under his clothing and gradually tug it loose.

In order to scare the majority of the world's criminals into avoiding crime, quality would have to be sacrificed for quantity. Kira's empire would become a factory of death. Details would never be allowed to slow down the schedule of killings, or it would all fall apart. Kira's scheme was simply too large to work.

And there were further problems as well. Anyone with Kira's power who tried to implement Kira's scheme would become callous and corrupted over time. It was human nature. No matter how smart or dedicated the person was in the beginning, humans weren't designed to kill their own kind over and over. Kira would kill more easily with practice, but that was not a good attribute for Kira. It would mean that Kira no longer valued humans lives, no longer considered them precious. Someone who did not appreciate the value of human life should never hold the power of life and death over the entire world.

L's breath was hot and fast in Light's ear and on his neck.

And then, the deaths piling up, the sheer ease of killing, it would eventually make anyone insane and sloppy. There would be lapses of judgment. There would be tantrums and misuses of power. Kira's mind would tear apart under the stresses. Kira would probably become more preoccupied with crushing his enemies and preventing the media from cutting off the information flow than with actually helping the world. In the end, even if it took years to get to that point, Kira would become just like any blood-drenched dictator in history, except for operating on a larger scale and using supernatural power instead of political power.

Light closed his eyes and wanted to scream. He was conscious of L slowing down, L of not doing as much, holding back, hesitating.

 _I fit the profile of the original Kira perfectly, and most of the people the original Kira killed are ones I would have thought worthy of death. Was I Kira? I wouldn't murder people, I know that, and yet there are too many suspicious circumstances from that time. Too much is unexplained._

 _If I assume I was willingly the original Kira, then it must be that I decided at some point to give it up._

 _But with that assumption there are also things that don't make much sense. Not unless I assume that I was being threatened or manipulated by someone other than Misa, which puts me right back in the same place as before: not guilty. No matter which way I think of things, there is no solution to the puzzle that explains everything perfectly._

 _And if Misa's shinigami demanded that I be Kira, then perhaps I had no choice. But I did get out; I did escape at last. No matter what I once did in service of Kira, I no longer do it._

Light opened his eyes and said, "L, I was wrong. I won't ask your name ever again. I know it is possible Kira could be listening somehow, and saying your name could lead to everyone's deaths. You, my father, myself, plus plenty of others."

L brought his face up, looking into Light's eyes from so close their noses were nearly touching. L's black eyes were as wide and strange as they'd ever been, full of mystery and depth.

L said, "There's no need to be so melodramatic, Light. I told you it's a natural urge. Of course you will ask for my name again someday. When you do, I simply won't tell you. There is no problem."

"But I shouldn't-"

L's mouth moved forward in a kiss, capturing Light's lips and cutting off all sound. Light felt L taking control of the kiss. L was moving his lips and tongue forcefully against Light's mouth, while the dark pools of his eyes were staring and staring with a strange kind of lust sparking in the depths. Light had the sense just then that L experienced him as a tantalizing enigma, just as he experienced L in the same way. The mystery of each other would never really be solved, and that was tremendously exciting... so much exploring would always be waiting for them to indulge in, together.

Light found himself pressing back hard, responding, his breathing speeding up, his mind clouding with pleasure. Nothing else mattered, except the present moment, the pressing of skin against skin, nearly out of their clothing now, tangled, their bodies closer and closer, producing such heat, such mutual need.

L drew back from the kiss, watching Light, stroking the sides of Light's jaws, cupping his chin gently. Something about L's face was incredibly tender in that moment.

L said, "If you never again wished to know my name, I would think a stranger had replaced you. You wouldn't be Light Yagami any more."

Light stroked L's torso, moving his hands up and lightly tracing fingers along the ribs, feeling L's warmth and the movement of his breathing. The man Light held was a study in contrasts, having a strength that belied his thin chest and spindly frame, and an intelligence that belied his sloppy appearance. L was delicate and hard all at once, fragile and dangerous, childish and yet far more capable than most adults.

Light said, "I know you never answer me when I ask, but please, just this one time, I want to know. Do you love me?"

After a pause, L said, "I love Light Yagami, but Kira is my enemy. I am not sure whether Light and Kira reside in the same body or not. If they do share a body, I am not sure how much of Kira is in Light, or whether Light is redeemable separately from Kira."

Light wrapped his arms around L and squeezed him so hard that he grunted.

L barely managed to gasp out, "That is not satisfactory? I'm really no good at this."

"No," Light said, "it's exactly the answer I've been looking for."

* * *

 **A/N (Author's Note):**

This is the last chapter, and if you're the type of reader who skips to the author's note at the end of the last chapter before starting reading a fic at the first chapter, I just want to warn you that I'm about to discuss things that will spoil the entire fic, so if you haven't read it yet, read the rest of this note at your own risk. (I'm only adding this because I've gotten messages from people who habitually do that, and I don't want to spoil them).

I am at the end of this fic, slightly more than a year since I uploaded the first chapter on fanfiction dot net (though with this last chapter, I'm also simultaneously uploading the entire fic to AO3 and to adult fan fiction, and perhaps I'll eventually add it to other archives as well later on).

I want to thank every reader who has stuck with me, waiting for updates over a long time period. I know that it's the most frustrating way to read a multi-chapter fanfic, and it can be hard to wait and also hard to keep up when earlier chapters are no longer fresh in your mind. I understand that these facts, along with the widespread prevalence of abandoned fanfics, is why many fanfic readers eventually start having a policy of only reading finished fanfics. Everyone who stayed with me endured frustration (especially with my tendency for end-of-chapter cliffhangers) and took a risk in order to do so, and I thank you very much for that.

Over the course of this fic, I've always had this particular ending in mind. In fact, I've had parts of this last chapter written for about half a year now, and I only made a few small changes to that already-written portion to compensate for some unintended meanderings in the plot (the reason this last chapter took so long to appear was mostly writer's block, along with a few last decisions I had to make which kind of paralyzed me for a while because I couldn't decide which way to go).

I realize that some of you probably feel cheated, as I've written a novel-length fanfic with the premise that the case stalls, and L never gets proof that Light had been Kira. This is, in fact, the ending I had in mind from the beginning, and it has been Light's goal since chapter 2. It's not an ending that I just slapped on, and I hope it doesn't feel that way. Light essentially won and outsmarted L, though he had to make more sacrifices and take more risks than he ever expected, and the path to that goal was far more convoluted than he expected.

By writing a fanfic where the case stalls and never gets solved, I feel as if I've written an anti-climax of sorts, and I know this will be a disappointment to some readers. Frankly, I'm surprised that I was able to write a fic about the case stalling forever that had so many twists, turns, and cliff-hangers in it, and that managed to attract and keep so many readers and reviewers.

I feel that the real story of this fic, behind the twists and turns of the eventually-stalled case, was the story of the relationship between L and Light. That story did have a real climax, and a real conclusion. It concluded with Light beginning to truly trust L, and with L declaring his love.

It is difficult to believably write a relationship between two emotionally cold men who are in an unsettling situation where they both know the other could end up being the death of them, when both of them are extremely intelligent and paranoid and unlikely to trust anyone, especially not someone who might end up getting them killed. That's always the main difficulty of writing L and Light in a relationship, and I'm not sure if I've ever truly succeeded in overcoming that difficulty, in any of my fics. But I've done my best to camouflage it and write around it and to try to create plot twists that make the idea of them being together more believable.

I hope I showed what I intended to: that I showed this fic's L to be someone who, if he did discover Light used to be Kira, would not simply forgive him. No, L would be pissed; he wouldn't immediately be okay with it. However, after being in a close relationship with Light, this version of L would regard it as a terrible mistake Light made, but not a mistake that Light deserved to die for, and furthermore L would know that punishing Light would create too many bad side effects and potential moral conflicts.

If this L ever in the future discovered that Light had been Kira, he would grudgingly not do anything about it, but he would be unhappy to find out. He would probably be greatly distressed.

I'm not sure if I effectively showed the L in this fic to be like that, but that's what I intended, and if I failed I can only say that it was due to a lack of writing ability and the difficulty of writing a character who often comes across as nearly emotionless in canon.

What happens after this? It's an open ending, so anything could happen, but I envision L probably never getting actual proof that Light had been Kira, and the two of them remaining together and solving cases. I intended to leave the situation with the trees open-ended as well, though I could imagine that perhaps in the future, before L destroys all the trees, Near is an idiot about practical things and gets his tree stolen or something like that, and then Light and L solve a Kira-like case and afterwards continue to live happily ever after.

In case you're wondering, I'm not writing that as a sequel, or anything as a sequel, though if any fanfic writer out there wants to write a sequel, go ahead as long as you give me a credit.


End file.
